I seem to numb out a lot of emotions related to PTSD.

Like looking back at things that happened to me that people were able to get away with because they said I was 'crazy' for example when I was a child, I won't get specific to the type of abuse I experienced in relation to this subject because I do get extremely angry when I think about it and I don't have much self control and may get too explicit but I think people get the hint.

I notice that I don't really care that any of that happened, I care more about the fact that I was called 'crazy' because I was diagnosed as bipolar disorder and that makes no sense to me. That is not natural, as far as response is concerned. I do know that I have hated society over this type of thing for the longest time and well to be honest, I still do.

It feels like it is okay for some pervert to walk free on the street yet when I was manic and broke the law as a minor it wasn't okay, it feels like I was never heard at all. My own mother insisted on telling the police involved in this situation that I was manic and lying, despite the fact that I gave them the same description to a "T". Okay time to drop this part of it too, I think people get the hint.

I just find that I numb out a lot of things that are part of the grieving process and I don't have any idea as to how to deal with numbing out.

So, I decided to be brave and post to see if anyone else has experience with dealing with numbing out and how to manage that? I think getting over a lot of this PTSD related mental crap that I have will work wonders on my character and although I am still doing some empathy training my PTSD part is being left behind so to speak because I keep hearing DBT and those groups trigger me to not want to get better so to speak. I am no longer labelled as a Narcissistic Personality that was ruled out (Mania) and since I felt guilt by accident I don't think ASPD applies either those that helps my self esteem a lot.

My character is messed up because of my past and growing up with bipolar disorder and ADHD and not taking meds or responsibility for anything period and I want to change that, it is healthy, right?

Oh well, just anyone who knows about numbing out and what may have helped would be greatly appreciated, thanks

I can relate to this post. I wish I could offer you some advice how to deal with numbing out, but my best coping tradegy is forgetting it ever happened; which works quite well until triggered. What parts of the grief process are you numbing out?...if you don't mind my asking.

Yes, it's healthy to want to change and become accountable for yourself.

It feels like it is okay for some pervert to walk free on the street yet when I was manic and broke the law as a minor it wasn't okay, it feels like I was never heard at all. My own mother insisted on telling the police involved in this situation that I was manic and lying, despite the fact that I gave them the same description to a "T". Okay time to drop this part of it too, I think people get the hint.

I just find that I numb out a lot of things that are part of the grieving process and I don't have any idea as to how to deal with numbing out.

My character is messed up because of my past and growing up with bipolar disorder and ADHD and not taking meds or responsibility for anything period and I want to change that, it is healthy, right?

Oh well, just anyone who knows about numbing out and what may have helped would be greatly appreciated, thanks

On my long road to getting psychiatric help and, recently, my bipolar diagnosis, I was told once that I had PTSD. I probably do, as I had horrible experiences of abuse throughout my childhood. I still can't do more than vaguely allude to them. I've been seeing the same therapist on and off for 8 years and I can't do more than that with her, either.

I definitely numb out. When something reminds me of them, I often feel as if I am outside of my body and am watching everything from afar. Sometimes the proportions of everything around me change, and I suddenly feel a detached outsider from my environment. Almost as if I'm an alien living in a bubble. Or perhaps I'm visiting a planet I've never seen before. The whole time, I feel no emotion, just detachment. Sometimes I start doing math, or counting. I can endure almost anything by focusing my brain on that. However, my brain, at times, switches to that even when I don't want it to.

I know all the stuff you read about trauma says you have to talk about the experience, work through it, etc. to fully heal from it. Well, I just can't do that. Sure, it flares up at times and I have a horrible panic attack due to a flashback or something, but I prefer that than to reliving the hell of it. I have had times where I'm so freakin' angry, I feel like I could kill someone and I feel scared because I am overwhelmed by rage and the violent urges that stem from that place. Other times, I feel as if I can't endure it for another moment and I don't want to fight anymore, I just want to die. I'm not recommending that anyone do this, but I have a stash of painkillers for times like this and I take them, not to try to kill myself, but to escape from the hell of it for a bit. If I can just make it through one more moment I tell myself. One foot in front of the other, I say. And somehow it passes for a while.

Specifically the emotions I have numbed out for as long as I can remember is sadness, shame, and remorse (think I am getting the last one, though, I am new to guilt too and i have learned it helps one feel better to express remorse). I havent really felt any of these emotions since I was young. I don't even have depressive episodes in connection to my flavor of bipolar disorder, instead I get the angry mixed states.

Matt..I know I haven't experienced what you have. I have experienced some tragic stuff though, and I believe I have some form of pstd over those too..
I can't listen to certain songs, or smell certain smells without losing it..I can't talk about lots of things without crying...

gee...did I say that out loud?

Matt..I know I haven't experienced what you have. I have experienced some tragic stuff though, and I believe I have some form of pstd over those too..
I can't listen to certain songs, or smell certain smells without losing it..I can't talk about lots of things without crying...

gee...did I say that out loud?

I get this extreme anger when I bring things up and it sort of changes me and how I interact toward things and view the world. It is specific to certain things, thoughts and people too. The smell of specific colognes drive me crazy too, I start to get violent about it. There is also a connection between this and having half ***ed treated bipolar disorder too, I often deny having it and do not tell people because I feel like history is going to repeat itself and someone will prey on me when I am not in the stable mood. Part of it was that I was able to grow up and escape responsibility for my behavior because I could say it was bipolar disorder, so maybe I have shame about that, I don't feel like I do but I don't think it is right that discipline was necessary in a lot of cases when medication was applied when I was growing up. I think it fed into my mentality.

so the whole smell thing isn't just me?

No, it is a trigger with a lot of people.

Matt,

I understand your anger and frustration. I'm not young like you and yet I can still feel anger towards the neighbours and the teachers who ignored the screams, and the bruises and didn't help us.

If I might just comment on something else you said about numbing out. The 'numbing out' is, I believe, the bodies way of protecting us, it doesn't let us deal with the full force of a thing all at once. As strange as it may seem, if something begins to raise it's ugly head in our thoughts and dreams, it's our body telling us that we are ready to process a bit more of that 'event'. This seems to be something we have to go through and it leads to recovery. Not forgiveness for them, but a good slice of recovery for us. Sorry if that doesn’t make sense.

Matt,

I understand your anger and frustration. I'm not young like you and yet I can still feel anger towards the neighbours and the teachers who ignored the screams, and the bruises and didn't help us.

If I might just comment on something else you said about numbing out. The 'numbing out' is, I believe, the bodies way of protecting us, it doesn't let us deal with the full force of a thing all at once. As strange as it may seem, if something begins to raise it's ugly head in our thoughts and dreams, it's our body telling us that we are ready to process a bit more of that 'event'. This seems to be something we have to go through and it leads to recovery. Not forgiveness for them, but a good slice of recovery for us. Sorry if that doesn’t make sense.

It made perfect sense to me.

"Oh well, just anyone who knows about numbing out and what may have helped would be greatly appreciated, thanks."

I'm not saying this is easy but being able to accept the process and relaxing into it rather than fight it might help. And keeping in mind that memories can't hurt you, you only hurt yourself by struggling with them.

If I speak out of turn just let me know.

"Oh well, just anyone who knows about numbing out and what may have helped would be greatly appreciated, thanks."

I'm not saying this is easy but being able to accept the process and relaxing into it rather than fight it might help. And keeping in mind that memories can't hurt you, you only hurt yourself by struggling with them.

If I speak out of turn just let me know.

You are giving great advice :)

Thank you, bluerose.

The smell thing happens to me as well. Another strange thing, I am overwhelmed by the odor of certain things (often the distinct and memorable smell of a particular person), when they are not there and there is nothing in my environment that could possibly have that same odor. The scent cloaks my skin and pervades the pores of my flesh. Sometimes I can even taste it. I carry it around with me the entire day. No matter how many times I shower, I can not erase it until it is ready to depart of its own accord.

You're very kind. Thanks.

'Numbing out' is a form of dissociation. People use that to cope with stress under extreme circumstances.

Lots of disorders have this as a feature.

The crux, really, is how often and how long it is happening for. e.g. every day, for days at a time, under severe stress, etc.

re: 6 (smells triggering emotions)

Do you know that the brain's limbic system (emotion, incl. rage, fear, etc) has direct links to the smell system (olfactory glands)?

The nose's sensory nerves actually send signals along nerve fibres up thru the frontal skull bones ('cribriform plate'), like spaghetti going thru the holes of a sieve.

Smell is one of the most primitive senses, actually.

I've heard of other people having this too. Smelling alcohol,for example, on guys grosses me out this way. With no words to describe the emotion, one can still have that 'skin crawling' experience of disgust.

I also have had good non-verbal memory flashbacks to happy times based on smells. (e.g. I was washing my hands with PEARS soap one time, and it took me back to my little friend's grandmother's house. She always had PEARS handsoap in her bathrooms. The smell made me feel good and I remembered good feelings and times, I guess.)

It can take time to 'make the link' about the trigger, I find.

Matt -

(I gotta pick up my kids in a sec, but just read your first post and:) Geezzz - I GET ****ED just thinking about what happened to you too!!! That is some nasty-*** crazy-making B.S. you had to deal with . . . plus you were still A KID!!!

I think you're doing GREAT. AND - I NEVER could believe those P.D.s dx for you! I've encountered those types, and there's a huge difference between you two in CRITICAL ways.

Damn. You just take it easy on yourself and try (and/or LEARN TO) be very kind, loving, nurturing and GENTLE to yourself.

Gotta go,
Sue

'Numbing out' is a form of dissociation. People use that to cope with stress under extreme circumstances.

Lots of disorders have this as a feature.

The crux, really, is how often and how long it is happening for. e.g. every day, for days at a time, under severe stress, etc.

It happens daily when I am supposed to feel certain things (that I feel sometimes, so the capacity is there) and it is distressing because I want to feel the things I am supposed to feel and sometimes do. I feel like it effects my perception of the situation.

ive been through passive aggressive verbal abuse for most of my childhood it's not quite the same but...

best advice i can give is to not set standards for yourself on how you react to things. the dissociation is healthy it makes you not go crazy. it's like a barrel was filled with a waterfall of emotions all the sudden. you can only express and deal with so much at once. once some of it evaporates and you slowly very slowly come to terms with pieces of it, you have room to express more emotions. there is and never should be a time limit on how long it takes. you're healing as fast as your body will allow. forcing yourself into standards doesn't do anything because it's doing everything it can.

even if it affects your perception i wouldn't get down on yourself about it it's just how you are at this point in time. it sucks but all you can do is your best and asking 110% of yourself doesn't do anything you're already at 100%. you aren't handicapped or anything along those lines you've just dealt with more than most people ever will.

you'll always have scars and you'll always be healing

im a bit more domineering and aggressive because of what i went through and if someone says something in the wrong tone of voice i end up curled up in a ball crying for 3 hours (and im not a person who cries, i usually do pushups or punch things)
ive definitely gained the ability to stand back and look at things with an objective view because that's the only way i survived. for the longest time i felt like i couldn't truly be happy or sad, i still do sometimes, i was completely emotionally numb i was just perpetually angry.

therapy never made sense to me because i had no idea how to explain a feeling. it's difficult enough to explain something so abstract and complex without having blockages and personal problems with it. what helped me the most was understanding why it happened from the other persons point of view and accepting it. it may or may not be possible for you. then again everyday heals and maybe given some time... all i know is that it helped me.

i have to agree that it's ok to try to forget it because although forgetting is bad you don't actually forget. your subconscious still works on coping with it.

time doesn't heal, time helps you cope

anyways i hope that helped some. you've been through a ton more than i have and i'm sure you've thought of half the stuff i said some of it might not apply to you but that's how i have and always will work through it.

awesome quote from firefly "it's simply ones state of being"

re 19

I would disagree that verbal abuse is not the same as other abuse. I can't and won't hierarchize one above the other.

Abusive words or memories can ring thru our heads again and again as 'negative tapes'.

Do you know:
Research studies (brain MRI) have shown that the brain reacts the same to being *verbally assaulted/emotionally abused* as it does to us being *physically struck*. The same painful emotional areas of the brain are activated...

It's very serious. Don't kid yourself.

Oh, God! I hate to keep going on about this but it might be the reason I'm the way I am so here goes. My dad hit first and asked questions later if at all. My mum got hit too but then she took it out on us with verbal abuse, which I now refer to as tongue lashings. The pain and the bruises went away but the damage from the verbal abuse has been around so long now that it is a part of me, a very painful part.

re 19

I would disagree that verbal abuse is not the same as other abuse. I can't and won't hierarchize one above the other.

Abusive words or memories can ring thru our heads again and again as 'negative tapes'.

Do you know:
Research studies (brain MRI) have shown that the brain reacts the same to being *verbally assaulted/emotionally abused* as it does to us being *physically struck*. The same painful emotional areas of the brain are activated...

It's very serious. Don't kid yourself.

I personally prefer physical abuse to emotional abuse. Not that I like being abused, but I handled the physical abuse easier than the emotional abuse.

Definitely. I have a far higher tolerance for physical pain than for emotional. I can block out the physical to a great extent, the emotional is much harder.

i knew that on some level but i always figured that physical abuse would have more obvious scars persay

i also know i dont have really horrible ptsd which is also why i was a bit this may not but it may help thingymagig

physical pain? yea i can totally deal with that i played hockey and rugby and sailed (much harder on you that you owuld imagine i thought i almost cracked a rib once turtling from a screaming plane downwind...the boat decided to skip the capsizing part)

The way people process things is different, I know that numbing out effects me because I feel the emotions I numb out sometimes and the times I have to fake feeling these emotions are draining and disturbing. It feels as if I am missing a part of myself because I feel them sometimes and other times when I want to or know that I really should, I don't.

I think I developed the numbing out during my childhood over a period of time. After my dad died, he committed suicide when I was nineteen, I awoke suddenly at twenty-four. It all hit me at once and I had a bit of a breakdown which turned out to be a break-through. That was my fist hospital stay, and over a period of time all the garbage came pouring out. It got worse before it got better, and I’m here to tell the tale. For about fifteen years I was treated for severe depression which they put down to my abusive childhood and my dad’s suicide. I was finally diagnosed with a schizoid personality disorder in 1990.

I think I developed the numbing out during my childhood over a period of time. After my dad died, he committed suicide when I was nineteen, I awoke suddenly at twenty-four. It all hit me at once and I had a bit of a breakdown which turned out to be a break-through. That was my fist hospital stay, and over a period of time all the garbage came pouring out. It got worse before it got better, and I’m here to tell the tale. For about fifteen years I was treated for severe depression which they put down to my abusive childhood and my dad’s suicide. I was finally diagnosed with a schizoid personality disorder in 1990.

Your Personality Disorder is irrelevant, you have definitely experienced trauma and your feedback is always productive, supportive and appreciated, thank you.

You’re so kind.
Even at my age a little validation goes a long way.
Thank you. :)

its true

you rock

I love the positive energy that comes from understanding here, it helps me feel validated and understood, Kudos to ADDForums:)

All of you are are validated and understood. You are all very strong and very brave to endure, share, support, and yes, grieve. It is not fair what happened to you.... and it not your fault....please know that. I mean really know that!
I wish I could be there for you to cry on or be your punching bag when you feel anger...All I can do is give you the respect of reading your posts, validate your feelings, and let you know that I am here and I am listening.

I can't say I've had the same type of trauma, but I have had trauma of my own, that I keep buried deep, but i do know the smell triggers, as well as word and sight. for example: I hate Mother's Day and walking into my house the day after. I don't like looking through doorways or spots on the carpet...(ah, tears).... I triggered myself......

Well, I usually post with some humor....but not here, not today, not now. I sincerely meant every word I said. You are all strong and courageous to me.

Amykins

I wish I could be there for you to cry on or be your punching bag when you feel anger...All I can do is give you the respect of reading your posts, validate your feelings, and let you know that I am here and I am listening.

Well, I usually post with some humor....but not here, not today, not now. I sincerely meant every word I said. You are all strong and courageous to me.

Amykins
You are a really sweet person Amy, but I must say that it is a poor suggestion to be the shoulder to cry on or punching bag, I was recently abused by a covetous psychopath who was BPD and a severe trauma survivor (among other things) and sometimes, not in all cases, but sometimes validating someone and being supportive can be abused by someone who may or may not intentionally traumatize other people as a result of that being what they have always known.

I listen and I am gladly here for support to help people during rough times but I have learned to stop myself from being trapped into another person's psychic traps. I have learned to establish a very strong boundary at one point in the process and say, hey you should seek professional help or call a crisis line. When you like and care about someone (even people online that touch your heart with similar battles in life etc.) it is hard to draw that line sometimes but the lack of boundary can backfire when you are fed up with it and have to cut off your nose to spite your face.

I definitely appreciate your support Amy, don't get me wrong. I am hypervigilant about things after my experiences and I just think that you are a good person who would be prone to this type of thing so I am trying to look out and support you at the same time.


Just proceed with caution when it comes to supporting and helping people online. Boundaries are ideal. You are so sweet and kind, I would hate to see you get hurt and taken advantage of that's all. I don't mean don't act on your empathetic nature just don't get sucked into a vortex of listening to someone every day about it.

You are a really sweet person Amy, but I must say that it is a poor suggestion to be the shoulder to cry on or punching bag, I was recently abused by a covetous psychopath who was BPD and a severe trauma survivor (among other things) and sometimes, not in all cases, but sometimes validating someone and being supportive can be abused by someone who may or may not intentionally traumatize other people as a result of that being what they have always known.

I listen and I am gladly here for support to help people during rough times but I have learned to stop myself from being trapped into another person's psychic traps. I have learned to establish a very strong boundary at one point in the process and say, hey you should seek professional help or call a crisis line. When you like and care about someone (even people online that touch your heart with similar battles in life etc.) it is hard to draw that line sometimes but the lack of boundary can backfire when you are fed up with it and have to cut off your nose to spite your face.

I definitely appreciate your support Amy, don't get me wrong. I am hypervigilant about things after my experiences and I just think that you are a good person who would be prone to this type of thing so I am trying to look out and support you at the same time.


Just proceed with caution when it comes to supporting and helping people online. Boundaries are ideal. You are so sweet and kind, I would hate to see you get hurt and taken advantage of that's all. I don't mean don't act on your empathetic nature just don't get sucked into a vortex of listening to someone every day about it.


sigh...I'm sorry everyone..I knew I shouldn't try to talk about something I don't know much about. I just wanted you all to know that some people out here care. I'm really sorry.

sigh...I'm sorry everyone..I knew I shouldn't try to talk about something I don't know much about. I just wanted you all to know that some people out here care. I'm really sorry.

No you are fine Amy, trust me you were okay. I appreciate the fact that you care and I am sorry for my part in this, part of it is my bad.

Do not feel guilty or bad or anything.

I think you are nice and I just wanted to help you.

I wasn't trying to be rude, some people who have trauma histories aren't very good people, that is all I meant.

I am sort of posting in a hypervigilant state, another PTSD symptom, comes accross as paranoid and it is because I had a bad experience recently with caring and trying to help someone who was sadistic and malicious and that is what effected how my post came accross.

Thank you very much for your caring and support. Please try and understand that I am still dealing with the after-effects of a bad situation in my online experience and I feel triggered by specific things and I am behaving somewhat irrationally at times because of it. I am sorry for coming accross the way I am.

I'd recommend learning about "how offenders work".

Prof. Jennifer Freyd is a researcher who has examined how offenders manipulate to get away with what they do.

She came up with a theory called DARVO: "Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender".

Step 1: Deny = 'I didn't do it [the crime]'

Step 2: Attack = (Can't deny due to witnesses?; evidence?; etc) Then, 'Attack' Victim [Credibility] ('she was crazy'; 'she was drunk'; 'she was wearing a short skirt')

Can't attack Victim? Then --

Step 3: Reverse-Victim/Offender = e.g. 'Why is someone going after this poor elderly priest all these years later? He does so much GOOD for the community. Look at the 'victim' -- they are just a welfare kid, drug addict, delinquent, crazy person, etc.'

---

Once i understood their "crazymaking/denial/gasslighting' GAME PLAN, Matt, it really helped me understand that I was not the one who was imagining/responsible.

The statistics show that Offenders TARGET those w/o power: children; the disabled (incl the 'crazy'); the mentally impaired; kids of single moms; kids of addicted folks; addicted folks (think street prostitutes who get killed by serial killers; what other vulnerable person will WILLINGLY get into a vehicle?); the politically and economically powerless.

How pathetic that these losers need 'to shoot fish in a barrel', is all I can say.

Here is a link to Jennifer Freyd's work on DARVO "betrayal trauma":

http://dynamic.uoregon.edu/~jjf/defineDARVO.html

re: 25


You are describing some sort of dissociative thing there. (I am no expert.)

I don't mean just the numbing part (also dissociative).

I mean the part where you write that part of yourself is missing. Is that what is called Depersonalization?

The sick part is that I allowed this person to make me look like a monster based on things about my past behavior and actually sent an email apologizing for doing the right thing. I was manic and feeling super guilty about the fact that this person claimed to feel so bad about what I did but I did the right thing in this situation and I have all the proof of their behavior and the only proof they can muster up on me is manic behavior (I could prove that too, medical files are a miracle).

It is amazing how some of these people (I did mention the BPD factor, right?) can even convince you as well as legions of people that you are the 'bad guy'.

Thank you for this link, it is in my favorites. :)

re: 37

Ever hear of Stockholm Syndrome?

:)


It happens, Matt. [And not just to kidnapped people.]

Some Narcissistic Types can manipulate things to make us feel as though we should be incredibly indebted and ingratiated to them ('Reverse Victim & Offender'). That's the "Grooming" part.

--

I don't know that you 'allowed' things. (Often an animal or person will 'freeze' in terror, etc. Parasympathetic nervous system discharge. Hard to defend ourselves in the moment, under those circumstances.) And it sounds like the offender knew there was a 'power imbalance' of some sort.

I know all about 'being made the bad guy' by a psychopath. Almost my whole maternal super-sexist family chooses the offender (who continues to offend!) over me and my Mom (their own blood).

Spent many years grieving this.

Mostly I'm just sad for THEIR loss, now.

My thinking has moreso evolve to: 'How sad that they didn't get to know me and what a good person I am. How sad that they choose a charming manipulative lying pervert, (who assaulted their kids too), over me.'

If they choose to believe lies and hide their heads in the sand about child abuse, then that is their problem of ownership.

They can't face the truth b/c they'd have to look at their own childhoods more truthfully then: And they can't stand to.

It is easier for them to be angry, persecuting and hateful of victims of crime, than to deal in 'reality'.

Most 'mentally ill' people I've known, I'd have to say, are not "crazy": they are more often than not, actually -- 'victims of crime'. (Who aren't carrying it well, yet, due to Society's BS.)

re: 25


You are describing some sort of dissociative thing there. (I am no expert.)

I don't mean just the numbing part (also dissociative).

I mean the part where you write that part of yourself is missing. Is that what is called Depersonalization?

Not to trash the mental health treatment system but I think it is easier for them to say I have an antisocial personality and do nothing rather than look into why I am only half ***ed, I guess if that is appropriate to say because I was very ASPD until I guess I woke up and felt guilt at 25. I didn't believe there was a thing wrong with me but feeling guilty turned that right aorund and put things into perspective rather fast.

Unless you are a good faker on here, the ASPD thing obviously doesn't fit.

Lots of people grow up with antisocial environments and events happening to them, and get a wake-up call emotionally that tells them 'it's not right' to live that way.

Numb, as you describe it, is not the same as ASPDers numb. (a) Theirs is like 'so numb, it's dead'. AND, (b) they don't care. AND, (c) they would laugh at anyone who had, or wanted to have, genuine feelings.

I agree because I know I feel certain things a lot and other times it is missing.

This is for Amykins and for her post (31)

The Friend Who Stands By

When troubles come your soul to try
You Love the friend who just stands by.
Perhaps there's nothing she can do
The thing is strictly up to you.
For there are troubles all your own
And paths the soul must tread alone.
Times when love can't smooth the road
Nor friendship lift the heavy load.
But just to feel you have a friend
Who will stand by until the end.
Whose sympathy through all endures
Whose warm handclasp is always yours.
It helps somehow to pull you through
Although there's nothing she can do.
And so with fervent heart we cry
God Bless the friend who just stands by.

Anonymous

The topic is PTSD and I started the thread so I would appreciate if people would respect that.

Thank you :)

Matt,

I'm sorry. Did I do something wrong?

sigh...I'm sorry everyone..I knew I shouldn't try to talk about something I don't know much about. I just wanted you all to know that some people out here care. I'm really sorry.
__________________Amy, I am exactly the same as you :) you are fab...we just need to toughen up :)
hugs
xxx

The topic is PTSD and I started the thread so I would appreciate if people would respect that.

Thank you :)
they ARE respecting that!!!!

Matt,

I'm sorry. Did I do something wrong?

NO..you didn't either:eek:

To all who have participated on this thread:

Inasmuch as nearly all participants (including the original poster) of this thread have posted comments that are, to a degree, off from the original topic of this thread ("Numbing" and "PTSD" ), only massive editing and moderating would bring this thread strictly back on target. Instead, I encourage those member that wish to offer supportive comments outside of the original topic to start another, complementary thread (which you can reference in this one, if you want). On an ongoing basis, please try to stay on topic :)

Thanks!

Edit: I fully understand how hard it is for many of us to stay focused on a single idea or concept, when so many others are inter-related, and I truly appreciate the supportive nature of our members. It is both encouraging and warming to see. :)

PTSD is a sensitive topic, excuse me for asking for direction to stay on topic.

Any comments I made were to look out for someone and prevent something bad from occurring out of concern, I resolved that issue via Private Message with that person so there is a better sense of understanding and I apologized, all I asked was that the topic be redirected.

I fully support a thank you thread for Amykins, and I intend to start one.

I know what you're going through and the response is only natural. When I start to numb-out- it is usually because the trauma is subconsiously trying to come out and of course you don't want to feel the experience and pain again so you're body does this.
What I usually do is first- accept that it is just your body trying to protect you and also accept the fact that you are not crazy
Second, what happened to you and what happened to me (child abuse) we both had no way of resisting as we can do now as adults-
I then find something to do where I can connect with myself- like go for a walk outside, go to the gym, talk to a friend etc. You can't forget this stuff- you can only deal with it the best you can- and the fact that you're on here tells me you're one step in the right direction towards peace- good luck\

re: #50

I am reading a great book on this called "Trauma & The Body." (All the non-verbal ways that old stress comes back until we deal with it properly.)

http://www.healingresources.info/article_ogden1.htm

http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&search-type=ss&index=books&field-author=Pat%20Ogden&page=1

Hey Matt-

I do the numbing out thing too- a lot. For me, it is a way to cope when it isn't safe for me to allow myself to feel, like at work or in public. The problem is, I have become too good at it: I seem to have lost the ability to feel, at least about the events that caused the PTSD. Even when I tell my story, it's more like I'm telling someone else's story. If I am triggered at work, I usually go numb and do my job like a robot. It all happens automatically. I'm glad I have the coping skill, but I wish I had control of it, meaning that I wish I could talk about my stuff and feel the emotions when it is safe and appropriate. Maybe someday....

re: #52

re: too good at being numb

In my understanding, we all dissociate to a degree. (e.g. highway hypnosis; watching an intense movie; mild daydreaming)

-One problem becomes when we spend too much of our time there, or when we cannot control the going in/out. (The 'automatic' stuff you describe.)

-Another problem is going from numbishness to feeling 'too much'.

Yup, feeling like you are telling someone else's story is "depersonalization". Example: When I was in group therapy, there was one young woman whose husband was divorcing her. She said "I'm not getting divorced, Sally is. It's not happening to me, it's happening to her." =:O

re: exploring your emotions
Remember that you have to be "safe" to be able to talk about this stuff. Which usually means being with others who have been there and understand, for validation.

Man do I know this topic.

For 14 years, I got drunk, stoned, or high to numb out. I started to go to therapy after 5 years. I quit drinking when a therapist called me on it. Then I did AA, more therapy, until I met a therapist that thought I had ADHD, and around that time I quit AA. Then I found a counselor that understood ADHD and PTSD, but could not help me with the PTSD, and now I have done some hypnotherapy to deal it, and I am working with a new therapist that knows ADHD and PTSD and works with me with EMDR.

I highly suggest that anyone who thinks they have PTSD from anything find a therapist to help. And mine is from being hassled, criticized, teased, lied about so that I basically don't trust much of anyone right now. Much less workplace managers and I am out of a job right now, and not all that interested in going back to work.

Hypnotherapy and EMDR do work on PTSD by allowing us to deal with the unresolved emotions from that time. Just do it.

for many of us that have addictive personalities the drug of choice and the drug of the time is our way of doing the numbing out thing. I know I have lost days being numb and not wanting to deal with feelings that was going thru my body and my mind. Actully looking back on things I really feel like i have lost litterly years of my life to this and it has been just a the past few years that i have began to awaken, mabe for the first time in my life. thank you so much for this thread i really feel like I am not alone reading what people are going thru. that means so much to me, i cant even begin to say.

After last week's session with my therapist, where he suggested we try some EMDR on my past issues, I was like on Cloud 9 for days until my wife got angry at me when I made a suggestion. "You just want everything your way!"

Which is partly true. I don't like chaos which reigns in our house. A 3yo little boy, who probably has ADHD, 2 dogs, 1 who has enough puppy mill trauma to write a book about, the other who is mellow. My wife who has troubles of her own, and me who's troubles are all over this set of forums.

The dogs freak out regularly, we are almost always sick with the latest virus from the Day Care, she has her days, I have my days, and Ty wants to play play play, and we have stuff to do, do, do.

But anyway, I was on cloud 9 until she nailed me. I sunk to the 5th ring of hell emotionally. I did some work outside while she worked, and Ty slept. I was better but felt self-loathing reappear. Then she went to her knitting group. Ty wanted Mommy, then he did not want to get take out, then when picking it up, he did not have blankie, then he tried to multitask during dinner, which always gets chaotic.

My loathing came back with a vengance. I feel like screaming out loud, "ALL YOU PEOPLE STINK, GO AWAY!" I just want to go find some place where the people are all friendly with me, and we can play fun and games so the rest of the world can be forgotten.

Life sucks like this. I hope EMDR takes it away, or at least takes the edge off. Because I don't like being Jekyll and Hyde.