For a whole year I never want to leave my house. I only leave when I have to go to the store or psychiatrist. I had gotten a leter in the mail from the food stamp saying they did not get the papers that I needed to fill out which I mailed off the third day I got the letter,(so the reason for that lil insite into my life has signifigance so bear with me) Ash Wednesday,I had no choice to leave the house and go to the state office to fill out papers for food stamps or they would have closed account.

Mom came with me, but I had to go and get them.I am not used to dealing with people and talking to them..So I was nervous I already went blank and did not know what to say, and the woman ,who had a major attitude problem ,asked for social security number cause I did not know the name of my case worker, I stuttered and talked fast and very low...I had to repeat it three times..She looked at my file and said that my case was still open so maybe she got the letter..so she called my case worker and she still did not have it.. I said "Well that is why she asked me to come in today." The Very RUDE woman looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "Well you should have told me that from the git go and saved me time!!" I am not an Idiot...the letter could have come thru..and it only took 20 seconds of her time to call. Her Nails would have not been buffed in that 20 seconds of time any faster.

I am so dependant on my mom to help me do everything, she had to fill the papers out for me cause I knew I was going to mess up, all I did was sign my name..which I am at least greatful I did not screw that up 8-|.Even on the phone talking to lawyers they asked to speak to my mom since I could not understand anything the person was talking about..even when I did talk she could not understand me.

There is so much I do not understand about the outside world that evertime I step into the real world someone has an attitude and treats me like I am an Idiot. I screw up important papers such as applications and even if I get an interview I blank and can't speak clearly. I am soo tired of the way I am treated on the outside that I do not ever want to leave...I am more comfortable on the cyber world than the real one cause I am at least accepted here by people who are like me..I don't like being afraid of the outside world and I should not have to be but I am because of neiveness and lack of social skills I am either scrutinized or I have the wool pulled over my eyes and people with get away with not giving the help that I need (SSI) or not give me a chance to prove myself(BOSSES)

I AM SANDRA BULLOCK IN " THE NET"!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry Melly, I didn't know that about you. However... after everything you have been through, I totally understand.
The 15th..... I will be with you in the outside world. Daquaris... yummmmmmmmm..lol

That day I am definetly looking forward to..we gonna be so crazy I won't care what people think...I just have to remember not to take my meds that day!

Not take your meds??????? That sounds like a bad thing.

I plan on taking lotsssss of pics. :-)

Awesome!!!!!!! Besure to send me copies over the net so I can show everyone!:D One day of no meds is not going to kill me I need a drink every now and then ya know?

Ok... gotcha.
You ARE of age.. right???lol

I am 27 technically but mentally 10 years younger...does that count?

I don't know whats up with some of the people that work in those offices; my boyfriend doesn't have trouble communicating and he usually gets bad attitudes. I think part of it is the nature of the job... and a person with a bad attitude and no patience.

I understand about the papers. I have trouble with even the simplest directions, people usually have to help me out or I misinterpret the instructions. Once my bank even called me up to alert me to forgery on some checks.. I had started signing my own name differently on them and didn't even notice

A job that I had a while back that involved constant interaction with strangers helped my with my voice level a whole lot now that I think about it.. it was a terrible job that gave me migraines constantly but at least helped me out a bit in that area. And school, but I am still come and go with speaking loudly enough to be heard sometimes anyway. It's a confidence thing in part. Be patient :) But I'm home a lot too, I just have more fun at home, I can be me and work on things that I like. It's okay if that's where you like to be

Home is where I like to be cause I feel safe here. I get to watch "Of Mice and Men"

Having both AD/HD ands anxiety issues doesn't help much when it comes to leaving the house. Unless I have an actual appointment set up getting out of the house can be very overwhelming for me.

When I had jobs outside of my house I would go to work and come home. I was usually too drained to go back out once I was home. It was because being around other people all day in negative situations were very draining on my system.

I too have anxiety issues when it comes to dealing with other people. I am however improving. After 10 years of not going to a dentist I finally made an appointment a couple of months ago. I was very up front with the dentist and told him of my issues with Social and anxiet and my fear of needles. I wont go as far as saying the dentist has been fun but it's been a lot easier than I thought.

I have found in most cases things aren't as bad as I make them out to be in my head. I have found that writing things down and using some sort of script to cue me in helps a lot. It is very frustrating when you find yourself in a situation and your mind goes blank. Having things written down can help to cue me in as to what it was I actually wanted to say.

I do have to do that sometimes when I am talking on the phone but that is if I am prepared to say them like you said,Tara..It's when they through the whopper questions that any thought disappears from my head.

Soon, I am going to have a court appeal for SSI(God knows which century), I am nervous even if I write down what I want to say or review what I want to say I will still blank...I am fighting for my right to survive and get my life back in order...PRESSURE is the kindest word I can use to describe what I am going to be feeling.

Not to mention I will not be dealing with some snob behind the desk who has no bearing on life, but I am guessing three people, two lawyers and a judge, I have to convince them that I am not menatlily fit to work...Heh maybe I should print this thread out. Maybe if I can not anwser their questions nor understand them, they will see that I am a not fit.

When I am on the outside I do try to be the nicest and most upbeat person as I am here...but let me run into that one person who looks at me like I am crazy or talks to me like I am dumb..I will retreat back to these 4 walls and the comfort of the forums and remember how much I hate the world. I could not handle it when I worked and I turned into them and got an attitude back and that pretty much made for a hostile enviroment.

There is no better world than the ADD Forum World...from a Forumaholic:D!

I have subscibed to this thread but will have to reply later as I have to go to work

Later

Don't feel bad... The people at DSS treat everyone like dirt. Last time I had to go to get health insurance for my kids, it took me an hour to make what is normally a 15 minute drive because of the snow. The case worker had given everyone with an appointment extra time to arrive and the dude at the window still sent me away very unsympathetically for being late. I wanted to curb stomp him, lol. I know how you feel about not wanting to leave the house. Except I used to not want to leave because of anxiety. This was when I was around 20-22. I am over it now mostly. Baby steps... Just start getting out of the house a little at a time and socializing a little and after a while it gets easier. :)

Well I do go outside to check mail...when I try to meet new people it usually doesn't work out once they find all the things wrong with me...I think I am too much for anyone to deal with. Either afraid of me or just get aggrivated that I ask questions alot about things I should already know...It's once in a blue moon that I am invited to go anywhere and even then I am afraid to leave especially when I am around people I don't know. I know, I am a basket case.

I am really sorry you have had all these negative experiences melanie. Have you tried psychotherapy in addition to your psychiatric treatment?

I had major social problems - well, to an extent I still do, but not nearly as bad - too, and my psychiatrist recommended that I seek psychotherapy in addition to the treatment he was giving. It was great for me. I was given the opportunity, behind closed doors to explore some of the issues and feelings I was having and my psychologist and I did a lot of playacting. It gave me an opportunity to practice social skills in public and calmed my anxiety down. I highly suggest you look into it.

You sound pretyy agoraphobic and I know that cannot be fun. If you have insurance problems, check the local university or college for a Psychology department. Normally, these departments have Psychological Clinics which will work pro bono.

Hope this helps,

MM

I have email this page to my shrink ...HOPEFULLY...he sees it and reads it and see what I can do from there.

Forgive my nieveness of living a sheltered life, but what is agoraphobic?

Mel,
I don't know what agoraphbic is either. I am guessing it is fear of public places or something along those lines. I am sure that you can be very fun to go out and do thing with. You are always fun to chat and socilize on the forum. It is just a matter of you taking baby steps to get out into the public. I think your shrink will be able to help you with this.
Jim

Leaving the house is not such a big thing for me. Now the phone on the other hand terrifies me I hate it. Me and my wife get into arguements because i wont answer it. What makes this so ironic is i sell cell phones for a living. I think it's the unknown that gets me (not joking) If my cell phone rings it dosen't bother me cause I have caller ID. I know why not get caller ID on your home phone I am poor and the phone company charges out the rear for anything extra. we had it before and our bill was like 89 doller so we just keep it simple and it's still almost 50. Well just wanted to get that off my chest.

It is easy to feel accepted here the majority of us are ADHD/ADD we can understand each other...but can the NON ADD people understand us? Most cant and never will..most will never care to try..I am surrounded by people like that everyday.

I have caller ID and still I don't answer the phone unless I know who it is...I am afraid of Mr.Bill Collector!

Agorophobic means that you have a phobia of leaving the house. People who are truly agorophobic have a real problem because even stepping out the door onto their front lawn can bring on a panic attack and make them go crazy. I would rather be afraid to leave my house than afraid of clowns or something. :D

Originally posted by melanie_cartner
Well I do go outside to check mail...when I try to meet new people it usually doesn't work out once they find all the things wrong with me...I think I am too much for anyone to deal with. Either afraid of me or just get aggrivated that I ask questions alot about things I should already know...It's once in a blue moon that I am invited to go anywhere and even then I am afraid to leave especially when I am around people I don't know. I know, I am a basket case.

OoO... see? I go replying before reading all posts! :D I know it can be hard to meet new people, let alone find people who will accept you for who you are! I generally dislike people for that reason. I can't stand to be around strangers because I always think that they are judging me or perhaps think they're better than me. I often feel that I have nothing in common with people. However, even if I don't like the idea that others could judge me negatively, I don't let it change my attitude of myself. The closest friends in my life are the ones who know me best and love me the way that I am.

I wish I had advice for you. The home is kind of like a comfort zone. I can understand completely. You are not a basketcase at all! You just have issues with how you are or will be perceived by others. It's normal to feel that way, especially when people aren't very nice. I think the first step in getting out into the world is to stop saying that you have all these things wrong with you. :) Try focusing on all of the positive qualities you possess and don't focus on your shortcomings. If people make you feel like there's something wrong with you then don't let them. I know it's easier said than done but it can be very empowering to not allow others to dictate how you should perceive yourself. :)

Melly dearheart... Let me save up enough money and we will do Nawlins in style.. :)

I wrote a poem in the poetry section called..What Do I care?
Expressing myself in the reverse way that they percieve me...yes I may be ADHD and Bipolar and PTSD but I am not so quick to judge so I must be a heck of a lot better than you....I can write about it..but trying my best to live it...I can remind myself that I am not like them..but god know I do not want to deal with it.

:D:D:D Amy woohoo....I'm ready lets go...the people in the French Quarter are so busy with there own lives that they don't notice goofy wild Women walking around, actually they are used to it LOL and they have very artistic friendly people there...I just wish I lived in Downtown New Orleans...:(

sounds like a plan Melly.. And I know what you are going thru.. I used to hate going out of my house.. but i would force myslef.. and I still sometimes have to do that

Going to the mail and to the shrink is as far as I am willing to go.

Have you and your parents tried setting up small scenarios yourself that include going out some. Try setting up some cases where you or they know you will have some success. Such as a store where customer service is high priority and the sales pesons are very helpful and kind or a short walk around the block. Your parents could scout out some places and then you can all go together. Then gradually go to more and more places as you feel comfortable (but you do need to push yourself a little bit). You might be surprised at how you feel and where you will be going in a few months if you give this a try. You might also want to call around and see if you can find a group that focuses on agoraphobia (your psychologists or the local mental health center can get you hooked up with these people). It might help you to here how some other people feel the same way and how they are dealing with it constructively.

Hope this helps.

MM

PS- yes. agoraphobia is a fear of open spaces. Here some trivia: Ochlophobia is a fear of crowds.

Could both phobias be link to Social Anxeity Disorder..that could help with SSI Case.

I go sometime with my mom to the store, unforunatley my father passed away some years back. Mom works at night and sleeps all day so we rarely have a chance to really go anywhere...even on her days off...the store is the only place we can afford to go.:(

Melly, do you know any other women in Nawlins that you could go out with?? If not, can you join a church or would that be too scary for you?

Heh the people at my church are the ones who pass judgment all the time and hang over the back fence and I don't really know anyone that doesn't work during the day...I never get invited anyway...and I am one not to impose or invite myself or ask to go without being invited.

Melly, it will happen. I just know it will. Keep looking for opportunites to get out there when you can and see if you can bring this to your therapist and shrink....best of all, just keep talking about it!!

I had already emailed this post to my shrink and hopefully he reads it.

Awesome!!! greta idea hon LOL greta idea?? "I vant to be alone"

Ok Ms Garbo:p.....other than the net...so do I.:(

Melanie, thats gotta be tough, I often would rather not deal with the outside world, but it isn't the same kind of fears. I think a lot of times I don't go out socially cause I think I'm ugly. I know I'm not though, and can get past it. There is no explanation. When I think I am my grossest I get hit on. When I look better than usual
a friend may ask me what is wrong "you look awfull!" Go figure.
I know I am not so vain as I just go out without makeup, and don't feel much need to look in a mirror when I am out.
Mostly I just am so over stimulated in my brain, I don't need anymore.
Anyway I wish that it could get easier for you!!

Oh did I forget to mention that too, I do not think I am much to look at either...and with the extra 1(none of anyones buisness)lbs I think I look aweful myself...it is not vanity...it's apart of the Lovely world of low self image....I grew up with ppl telling my how ugly I was...but when I look back on it...I look at how fugly(not a typo) they were on the inside and I now I just laugh..Beauty only skin deep, ppl who judge ppl on good looks are the vain ones, hun.

I think the picture of you You know, on your avatar, looks like you are the perfect weight!!

HAHAHAHAHA :p that is draco my computer geek dragon silly LOL!

Melly dear..... stop being so hard on yourself.
REAL beauty is on the INSIDE & I say... YOU are BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Can't wait to see you on Monday.

HUGSSSSSSSS

Huggies Vickie....why oh why can it not come sooner....oh woah is me!!!!!

I actually got out of house today and walked around the block, was starting to rain so I not walk far.

I was walking around the corner and suddenly hear footsteps walking behind me....got nervous and walked a little faster. just a person going to house.......to be nervous over something so silly......people scare me & I don't trust anyone.

Mom said..Naturally...you shut yourself off from the world and don't interact with people.

But when I do....I get the same bull of treating me like I am dumb people do not want to know me once they do cause they just can not handle dealing with "MY" problems....How dumb is that????????

I really do not care what people think of me...I just getting tired of dealing with people making me feel like something is wrong with me.....And I think No One should be put through that, I am after all only human.