Hi everyone.

May I dare to say those oh so common words here "I'm struggling"? and it helps to say it. I need to vent about how I feel.

Ever dreamed of a place where you can just exist and everyone relates with a genuine sense of kindness and there are no hidden agendas. I desire it much of the time and feel guilty that I'm thinking so selfishly. I think about people being nice to me (and me to them) and even though it isn't real, it makes me feel good for a moment. Like a fantasy land where it doesn't matter about all those bad people who enjoy hurting. It's just us and our friends and all the nice people we've met or heard about. Does that sound nuts? I guess it does!

It's funny that no matter how tough you think you are, a soft, gentle handshake by someone you feel comfortable enough to allow into or your personal space can make you just feel like you're at that peaceful place. It's been a while since I had that feeling but it's nice to think of it.

I have spent years toughening up and now I think I intimidate people by my very presence which keeps me safe but there is a lacking of human contact and I don't know how to mentally and socially get to where I need to be. But these are things I suppose I will find out in time.

There's never an opportunity for me to say it in every day life. Kindness is mostly looked upon with suspicious eyes. But I will say it here anyway. I care. I care about people and that includes you reading this. I'm struggling but give me a moment of your time and I'd lie down in traffic for you. At the very least.

Here's to the next kind encounter whenever it may be for all of us.

Thanks for reading as I vent.

The Illusive

Hi Illusive. I've felt this way myself. Many times. Thankfully others notice when I'm low and sometimes just a smile will brighten up what I thought was nothing more than a horrible day. So, here's my smile :D and I hope in my heart that I've given you a glimpse of sunshine I sometimes hide away. For self protection if nothing else.. it's time for me to share.

Thanks Mary! Thank you so much for replying! Just the idea that someone out there gets how I feel is a big help. I know there are lots of others but we're often away in the shadows. :D Big smile for you too! Bless your heart. :)

You are very welcome ... :)