On the outside, I appear like the laziest person in the world. I am a music composition major (who LOVES music), but I have not completed composing a piece of music in 3 years! I am about to permanently fail out of Baylor University where I go to school now, and I am rarely in class and never have my homework done. I've been trying for a long time to figure out why I'm never able to get anything done, and I have done a fair share of beating up on myself mentally and have developed a low self esteem because of it. I have been seeing a really good psychologist here, and he just diagnosed me with ADHD about a week or two ago. By the way, most people will tell you I have a horrible memory, but the psychologist said my IQ was higher than 70% of people.

1. How much would ADHD be playing a role in all of the things I described above?

2. Are there any benefits of having ADHD? Are we able to use parts of the brain that the average person can't? Are we more artistic or anything?

3. Can anyone relate to me? Do you have similar issues? Please describe in full.

4. What can I do about my problems (severe lack of productivity)? I'm afraid to take medications due to potential side effects.

Thanks in advance for the replies.

Here's an article that helped me see what I have, good and bad:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm

As for more positives and some coping skills, check out these sites (there are many more):

http://www.add.org/articles/index.html

http://www.additudemag.com/

http://www.help4adhd.org/en/living

http://www.addresources.org/adhd_articles_adults.php

http://www.addcoach4u.com/positivesofadd.html

As for improving your productivity, don't rule out going to a psychiatrist (MD) who can prescribe you good meds with tolerable side effects. Is it better to go through life without eyeglasses simply because you may have to pput them on and take them off?

Happy trails fellow traveler! :)

I should mention that everyday I find myself walking in slow circles around my room and apartment for extended periods of time just staring at different objects with my mind literally in outer space, wandering, thinking about anything and nothing at the same time.

Yeah, that happens when you're in a comatose, daydream or un-hyperfocused state.

Has anybody failed out of college because of it?

See the book "Delivered from Distraction" by Hallowell & Ratey, Chapter 24: Major Danger Alert College and ADD. Also,

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9707

http://www.annalsnyas.org/cgi/content/abstract/931/1/385

http://www.ldonline.org/article/5925

http://www.addvance.com/help/young_adults/work_college.html

Has anybody failed out of college because of it?

Short answer; 'yes'

I too like alot of people on here took IQ tests and scored suprisingly highly, but that did not stop me from nearly failing my A-levels and then going to University and failing a degree there. At that point i was undiagnosed and so unfocused i spiralled into depression and abused the old illegal substances and really got quite out of it for a time. I couldnt help but wonder why my reach fell short, its uncredibly frustrating, still is. But like someone has already said, the best thing is to go accept help, i found that merely knowing the nature of my ADD has helped out and having support, someone that understands what its like that you can talk to from time to time, is immenseley valuable and can relieve a considerable amount of pressure.

Im studying for my second degree now and heading for a 2.1 or a first depending on whether i drop the ball or not..


Good luck to you mate, go talk to someone on your course and explain that your having difficulties and its not just a result of you being slack.

Well I went to music school and found it killed creativity. I changed majors, so no real advise for you, but changing enviroments could really help with the composition. Looking at the world in a different way could get the gears running again.

Has anybody failed out of college because of it?

I can't say I failed out because of it, but I think it played a very big part. I was undiagnosed at 18, I knew I had issues, and I believed that I was just not cut out for college.
Years down the road, even without a diagnosis, I had learned ways to manage some of my difficulties. It didn't hurt to have a bit more maturity and perspective under my belt, either. I think I could have been pretty successful in college at 23 or so. Today, with a diagnosis, medication, and a lot more information on behavior modification, I think I could kick butt... if I had the time.;)

One thing to point out is that ADHD can be a wonderful asset to someone in a creative field. Although it can sometimes be detrimental when you are given a creative "assignment" in music school, for example. From what I've read and experienced, the ADHD mind can really benefit an artist or musician. Those times when my mind starts to race and wander are when I get my best ideas for music creation. I am in a small singing group and I am working on a vocal arrangement of a Radiohead song right now. I love the fact that I can hyperfocus because then there is nothing in my world other than the music. It is a spiritual feeling that I can't even describe. I'm learning to jump on the ADHD "wave" when it hits so that I can use it to my creative advantage.

I completed a degree in Visual Art, and suffered through the effects of ADD all the way. There were a lot of other issues that were the PRIMARY reason why it took me so long to complete the degree. Issues like organization, goal setting, planning, dealing with relationships, sex, alcohol and drugs are common to all young people working on their education, and are not unique in themselves. The difference is that most people are able to come to terms with these issues in a way that allows them to cope and get on with the business at hand. Having ADD is the topper that makes getting a grip on these various issues nearly impossible.
Taking medication should allow you to become more capable of getting all these other issues under control. Medication isn't a magic solution, your problems won't go away completely, and you will have to learn new ways to prioritize your time and make more sensible choices.
For me, the medication made it easier to organize my activity. Instead of trying to reach a goal by going through the steps in a non-logical order, A - F - C - G (and getting distracted at this point and never making it to the end) for example, I was able to clearly identify that in order to reach the goal I would have to proceed A - B - C - D, etc... and I wouldn't become distracted by something outside of that process.
I hope that makes some sense.

OMG Joe. I used to go to Baylor University. In fact, I was a music major, with a scholarship for voice. I flunked out. I just couldn't get to class, did not do homework, etc. Now it's like 10 years later and it took me almost 7 years to get a degree (and it's not in music--I'm an accountant!) I still have the same problems. I drift off at work, and I end up doing a month's worth of work in literally one day or less.) I suggest you look into medication. I think that had I been diagnosed back then and got started with treatment, I'd be in a different place. :( Btw, I got kicked out of Baylor and ended up getting my degree at U of H.

Has anybody failed out of college because of it?


Yes, at baylor I did.

I can totally relate. I'm a photographer (not pro, but decent - had a few paying jobs) and I have such difficulty when trying to stay with it despite my deep desire. I have had to learn everything on my own b/c I can rarely read instructions and stay with them long enough to follow them.

I'm 31 and I know if I went to school now; I'd fail. I can't stay on course.

I failed out of Univ of Idaho way back in the early 90s. I then went back to Univ of Phoenix and completed my degree back in 2006. It was a lot easier than "normal college".

1. Based on the replies to your post (and if you spend more time browsing this and other ADD websites), you will probably realise that ADD is not just playing a role in the things you describe, it is possibly the only reason for them. 2. If there are benefits (and it would seem that there are, intelligence and creativity seem fairly common), these are more than likely outweighed by the problems ADD brings. 3. I am sure the majority of the people who visit this forum can relate to you (you will find this just by browsing the different threads). 4. Don’t be afraid of medications (they seem to be an effective treatment – and perhaps the only effective treatment)

The trick is to make the ADD positive characteristics work optimally for you while limiting the bADD characterisitics. Meds can help most but not everyone. Getting the "right" alchemy of med type/dosage/alternative treatment takes time, and may need to be adjusted over time (for tolerance & changed circumstances).

Happy trails fellow traveler! :cool:

JoeJack, I very much relate, I attempted college three different times and thats Jr. college. My "I'll get it together starting Monday (procrastination) has been going on my whole life. I also cannot stay with a train of thought in a conversation and will start out talking and loose what ever I was talking about. I constantly ask people, "what was I saying" most the time they dont remember as the subject has done a 360 from what it was. I was a recreational drug user 70's and 80's and had no problem taking anything. I now am like you about taking any kind of meds. I read up on anything I have been given, I think the world is over medicated. I have been seeing a hypnotherapists, it started out for weightloss and I now have become so depressed and anxiety ridden that we have been working on that instead.I am also in the Houston area and have made an appointment with a psychiatrist instead of a phychologist because I feel at this point meds are all that will work. The little research I've done on this seems they are more effective than anything. The Psych doc I picked was based on a review that I read that a woman took her adhd child in and hes great with that because he has adhd himself! I hope it works out. I dont have insurance and paying cash I couldnt choose going to a add/adhd center they are too expensive.Last night I was reading the med part of this forum and already have a small list of drugs that I would be afraid to take. So if I'm prescribed any of them I will ask about the side effects. My appointment is not until 3/31/08, but I'm also on stand by if someone cancels. I was very excited to find this forum but now the excitment has worn off and I'm bummed. I;m in a self pity mode and also pity for all not diagnosed Add/adher's. The more I read the more I can see a direct relation to how this has really messed up the major facets of my life. I had a very abusive teacher in 5th grade that pinned the name ostrich on me (she always has her head in the sand) this caused the other kids to tease me. This caused me to withdraw more which than got me in more trouble. I am 48 yrs old now and to this day would snatch every hair from her head if I was to run across her. She would call me up in front of the class and make me "sit on the wall". This is where you lean up against the wall in the sitting position with your hands on your knees. After a few minutes your knees shake and muscles burn, I would start crying and the rest of the class would tease me. My mother was very old school about it when I told her what was going on. She said things like, "well she wouldn't single you out if you didnt disrupt the class". This woman was a sadist b**** and should of been jailed. These incidences started a bad chain of events which led me into seeking popularity with the kids who got into trouble. Than I made even worse choices. I don't want to waste anymore of my life or be a target for abuse. My mother said my IQ was tested in high school and it was high, I dont remember. I took an online IQ test and tested 134, I don't know how accurate these are but I'm no idiot. I always wanted to be a veternarian and I feel if I didn't have ADD/adhd that would have been possible.
Do everything you can for yourself so you don't miss out on your dreams.

Has anybody failed out of college because of it?

While not technically so, I think you could call what I did as failed.

I've been twice to finish my degree without doing so. Both times while un-diagnosed. I tended to get very good results in anything I was interested in, but option and core units suffered as they were generally uninteresting to me. I have completed all my major and core units now, but still need 4 option units to have my degree. But I'm out of time now.

Funny thing, I ran into my old Head of Program a little while ago, and we were having a chat. I told him of my diagnosis, and he had a good laugh. He said it explained an awful lot!

As far as walking around in circles, I pace back and forth across my workshop without knowing what I was trying to do.

I should mention that everyday I find myself walking in slow circles around my room and apartment for extended periods of time just staring at different objects with my mind literally in outer space, wandering, thinking about anything and nothing at the same time.

The walking in circles and pacing thing is definitly something I do. I thought it was burning off anxiety but now on reflection it is, that I start to do something, become distracted, get frustrated and start neg. self talk, stop, try to get a grip and get started again, this time with the affects of the neg. self talk, get distracted again, and then unless I just can't, totally bow off what ever I was doing, reinforcing my neg. self talk.

I was going to start a new thread on this but I believe it falls under this catagory. I don't really know what this is but it effects productivity. I will have some work that I do everyday. Ex: feeding the horses, I'll make mulitiple trips to the different paddocks with a small bucket, instead of just taking the time to look for a big bucket which will save more labor. I will struggle using a kitchen knife to take out a screw, or a shoe heal to hammer a nail instead of stopping and getting the tool to do the job correctly. I think I do this because I'm afraid if I stop I'll get distracted and not finish. When I was employed by others (self employed now), I wouldn't do this too much as I couldn't get away with it, I knew I had time constraints. I'm terrible at self employment because I don't have forced descipline, as much as I resent it.

I should mention that everyday I find myself walking in slow circles around my room and apartment for extended periods of time just staring at different objects with my mind literally in outer space, wandering, thinking about anything and nothing at the same time.

I do that a lot when I'm not on the computer. It's fun letting your mind wander freely.

1. How much would ADHD be playing a role in all of the things I described above?
I'd be willing to say pretty much all of it. I suffered from low self esttem for years because it never seemed I could finish anything I wanted to do. Oh yes and the endless beating up of self because I blamed my inability to do anything on laziness.

2. Are there any benefits of having ADHD? Are we able to use parts of the brain that the average person can't? Are we more artistic or anything?
Believe it or not, I think our seemingly endless energy is a benefit. Not sure about using different parts of the brain, but I know that my endless curiousity has allowed me to dabble in so many different subjects.

3. Can anyone relate to me? Do you have similar issues? Please describe in full.
Yes I can relate to you totally! Getting school work was pure hell because it took me almost twice as long as everyone else to do anything. Plus never mind the fact that I could barely focus on anything long enough to have it stick to my brain.

4. What can I do about my problems (severe lack of productivity)? I'm afraid to take medications due to potential side effects.
I'll be honest and say the short term side effects of medication aren't fun. But the affect they had on my productivity and concentration was a total 180. It will totally blow your mind. I remember initally after I started taking medication I went to the library. I sat down in front of a computer and started to do some rough notes on my essay.

The other part of helping with productivity is learning to manage your ADHD. So that means you find ways of doing things that work with your own rhythm. So if you find that more productive at night, don't try to do stuff early in the morning. Things like that.