View Full Version : Increase in Sexual Appetite???


Jibber
02-26-08, 04:24 AM
I was diagnosed with BP about 3 months ago. I was seeing a therapist and she said BP and possibly ADD (I was convinced ADD). She suggested I see a pdoc. He said BP and possibly ADD. I'm now taking lamictal and focalin.

So, long story short, I am 34 years old, and my labido kinda gave out on me some time ago. When I first got married (I was 26) everything was good. Then about a year later I felt sex was more like a job and that my wife was too clingy. Always thought I needed to be away from her for a while to get things back into swing. The swing never really happened.

We divorced, and I started seeing someone else shortly thereafter. Same thing - everything was good for a short while then the same symptoms came back.

I recently broke up with the person in the aforementioned paragraph and am trying to be alone for a while to learn to like me. At the same time, I am completely titrated up on my lamictal and taking my ADD med.

Long story short, I feel like a teenager again with regards to my labido. I wake up and go, "Hey big guy!" just like I did when I was in my teens and early twenties. I find myself really sexually attracted to certain women to a point that it makes me yearn (which I haven't felt in a LONG time).

Have any of you experienced this??? Is it just because I am single again? I'm still OK with being alone (and this is the first time in my life I am OK with it), but my labido has gone ballistic.

Any experiences you've had similar to this or any insight would be greatly appreciated!

-Jibber

SuzzanneX
02-26-08, 11:39 AM
Yes, of corse.
......in the beginning speed makes you horny, but then wears out.

You biological clock is also ticking.
........you are entering your sexual prime as well.

so, it did'nt wear off with me either.

..I'm 42 and know more about my own orgasmic capabilities than ever.


...........tick tock.

justhope
02-26-08, 11:46 AM
Hey Jibber,

For me my sex life was controlled by my mood cycles. If I was in mania I often found myself hypersexual, but demanding and moody, meaning I was in the super mood, but you better jump when I say it, now and how I want it, or I am ticked for the rest of the day and start the withholding pattern.

When I was depressed, sex was the last thing on my mind, with depression with females, we have a tendency to be aggitated easily, ( well hell I am aggitated when I am in mania too, but it's differnt) Mostly aggitated because I want to be left alone. And have no emotional feeling except apathy.

Now the spaces in between, or normal moods, I was pretty average, someetimes in the mood sometimes not, and was more willing to "compromise" meaning while in the extreme cycles I was all on or all off, I was more willing to do what my husband needed at the time.

My poor husband I dont' know how he has made it this long, almost 14 years,,,,he is happy now that meds have leveled me out. Our bedroom life is much like it was in the beginning of the relationship. It is dictated by affection and the true intimacy associated with long term relationships rather than extreme emotions.

I hope that helps some? Becoming more level, has helped in every aspect of my life. Work, friendships, parenting, normal marriage realionship communications and sex.




Any fyi kind along the same lines,

Here is an article about dating and BP. It's off a site I use regularly and even get a newsletter on each month.
At the bottom of the article, it has some other links about relationships etc. Even though it's often the view of the non-BP partner, it offers a good perspective for us as well.

http://bipolar.about.com/od/socialissues/a/datingtips.htm

www.bipolar.about.com (http://www.bipolar.about.com)


Hope

Matt S.
02-26-08, 11:47 AM
It could be a combination of the BP, the stimulant and being single, IMHO. I know just what you mean when you break up with someone who was a damper to the old drive (clinginess will do that sometimes, I definitely feel that statement).

Stimulants are like Viagra to me effect-wise. Manic episodes are periods of time when I am well uninhibited for lack of a better term and being impulsive by nature makes me a bit perverse all by itself (in: re perverse, within legal limits). I am also male, and gender is irrelevant as far as libido and behavior is concerned IMHO and experience, but statistically (and stereotypically) men are more likely to be that way. It amazes me to read this and notice how I fail to accept responsibility for my behavior, like it is okay because of all of these things. I am single so that is another rationalization I will add and I am safe about it (now).

justhope
02-26-08, 12:21 PM
Yes, of corse.
......in the beginning speed makes you horny, but then wears out.

You biological clock is also ticking.
........you are entering your sexual prime as well.

so, it did'nt wear off with me either.

..I'm 42 and know more about my own orgasmic capabilities than ever.


...........tick tock.


Ok I could just be sensitive but I don't like the referal to Focalin or the other ADHD meds as "Speed"
It's makes it sound like a street drug. I have been on Stimulants since 1994 and am currently on 20mg of Adderall XR. I have never found it to make me more sexual, and I am also 37 years old. I believe a lot has to do with the mood issues and BP.
And I don't know that the question had anything to do with someone's self discovery of their orgasmic capabilities rather than a change in their libedo. Not trying to be argumentative here. Just my opinion and I didn't want it to go in that direction or get off topic in that direction. You can take what you want and leave the rest.

adhdogwalker
02-26-08, 12:38 PM
Thanks, Hope. I am in complete agreement with your above post.

I have more to say on the topic in general and am looking forward to reading the articles you posted links to later.

Alas, off to walk the dogs!

justhope
02-26-08, 01:07 PM
Thanks I often wonder if I totally missed somethng or it's just me taking it that way. If I am off the mark, I am not above apologizing. But this at least confirms I am not alone in the feeling. Have fun walking the dogs, today if I walked the dogs, it would be a team of sled dogs! :p


And not to keep it going, but since I am not able to edit my first response....

You biological clock is also ticking.
........you are entering your sexual prime as well.
I am not sure if you are aware, Jibber is a male & 34 years old? So I think he's most likely not in his sexual prime, since for males that would be teens and early 20's ...and the whole biological clock thing doesn't really apply here either. Which again brings me to the point that this is not really what information he is really needing to answer his questions?
~shrug~ I dunno.

Jibber
02-26-08, 02:03 PM
Yeah, my prime came and went. What sucked about that is I knew it when it was slowing down. Hated it.

I don't think (don't really know - just a gut feeling) that its the ADD meds. I usually don't take them on the weekend and the feeling is the same. I think its more along the lines of being single, getting the clingy weight off my shoulders, and the BP meds leveling me out to the point that I am not agitated as much.

I just wanted some other opinions and am still open to them. Very intersting topic IMO.

P.S. I don't recall my manic stages being so much about my labido and hyper sexual activitiy as it was I was soooo happy nothing got to me; therefore, I wasn't nearly as self conscious. I don't think I COULD get agitated while manic.

justhope
02-26-08, 02:56 PM
It is a good topic..

Most men don't get the aggitation portion of mania. Of course after several days of not sleeping you might get it. But you all usually have the double edged sword. Nice euphoric mania, but harder to stay med compliant due to that. We have all the other issues , aggitation is almost a constant regardless of cycle. AARGH

adhdogwalker
02-26-08, 06:47 PM
Taking a quick break from the doggies. I wish I were sledding!! I'm just tromping around in the soggy rain, ugh!

Thanks again, Hope. We are all individuals here with a tremendous variance of personalities, etc. Just wanted to add something quickly-- Isn't assuming that ones "biological clock" is spurring sexual behavior a bit presumptuous? Aren't there other factors that should be taken into consideration? Like the fact that Jibber is male, bipolar, adhd, and on meds for both conditions??? I get all riled up when people make assumptions without really examining all the evidence.

Sure, understanding one's "full orgasmic potential" is great, but that doesn't help us here. I do not mean this in an insulting way, but can't one presume that the older one is, the more sex they've had, thus they have had more of an oppurtunity to explore their sexuality? Again, a not very helpful, generic comment, IMHO.

I'll get off my soapbox now, and go back to the dogs. . . :)

justhope
02-27-08, 10:59 AM
Taking a quick break from the doggies. I wish I were sledding!! I'm just tromping around in the soggy rain, ugh!


Rain? WTH? You are right up the road, how come no stupid snow ?????
Oh yeah it is moving that way! Get the parka, and the snowblower ready you are gonna need it!

Again, I am glad to see I am not the only one who's craw that stuck in wrong.....so moving on....


Hey Jibber!

Have any of you experienced this??? Is it just because I am single again? I'm still OK with being alone (and this is the first time in my life I am OK with it), but my labido has gone ballistic.
Now that you know you are not nuts...and the answer to that question again from me is YES...I won't say ballistic, but so very much better! And it is awesome that you are okay with being alone, sometimes that is a good thing and gives us time to know us. :)



Long story short, I feel like a teenager again with regards to my labido. I wake up and go, "Hey big guy!" just like I did when I was in my teens and early twenties. I find myself really sexually attracted to certain women to a point that it makes me yearn (which I haven't felt in a LONG time).
Good for you! Just be safe! :D

Jibber
02-27-08, 02:00 PM
Yep, thats exactly what I'm doing, "Getting to know me." I've always had a roomate and generally always had a girlfriend (or marriage of 6 years). Bad juju if you haven't learned to like yourself.

Matt S.
02-27-08, 04:13 PM
Yep, thats exactly what I'm doing, "Getting to know me." I've always had a roomate and generally always had a girlfriend (or marriage of 6 years). Bad juju if you haven't learned to like yourself.

That is very healthy, kudos :D

NonSequitor
02-28-08, 01:29 AM
i am going to add something to this that no one seems to have touched on. yes, this all could totally be related to meds, age, being single, whatever.

might i suggest that the reason your libido has changed is that you were possibly having sex with the wrong person? for a long time?

i know things can get old with anyone but it is just a thought.

adhdogwalker
02-28-08, 02:23 AM
Hi Jibber! Here's my take on the situation. . .

When I'm very depressed or very manic, my sex drive evaporates completely. It is the furthest thing from my mind. If I'm depressed, I feel completely asexual and do not want anyone near me. If I'm manic, I am so busy with whatever project or delusion is fueling my spree that I can't even think about sex. In these states, no earthly pleasure can dissuade me from my mission.

That said, I do have certain phases when I am obsessed with sex. For whatever bizarre reason, I also shop a lot when I'm in this particular phase. Another thing that happens to me is that, even if I'm in a relationship with someone whom I deeply love, I want to have sex with strangers. This desire does not stem from any dissatisfaction with my partner whatsoever. Rather it is the idea of the unknown, of novelty seeking. It is a break from reality, an escape. I have indulged this desire far too many times and it has devastated every relationship I've ever had (except for the current one). Fortunately, I have always had safe sex (I lived in the Castro in SF for a time and saw the gay population decimated by AIDS and have lost some very dear friends to it over the years, so no matter how impulsive, I've always used protection.)

I believe that this sex with strangers thing of mine comes from the impulsive, thrill-seeking side of ADHD and bipolar. I understand your comment about sex being wonderful at the beginning of a relationship only to have the desire evaporate completely. This has happened to me over and over. The sex is no longer novel, taboo, and the bipolar/ADHD side craves excitement and stimulation. It is at this point when the relationship becomes monotonous and ultimately stifling and unbearable. When at this point, I have done appallingly crazy things with random strangers that I happened upon in the middle of the night as I was walking around my neighborhood. The sex was never that fantastic, but the novelty and impulsivity of it, the simple fact of knowing that I dared to do it, was the thrill for me. Once we had done whatever we had done, not for one moment did I want to see these people again. That would have ruined the entire encounter completely.

And so, for your rekindled desire. I do not see it as any sort of function of ADD or bipolar. I think it's completely normal for any heterosexual male 34 year old male to be wildly attracted to certain women. I think the loss of desire before was abnormal. I only have the basis of my own experience from which to interpret yours, so feel free to reject anything I offer here as absurd. All interpersonal relationship dynamics aside, I see the waning of your sex drive as a manifestation of your cycling moods. Now that you're on Lamictal and Focalin and your moods are evened out, you're free to experience the real you, to learn what life as an emotionally stable person is like. Sexual desire is an essential component of the human experience (how else would the species survive?). Feel free to enjoy and explore it to whatever extent you're comfortable with.

And one last thought-- At 34, you're still very young. Don't be so quick to conclude that your prime came and went. As you age, your sexual desire will metamorphose with you, just as the rest of you will. American culture tends to idolize and esteem the virility of youth. We are surrounded by things big, shiny and new, and so we often overlook the quieter, more subtle and sensitive beauty that graces us in our later years. I am 31 and my fiance is 54. While he may no longer resemble the young Adonis he likes to remember himself as, I do not interpret the furrows in his brow as representative of the loss of his youth. Rather, I see them as etchings of the quiet wisdom that ingrains itself within us as the years pass. He has loved many women in his 54 years, and despite all the break-ups, a divorce, and other heartaches and failures, he doesn't reflect back upon his life as something already lived, but as a continuum to further explore. Perhaps his desire no longer burns and rages with the flash and intensity of a firestorm, but it still blazes along nonetheless, white, hot and all-consuming.

Jibber
03-01-08, 12:37 PM
Hi Jibber! Here's my take on the situation. . .

And so, for your rekindled desire. I do not see it as any sort of function of ADD or bipolar. I think it's completely normal for any heterosexual male 34 year old male to be wildly attracted to certain women. I think the loss of desire before was abnormal. I only have the basis of my own experience from which to interpret yours, so feel free to reject anything I offer here as absurd. All interpersonal relationship dynamics aside, I see the waning of your sex drive as a manifestation of your cycling moods. Now that you're on Lamictal and Focalin and your moods are evened out, you're free to experience the real you, to learn what life as an emotionally stable person is like. Sexual desire is an essential component of the human experience (how else would the species survive?). Feel free to enjoy and explore it to whatever extent you're comfortable with.


This is more along the lines of what I was wondering - so thank you. I did a lot of things at once in the last two months. Started on Lamictal, decided to break up with my live-in GF, kicked her out first (giving her one more chance not to be a s**t), started taking focalin, finally broke up with, and my labido kicked up at some point, but I'm not really sure when.

When I was manic, I had a huge desire to run around with other women, but I never did. As a matter of fact, new, attractive women in my life in which there was any sort of spark could send me into a mini-manic/euphoric stage.

So, this is more I will have to ponder . . . Not only the labido, but the relationships. There were two posts earlier as well, one that said maybe its because of the breakup and the other that said maybe I was just having sex with the wrong person. Both of those could be correct as well, but this feels different - which would lead me to believe that it could be a combination of all of these which just boils down to a huge (hopefully positive) life change.

Me and the therapist are supposed to start delving into relationships. I'll bring this up to her and get her take on it. Its pretty confusing to me because I did so many things in a very short amount of time that it is hard to pinpoint.

Ack! Sorry this is so long! Gotta leave so my ex-GF can get her crap out of my house :)

Jibber
04-07-08, 08:18 PM
OK, so I'm back with an update on this....

My labido has subsided - severely. I started 'seeing' a girl I already knew and we are in a 'casual' relationship. My last two relationships (one of 2 years and one of 6 years) I stopped using condoms after we both got tested and everything seemed OK (about a 1 month period). So, its been so long since I've used condoms I now have a severe issue (definately psychological) with them. Put it on and the little man say, "Nope, not happening."

Its now taken me for very long tries with much foreplay to 'finish' with her other than oral sex. I actually went to the doc (GP) to get ED meds. Got a sample first to see if it would help me over come the 'psychological' part of it. Have only had one chance since to try this and it worked.

I've also switched from Focalin to Vyvanse - don't know if this has anything to do with it, but I suspect not as I was still taking Focalin when this all started.

Now I'm just upset about it. Confidence is shot - all the guys out there can relate, I'm quite sure. We sat down and set boundries for this casual relationshipt and at this point both of us are content with it.

Its all become very, very disheartening. Wish I knew if it were the meds or just me as ED meds are freakin' EXPENSIVE!

Just a rant - feel free to chime in.

P.S. I've research a ton of 'condom related ED' and it is not an uncommon problem. My GP actually said it wasn't and that generally healthy men of my age just need a few experiences with the ED meds to gain back confidence. BLAH!

yours truly,
WHERE THE HELL DID MY LABIDO GO!?

Myke
09-02-10, 10:02 AM
yea Med for ED are highly expensive sometimes it can cause pocket holes