View Full Version : how do you deal with anger mangement with your adhd


Guest1
02-01-08, 12:18 PM
i usually hit a wall or something other then hitting someone and how can you keep your mouth from saying mean things or flicking someone off or doing hand gestures today i was about to punch my dad after he slapt me for me being direspectfull he said instead i went to the bathroom and punched the wall left a dent

heyabird
02-01-08, 12:28 PM
Marytza, you're really too old to be slapped for being disrespectful! It's not so strange that you felt like punching him right back. Anyway, I usually hit the wall too.

Guest1
02-01-08, 12:30 PM
my dad never had patience for me i always got hit by a belt since i was 6 to old jaja tell that to my dadMarytza, you're really too old to be slapped for being disrespectful! It's not so strange that you felt like punching him right back. Anyway, I usually hit the wall too.

heyabird
02-01-08, 12:38 PM
Yikes, sorry to hear that! IMO no one should slap their kids, let alone with a belt, but I guess there are many people who think differently about that. But this really isn't right, you're in your twenties, for God's sake!

Guest1
02-01-08, 12:39 PM
is life i wont ever hit my kids ever and im puertorican they do believe and hard diciplineYikes, sorry to hear that!

Guest1
02-01-08, 12:50 PM
my mom said i can be way outta hand sometimes

heyabird
02-01-08, 12:53 PM
my mom said i can be way outta hand sometimes

I'm not trying to be disrespectful to your parents, but it sounds like you're not the only one who has anger issues here.

Guest1
02-01-08, 01:22 PM
i know he does to not only me but says hes the parent soI'm not trying to be disrespectful to your parents, but it sounds like you're not the only one who has anger issues here.

Guest1
02-02-08, 01:58 PM
ya it sucks

Guest1
02-05-08, 08:58 PM
my dad is more chilled lately

heyabird
02-06-08, 10:33 AM
Hey, that's good! Did anything special happen?

Guest1
02-08-08, 02:47 PM
nope just no angriness any more in awhile Hey, that's good! Did anything special happen?

Guest1
02-10-08, 03:30 AM
once again dad got mad at me today grabbed me by my arm and left a very ugly black and blue almost hit him i held back i asked if he would go to the anger management psychiatrist with me to see if it can help he said no im angry

Scattered
02-10-08, 03:46 AM
The things that help me the most with anger are:

* talking with a trusted friend
* exercise
* journaling about my feelings
* prayer

Guest1
02-10-08, 03:48 AM
thanksThe things that help me the most with anger are:

* talking with a trusted friend
* exercise
* journaling about my feelings
* prayer

Dory
02-10-08, 10:15 AM
once again dad got mad at me today grabbed me by my arm and left a very ugly black and blue almost hit him i held back i asked if he would go to the anger management psychiatrist with me to see if it can help he said no im angry

Im a little concerned with this post. I've read many of your posts and I've seen several times that your dad has physically harmed you. THIS IS ABUSE and its NOT acceptable! No one should lay a hand on you if it's to harm you, regardless of the disorders or disabilities that ou have. I hope that you are safe. Anger is no reason to abuse someone. ITS NOT OK! Am I the only one concerned with this?

Guest1
02-10-08, 12:49 PM
my mom said he shouldn't of done what he did but we both have to work it out she is tired getting in the way with this

Bayashi
02-10-08, 01:45 PM
Marytza - that is abuse. You're not alone Dory. I might be making a post in the private forums on a similar issue. Not sure yet.

Marytza - regarding your anger:

Have you ever practiced meditation? Sometimes for me it helps to just sit, arms crossed and gripping each other if needbe, and slowly breathe with my eyes closed. Just sitting that way for 20-30 minutes helps me calm down quite a bit.

Also, consider getting a punching bag. My wife often uses one to help her calm down.

Dory
02-10-08, 03:29 PM
my mom said he shouldn't of done what he did but we both have to work it out she is tired getting in the way with this

Once again, I hope I'm not stepping over the line, but if your mom does nothing other than to say "he shouldn't have done it" then SHE IS AN ABUSER TOO! She is supposed to protect you.... that's what parents do. I would suggest that you talk to someone you can trust about things that have gone on with your father, or anyone in your family who is physically or emotionally harming you. You deserve that!

Mary
02-10-08, 05:59 PM
Im a little concerned with this post. I've read many of your posts and I've seen several times that your dad has physically harmed you. THIS IS ABUSE and its NOT acceptable! No one should lay a hand on you if it's to harm you, regardless of the disorders or disabilities that ou have. I hope that you are safe. Anger is no reason to abuse someone. ITS NOT OK! Am I the only one concerned with this?

Marytza, > I have to agree with Dory others... that it's abuse. But if I read your profile correctly you're 27 now, right? If you have a job, have you thought about low income housing? Or something of that kind in order to get out of the situation? I know it's hard to leave home, especially if you have troubles like I did, but for safety sake you need to think about it. I left when my parents weren't home, because of my Grandfather grabbing me and leaving bruises (22 years ago now), but still. Just something to think about... keep us posted, please.

p.s....You're priceless... don't let your parents deplete your worth >:D< < HUGS!!

~boots~
02-10-08, 08:53 PM
how's things now Marytza?? I hope you sort this out with your family soon

Zach326
02-10-08, 09:49 PM
i usually hit a wall or something other then hitting someone and how can you keep your mouth from saying mean things or flicking someone off or doing hand gestures today i was about to punch my dad after he slapt me for me being direspectfull he said instead i went to the bathroom and punched the wall left a dent

Your father angers me Martyza :mad:, no disrespect to you of course....

I don't know how to deal with anger other then avoiding the context that angers you, your father is that context...

Abuse never leaves you, even when you are out of the house, it will sit in the back of your mind.

You need to find another home if possible, as has been mentioned here...

People will hurt you one moment and tell you they love you the next...

All i can say is that actions speak louder then words...

I used to deal with people like your dad all the time... This drove me to learn martial arts(kick-boxing, Muay Thai, wrestling, jiu jitsu).

This helped me because i was able to stand up to people who used certain methods of communication to control me by instilling fear. when I see people disciplining there children or anyone who holds them as an authority in an inappropriate way(inappropriate being methods that will scar them(mentally or physically)), I become very angry...

It is important to take steps to recover from something like this, you will always fear the possibility of abuse when you confront people that remind you of your father(or who ever else has harmed you)...

They will bring up these old emotions, and you may feel powerless, which is a horrible feeling to have.

You might know the sinking feeling in your gut that arises when you hear someone yelling in an angry way, even when it is not at you.

This is the way your brain is being wired by the people in your environment... You need to avoid this..

Thats all i can say, hope it helps...

Guest1
02-10-08, 11:06 PM
hey guys thanks for being friends to me and today my dad was nice well i avoided doing anything that *might make him mad*

Zach326
02-10-08, 11:19 PM
You shouldn't have to fear making people angry, fear is not a positive life style choice...

Let me ask you something martyza, and i'm not asking you this to scare you away from the forums...

What would your father do/say if he read this thread?

Would he become more understanding, or do you think it would anger him because you have challenged his authority in the house hold?

Remember that beyond just 'being your friends', we are trying to advise you to change your living situation...

Until I hear something along the lines of...

"Hey guys, i just moved out of this discomforting situation! Thank you so much for giving me the strength to take action and improve my life!"

I am not going to feel that any progress at all has been made...

Is it not a possibility for you to take steps in order to get out of this situation?

You live in the states according to your profile...

You do realize that it is illegal for him to strike you, or even just grab you?

He is breaking the law every time he lays his hands on you, even if you live in his home...

Scattered
02-11-08, 04:21 PM
Thanks!Your welcome!:)

Mary
02-12-08, 01:28 PM
hey guys thanks for being friends to me and today my dad was nice well i avoided doing anything that *might make him mad*

You're welcome...... I have to agree with what Zach posted. Take steps in finding a new place to live. I was 24 when I finally moved out. You can do it if I can. Advertise for a roommate if you don't feel comfortable moving into an apartment alone. There are most likely others in your situation looking for a place as well. It's something to keep in mind.

You should never have to feel the need to avoid your Dad. Because for one... it gives him the leading edge in the knowledge that he's the big bad wolf and you'll never stand up to him and move out. His attitude may stem from a 27 yr old still living at home.. who knows. I"m not saying all parents ...but some get the notion that it's ok to treat their kids this way. The ... it's my way or else attitude.

I hope you gain the courage to do so. Good luck!

Zach326
02-14-08, 02:52 AM
"Codependence(in this context) is the lack of those functional internal habit patterns regarding the body, thinking, feeling, and behavior that are necessary to be a mature adult capable of having healthy relationships and finding a reasonable level of comfort in life.

Conducting life in the disease(disease being a metaphor for an unhealthy environment) feels normal to a codependent.

As you work at recovery, it is easier to be in the disease than to be functional. Being functional (acting in your own best interests) feels awful, shameful, as if you are doing something wrong.


In recovery you begin to see that what you thought was normal is actually dysfunctional, and you begin to notice yourself thinking, feeling, and acting in dysfunctional ways a lot.

You learned to operate in this “normal” but dysfunctional way in childhood. You have been acting this way a long time and will find yourself continuing because it has been your standard operating procedure all along.

This awareness is part of the process of recovery. "

- Facing Codependence : What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives (http://www.amazon.com/Facing-Codependence-Where-Comes-Sabotages/dp/B000GG4ZL8/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1202971061&sr=8-1)


Although this is not one of my favorite books, it does have power in being simplistic and thus being easy to understand and relate to...

I just wanted to throw this in because, I wasn't sure if anything I could put in my own terms would get through...

Abuse is a cycle that can continue through generations, if you don't stop the cycle somewhere, then there is a chance that you will eventually continue the trend...

Picture being afraid to have children because you fear that you may abuse them. Emotions act faster then thought, it takes conditioning to change your initial(habitual, learned) responses.