View Full Version : this seems like pointless venting, but I'll do it anyway


Chanston
02-07-08, 10:20 PM
I have a relationship issue with my girlfriend. We have been going out almost a full year now, and I am starting to think it is not working out. It is because she thinks I am too intense sometimes. I am apparently terrifying when I am angry. I have never insulted her or hit her or done anything. I seldom raise my voice. Because I know I get very angry I try very hard to contain myself, and thought I was doing a fabulous job. But low and behold, 5 months ago I got mad at her for saying I am too distant and swore a couple times and now she is afraid of the next time I get mad. If I simply talk seriously she thinks I am angry. Of course, naturally, my internal observer is saying: well of course YOU see it that way. So I just bite the bullet and apologize. But she is always freaking out and crying and demanding I make her happy, even when I haven't done anything.

She is so damn needy and I try my best to make her happy and then she has the gall to say I am too serious or I don't care because I can't remember that she made a raspberry coffee cake last week. She gets mad if I ever bring up the fact that I have ad/hd to explain I have a hard time remembering things like that. She says I am abusing the label, thouh I rarely bring it up.

I can't converse with her anymore, the small talk drives me up a tree. If I say anything deeper than: "Hamsters are cute" she says: Not now Jeremy, I want to be happy. Then she tells me every excruciating detail about her day. And I pretend to be interested and she thinks I am. Then when she quizzes me the next day and I can't recall some story about Vivian or Tasha, suddenly I don't listen to her!

Yeah typing is therapeutic, I just don't know how to get through to her, because she starts crying if I even question the way she treats me, guilt tripping me and the whole bit. And if I persist, since we have the same friends, but they're her confidantes about me, she'll paint me as a jerk and then my friends will scold me and think I'm a jerk. I feel like I'm missing something here!

Mincan
02-07-08, 10:28 PM
Haha, I feel you bro. Girls like to tell you every "excruciating" detail about their day, chit chat and small talk is about all you will get in otherwise "you are depressing" or "they aren't in the mood to talk" or "am tired". Using ADHD as a reason will not do anything.

Girls our age are just plain stupid. It's not their fault, it's this society and its education system. They are completely sucked into the vortex of the status quo.

dyingInside
02-07-08, 10:38 PM
Haha, I feel you bro. Girls like to tell you every "excruciating" detail about their day, chit chat and small talk is about all you will get in otherwise "you are depressing" or "they aren't in the mood to talk" or "am tired". Using ADHD as a reason will not do anything.

Word.

It doesn't get any better with age, fellas.

Communication is really the crux of the problem.

Imnapl
02-07-08, 10:52 PM
Chanston, I feel your pain. Please don't be offended, but I have to ask: have you ever considered going into comedy or at least writing? You have a way with words. :D

Chanston
02-08-08, 11:12 PM
Thank you all for your understanding

Haha, I feel you bro. Girls like to tell you every "excruciating" detail about their day, chit chat and small talk is about all you will get in otherwise "you are depressing" or "they aren't in the mood to talk" or "am tired". Using ADHD as a reason will not do anything.

Girls our age are just plain stupid. It's not their fault, it's this society and its education system. They are completely sucked into the vortex of the status quo.

Word.

It doesn't get any better with age, fellas.

Communication is really the crux of the problem.

Well let's not say ALL girls, but yeah, females tend to be detailed information sharers, whether it's about their narrow escape from a rabid polar bear, or their choice of conditioner, you're going to hear about it.


Chanston, I feel your pain. Please don't be offended, but I have to ask: have you ever considered going into comedy or at least writing? You have a way with words. :D


I appreciate the compliment, and I admit that I have toyed with the idea......:o

Vhan
02-27-08, 05:54 PM
Get a journal man! Its a great way to deal with stuff like this (at least for me)!

ninjanicole
02-28-08, 08:59 PM
haha as a girl i'll admit to telling my bf every little thing about my day.

But as someone with ADHD with a NT boyfriend i can feel you pain about them thinking you use adhd as an excuse.

I said to him the other day "Yes i forgot you were on the phone (after i had put it down to do something and forgotten to pick it back up) and i will take full responsibility for that, it was my fault and i'm sorry. However, i didn't do it on purpose, i didn't do it because i don't care about you, so you have no reason to feel offended."

he kinda got what i was trying to say...

~boots~
02-28-08, 09:09 PM
Chanston, how old are you both?

zoomman
02-28-08, 09:11 PM
Is venting ever pointless? Vent away! That's one of the things people do here...blow like ol' faithful! Tooooot.

Chanston
03-02-08, 08:56 PM
Chanston, how old are you both?

We are 17 years old

~boots~
03-02-08, 09:57 PM
how have the past few weeks been?

Chanston
03-02-08, 10:17 PM
how have the past few weeks been?

Pretty good, actually. We worked out a bunch of stuff. However, when I told her that I wish she didn't dismiss my thoughts she said: Okay, I'll just humour you. :confused:

I just let it go. I know, I know, I am being petty, but when you're a teenager it seems more important!

brittalitt
03-16-08, 10:45 PM
It's actually not pointless to vent.
And I love the stereotypical "allgirlstellboyeverydetailoftheirday" when that's actually true in most females, you'd be surprised to learn it's true in males too.
BUT if you think it's worth it to stay with your girl friend do so, your definitely just talking about how UNhappy she makes you, but when in the light of things have you actually talked about how happy she makes you?
If it comes down to it, talk to her and ask her to make a list [pro/con variety]of things about you that make her happy/unhappy and you do the same. Sit down and discuss it and why it makes you happy/unhappy.

And instead of letting it go, tell her what she just made you feel.

mijahe
03-16-08, 11:11 PM
I can't converse with her anymore, the small talk drives me up a tree. If I say anything deeper than: "Hamsters are cute" she says: Not now Jeremy, I want to be happy. Then she tells me every excruciating detail about her day. And I pretend to be interested and she thinks I am. Then when she quizzes me the next day and I can't recall some story about Vivian or Tasha, suddenly I don't listen to her!

I have this same issue - and I'm 40 and married. It's always going to be a constant struggle, and I have developed some strategies that have worked for me over the years, (and even looong before I knew I had ADD). However, the big one - you need someone who is understanding. This is very rare in teenage girls, since society is driving girls insane with what looks cool, etc, etc. Anyway, some things that have helped me:

- Just look interested, nod your head. Grunt where appropriate. Often it's just appearing to look interested - there's many many times where I am interested, but my brain isn't. My mind will wander, I'll come back a few seconds later. I try and grab some words - if I have a pen I'll write them down. If she sees you are trying - it'll make a world of difference.

- Walk and talk. If you do find it hard, go for a walk while you're talking to her. Exercise is fantastic for ADDers.

- Common interests. Have something that interests you both, and you can do together. Often no communication is required at all. Just being there together doing whatever it is.

- There's some others, but I've forgotten them now.

Hope that helps.