I had a bad, bad week and just need to vent a little. hope nobody minds, and this is in the right place.


I first had three days of catching up on a huge project. I was excited enough about it to commit to that effort. it was ok but it wore me out. this would have been fine, I had a few days off, but a "friend" was coming to visit for 5 days. the next day.

I usually love guests. I let people make themselves at home, they hang out, and go do their own thing too, andits great. this woman turned out to be a different breed.

I knew her when I was younger and have kept in some contact with her, but haven't seen her in a few years.

she started texting constantly a few days before her visit...telling me dumb jokes her other friend said, and sending emailed lists of things to do here...not only in my city but in city two hours away. I mean an itinerary that would mean constant motion from sunup to midnight five days straight.

I work second shift. I told her that I usully don't wake up until noon at least. and that because of a medical condition I have I do have to rest sometimes, and wouldn't be able to do all that much.

she said fine ad then continued to ask about doing a hundred more things!

finally she came here. the instant she walked in she started talking without pause. in a quiet, mumbling, high pitched voice that I could barely hear. no matter ho many times I asked her to repeat herself...shed never talk any louder! just the same every time! I'd have to lean in like an inch from her and concentrate as hard as I could, sometimes holding my breath, just to make out what she was saying.

and what she was saying...
see I've lived a very full and broadminded life. and I've done a lot of stuff and seen a lot. so bragging and telling m about minor exploits that I would have found fresh fifteen years ago...gah it was the most boring and naïve...I couldn't focus. it was awful. it was like a child bragging about their paycheck. like an old white man using ebonics- not only boring, but NOT FUNNY.


but she acted like she wasn't doing anything odd...I mean, she isn't shy, her body language was I guess clear, if I could read lips itd have been fine

but I can't. so I spent five days- the WHOLE time, trying to strain to hear her. not to mention, focus on what she was saying enough to be able to respond. because she would sk questions that took thought and attention to answer....it made me furious. by the end of the first day, I hated her.

I did tell her that she spoke too quietly and I could not hear her. she said sorry, and kept doing it!!!

she knocked on my bedroom door at 7 AM!!!! and woke me up!

I yelled at her, went off on her, told her I did not even want to see her if she didn't respect my boundaries. (like when I told her I WORK 2nd shift!!!)

she apologized, and then went for a walk. when she got back I asked wy she'd woken me, she said she wanted to "hang out and talk"...who the hell does that at 7am???

anyway it all goes downhill from there, I'm so furious still, exhausted, angry...this whole "trying to be normal and nice to people" thing is a crock so far!

thanks for listening

just to add this- she wouldn't do any of the things she had planned unless I went with her!

I couldn't get a single break from it. I put my foot down and refused the bigger trips, and did indeed end up having my sleep schedule messed up...but managed to spend a hour or two each morning reading in bed quietly alone...so that part wasn't so bad after the first morning.

she required my constant attention all week. I think, I think if I was ever capable of paying attention deeply, or really caring about peoples feelings, that it might have been an easy week. not too ure though.

You had a very inconsiderate house guest, and it reads like you did very well under the cricumstance to salvage the time and her integrity. That was brave of you to offer to have her stay with you in the first place. How do you feel now about the relationship?

I agree with Frazzle....you made sure she knew your boundaries and managed to make it through the week. Kudos to you for not strangling her for her behavior in your home.

I agree with both posters. Congratulations(?? can't think of a more appropriate word) for surviving those horrific days! It sounds like hell to me too. In fact, I wonder if I wouldn't have feigned a serious injury or something and insisted that she leave because I was too ill for guests. (I can see myself feeling desperate enough to do something like that.)

Sue

oh sue, I came SO close! I have a mild arrythmia, and am supposed to rest when I tire. I thought about telling her that I had to go on bed rest!

its good to hear I wasn't being totally rude. I tried.

I don't ever, EVER want to hang out with her in person again. she has already written to say she wants to come out again in june...I will positively be out of town on business or otherwise occupied!

never again. I was never very close to her- I've known her pretty well but never been "best pals" or ever has she been someone I just call to hang out with...just a bit more than an acquaintance and all, a friend... having known her for a very long time, I think she has this idea that she knows me well or something. and it became stridently obvious during her visit that she barely knows me at all.

I have off tomorrow and will be alone all day. oh am I ever looking forward to tomorrow. I've worked every day since she left and have had almost no time alone in two weeks.

I crave solitude so much, I never understand how people can dislike loneliness... its the most wonderful comforting thing.thanks again all for listening and replying, I have a hard time telling when I am just being a jerk, and when its justified

Excellent reesah!

Sounds like your "pal" is the one who is in need of therapy, and that you're not going to give it to her for free next time (if ever)! :cool: