Hello All,
I would like your thoughts on something I've been thinking about since I was DXed with BP and probably ADD.

I consider myself pretty successful (not boastful - just surprising really as I've known I have a problem for a long time). I am in Information Security for a federal agency and am currently pretty high up on the ladder. I have never, ever been able to see projects through and usually hand them off to other departments - once I've set them in motion they are no longer interesting and that is the end of that. I personally think IT is a great field for ADDers because if you learn everything you can you will quickly learn how to automate mundane tasks and be able to focus on new and exciting problems, issues, etc. The IT security field is even better as it is constantly changing right now. But I digress - sorry.

I went from the mailroom as a contractor where I work to being someone who is very respected in my field (GS13 for any of you federal guys) in about 5 years. It took me 12 years to finish college - the last two I did full time while working full time during this 5 years - had I not put myself under that pressure I never would have finished or been able to focus.

So here's the thing. I've been called overbearing (thats when I'm angry/frustrated and can't keep my mouth shut) as well as been told I have an attitude problem. It is really a love/hate relationship with management there. But, I think my outbursts have helped me as well as my tendency to hyperfocus. I refuse to take crap off of people, mgmt or not, and I have a hard time not being extremely blunt. This is where I think they respect me; although, it also burns a lot of bridges until people get to know me. I think you will all agree that intelligence is not a problem for a lot, if not most, ADDers - its just how you focus it. I come up with good ideas and start them then pass them off. Keep in mind, the IT field is very intersting to me and I think it always will be because it changes so rapidly.

I don't think I would be where I am without being BP/ADD. It hasn't been easy, but I've kind of learned to funnel things and know what I unltimately will and will not succeed at. Having said that, my mood swings have gotten much worse and I just recently got help. I'm told BP gets worse with age?

Now, has there been pain along the way? yes, very much so. Has it been hard? yes, very much so (college is a great example - I quit after my first year to go to alaska to fish and make money in November???? Made it as far as Dallas).

The point is, I think I made a little model for myself for a long time and it really helped me succeed - it has recently gotten so out of hand that I got help. I would really like to hear stories from you guys that have had success funnelling your impulses, outbursts, hyperfocus, etc.

(apologies for the small not so linear novel)

Kind Regards,
Jibber

It depends what you define as success. For some being in constant conflicts, constantly blowing up relationships, making assumptions about what people think about you (and having those assumptions change daily) and living with constant pain, stress and pressure is not successful.

A short answer ...yes.


Like you I am pretty high on the food chain at a extremely large well known LawFirm.

Part of the reason I did do well were the same as you. Highly motivated, when it's fun! , not afraid of anything or anyone, and will tell them so, the ability to do many things at once and hyperfocus if needed.

However, it caused major issues much like yours as my disease progresssd. Yes it gets worse with age. There are different onset's of BP. There is Early Childhood onset all the way up through the later life onset which typically is stated to really top off in your 30-40s.

I know I had onset in my teenage years , hormone changes etc. But it didnd't get unmanageable to me until my 30's. In all areas, finances, lack of sleep and the rages, aggitation, blow up's ...and overreactions became a problem at work and home.

I can clearly see the pattern and where it geared up.
Now had I not gotten medicated when I did,
I don't think there would be a success story, more of a funeral ,what a shame story. Seriously.

But I can tell you after 2 years of medication, I am much better. I am still me. I am still a go getter, I still will tell anyone what I think, and where to stuff it. But I am more selective about how and when I do it. My meds have helped me "pick my battles" ...meaning there are somethings we really go off about that is really not necessary to do so. Given time or a different mood we might not have reacted that way. I am also glad to not be dictated by those moods anymore, rather I choose to go with or not. I am not left in the wake of an angry blow up anymore unless it's warrented. It's easier for me to confront issues in a "normal" manner before getting to that point as well. Often aleviating the need to rip off one's head.

Makes me sleep better, and the people who's heads have been ripped in the past, and whose might have been appreciate it more and it seems I get more team work now.

So I have not lost my old aunery self. I have not become "soft" on meds. But I certainly have a lot more faith when I do blow up or go after something that it is for the right reasons and not over exaggerated by a swift mood swing. I am pretty sure that will make some sense?

So yes, while I did struggle very much with my dx of BPII , after over 12 years of having an ADD dx that I wore proudly, I can say I apprciate the intelligence, creativity, and bold personality that seems to accompany many of us that have this disorder. However, with my meds and the balance I now use the gifts that come with , they don't use me.


I hope that makes sense and what you were asking? After all I am ADD and could have possibly totally missed your context..LOL


Hope

You didn't miss it at all. You pretty much summed up my career as well. I'm 34 and my uncontrollable rants have gotten much worse. I knew if I kept it up I would end up blackballed or out on my head.

Since the meds, I can control them too. I am so much happier as opposed to feeling stress when there was no reason to stress (paranoia I guess).

I, like you, will still tell someone to pack sand if they are in the wrong, and I just chewed out some contractors that I felt were trying to screw the gov't out of some money (just looking out for your tax dollars!). But, it was controlled, I could talk through it, and I didn't just see red and go completely overboard. It was a great feeling to be angry, but be able to clearly express myself because I wasn't in a rage.

Wow.

Recently dx bipolar II. Dx ADHD in graduate school and LD in undergrad. Also dx with sleep disorder in that I don't get into stage four sleep enough and have frequent sleep intrusions throughout the night.

Am I success story?I would say so. I barely graduated from high school - ranked in the bottom 6 out of approximately 200 students. When I finally got a goal, I became instoppable. I went from CC to undergrad to graduate school. I have a degree in speech/hearing sciences and graduate degrees in developmental psychology, counseling and school psychology. The bipolar -hypomanic anxiety stages made it so I could just keep going. However during those stages, I got easily irritated as well. Those times were hard. The anxiety due to bipolar really helped me not procrastinate. With my ADHD, I am a procrastinator but I feel the combination of the two have actually worked out in my favor. Perhaps it's merely my personality??

If I were only ADHD...I wouldn't be where I am at. I truly believe that. It's so hard to explain to people. I am lucky in that I have only truly been depressed in h.s. Now I go through minor phases of depression that show itself in just being tired. I am mainly hypomanic with severe anxiety.

I really have to watch my mouth sometimes. I have an expressive language disorder, so it takes me a little longer to get out what I am trying to say. That is also a blessing because if I didn't have that problem, I would have been fired from many jobs by now. The only person at my work who knows I suffer from the language disability is the speech path... ha ha.

People are suspecting I am ADHD but no one really knows I am bipolar. I hide the mood swings well. When I am actually on my Lamictal, life is easier.

I hope this works out the same for me. My teaching career just ended, badly, and I am going to school again now to work in the IT field. Teaching was just too people intense for me -- i like working with people, but not groups of 32 8th graders at a time. I just didn't have it in me anymore. I have always been good with computers and in a former life worked at an IT company before deciding to go "save the world" as a teacher. With IT I think i can be good at the people stuff and also focus my work on problem-solving, which is what I really like to do and is one of my core strengths.

BTW, I was diagnosed at age 31 with ADHD and BiPolar Cyclothomic. I spend a lot of time in a mixed state. It's been a real journey the last four years.

lostmykeys >
Well another one who understands......thanks for sharing your story. See actually it is successful. Like mine....not in the beginning though. I dropped out of hs. I was in both gifted classes, and LD classes? Make sense? I am a walking Oxymoron. Well I was in the gifted classes that I liked and were fun. Math was the LD class...not really LD but it was FOM of math every year...and I failed miserably.

Do I dare even ask what this means????
When I am actually on my Lamictal, life is easier.


Chadicus
Hi! Welcome nice to meet you! Wow a teacher ...I always to be one....but like you I think it would end badly too. Now IT that seems to be a good field for ADDer/BP alike. Especially us Rapid Cyclers. Alot of movement, constant updates, always learning always growing.....

Awesome you didn't just give up after your hard time with teaching and managed to find something you wanted to try next! I wish more of us could do that...without beating ourselves up feeling like we failed. Sometimes it's not a good fit, especially if the career was prior to dx. Hindsight is 20/20.

I lucked into a career that fits ADD/BP but sadly new management/and too rapid growth...has left a bad taste in my mouth. It has become more about money and less about the people ....that I can't take.

So I will be moving on to school again myself to pursue a career I love.
NO failures, just hindsight, and time to move on.


Jibber,
Glad to see I made sense....been off the Adderall for a few days...so I often am a bouncing mess of forgetfulness, butterfly chasing, and bunny trials!




Take care all of you!

Hope :p

Ha ha..Lamictal helps my anxiety, although anxiety pushes me. I haven't been on lamictal for over a year due to pregnancy and currently nurse. So...it helped me.

Teaching would be the hardest job ever for an ADHDer but yet great as well. If you are ADHD and teaching middle or high school, there is the constant change of classes, all the grading of papers and just so much to keep track of. I think it would be slightly easier with the younger ones. I know I wouldn't be able to keep up and would get so overstimulated. I work with teachers but am glad I am not one.

My mom told me that in my earlier years, I was offered to attend some gifted classes at the local public school (went to private school 1st through 3rd grade). I remember during my 6th grade year the counselor trying to sell me the special ed room. He showed me all the cool animals you can take home. I told my mom about that a few years later and she never knew. It was a very strange experience.

Hey...just hope, what are you going to school for????

Side note: I am wondering - what is a rapid cycler?? I wonder if I am turning that way. Sometimes when I am driving to work, I go from happy to crying. Some though will enter my mind and I will just cry. I don't show those cycles to anyone really. It's really a strange thing. I have been like that for a few weeks now. I don't know if it's post natal hormones or what.

Wow...hope you all can follow that. I basically responded to some of your posts so it seem disjointed. If anyone can understand this, though, you can:)

Hi lostmykeys...

I see, I had to come on and off mine 3 times, 3 kids.
Are you going to attempt to get back on meds?


I am going to go back for Creative Writing etc. I have been working on my book for over a year now. I need some classes, from there I am not sure. I thought about becoming a teacher to help others pursue their love of writing, but for now I am just going to get the basics over with.


Rapid Cycler aka Bipolar II. The other spectrum or one of the spectrums of the Bipolar dx. And yes you can move from one mood to another in the same day. Dx between the classic BPI and BPII are a direct result of the time we spend in the depressive or manic cycles, and how severe they are.
http://addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38526
BPII's are often called Cyclothym's or cyclothymic. That is the diagnoses on paper for me. Cyclothym/BPII. Often hard to dx because the cycles are so rapid we often appear normal and can have normal moods for days inbetween cycles. Because we don't stay in the extremes for very long we often appear normal or just "moody" to people. Sadly, it's often not until the disease progresses to the latter stages that it's caught. I see now my onset was after the teen hormones, but was not severe enough for me to seek help until post-childbirth hormones and my later 30's.

Hope that helps.

It can be if you configure your life to work with the add/bipolar I have those things and spent alot of my life trying to do what Ive seen other do and failing at it and thinking I was unable to do anything at all....but at some point I started looking at the glass half full instead of half empty and began a ssearch for a career that works with the quirks I have.

I know now that call centers where you get to talk all day long and help people are what works for me.. I am happy and encouraged and perform stellar abilities.

I say to all those who struggle with what we face you have to alter your thinking and opinion of yourself...your not with out or left wanting or unfortunate...we have talents and abilities others would die for but just dont know it.....like ex: my add gives me a racing mind of thoughts 24/7 so I have an over acting imagination and an ability to look and and design new ways to design or approach things both personally and professionally and some are astounded at how i thought of it or how it happened that i was able to do that.

Just some thoughts of advice for my fellow peps!!!