So,
I'm going to begin with the fact that my parents have no faith in me.
They feel that I have made so many mistakes that my ADHD is just a label that seems to satisfies me. But ADHD does not sastify them. They think I am lazy, irresponsible, and just about a wreck.
I need their support and their love. I need from them to want to care, or even put forth an effort.

I put them through hell the last 22 years of my life. I know I did. I'm not blaming them. I just want them to care. I feel so alone. I don't talk to my friends about my ADHD because It doesn't feel appropriate. Or, maybe I am ashamed of my ADHD. My friends are there if I need them, but I have been very distant from all of my friends in recent months that I don't feel comfortable offering information about my mental health.
I need so badly for someone to care. I hate this feeling of doing it all alone.
For some reason I feel that if I had my parents acceptance than I would be ok. But I highly doubt their acceptance will do anything. There acceptance is rather out of the question, and just not going to happen.

How do I find self acceptance? How do I forgive myself of all the bad things that I have done? How do I move on with 1 foot in front of the other ?

I'm sorry, I just need to tell someone. Even if its through a computer.

Perhaps sitting down with your folks and the doctor would help them understand. People have a habit of not believing someone unless it can be corroborated by a a 3rd party.

How do I find self acceptance? How do I forgive myself of all the bad things that I have done? How do I move on with 1 foot in front of the other ?
time..in time you will do all those things

One of the hardest things to do is to move out of your parents orbit and have faith in yourself.

If you've beed diagnosed with ADD by a professional then that's a vindication of your belief that things were not as simple as they seemed.

Parents often want their kids to acheive the things they never did and a diagnosis of ADD may well allow you to put your foot down and say that ain't going to work.

By the sound of it you've worked through the system and got a diagnosis off your own efforts, and that can take some doing. Reading the forums and researching the condition will inform you about what might suit you better than what your parents may wish you to do.

It's worth remembering that your parents measure "success" by their own rules, which are usually 40 years out of date. Many a child has had their life made a misery by trying to fulfill their parents desire to have a doctor, lawyer, accountant or clergyman in the family. Even worse can be family businesses or tradition...one day all this will be yours....thats some millstone to put round an ADD persons neck.

It's important you fnd your own path to fulfillment, and getting a formal ADD diagnosis does help along that path as it opens up a wealth of information and support from other's who've trod the path before you.

Those who really make a difference in the world rarely follow the career path their parents desire.

kilt

My parents were originally the one's who made me seek psychiatric help. I was diagnosed as bipolar, and I truely believed that label, until recently.
I ran across an article concerning ADHD, and everything inside me screamed OMG. All this time I have falsely believed in something I clearly wasn't. I am now trying to fix everything I may have wrecked or almost ruined. I just don't know how to get my parents to care. They tell me I'm 22, and it's time to grow up and be an adult. I believe I have grown up, I moved out, going to school and working. I just feel as if maybe they just don't care and maybe I should just end my relationships with ither of them. They constantly bring me down with "Your so irresponible, and your such a dissapointment." Quite frankly, I may be better if I just moved on and put them in the past. They are constantly throwing me down in the gutter and walking on me. I'm so tired of being walked on. I'm tired of hearing I'm no good. I want to hear something kind or nice or encouraging just once! I'm sure you have all heard the same things before, and you know how it feels. I wish I knew what the right answer was/is. But, I don't. I think my biggest issue now is self acceptance. I am the only person who can help myself (besides my psych.)

Thank you for all your responses and support. It means so much to me.

I put them through hell the last 22 years of my life.


22 I remember 22, I was about my daughters age - my "babies" are 21, my oldest is going to be 28 next month. They put me through hell to but that doesn't make them looses - it doesn't make them bad - it does however qualify them as human = and not all times were bad.

Some times talking to people through a computer can be a safe way to get support - especially sense it doesn't sound like you have enjoyed a safe emotional environment.

I am sorry your parent are being pooo poo heads - we do that some times.




They constantly bring me down with "Your so irresponible, and your such a dissapointment." Quite frankly, I may be better if I just moved on and put them in the past. They are constantly throwing me down in the gutter and walking on me. I'm so tired of being walked on. I'm tired of hearing I'm no good. I want to hear something kind or nice or encouraging just once!


As sad as it is some times the very people we want to love us are toxic to us.

In your case you are young. When my daughters first moved out on their own they each went through a phase where they had very little to do with me. When the oldest one went through it I felt like I had done some thing wrong and it saddened me. She was polite and all she just didn't have time for me in her life - and it was after all her life.

Years later another child did the same thing but differently - then I saw my sister do that to my mom and realized that this is a phase of separation - some of my daughters were more subtle about it than others but each went through a pretty decent period of time where they squeezed me out of their lives. I was glad I figured this out before my last daughter did this because she openly blamed me for every horrible thing that went wrong - her and I were close and I guess that is what it took for her to separate herself from me.

I love my daughters and I tell them almost every time I talk with them - the thing is during those period of time despite my love and acceptance I was toxic to them. I didn't want to be but I was . . . . as they became capable of having and enforcing thier own personal boundaries the separation phase passed We have a different relationship but a better one.

See one of the most under rated periods in parenthood - is when your children quit being children - when they quit being dependent and when they no longer have to do as you tell them - it was a very bumpy ride when my daughters quit being children and became my peers in the adult world.

Yes they are my children and they always will be but now they are adults - they have their own ideas of how they should live and be - no I do not always agree but I am no longer in a position to "boss them around" they are no longer "obligated" to do as they are told. It is a very awkward stage at first - it has been for several other parent whose children are grown but it isn't impossible - it just feels that way.

During this transitional phase I began go over in my mind every mistake I ever made - every bad decision - this was a period where I had to accept I wasn't a perfect parent just like my mom wasn't. Some times when our own mistakes are so large we can't see beyond them we project this onto our children - we begin to see every imperfection as a mirror of our failures. I would become very defensive - I mean here I was wanting my daughters to want to be around me but when I was around them I was defensive and some times accusatory.

Luckily due to the separation phase my girls discovered who they were they discovered for them selves where their responsibility ended and mine began - I have very vocal daughters and they had no qualms about telling me either - no it wasn't easy but we have worked though it. . . we have our tiffs but err we always have being older hasn't changed that portion of our relationship. I will alway be their mother but my children are adults in their own right - this passage is difficult for all. . . .

If your parents bring you down if they are toxic then it is time to distance yourself from them - most of the time rejoining takes place some times gradually for others it is more abrupt - However there are the occasions where it does not. Sense I became an adult my father has never been interested in having a relationship with me - I can't make him interested either - oh my my half brothers hung the moon but his daughters he could care less about -I will never be any more than a reminder to him of all the mistakes he made with my mom - I am the only child old enough to remember my sister was a baby in diapers when he and my mom divorced. My half brothers were even born.

I have learn to see him as a sperm donor - and not feel badly about myself because of his choice. It doesn't matter what I do my Dad will never accept me - I have no choice but to accept this, we are toxic to each other. I have long sense cut any and all communication with him and I have learned his behavior, perceptions and decisions are a reflection of who he is - they don't have any thing to do with who I am -





I wish I knew what the right answer was/is

Actually I think you have already found the right answer


you said it right here below.

I think my biggest issue now is self acceptance. I am the only person who can help myself (besides my psych.)



I agree one must accept self before he/she can accept others and be accepted by others. . . . good eye. I think you are far better maturity wise then you feel about now.

I hope at the end of this phase you and your parents will be able to have a relationship of some type - but if that doesn't happen it makes you no less of a person. . . . some time parents can accept themselves nor can they forgive them selves so they never really get in a position in their own lives to be capable of accepting others - unfortunately "others" on occasion can be their own off spring.

I wish you the best. . .

Unfortunately, if they don't have open minds then I don't think you'll be able to change how they view things.

I have the same sort of problem except that my mom alternates from being supportive to turning on me and purposely upsetting me or blaming me for all of my problems. Whenever I talk to her I never know if I'm going to get Hyde Mom or Jekyll Mom.

I guess what I'm saying is that you can't change people. So you're left trying to learn how to better tolerate them or to interact with them less. Trying to win their approval or acceptance is probably just going to keep hurting and disappointing you. That's what it's done to me.

Just love your parents and try to get past whatever issues you have with them. Before my Dad got sick and died he said that I was a dilletante and he couldn't understand why I couldn't stay focused and be successful like my big shot Ivy-Leage military brass cousins. But he made it clear that he loved me anyway. I didn't have a diagnosis of ADD at the time (just bipolar). You never know when your parents will be ripped away from you by cancer or whatever else this brutal place has in store. Nowadays I'm trying to ignore my moms hyper-religiosity and just love her for who she is because she's getting on in her late 70's. I really miss my Dad.

man.. i am on a posting ROLL...

i guess i am caught in a mania.. lucky you guys!

this was a problem myself. i am 24 years old... and i spent most of my adolescence giving my parents hell.

I do believe hearing the words come out of my fathers mouth that hurt more than daggers...

"YOU CANT KEEP ****ING UP AND THEN SAYING YOURE SORRY!"

definately not one of my better moments.

oh the life of a young ADHD girl in 2007. i could tell you some stories...

but when it comes to your parents, you might not like what i have to say.

ready?

here it goes....

i went to great lengths to get my family involved in the changes that were taking place in my life... for the first time, i felt like i had answers. i had taken one giant leap in the right direction for the first time...

considering the crooked loopdy loops my life's course was prior to my diagnosis.

above all else, the apple doesnt fall far from the tree... i came to realize that most of my family had similar conditions.

ADD, ADHD... to someone who doesnt have it it sounds like a bunch of over generalized broo haa haa and if you are raised in a family such as mine, you could die of blood loss and my father would claim the fitality off due to a mere "scratch"...

my mother on the otherhand, a raging hypochondriac would tell you how she is BiPolar... OCD... and she has planters warts, and seperated disks in her neck and the lists goes on....

my sister is a tree hugging hippy environmentalist who feels that adderall is a strong drug.. and wouldnt i feel better if i just exercised and ate better... i hear thet make organic taoster strudels now... available in the freezer section.

i feel that i know a little something about this whole ADHD concept, and i feel that in the grand scheme of things... we are all on our own...

reason being, only you know the world that exists in your body, mind , and soul...

my dad, has ADHD (Diagnosed by Dr. Why ask Why" but no one would ever suspect....

he came from a family who thought mental health is for the weak willed... so, over time... he compensated... his frustrated temper left scars on the family... his lifetime of feeling of failure and low self-esteem that results from long term adult ADD contributed to his life in every aspect...

would he let me help him? not a chance...

because you can NOT help anyone who does not want help. you can offer someone a rope, drowning in a pool, but it is up to them to grab it.

yes, it pains me to see my faimly struggle, expecially when i feel so much better with knowledge and treatment, but it is what it is.

i gave them books that we all have read,

Woman with ADD

so im not stupid lazy or crazy

add and romance

you name it...

but, they will never truly celebrate my milestones with me. but you know what? thats okay... because throught treatment, i am happier, healthier, adn it shows and nobody can deny that it shows.

not even my family.

you are 22 years old. and trust me... i come from a place where i relied on my family for shelter, food, financial support, and was begging for a reason for them to stick their foot up my *ss to kick me out of the nest.

the good thing is...


1) you know you have ADHD

2) You are on this website seeking help

so, my advice?

stick to it.

dont get discouraged by your family not supporting you, because the raw reality of it is that you may NEVER get it. But, if they see you fight it... and stick with it... and become someone who is happy and healthy, they wont need to understand it... because they do love you.

so lean on the people who do understand... like people like me... every other profile on this website, or a counseler, or a doctor, a teacher, a friend or anyone else that will provide you with the support you need to get help.

because help is out there... and the only regret i have is not getting it sooner.

and remember, F*** People, its your life.

when I was feeling particularly down about how my parents were treating me, at about yr age, I thought about what THEY were doing at my age.at 21 I was in college and working, supporting myself and paying my own way to a career I loved.at 21, my mother was a highschool dropout raising 2 kids, my dad had a crappy entry level job/...they expected me to be way more, and I WAS. they may not support you or show interest but most likely you've already exceeded them. and if you trust your friends, reach out. that's what they are for.