View Full Version : I need to know I am not alone.

01-25-08, 08:07 AM
I have hit a wall.

I am coming to terms with illnesses that have plagued me my entire life. The novelty of being special and smart and different has officially worn off.

I can't verbalize (or write) anything but tears. My brain is so worn out, it has stopped trying to interpret. I cannot control my tears but just know that I need to know that I am not alone in this obscene journey through existence.

I feel like BP has highlighted the emotional instabilities that I have simply because I female and trying to coexist (and relate) with others. I feel like BP has exploited the irrationality that is feminine emotion.

Are there other women that are massively triggered by any small upset involving any relationship with signifigant others?

01-25-08, 09:08 AM
I'm not bp as such but suspected cyclothymia. I don't cope at all well with emotional upset. If my hubby and I are having issues I can go into a bit of a free fall and think it's the end of everything. I've lost track of the amount of times I've thought our relationship was over following a relatively minor problem. It just builds and builds and then I pop and sink into a black hole.

Not sure if this is how you feel or you can relate to it but it gets quite overwhelming at times.

I suppose one of the things I try to remember is this feeling will pass and I will come out the other side into the sunshine again.

01-25-08, 09:11 AM
aww..hugs Ns..

01-25-08, 11:07 AM
I hear ya, and have done my share of wall hitting. It sucks. You're not alone. I am really struggling too... I can be massively triggered by strangers in other cars who get irritated at me.

I'm not liking my life at all right now... but, even though I hate it, (and me, sometimes) I still gotta keep going.

And then there's the female stuff. It's just really hard sometimes.

Sorry I'm not much help... but at least we are not alone with this.

01-25-08, 01:40 PM
I am definitely BP2 and cycle rather rapidly. I totally identify with thinking the world is going to end along with my relationship everytime something minor happens.

I feel retarded because the same thing happens every time where I freak out and get hysterical and exacerbate the situation. My relationship is never over but I can't seem to stop resorting to insanity. It totally defies any logic and I wish I could stop.

01-25-08, 01:49 PM
On a good note, my mom is saving me. Again. At 26.

I have no insurance or job, and *surprise!* no money. My mother (who also has ADD but not BP) sees the same doc I did and after seeing her has decided to go for broke and not only pay for a med appt and meds, but pay off the $300 I still owe my doc.

I am so lucky and don't feel like I deserve this but hopefully my life is about to change for the better.