I am newly diagnosed with adult ADHD and of course now I'm reflecting back on things I've struggled with over the years. Basic tasks that most people can complete but for me it’s really difficult. In college I was a competitive runner and I was always frustrated with how I could run and train and lift with such focus, but I could not do the simple things like go to bed early that would have made me a better athlete. My roommates went to bed at 10 and still I would stay up hours later. I was envious but I just could not do it. I also had a very bad eating disorder and would waste my time at night bingeing and purging just for something to do. But it could not stop it. I always needed to be doing something, and while I coveted sleep, I could not get myself to relax.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
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I’m still that way to a certain extent, not as bad, but I can’t get to bed early, EVER not matter what I do when I get home from work. I can exercise, not exercise, watch tv, eat dinner, kill TONS of time on the internet but still, no sleep. I can sleep once I sleep but it’s getting in bed that is my issue. And if I don’t exercise I have a harder time relaxing. I also have this feeling CONSTANTLY of its either all or nothing. I will eat like a pig or not at all. I will go to bed at 8pm or 2am. I will clean the entire house, or I will lay in bed. I will be productive, I will be lazy. I will workout for 4 hours, I will go home and stuff my face. Does anyone else feel that way? I’m hoping that I can get on some medication to help me with that but I’m wondering if anyone else ever feels this way?<o:p></o:p>
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Sorry for going off on a tangent – so many ideas swirling in my head – always.<o:p></o:p>
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I'm naturally the same way you are. I call it a problem with moderation -- whether it be working out, eating, working, etc. I'm either working out all the time or not at all; I'm either working all the time or not at all -- there's no middle ground with me. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I've got to really focus and put my all into something to actually do it. With regard to eating, etc., a lot of that probably has to do with instant gratification, but certainly to be productive with work or school, I've got to go into "work-aholic" mode. I think that my medication has certainly helped me be more "well rounded."

thanks 46&2. what medication are you taking? i think that i would rather err on the side of workaholic than the other if the medicine would do that. i write for medical research and i need 8 hours of focus to be productive. i am very good once i get started but it takes me a while to get going, but once i start i cannot be interrupted or its gone. i've even contemplated finding another career because i feel like maybe this is not my personality and if i need to be active at work i should be a yoga instructor or something. i am aware of it but it is still out of my grasp to change. i hope medication will help. thanks for your reply.

I take ritalin (the generic form -- can never remember how to spell it). It really has changed my life for the better.

Brewskijmu,

You mentioned yoga. Have you ever tried bikram yoga. One of it's main areas of focus is on impulse control and becoming aware of the impulsive feelings as they surface in your mind. I find it extremely helpful for my adhd. It is however, a VERY challegning practice. One instructor described it as "Simon says in hell". However, there can be profound mental benefits from a sustained practice. I too was a runner and found that I constantly needed to keep working harder and harder to get the benefit I needed. With bikram you will always be humbled, every day is different. The worst classes are sometimes the best. You will sleep great every time.

Cheers

ADDesigner,

I love love love bikram yoga. I went this past Sunday and it totally kicked my butt. I am pretty good at it but I have bad days where I get really, really overheated and Sunday was one of my bad days. But I love the feeling afterwards and the sleep is great. That is why I know I won't have any of these sleep issues if I go on medication. But I do take wellbutrin and when i tried increasing my dose to 450mg I felt like I couldn't hang in the yoga, I got too hot and dizzy, and I felt like I'd rather be able to keep doing yoga than try to get past the initial side effects of a drug, so I cut my dose down after a week. But I tell my running friends all the time that bikram yoga is the only thing I can do that even comes close to running. I think it's because it forces me to focus and be patient while channeling my energy and pace myself, rather than be a spazz like I feel in other parts of my life. For sure, the yoga helps me especially with breathing deep, and running helps with that too, but it doesn't exactly translating to writing a clinical study report or manuscript and I need to hone in on those skills when I'm at work.

Thanks for your feedback - I'm glad there are others who are as passionate about bikram yoga!! :D

....and that's why I started to take a small dose of adderall. I started it about 3 weeks ago and so far it has been beneficial. I have the same all or nothing mentality as you do and was had a purist mentality for the longest time about the add meds. I thought bikram yoga, running, fishing, golf, pool, meditating, and unfortunatley pot, were going to solve my add problems....except I still needed to hold down my job and have a relationship...damn priorities get in the way every time!!!!
Anyway, glad to hear you found that yoga as helpful as I do.

Ditto; I'm exactly the same. With regards to work, either I go into overdrive or I'm a lazy sod (Im always the latter until like a day before the deadline it seems :( ). Eating, like you, I'll either manage to go without or stuff my face like a starved pig.I also sleep very little. I hate going to bed, I need to do something beforehand and I generally always go to bed feeling unsatisfied. My average bedtime is about 01.30. I hear people saying in shock that they got a supposedly mere 6 hours of sleep. I'm extremely lucky if I get that much because I want to do other things and sleeping seems a waste of time. Yet like you said, it becomes a drag the following day when it hinders performance, mentally and physically. I basically live on caffeine pills :eyeroll:I'm really glad you feel the same! The yoga sounds interesting but I've no patience with it whatsoever XD Same as you - I'd really appreciate the chance to try medication and see if that helps in anyway. But without a diagnosis I dont have access and since I dont dare asking my parent, no diagnosis. In short: Yep I feel almost indentical...sure we're not related? :p

oh i need to rant so i'm going to do it here....well no i actually don't feel like it. here is the bottom line: i have a diagnosis, i've been to my quack doctor 3 times and saw him today, and when i showed him my research on the ADD medicines and told him i didn't want to take strattera but rather adderall, he said he wouldn't have taken me as a new patient if he'd known i was ADD because he wasn't taking new ADD patients, and he has enough patients already taking adderall. ummm WHAT?????? is that a serious answer?? and he offered to give me back my co-pay which i accepted. needless to say i am not going back, but i am very upset because he made me feel like i was pressuring him into giving me an illegal drug or something. i hated it. so i'm back to square one, but my primary may write the script until i find a new shrink. wow i am still peeved....

Hmm. Yes, come to think of it I have major problems with "all or nothing".

If I am 5 minutes late, I often consider it the same as an hour late. If it is a day-long class, I might turn up at 10am instead of 9am. If it is an hour-long class, it might be 30minutes into the lecture, or more often not at all. If I plan to go to bed at 10pm, but I realise it is 10:15, I might instead try and go to bed at 10:30 or 11 instead. If I planned to go to bed at midnight, but it is now 2am, I might think "**** it, a few more hours won't matter now" and go to bed at 4am or something.

When I have 30 minute breaks I think "I can't do anything fully in 30 minutes" so typically do nothing. 20 minute episodes of shows help here.

If there are 3 hours left in the day, I might think "I planned to do X today, but now the day is almost over, so I'll put it off till tomorrow".

If I start a training schedule, but accidentally skip a day, I think the entire thing is ruined and find it very hard to start again. Whenever I drink alcohol, it's either get drunk or don't drink; I see no point to in between. Whenever I get a hangover, I essentially consider the entire day a write-off, no matter the severity, and no matter if it fades by 3pm.

Arg. I got issues.

i am the same, all or nothing personality. I go from obsession to obsession. Its really frustrating.
brew i really can relate to you, I also seem to always have to be doing something. At work everything is fine but when I get home, I get struck by boredom. Its then that I seem to self-destruct.
I have to admit that meds help alot.
I hope things work out and you find a decent doctor!

Guilty as charged.

This is the only way I've ever cured the sleep issues, btw.

Get up at the same time. Period. If you go to bed at 4:00, but your plan is to get up at 5:00 (I get up at 5:00 to run, also ran in college, btw), then you get up at 5:00. And when you do, turn on every light in the house. Flood your space with as much light as you can (or you can buy one of those special lamps that are supposed to reset your clock). After about a week, you'll get sleepy earlier and just won't be able to stay up on the internet, etc. Your circadian rhythms are off and you have to reset them.

Good luck. Sleep is always the first to go for me when I get out of control.

Sandy

Yeah, my therapist calls it "black and white thinking". For example, I'm either a failure or a success. It's why I'm so oversensitive to criticism. If I receive a criticism, it means I didn't do something perfectly, and I am a failure. However, I'm learning that real life actually occurs everywhere in between, and that the two extremes (perfection and it's opposite) are impossible.

My black and white thinking leads to the all-or-none behavior that you speak of. Like - I already stayed up too late (=failed), so what's the difference now? I already ate too much and blew it (=failed), so what's the difference now? I'll get a small criticism about my work, take that to mean I'm a failure and want to quit!! I'll have a bad day, take that to mean therapy is not working (=failure again!), and decide it's a waste of time!

Funny thing is - take the bedtime example - I've even tried to think it through logically: "OK, yeah it's 1:00 am so I blew it getting to bed early, but if I go to bed now, that'll be better than staying up two more hours, right!". But my mind won't accept the logic - it wasn't success, so it must be failure.

<!-- / message --><!-- controls --> Cognitive Behavioral Therapy does help change one's belief system significantly to combat problems like all or nothing thinking. I suggest you look into that via self help or seeing a therapist.

I agree with mspen - CBT is beginning to help me first recognize and then gradually change some of this thinking.

I'm glad to know so many agree and have similar thought patterns about this. I had a really bad experience at the psychatrist yesterday and it really set me back. I posted in another thread - don't want to waste anyone's time retelling the story, but the long and short is that he denied me as a patient saying he wasn't accepting new ADHD patients (yet it was my 3rd visit with him and he wanted to prescribe Strattera) but when I mentioned stimulants he got sooo weird on me and basically shoved me out the door. He is even giving my co-pays back. I've never heard of such a thing. But now I am like screw doctors, screw medicine, screw it all I will just be f-ed up and it doesn't matter anymore. Yeah, I'm kind of a mess right now and not able to focus today at work at ALL. :(

But now I am like screw doctors, screw medicine, screw it all I will just be f-ed up and it doesn't matter anymore. Yeah, I'm kind of a mess right now and not able to focus today at work at ALL. :(

You know I think I've had that very same thought, word for word, quite a few times - this year I've been trying different medications (antidepressants) and none seem to be working. But I'm desperate. I have a nice pdoc and therapist who point out that things are not as bad as they seem. They get my hopes up and I try again.

I've never had a Dr turn me away either - must be because of the stimulants and people who abuse them. If he cared more about liability than trying to help you - GOOD RIDDANCE! Try again! There are pdocs out there who are actually compassionate and want to help. Don't judge them all by this one guy. So sorry about your crushing experience.