This will be looong, O.K Last year I met a fellow, we became very attached quickly. It was great fun. I loved being with him. And he with me. We spent every free moment together for 3 months. Well, all of a sudden in a conversation about needing to pay more attention to our personal lives by spending a little less time together that I brought up, he says he feels htat he shouldn't see anyone for 2 weeks but couldn't bare the thought and therefor didn't bring it up before. I decided the anyone part was just a blunder in word usage. The next day I got curious about that and felt also a need to define our relationship.
I asked if he was wanting to see another or if it was just a blunder, and if I was still his girlfiend. He then slowely spat out that he was thinking of getting back together with his ex. girlfriend (not live in. Whom he'd dated for 3 years, and had split up with 4 months prior to our meeting. So I behaved well although I was completely shocked as there hadn't been any clue previous. He said it probably was a mistake. He said how wondeful I was etc.. That he felt I was the perfect woman for him. He was very sincere seeming, he shed tears. None of it made anysence the only thing that made sense was that he was drawn to the familiarity of the old relationship. He didn't want to let me go. So I did. He wanted to be friends still as I was one of the greatest people he knew, blah blah blah. I said I needed to start licking my wounds. Finnally I just said don't call, cause I need to get over you, when I think I can JUST be your friend I will reach out. So we didn't talk for about 4 months. I still loved him and thought about him, I had a date or two and kept busy with my jobs. He called one night and visited. We sat on the porch like old times. We hugged, he shed tears. We talked weekly for the last few weeks. I started thinking about him a lot again.
Yesterday I decide I had to tell him to leave me be as I was to much attracted to him still. We talked about the situation, and how I still don't understand why he deceived and dumped me. (Origionally he didn't plan to tell me, that he decided to recheck out his past relationship.. He told me that. He said that in tears and said he was very ashamed. ) So anyway, he told me the real reason yesterday when I told him I couldn't just me his friend yet as I had too many feelings or him. Tell me am I crazy to believe him??
His ex girlfriend found out she had a disease, (I am not mentioning what it is) he thought of it as more serious Than it was and felt he could be there to help her, but knew it was the wrong reasons. Anyway, although he agreed to not contact me.
He told me how much he loved me etc.. And that he knows he made a mistake, and that they have all the same problems as before. She's an alcholic. He doen't drink at all.
So I am not going to have contact. And it's hard for me.
Yet I refuse to threat or guilt trip him. He has told me many times how he misses me and my son so much. He sounds so sincere.
But it just all doen't quite make sense!! What do you think?

Janine... I have no idea what to think about what he is going through... but I can tell you that from your point of view you do NOT need all of this uncertainty and confusion. You have every right to tell him to stay away for now. If later, he seems to stabilize, and you still have feelings for him, maybe you can pick it up again then... but even then, I would feel as if he had one big strike against him, if you see what I mean.

Just my 2 cents...I do NOT consider myself wise in the ways of the heart... :(

Wayward, I agree. He does have a big strike against him now .
I can't seem to let go, and feel deep down I have to. Because I think he shows lack of character to be so flaky. I don't even feel a need for a boyfriend in my life, nor the time. Yet, I feel like I want to replace him as to stop missing him.
How could I have meant so much if he could just drop me. Well actually I made the break. I feel like he does not deserve me to be available Yet, I can't seem to stop wanting him.
The more he compliments me the more confusing it gets.

Janine as an expert in relationships I thought I would weigh in :D
i guess being a guy I have some questions and can relate to what I did in the past. If he cared so much about you why did he not tell you about his ex being sick? The way he went about that does not seem right. I know when I was younger I would date girls for a while and then break it off. Then I would act upset and try and get back together if the other relationship did not work out. I think you are doing the right thing. It is hard, but neccesary. As long as the person was willing I would continue to break up and get back together. I know I was kind of yucky then. Good luck!

Thanks Biking, his reason he didn't tell me is he was keeping her secret for her. (It is an illness that is wrongly judged.) I think that I should have had the right to an explanation.
I agree with you as much as it hurts. What is crazy is we were wild about each other. We surfed, motorbiked etc.. Our intimacy was unextiguishable, although that would likely dwindle with time.
He sang all the time to me. There was no doubt of his feelings.
The only problem was it was new for us and we had separate households and really couldn't go any futher, yet were a bit excessive in our need to be together, thus I brought up the see each other less issue. Partly for his sake. (he had three kids living with him at the time)
I tried to convince myself he was just a "player" in a lower conciousness basically. And I was just a notch on his stick. And that was how I made the initial break.
But at the same time, I felt I knew how he felt and how he feels.
I can't but help wonder that because it was so good that he felt undeserving, perhaps 2 easy as I am fully giving of myself, no games etc I didn't need to be rescued. Also he had in the past mentioned that he felt musically inferior to me. I am a fulltime musician since childhood. He is a hobby musican. So it wasn't revelant to compare in my opinion. Plus he is very good on his instrument. We talked about that. He claimed that he loved it and still feels I am the best person for him ever. Yet it will unfortunatately take him awhile to get out of this situation.
I don't want to be available when and if he is ready. I want my love to dissapear for him, or to be replaced with another. Eventhough I just don't have time to date or such. Wish that work could replace love a little more.
I am not talking to him, he honors my request. But now after all this purging I want to ask him why he didn't tell me.
Thanks for your "expert" insight.

Good luck J-9! the hard part is going to be if you do not find someone and he keeps pursuing you. He could have told you the same thing you told us. He did not have to tell you what it was. It will be interesting to see what he tells you when you ask him again. The music part sounds like an excuse to me. I havehad very low self confidence and I know that I am not as good at others on some things. The hard part is knowing that you really clicked I know. Not much advice other than keep your head high

Thanks Biking sigh/ your very good at making me feel heard/understood.

Well maybe we should ge married I cannot seem to do the same thing for my wife :D Good luck!

I thought we should get married too, but then remembered that you are a person who butt brushes curtains. I just couldn't tolerate that. Well maybe it only happened once? Perhaps you are reformed? Is there still hope for us???
j-9

I am sad to say my butt still brushs curtains. It does not seem to be an issue right now. By the way I don't have a big butt. :D So I guess I am not reformed, but that might be a good thing.

Ha ha ha... that is funny....Well, if the curtains are small and so is your butt... I suppose it could be tolerated.... Or pehaps easier to ignore. I thinks I need to write a poem about your butt and the curtains..

lol. that would be quite the poem. Maybe you can make it into a song. You could call it Butt and curtain to the tune of Dog and Butterfly. :D the curtains in question are temps. It just covers the bedroom window. It is only about a foot between the bed and curtains where I walk to and from the bed. Well that should give you a start. My guess is you could ignore it

O.k I will put from unspontaneous effort into this one..
The cuitain and the butt
They have a bond, and like to brush
it's certain that they blushed
when the butt bumped by again...
they both have found above the ground
a place that they can meet
the cuitain and the buuuuutttt.

Man Janine I did not know my butt could be so romantic :D
Hope this was a good deversion for you relationship issues. i know it was for me and my butt! Sounds like the curtains were okay with it too.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha thats what I just did. The romance just kind of evolved.. Watch out harliquin here I come!! And yes I was diverted, and a matterfact I am going to intrduce my butt to the curtain, you see they haven't met yet! Introductiontime here weeeee go!

You should be okay your single. I bet that is why my wife was ****ed. She was jealous. One good thing about curtains is you never have to worry about them breaking up with you. The ball is always in your court.:eek:

Be careful what you do with those butts! You don't want to be the source material for another book like this one!

Janine,

He had no right insinuating himself that deeply into your life, before his guilt got the best of him. I don't buy into the old "things just happen" crap. Things happen for reasons, and his reason was simple. He was selfish and lonely. Either you, or his ex was the second stringer.

If that isn't the case and he still felt somehow "obligated" to her, then he DEFINITELY had no business getting you entangled in his life.

I am sorry dear. Being lonely is awful, and being lonely in love is worse. Janine, there are men out there, that don't come with baggage, and who will treat you like the gold you are. I hope one comes and sweeps you and your son off your feet.

Thanks E-boy, I have been strong and feel good about cutting the ties once again. I am definetly not lonely though, but I miss him.