hi want to share something
first im from israel , so i apologize for spelling and grammer
second its a long night shift ....

its been crazy 3 monthes after being diagnosed . i realized latly how i been fighting rejection all my life . trying to avoid it or fighting it . looking as a result for whats wrong with me hoping to fix myself . when i got to see myself as adhd i was happy because now i had an excuse and also an explenation . but at the same time i found myself in despair . you cannt stop being adhd . and you know what as hard as i tried to eradicate the adhd ...the more i sufferd . now dont get me wrong i dont talk about not using meds or therapy . its about this need to try and become like every one else this need to normelize myself . which is impossible because no one is normal . everyone has dents . deeper then that i wanted to fix what i saw as the dark side of adhd ...the impolssive behaviour , the need for inovation . i wanted peace , wanted to rest from the long ups and downs . latly i got so down i started to think about killing myself . i never been in such a place .
this for me was a turning point. i knew myself all my life . and no matter how hard it got , i never gave up . never . but **** couldnt shake the adhd.
i had to see it . see how i reject myself . reject those parts others didnt like .
i realized the only thing that got me moving and loving life was adhd . what kept me "special" wild and fun was adhd . its my creative blaze . my fire that allowed me to adjust . no point in fixing . its about using . i need meds some times . but now im off most of the day . i smile have fun and love my booming energy tornedos . i fineally learned to love what others have problems with . my friends love my persona . those that cant handle it because its to much are no longer around me . and in some sense this includes close family . i realized without my adhd i would never reach my place in life and no matter how hard it was its due to adhd that i made it . true adhd can cause suffering in some aspects but realy thats who im and you know what for the first time im happy and smiling . i walk burning in fire , fast action, creativity , sensitivity , empathy , novelity , fidgeting , resstlesnes, short temper , inattention . its me . i love it

Self-awareness, self-acceptance and focusing on the positive is great. Welcome back. If you want to read more about that positive path, get yourself a copy of "Delivered from Distraction" by Hallowell & Ratey. Also, "Learned Optimism: How to change your mind and your life" by Martin Seligman.

I find it helps me to have a mantra to get me into the "fast track." Because "Serenity" by Ronald Neibhur attacks the widest range of negative thinking, I like to use it when I get "stuck on the blocks." This is my paraphrase of "Serenity:"Grant me the Serenity to accept what I can't change,*
the Courage to change what I currently can,**
and the Wisdom to discern the difference.

* The past, mistakes, the future, other's actions or thoughts, having ADHD, etc.

** What I am doing right now, where and how I use my present energy (including posititve thinking), my own actions, modifying bADD behaviors today, etc.

Happy trails fellow traveler! :)

WoW! You have really come a long way. Congrats!!! I am so happy for you, to have been on the brink and see the light sort-of-speak. There are so many positives and I am so happy that you have found them :)))))))))))))))))))))

thanks man