View Full Version : Abnormal sexual urges?


Geiri
02-04-08, 10:46 PM
This is the first time I have the guts to post about this ever, I won't go too much into detail but instead I ask about the subject "in general", I would like as many as possible to reply and lets try to skip the details to make it easier. Since I was a teenager I have had about 2-3 diffirent sexual urges I consider abnormal. Im not talking about things that might be just unpopular with some (like one night stands or same sex attractions), but really something serious and perhaps illegal. When I get these urges it feels like a drug, 10x stronger than when normally aroused. I've never gotten in trouble or hurt another person because of these urges, but the urges alone could allow that to happen but fortunately I've had self control so it doesn't go further than fantasizing.

As the years go by its becoming a more popular theory that pedophiles, serial rapists and other types of sexual abnormality are not just caused by parenting or life experiences, but also caused by how the brain is wired. So people really can't help having the urges. I also think that in treatments they are now focusing more on building up self-control instead of focusing on removing the urges. What backs this up is that it has not worked well just punishing people (unless its for life so they just don't get the chance again). So it wouldn't surprise me if people with ADD or/and bipolar have a higher rate considering this. Im not generalizing or pointing fingers, just exploring this sensitive issue with an open mind. I post this in a bipolar section but please respond if you just have just one of the disorders (or any brain related disorders). Its hard for me to believe it has nothing to do with my ADD/bipolar-II and I hate feeling alone, so Im hoping someone has the guts to comment if they feel similar. I'm especially seeking male responses but women are also welcomed.

Please at least vote if you don't want to reply.

Foxie
02-04-08, 11:06 PM
First and foremost, if at anytime someone feels they could do something that could be harmful to another person, they should step back and evaluate the situation and then seek help in finding the source of this "urge," as you call it. Being a mental health major I can most definitely say that more often than not sexual urges or curiosities that are considered out of the "norm," are not even really about sex but about lack of control, needing to feel control. Not lack of self control! However, lack of control in your world, your environment. A lot of times when people feel like their world is spiraling out of control or they are overwhelmed with their obligations their brain will release a hormone that just so happens to be a hormone that effects arousal. So if this "urge," does arouse you then consider seeking help before you do something that could possibly harm another person or yourself. I can also say that there seems to be a link between some people with bipolar disorder and fantasizing about rape or during depression stages claiming to have been raped (however it seems unlikely when they claim 5, 10, 15, 20 or more people raped them throughout their life) and during manic stages wanting to act out rape scenes as a fantasy. You could perhaps do some research on this by entering bipolar AND sexual fantasy or bipolar AND rape, make sure and is in all caps as that tells the search engine you are trying to research things with both topics. However, I still very strongly emphasize the need to contact a counselor in the field of relationships or sexuality and seeking some help. Some medications can control sexual urgers. I can also tell that you if you ever feel like you want to control sexual arousal that amazingly Tagament HB that you can get OTC for heartburn/indigestion works well in controlling male arousal.

Geiri
02-04-08, 11:22 PM
Thanx for the response.

Im going to be honest and say I can't even think about going to someone right now. Because I've had the urges for like a decade but never came close to letting it harm another person or my own status. Also I just love my sex life too much to physically decrease my sex drive, at least at this point when its not effecting others. I don't think I could just wake up one day and go from this to raping. Im sure there are many others out there that have urges they never act on, perhaps even a majority. But since its a sensitive issue most won't go in the statistics like active child molesters or rapists.

Could medication for obsessions in general help considering this? I've felt it go up and down by what medicine Im on. Right now Im on Zoloft but I think my obsessions (including sexual) were much weaker when I was on Effexor. So I could consider adjusting those meds considering it but right now its not serious enough for me to get a special treatment. Also I'm on stimulants and I think they made it worse.

Matt S.
02-21-08, 03:00 AM
It goes hand in hand with Mania here.

blueyeyore
02-21-08, 03:16 AM
Mine would be considered odd and out of the norm...yes. One of them managed to fade with time, which is probably a good thing.

Geiri
02-21-08, 12:08 PM
Hey thanx everybody for the replies. I see most just answer the poll, which is fine. Im glad to see Im not alone and I never expected a majority answering yes.

It really goes hand in hand with my anxiety and obsessions. When Im calm (with the right medicine) then my sexual urges/behaviors are are not as strong and more "normal". However Im not saying you have to be so calm you have no urges, I've been there and didn't like it at all (too much Risperdal). But I do believe many of us have a natural stronger urges so I think making them weaker is actually the average healthy level (although you might not feel that way to begin with).

busyhermit
02-21-08, 12:33 PM
Another woman chiming in with a yes. I understand that sexual fantasies of these kind are pretty common. There's a big difference between fantasizing and acting on it. I certainly would never dream of actually doing any of the things I fantasize about. I do relate to worrying and being embarrassed about them, though - and I guess I assume that it's just more evidence as to how twisted I am. I have not even discussed them with my therapist (or anyone else for that matter). I would not say that my sex drive is more than normal - maybe even less. But the fact is that I'm more turned on by kinky erotic stories I read online than intimacy with another person. Granted - I have intimacy problems as well....

scottm
02-21-08, 03:57 PM
I answered "yes". I think they're messed up and some are depravishly-twisted. However, sex-drive seems to be somewhat normal. I don't really worry about ever acting them out in real life because the real chances of that happening are moot. So they're kept inside my head to torment myself for years to come.

I find it "erotic" to read about stuff like that - but it in all likelyhood stays there - on the page. I've never revealed *what* these thoughts are about to anyone - I don't think I ever will. If the world however, were to have an "anonymous buddy" where you could share this type of stuff amongst each other - I think we'd all feel a lot better about them and perhaps for some, feel less guilty about themselves. I know I would.


-s

NonSequitor
02-22-08, 02:39 AM
I have always thought se was f*in awesome and have always been open with my lovers and and never shy about sexual gratification. The older I get, the better. And I am only 26.

I have not, however, ever really been promiscuous. Sex is awesome and I am all about it with the one I love (and I am not all preachy and dissing sex before marriage) but BECAUSE I love them. It is not to say it is all some intellectual emotional thing and animal passion is not involved, but the idea of sleeping with random people freaks me out.

Serial monogamist, I suppose? (or codependant, per Mom)

I guess the botton line to me is that sex is awesome but sacred. I love the sex I have because I love my boyfriend on so many levels. I want to have a lot of sex WITH HIM, not just a lot of sex. And physically, we are in tune. It doesn't take effort.

I will shut up now.

SuzzanneX
02-22-08, 03:13 AM
I was molested orally from 6 years old to 14.
....no intercourse.

just, mutal oral sex.

...I was told i was a sexual child, and I consented.

I felt/feel guilty for liking it.

now i like bondage.
...I like being tied up and "forced" to orgasm.

would you call that abnormal?

SuzzanneX
02-22-08, 03:15 AM
..yes, I do realize, I was only 6 years old.
the adult knew better, and I consented to nothing.
...I did'nt enjoy it any less tho.

reesah
02-22-08, 05:48 AM
I was a lot more monogamous and I guess "normal" when I was in my early 20s. the older I get the more I prefer rabid promiscuity and not having anyone around the next day...no expectations, suits me fine now.

I have some friends. that's enough intimacy for me at the moment.

I do have some strange stuff in my mind too. the sm stuff can get out of hand for me because of that. I don't usually act on most of the more frightening fantasy stuff though.


hey suzanne, I think its pretty common for survivors of sex abuse to have those feelings about what happened. just makes the people that do that stuff to kids even more horrid to think about

sloppitty-sue
02-22-08, 11:12 PM
I should first acknowledge that I have never been sexually abused/molested as a child. I think that is important to know before I say what I'm about to say.

Geiri - I just want to commend you on your courage for asking this question. I know we are talking "in general" - but still.

So - what I was going to say: I have always felt extreme pity (when I've thought about it, which isn't very often) for those who have these overwhelming sexual urges like Geiri described - especially if they are ones that are "not o.k." to have. For instance, I just can't imagine anyone wanting TO RISK being percieved as the biggest scumbucket on earth. Universally LOATHED!! The most WRETCHED of the wretched!! Etc. So - for SOME people with overwhelming pedophiliac urges - I DO feel intense pity.
Please don't think I'm saying that ALL pedophiles STRUGGLE not to molest: Many, perhaps MOST (who knows?), only care about themselves, I'm sure.

I guess I'm also thinking about one of my family members struggling with her sexuality and I remember her WISHING she weren't attracted to women. We were brought up as practicing Catholics - we attended Mass all the time, made all the Sacraments, etc. By witnessing my sister's struggle, I just can't help but believe that I KNOW that homosexuality is NOT a choice.

I'm not trying to put pedophilia and homosexuality in the SAME CATEGORY . . . just saying that I DO BELIEVE that some people do not CHOOSE their sexuality - and that it's reasonable to believe that there exists a population of people who really struggle because their sexual urges and whole sexual organization center around something "non-kosher."

Just my thoughts . . .

Sue

Skully
02-23-08, 10:27 AM
Sometimes I get urges at really strange times. Other times, nothing at all. Not sure if it is BP related or not.

Geiri
02-24-08, 08:48 PM
I should first acknowledge that I have never been sexually abused/molested as a child. I think that is important to know before I say what I'm about to say.

Geiri - I just want to commend you on your courage for asking this question. I know we are talking "in general" - but still.

So - what I was going to say: I have always felt extreme pity (when I've thought about it, which isn't very often) for those who have these overwhelming sexual urges like Geiri described - especially if they are ones that are "not o.k." to have. For instance, I just can't imagine anyone wanting TO RISK being percieved as the biggest scumbucket on earth. Universally LOATHED!! The most WRETCHED of the wretched!! Etc. So - for SOME people with overwhelming pedophiliac urges - I DO feel intense pity.
Please don't think I'm saying that ALL pedophiles STRUGGLE not to molest: Many, perhaps MOST (who knows?), only care about themselves, I'm sure.

I guess I'm also thinking about one of my family members struggling with her sexuality and I remember her WISHING she weren't attracted to women. We were brought up as practicing Catholics - we attended Mass all the time, made all the Sacraments, etc. By witnessing my sister's struggle, I just can't help but believe that I KNOW that homosexuality is NOT a choice.

I'm not trying to put pedophilia and homosexuality in the SAME CATEGORY . . . just saying that I DO BELIEVE that some people do not CHOOSE their sexuality - and that it's reasonable to believe that there exists a population of people who really struggle because their sexual urges and whole sexual organization center around something "non-kosher."

Just my thoughts . . .

Sue

Hey great post and I agree with everything you said. I guess I can take comfort in the fact that I don't want my urges to effect others in a negative way. Sure I would wish the fantasies would go away and the guilt I feel after, but I guess the main thing is to not act on these urges that you didn't choose. I think its a mix of genetics and life experience (mostly from childhood) that shape our sexuality, after it has been formed I think its very difficult or even impossible to change them.

And ohh I remember once reading an article about a man that got injured on the head, his personality and sexual urges changed dramatically which led him to sexual crimes and breaking up his marriage. If I remember correctly the court took it into consideration.

The_Colossus
02-24-08, 09:18 PM
On the radio it mentioned a middleaged guy who all of a sudden got sexual urges about children. Told his doctor about this and found out he had some tumor.

justhope
02-25-08, 04:54 PM
The only thing I can say is that most of my decrease or extreme increase came from what Matt described, mania. And coupled with ADD which is a disorder of "impulse control" it would make sense that there might be more of a ratio of people with "mood" or "impulse control" disorders who had issue wiht abnormal urges, or extremes.

Perhaps if the brain was wired normal it might not lead to more progression of the urges that might cause issues down the line with a more extreme version of the urge. Meaning a "normal" person's brain might have thoughts about extra marital affairs, but never act on it, but a person who has a mood, or impulse disorder, would act out on it over time and on a more regular basis.

I know I had issues especially at a younger age. Some was my mood disorder some was insecurites or poor self esteem. I have had some weird thoughts, but never really an urge so to speak. I guess that is normal, like dreaming about having sex with a female, multiple partners, S & M etc..but never really feeling the urge to do it?

Hard topic, but one that I believe has merit and is worth discussing. Perhaps after you talk about it more, you might feel more open and comfortable to discuss with a professional at some time before it causes any issue in your own life.


Hope

Matt S.
02-25-08, 06:10 PM
I have had some weird thoughts, but never really an urge so to speak. I guess that is normal, like dreaming about having sex with a female, multiple partners, S & M etc..but never really feeling the urge to do it?

Must be nice. JK. :D

I found that my sexual behavior has been impulsive as far as actions and urges are concerned. It was like, thought about it, became an urge and did it, some of it is a male thing, the other two parts are being the "H" of AD/HD and definitely mania. The difference with mania is it seems more or less like action, there isn't as much thought as with the impulse of just being impulsive. Mania can have an effect on safety measures etc. too, since I am prone to manic behavior often by choice but not always, I try to carry things around with me all of the time so that way I can at least be safe (condoms). If not then I have to repeat the 'cycle of fear' as I put it (i.e. Unsafe sex acts, testing for STD's, fear of a positive test for something incurable).

PapaChulos4U
01-27-10, 10:00 PM
I am so glad that I FINALLY found a post like this. I understand it may be dead by now, I hope it's not, so I am going to post something anyway.

Nearly 2 years ago, I was diagnosed with mild ADHD and given a prescription for Adderall 20mg/2X daily while I was at school. This was in April '08, and I continued using the meds through exams (which I did better than stellar with) and through the summer without real problem. There were occasiona moments where I was either extremely agitated or completely engulfed in something, but other than that nothing too extreme.

However, when I returned to school in the Fall of '08, I met my lovely girlfriend whom I adore and after we had sex, I became a sexual maniac. I know that increased libido is a side-effect, not so common in men but still apparent, and on the nights we did not have sex I had to masturbate, and sometimes these sessions would go on for hours, until 3 or 4 in the morning, and really only happened when I was very depressed and needed a release other than the gym.

It was also along this time that, whenever I was downloading porn , whenever something that was child porn would pop up, I would delete it, but find myself curious about it and continue searching it out for hours. It did not arouse me, but for some reason I continued to look for it. The next morning/day, whenever I got the chance, I would think to myself, "Why the ***** did I download this!?" and would delete it, unless I had taken the medicine where, for some reason, I found it okay.

Long story short, this went on until April '09 when I was arrested for possession of child porn. I was completely honest, told them the entire time I was being interrogated I have absolutely NO IDEA why I did it, and that I know I would NEVER do anything like that to a child. I am still awaiting trial as there have been many unnecessary setbacks.

I never put two-and-two together until after I stopped taking the meds due to the great state of depression I was in with the ongoing case, and realized my sex drive was far less (despite the sadness I felt) and that I didn't even really have the urge to look at porn. I took a good look at the side-effects and realized the severe personality and arousal changes it can make, especially if taking too much.

I would like to know if anyone has heard of the medication completely altering one's perceptions on anything? It stands to reason that since it's such a powerful, mind-altering drug, it can create a totally different form of someone; I know it has in my case and I need help because I am innocent but only a victim of trying to help myself at school and such!

PLEASE HELP AND FEEL FREE TO PM ME!

dormammau2008
01-28-10, 07:49 PM
sorry papa i undertsand what your saying but,,
i was abused from 7-22 years old, by perduiflisos and in the end the day seeking help is all i can say no child should suffer like i did nor like others do itherrrr
brain and drugs all add up i agressss two dorm

dormammau2008
01-28-10, 07:58 PM
SuzzanneX (http://www.addforums.com/forums/member.php?u=21593) hey i know all to well what you mean.....was abused the same way and others as well in the bordeing schools i was made to go to and my mouther knew and did nothing to save me from it as you can understand i dont forgive her for that and funny as well i like bondge as well,,, power games as such same with oral as well,,,, makes you think what you carry from child hood dorm

dormammau2008
01-28-10, 08:03 PM
bluesore Mine would be considered odd and out of the norm...yes. One of them managed to fade with time, which is probably a good thing

may i ask what they where if that would be ok.....dorm????

Myke
08-16-10, 09:53 AM
can we define an abnormal sexual urge to your wife's cousin? if you get aroused even you just talk to her?

Myke
08-17-10, 10:09 AM
sometimes sexual urges are odd, you can't explain it unless you take a deeper look on it

livingpharaoh
10-11-10, 07:01 AM
Define abnormal. BDSM is mainstream now haha