Hello, I am new here.

I just saw a doctor today. To get tested for Bipolar.

I am still not sure I believe it. That this is something I can have/be... I have spent most of my adult life living out of self help books and seminars. Trying to reach God in anyway that I can (ok, I mean to try to reach God... I never have the structure set in place to make this a daily ritual) Trying to find someway to feel normal... to find balance... to find peace....

My point is... I always thought... always knew there was something not right about me... about the way the thoughts in my head worked... I just figured with time and the right practice/nutrition/self help book I would find what I was looking for...

I was wondering... if anyone can tell me... help me understand... are these behaviors typical of bipolar?? Or am I searching in the wrong place? Should me journey be more inward focused??

Some of my concerns:
I can't help being irritable sometimes...

I have paranoid thoughts... not all the time... but I notice them

I get these depressive/emotional moods... like nothing I do will ever make a difference... overall feeling hopeless.... they have lasted anywhere from a few days to a few months... I keep myself going to work and school because I know I need to. I have a kid I have to feed. I cannot allow my life to not work because she needs me... but when I come home... I sit on the couch... or curl up in bed and sleep or just sit... I stop answering the phone... I stop wanting to see or talk to any of my friends...

I have been going to school for my AA for almost 4 years... not always going as a full time student... but still... this is not the first thing I have wanted to do... and not been able to complete...

I have anxiety... not all the time though... (I am easily distracted too)

It seems like I will go from depressed... to ok... or even happy.... then I will have days where I feel... almost normal.... I may have a racing thought here or there.. I may have a paranoid thought or two... but I think in those times... that I am fine... until something in my life happens to send me either into a happy state or depresses me... if I go one way or the other... my body tends to have to balance itself out... say I get a 4.0 in one of my classes.. I am happy and excited... after a few days...maybe a week or two... I will get depressed for no apparent reason... like my body needed to send me down in order to rebalance itself (not sure if this makes sence)

there is more I am not thinking of at the moment.. but this is enough... for now

I realize now that I have written a whole lot...and I am sorry for telling you perhaps more than you needed to know about me...

Any input/guidance you have would be greatly appreciated....

I look forward to getting to know more about this illness and the people here.

Zoie, I'm sure my statements won't change your mind about being what your diagnosis is or if it is correct. However, knowing you personally, I would not question the diagnosis one bit. You are a wonderful person, and have found the right place and people for support.

One of the best things I've learned here is to be totally honest with the doctors. They will understand the changes your mind goes through. Everyone here interacts differently to all kinds of therapies, and only you and your doctor can determine what is best for you. So trust them! :)

Also, check out the support group: Co-existing support.

Welcome.

Whats a bipolar test? As I had been manic for a while it was very evident that I was bipolar and no testing was needing.

I also felt their was something different about me. The nice thing about being daignosed is you can start medications and treatments to improve your quality of life.

The doctors office I am going to had a mini questionnaire on their website that I filled out and got 90% bipolar and 100% anxiety... that's what convinced me to get check out.

You can Google bipolar disorder self test and tons of options will pop up.

When I went in, I had made a list of the symptoms that have occurred for years and are concerning to me...and discusees them with the good doc.. he told me my behaviors were consistent with those of bipolar disorder...

I have never been seen by another doctor for mental illness of any kind, so I am hesitant to accept the diagnosis because I have heard how hard it is to diagnose bipolar... but at the same time... the more I am learning about BP and the more self tests I take... the more I realize that I am glad I am seeking help.

The doctors office I am going to had a mini questionnaire on their website that I filled out and got 90% bipolar and 100% anxiety... that's what convinced me to get check out.

You can Google bipolar disorder self test and tons of options will pop up.

When I went in, I had made a list of the symptoms that have occurred for years and are concerning to me...and discusees them with the good doc.. he told me my behaviors were consistent with those of bipolar disorder...

I have never been seen by another doctor for mental illness of any kind, so I am hesitant to accept the diagnosis because I have heard how hard it is to diagnose bipolar... but at the same time... the more I am learning about BP and the more self tests I take... the more I realize that I am glad I am seeking help.

There is a whole spectrum to bipolar disorder, no one sufferer experiences it the same as another.

I commend you for getting treatment. Hang in there, getting stable is a process.

We're here for you

I am bipolar and a lot of your symptoms are similar to what I experience. There is nothing wrong with you so don't feel tainted or bad. There is a lot more stigma attached to bipolar than to a lot of other mental disorders and it is hard to come to terms with this.

I was diagnosed ADD for about 5 years before I was diagnosed with bipolar. At an appt my doc mentioned that if I was staying up all night and feeling "speedy" that it wasn't just normal ADD behavior, it was like the guillotine crashing down and beheading me.

What? Not everyone stays up for days at a time? Then goes snowboarding for 8 hours?

I was so ashamed I didn't mention it to her that appt and was so mortified and embarrassed that I didn't seek another appt for months. There are a lot of other criteria for diagnosing BP but this one was the cincher for me.

Anyway, good luck. And pick your doc carefully. I would believe absolutely no one who diagnoses you solely on the basis of a test and especially since it gave you such concrete percentages. People who know you diagnose better than quizzes.

Bipolar, as I understand the diagnostic criteria, is not moods that come and go within a day. (e.g. a bit down in the AM, happier in the afternoon, crabby at night. That is called "being human", and 'having a personality' and 'being responsive to one's environment'.)


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re: paranoia

Do you think people are out to Poison You, or have thoughts like that? That is an example of PARANOIA.

Be sure you [and others] are using terms like "Paranoia" (a very serious condition!!!) correctly.

Paranoid does not mean "self concious" (as some people misinterpret it to mean) -- it means delusional stuff like 'the CIA is out to get me'.... a delusion is a 'fixed false belief' (e.g. unwarranted FEAR of persecution, thought broadcasting, thought insertion-type stuff).

http://bipolar.about.com/cs/psychoticfeatures/a/bl_paranoia.htm


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I've been reading that Bipolar is being way overdiagnosed in people (and now, in CHILDREN) -- when the symptoms and diagnostic caveats just don't warrant it.

(e.g. As NONSEQUITOR says : people are staying up for DAYS at a time, etc.) Or symptoms are better explained by another diagnosis, condition or factor.

This mood and sleep stuff, as I understand it, is not fluctuating in the course of a 24 hour day.

You write "something in my life happens that" makes me happy or depresses me.

That is NORMAL.

I was recently in the hospital because I was paranoid and manic, (still kind of manic by the way) My experience with paranoia is that no matter where I go I get followed by 12 people and they scream things at me through the wall, sometimes they are detectives other times it is the CIA, People wanting to kill me, yeah, the voices that follow me everywhere (and in a way in which they seem real, like I don't hear them in a car on the way somewhere because 'they' are in the car behind me following me everywhere) People are out to get me. I refused antipsychotics in this state because the people who are following me are telling me that they are going to assault me after I am sedated.

Really, paranoid. Like now I am pseudo-paranoid or self conscious about someone elses behavior making me look bad by association and I hope it is paranoid so yeah there's a distinction.

People who know you diagnose better than quizzes.

This is very true.

Cycles can last for days but it is possible to rapid cycle between moods within hours. It is called bipolar 2. The quick shifting mood can be almost more detrimental because it is extremely stressful on the body and those around you.

Everyones comments are great. Thank you for the feedback.

To describe a little bit further...
My depressed or happy/higher energy states last for weeks or months at a time.

And regarding my thoughts that I described as paranoid are things like people watching me... thinking there are cameras and recording devices in places. I usually try to self talk my way out of these thoughts, saying things like "Why would someone want to know what I am saying or doing." And then try to ignore the uneasy feeling... or just make sure I am not doing anything I would get in trouble for. I do tend to look for security cameras in most places I go though...The thoughts, however, do not occur all the time and so I never know what to make of them.

hey guys, i could use your help, ive been thinking that maybe im bipolar, im going in for an adhd diagnoses this wednesday and so i started writing down all my thoughts, could you tell me what you think?

heres the offical post: http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=49468

And regarding my thoughts that I described as paranoid are things like people watching me... thinking there are cameras and recording devices in places. I usually try to self talk my way out of these thoughts, saying things like "Why would someone want to know what I am saying or doing." And then try to ignore the uneasy feeling... or just make sure I am not doing anything I would get in trouble for. I do tend to look for security cameras in most places I go though...The thoughts, however, do not occur all the time and so I never know what to make of them.

I can't really remember a time in my life where I haven't felt like that. For me, I think it comes from my mom always telling me I'm embarassing her and people are watching. People were always watching...so I'm beginning to think she's the paranoid one and having spent 23 years with a woman who thinks she's being watched constantly...I just picked up the idea...as true and normal.

And regarding my thoughts that I described as paranoid are things like people watching me... thinking there are cameras and recording devices in places. I usually try to self talk my way out of these thoughts, saying things like "Why would someone want to know what I am saying or doing." And then try to ignore the uneasy feeling... or just make sure I am not doing anything I would get in trouble for. I do tend to look for security cameras in most places I go though...The thoughts, however, do not occur all the time and so I never know what to make of them.

Funny I totally relate to that, too - I often feel as though I'm being watched and judged, whether or not anyone is present. In my case, it's so vague, I wouldn't think it was "paranoia". Perhaps it's self-consciousness taken to the extreme.

I was also wondering how to identify my change in cycles... I never really took much notice before, never knew to pay attention before. Now I feel hypersensitive... trying to figure out which cycle I am in or switching to.... I still don't feel I know enough about bipolar to figure out what is going on in my head....

I know I have had a rough couple of months... a lot of "not so fun stuff" occurred in my life... and now I cannot figure out how I feel or what I need to do to take care of myself. Sometimes I just want to move somewhere and forget everything, but I know all my problems will follow... And I know I wont feel this way forever, I know that it is only through pain that I appreciate the good times... it just sucks right now...

I am currently in two types of counseling. One at the doc's office and another Holistic Peer Counseling (which I participate in and am learning how to do). The counselor at the doc's office recomened I go see a psychiatrist to get counseling and medication. Which will probably happen in the next few weeks. I am still scared by all of this... still scared of taking medication for the rest of my life, scared of what people will think when I tell them... my mom doesn't believe me....

*sigh* thanks for listening...

I was also wondering how to identify my change in cycles... I never really took much notice before, never knew to pay attention before. Now I feel hypersensitive... trying to figure out which cycle I am in or switching to....

Really you just need to be aware, not necessarily try to determine what phase you are in. It is entirely possible that you are in a mixed phase and will drive yourself batty trying to figure out which one you are in. The most important thing is that you continue with talking to the doctors and counselors to understand more about your condition. If you doubt your diagnosis at all, then you can always seek a second opinion too.

Cycles can last for days but it is possible to rapid cycle between moods within hours. It is called bipolar 2. The quick shifting mood can be almost more detrimental because it is extremely stressful on the body and those around you.

Rapid cycling is not limited to just Bipolar II...It is more prevalent in Bipolar II, but can happen just as often in Bipolar I....

"Rapid cycling is an illness course modifier, not a subtype of diagnosis. Thus, a person with rapid cycling could be diagnosed as bipolar I, II, or manic, mixed manic, or depressed."

Check the article here titled "Is it ADHD or Bipolar Disorder?"

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2511.html