The worst thing for me lately has been trying to figure out if my feelings and reactions have some basis in reality or if they are a BP reaction -- anger, irritation, even happiness -- I'm constantly wondering, is this the way I really feel or is it my BP cycling? Am I really depressed over something that has happened, or is it magnified by my symptoms? Am I actually unhappy about something?

I have a hard time figuring out what or when to react to anything because I have such a hard time figuring this out. Any comments/suggestions/thoughts?

Grace,
I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time. What you are saying is exactly how I felt most of the time before I was 'officially' DXed. I knew for some time, through research, that BP was my problem. So, I had a very tough time telling whether I was 'paranoid' about certain situations - particularly if they were stressful situations. I'm don't hit the depressed side often and if I do it is short lived so I would go on the offensive and really burn bridges.

I cannot really give you any suggestions other than to hang in there and it will pass. My meds helped me tremendously and I am finally comfortable in my own skin.

You might want to try what my mom used to call an 'attitude adjustment' for me. Go, sit by yourself with no distractions and think things through (writing my thoughts helped my mind stop racing and would enable me to see it from a '3rd person' perspective'. It might take a long time, or it might take just a while, but your gut will tell you what is right and wrong and you MUST trust it. Don't second guess your gut feelings and don't let your mind justify your negative thoughts. In my experience, not trusting my judgement because I was stressed or freaked out got me into bad situations.

I hope this helps, and am here if ya need to talk.

-Jibber

When I catch myself questioning if my feelings are my symptom or my disorder I tell myself that they are my feelings either way. I will often step back and say ok, so I'm feeling this way, is it warranted? Then I work to change my mood to how I think I should be feeling.

Hope that helps. Like Jibber, I too am here if you need to talk.