I was going to the grocery store yesterday and generally don't enjoy going places like that by myself. I've gotten better through out the years but, still have an underlying nervousness. I was checking out and the guy behind me had his cart really close to the Debit/Credit console. Instead of nicely asking him to move, I squeezed in and became irritated that he didn't try to move.

Then I went over to the liquor store to buy something and spoke to the guy behind the counter. He never looked at me and ignored me. That is a pet peeve of mine. So, I made a remark out loud and looked for the item I came for with no luck. So I left.

Both situations got my blood boiling. It's always been a curse of SA and my temperament that I care too much what others think and generally allow this kind of crap to get under my skin. I also understand, after years of SA sometimes I don't speak up as loud as I think I am. I'm sure this contributes. But, even if someone is being outright rude, I just want to continue to act nice and ignore it. I hate that I can't.

Which brings me to the imagination part of the title. I think I set myself up for these encounters. I go in bristly and almost expect some sort of problems and then react if something seems remotely against me.

I had a series of tapes which many people had great results with, according to the forums I was in at the time. Due to my wonderful procrastination, I never could get past the first couple of tapes. They dealt many with changing automatic negative thinking and reprogramming your thinking through cognitive behavioural therapy. I still think this therapy is pretty sound and at the root of much of SA. I just wish I could get off it and stick with them.

Does anybody else deal struggle with this type of thing? I feel at times like I have no self-esteem. And no doubt, it shows. I wonder if therapy can help with this?

D

It's interesting how this thinking style is all self-referential (e.g. "self-centred", but in a low=self esteem way; not egotistical way.)


You seem to be assuming these people's behaviours (or lack of social awareness) has 'something' to do with *you*.

See, I can find MANY alternate explanations for the behaviours of Man #1 and Man #2's behaviours....

AND... Neither one has a _thing_ to do with you...

---

With Man #1, you even _ADMIT_ that you failed to communicate your Desire that you wanted him to "please move" out of the way.


1. "Getting over" oneself is part of recovery. (e.g. stop being so self-referential; people aren't always "doing things to tick you off" or 'get to you' or "put you down'; you are assuming you "know" people's "story" for why they behave the ways they do.... And you don't. No one does.)

2. Maybe you need to communicate your social "needs" better to people. (In the case of Man #1.) People can't know if you don't tell them. No one is a mindreader. And it is sort of passive-aggressive to expect "mindreading".

IS there a reason you can't seem to speak up for yourself?

I thought I mentioned in my post that I understand certain other factors can be at play. That's why I choose the word imagination in the title. That being said, it's the nature of Social Anxiety, at least as I've always known it to assume people are criticizing, thinking about, or talking about you at times. These are all examples, not necessarily the example I used before. Regardless, I also understand that it is self-centered, like many disorders, and I certainly don't set out to think and act this way. After years of accumulating automatic negative thinking, I'm sure this comes into play very much.

Frankly, anyone can look at a situation from the outside and neatly scrutinize or explain things away. For me, I don't have that luxury. This stuff is very deeply ingrained in me, or else I wouldn't have daily issues. It's not that easy for someone with SA( and sure, there are degrees of SA like anything else) to step outside of his or herself and make changes as needed. One can argue here, well you just did just that. Sure, I looked at the problem but, I've made no changes. Because, whenever the situation happens again, I fall right back into this negative, defensive mindset.

The reason I don't speak up for myself? I thought that was evident. I have self-esteem problems and social anxiety. Social Anxiety being anxious in social settings. ;)

Thanks for the post Queens.

Yup, I can relate. Pretty much my life story. Everytime this happens (usually during any social contact whatsoever) I go into a severe panic attack and suicidal depression washes in.
Adderall is the one med that has really helped with this, but it brings on its own host of ****ty side effects.