Not sure if I chose the right place to post this - my topic falls under several of the options given. I found this site via a Google search and have read many of the posts. Hopefully I can get some ideas on the best ways to motivate and help my son.

<O:p</O:pMy son is 19 years old and in his 2nd semester in Jr. College. During his high school years he lived with his dad, and although I had a say at school, I had no say on what went on at home. As soon as he graduated from high school in May '07, he moved in with me.

<O:p</O:pHe was diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age and has been on several medications through the years with Concerta being the most effective. School and schoolwork was always a struggle. He would barely make passing grades. He went to very small country school, I feel they may have just "pushed" him through. As he entered his teenage years, he seemed to outgrow his hyperactivity, but the attention deficit is still there in full force.<O:p></O:p>
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He likes the idea of a college education and has career goal set in his heart and in his mind. I hope, will all my heart he is able to achieve what he wants.
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This semester and last semester, I only allowed him to take 6 hours, or 2 classes. One of the classes he takes is a developmental class or resource reading class. His test scores were very low. While in high school his Dad never made (allowed) him to work. I am making him work. I feel that for him, developing working skills is just as important as an education. Especially, since he is not very studious. Last semester, he made a B in his reading class and a D in his other class. The D class may have to be redone for his degree, but I am not sure.
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One of my main problems is getting him to understand that college is not easy, you have to put time into it. Some classes are easier than others, but most require some study time. He goes to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He does not work on the days he goes to school. He is out of school by 11 am and instead of studying either at home or at the library, he comes home turn the TV on and doesn’t move unless he gets hungry, thirsty or has to go the bathroom. I tried explaining to him what I “missed” as far as TV shows and other stuff while I was working towards my degree, but it doesn’t seem to register with him.
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I want to help him without making him feel I am treating like a baby. I asked him is I could see the syllabus for both of his classes and I get the attitude he gets when he thinks I am over mothering. I though by looking at them, I might could help remind him of deadlines or special assignments.
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He has no close friends, just a couple he might do something with every couple of months or so. He does not understand the concept of daily bathing. He has the responsibility of doing his own laundry, which he very seldom does. I also have a very hard time getting him to help around the house such as feed the dogs and take the trash out. He says he is tired because he worked all day or he went to school that day. I tell him I don't wan to hear it. I work 10-12 hours a day, every day and still come home and cook and clean. He is basically a good kid. He has never been in any trouble other than standard kid stuff.
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Any advice or help out there?
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Mom

Have you looked into a coach for him?

Sometimes these kids actually have a lack of ability when it comes to exectuive functions, which are essential for the college environment. Has he ever had a neuropsych evaluation to find out exacty what's going on "in there?" I had my son go through one, and it was not only very enlightening on what his true strenghts and weaknesses are, (along with any tagolongs like anxiety issues/depression, etc) but some tips on how to help him along. It is VERY easy to hang on to these guys, but we do need to let go at some point, and if they are not able to watch over their own domain, then a coach or peer buddy is definitely in order and let us be moms and frieds of our kids again instead of coaches. Tara, here on this board, has some wonderful resources for coaches (which can be done by phone) or you can look up your local CHADD chapter for anything that may be nearby you personally.

Not bathing, not doing anything social or sports wise, just being a TV veggie.

Is he depressed? Some people who have 'negative symptoms' (don't do the things they SHOULD do/activities of daily living) or who have 'self-care deficits' can be suffering from depression.

Executive Function issues (mentioned by Frazzle in #2) are a good thing to look at too.

EF problems are often mis-labelled as 'Laziness'.

Is he on medication now? Maybe he needs to change meds because the "lazy" symptoms of ADHD can be helped with the right meds and a life coach as mentioned above.

If he is committed to his goal, then he will reach it. It just might not be a straight line to the finish like other people. I speak from exsperience.

QueensUgirl, yes, sometimes I do look at my son as lazy! But now since the eval, I know better, and can try to help him in a more positive way.

Gondrej, your sitiuation is very much like mine over here too. Single mom, etc.

Welcome to the forums too, and I hope you find some answers here that change all things for the better. :-)