View Full Version : Personality Disorder- Not otherwise specified


Matt S.
03-03-08, 05:51 PM
At therapy today, with my therapist I had made the statement of my being 'antisocial' and she said I have the history of the symptoms but that isn't quite the right one. I got all snippy of course like usual and she mentioned the factor of my being ego dystonic as opposed to ego syntonic like most of the Cluster 'B' PD's. Her and my doctor work for the same agency and I recently signed a release for them to talk and she had stated that my Axis II as it stands is being defined as Personality Disorder NOS. We then went over the report (I was referred to as PD-NOS at one point last year and it was changed again to the two NPD and ASPD for 'specification') and the description and my willingness to participate in treatment and being ego dystonic are apparently what make me not criteria worthy of ASPD.

I guess the good news is that I am really not a sociopath (partially maybe) but the bad news is that I was lead to believe that I no longer had a PD and I am still f***ed in the head. Another thing to obsess about.

Whatever, I am doing good for my life and I am content with the growth I have made so far regardless of how much I want to complete the process tomorrow. I guess I am not "The N" after all. I knew that anyhow. Who cares? It is just a label anyhow, I am Matt that is my label, I am not a bad person.:)

Matt S.
03-03-08, 06:00 PM
I liked the quote from the new doctor I might add, "He's not a splitter, he's too indifferent." I had to laugh and post about that one.

Bluerose
03-03-08, 07:39 PM
Matt,

Labels can be helpful or not. Some people are just happy to get a diagnoses that they will accept any label. I agree with you, it’s just a label. I like the use of your name. I picked that up on my struggle too, saying my full name and affirming that I am in control of my own life helped a lot.

QueensU_girl
03-03-08, 08:33 PM
See? I was right about the EGO DYSTONIC thing. LOL

Most ASPD or Sociopathic types _don't care_.

They know "right from wrong", but just choose not to play by society's rules of "right and wrong".

They flip the bird at the world.

Matt S.
03-03-08, 08:36 PM
I used to do that so maybe it was really just a phase, I had a doctor who adamantly believes that people with hyperactive ADHD are developmentally behind by 6-10 years, she might be right, in my case. She was one that works at the same hospital that my mom works at and I liked her because she didn't listen to anything my mother said, but yeah back to the doctor she told me she doesn't even think I have a personality disorder and I thought that is what my doctor said and I was wrong apparently.

You were right... at one point I really didn't care though, so something changed along the way.

~boots~
03-03-08, 08:38 PM
At therapy today, with my therapist I had made the statement of my being 'antisocial' and she said I have the history of the symptoms but that isn't quite the right one. I got all snippy of course like usual and she mentioned the factor of my being ego dystonic as opposed to ego syntonic like most of the Cluster 'B' PD's. Her and my doctor work for the same agency and I recently signed a release for them to talk and she had stated that my Axis II as it stands is being defined as Personality Disorder NOS. We then went over the report (I was referred to as PD-NOS at one point last year and it was changed again to the two NPD and ASPD for 'specification') and the description and my willingness to participate in treatment and being ego dystonic are apparently what make me not criteria worthy of ASPD.

I guess the good news is that I am really not a sociopath (partially maybe) but the bad news is that I was lead to believe that I no longer had a PD and I am still f***ed in the head. Another thing to obsess about.

Whatever, I am doing good for my life and I am content with the growth I have made so far regardless of how much I want to complete the process tomorrow. I guess I am not "The N" after all. I knew that anyhow. Who cares? It is just a label anyhow, I am Matt that is my label, I am not a bad person.:)even with a "label" you're not a bad person:D

Matt S.
03-03-08, 08:43 PM
Well with labels like Narcissist or Sociopath or Borderline, Sociopath being one that they gave me with the other two as add-on's at short term points in my life it can make one feel like that. I don't see any PD in me I have my own theory as to why my personality took awhile to develop PTSD from abuse and emotional neglect and growing up with ADHD/Bipolar and not treating it properly and having a parent who alternated between overmedication to telling an 8 year old kid to take them and thinking that he will when she is not looking (DUH!). It is relief because I have spent the past three years thinking "If I am really a sociopath, why do I feel guilt all of a sudden?"

QueensU_girl
03-03-08, 09:13 PM
Matt, have you read Hervey Cleckley's seminal book -- "The Mask of Sanity" (1941)?

He was basically the father of psychopathic and sociopathic theory. (e.g. the 16 Traits)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mask_of_Sanity

IIRC the concept of the Sociopath vs. the Psychopath is that the Sociopath is 'made by society...'

Given that, can the so-called Sociopath be unmade by Society, too?

Matt S.
03-03-08, 09:23 PM
I haven't read that one, I have read 'Without Conscience' and 'The Sociopath Next Door' though. I will have to look for that one.

I wonder if the sociopath can be unmade by society, I guess it is possible in some cases, I have had ASPD as a label since I was 18 and as a kid I did everything except the creulty to animals, I actually used to bully kids in my neighborhood and terrorize them for being mean to the cats. My brother was the same way, except I was the one who set fires and he was creul to animals, I used to bully him because of it too.

I behaved the worst when I was manic as a kid, I would go into these rage states for like 2 weeks and destroy the house and terrorize the neighbors (one of them was a pedophile and he deserved it IMO, I can't muster an ounce of guilt for terrorizing that guy considering I was his victim but that's understandable, I don't want to get into war stories of my childhood manic and antisocial behavior but lets just say that guy looks in the mirror every day and remembers what he did to the wrong child). I think a lot of my manic behavior was guaged into that diagnosis. I had legal trouble when I had a 6 month period of believing I was above the law and invincible when I was 16, and the whole time I was manic and taking drugs that are kindling (i.e. Cocaine, PCP, MDMA).

As an adult however the appeal of being an 'outlaw' just isn't there, so I think it was a phase. I am responsible and was held responsible for it but all of that part of my history including the record of it is over, so I have moved on from that part of my life.

sloppitty-sue
03-03-08, 11:00 PM
I don't see any PD in me I have my own theory as to why my personality took awhile to develop PTSD from abuse and emotional neglect and growing up with ADHD/Bipolar and not treating it properly and having a parent who alternated between overmedication to telling an 8 year old kid to take them and thinking that he will when she is not looking (DUH!).


Matt - I don't see any P.D. in you either. Never have!

Now I hope this doesn't come off as offensive to YOU, Matt, because you are the last person I'd want to offend regarding all of this stuff you shared. However - I think your therapist SUCKS!! She sounds like a lunatic. Who talks to their patient like that? Do people really tell their p.d. patients all about how they have p.d.'s and the related symptomology, etc. . . . . which, to me, would come across as just a pretentiously fancy way of saying you're a douchebag!

What the hell??

You've probably heard that trauma/abuse survivors will unconsciously find people with whom to repeat their trauma?

Does your therapist remind you of anybody?

Please know that I mean all of this in the sincerest most caring way!! I know I'm not educated or licensed in the mental health field, and I could be totally full of it. But - just sharing my gut reaction with you. As a FRIEND.

Luv,
Sue

Matt S.
03-03-08, 11:16 PM
Matt - I don't see any P.D. in you either. Never have!

Now I hope this doesn't come off as offensive to YOU, Matt, because you are the last person I'd want to offend regarding all of this stuff you shared. However - I think your therapist SUCKS!! She sounds like a lunatic. Who talks to their patient like that? Do people really tell their p.d. patients all about how they have p.d.'s and the related symptomology, etc. . . . . which, to me, would come across as just a pretentiously fancy way of saying you're a douchebag!

What the hell??

You've probably heard that trauma/abuse survivors will unconsciously find people with whom to repeat their trauma?

Does your therapist remind you of anybody?

Please know that I mean all of this in the sincerest most caring way!! I know I'm not educated or licensed in the mental health field, and I could be totally full of it. But - just sharing my gut reaction with you. As a FRIEND.

Luv,
Sue

Thank you Sue, I appreciate your feedback a lot. The thing with therapy is that there was this agreement I had to make due to the ASPD diagnosis that I would not go in there and make up a bunch of lies and be honest if there was a period where I didn't want to do anything, she takes my Axis I diagnoses into consideration. Anyone with that issue or even a lot of people without that issue will tend to lie for whatever reason and it was brought up because I mentioned being "antisocial". She mentioned my file not reflecting that and I was curious and wanted to see what she had down there and it went from there.

It does in a sense re-create my trauma history for me to obsess about my diagnosis because my mother obsessed about my diagnosis, I was always observed as if I was having issues that were related to bipolar disorder, even if I was just being a brat. Going off of my medication and denying a mental illness is part of that too.

sloppitty-sue
03-04-08, 08:05 AM
Well . . . I guess my point is/was - QUESTIONING AUTHORITY isn't always a sign of a mental illness and/or a character weakness. I guess, too, that I'm HYPER-sensitive to people being psychologically/emotionally abused by those in authority.

I'll try to contain myself. My own issues might be overwhelming my objectivity here. ??

Sue