I have gone through 27 years of my life doing things and thinking one way. Now things are different. Who am I? I can't really answer this. Is my current life direction the one I want to continue? Do I really like the things I'm doing now? Anyone else struggle with this after diagnosis?

i did even before....but i'm at a point now that i try things if i want to try them. I have a lot of intrests and i think thats part of the adhd why not go with it. I spend time doing lots of diffrent things so i can figur out what makes me happiest. Everyday i still get up and think that i could be doing, could have done, etc but am starting to think thats its never to late. start today

Yes, i dont know who I am, and what to do either. Im always going from one thing to the next thing. I kinda wish i could be content sticking to one thing..

As an adult undiagnosed for over three decades, I totally can relate to your feelings. I'm still impulsive about wanting to do "the best thing."

Here were my progressive steps:

"AHA, OMG it's ADHD (with secondary anxiety/depression) whatever that means. I thought that ADHD was just kids bouncing off walls in school like I used to do, hmmmmm."
This ADHD is complex, confusing, and unique to each ADDer. There's so much information, tips and treatments (the meds, dosages and alternatives alchemy)! How will it ever come together to help me? P.S., the anxiety/depression are much easier to effectively treat with meds. As for OCD, I don't know yet.
Sobbing regret for all the pain I could have been spared, and all the burdens, losses (financial & personal) and problems that could have been avoided. My life is unmanageable, what a shame because it could have turned out differently. Also, how many others could I have helped, had I known about ADHD and fixed it earlier?
Admission and acceptance that I have ADHD. I cannot change that. Without treatment and a game plan, things can only get worse as I age (I know from personal experience and that of older ADDers). Habits are hard to change, bad ones even harder. Also, memory, hearing, flexibility and sight fade while life's responsibilities and stresses increase (aging parents, bills, jobs, kids, schedules, illnesses, and loved ones' deaths). That doesn't help us one bit. The ADHD urges (impulsivity, hyperactivity and distractability) are very powerful. Alone, I am powerless to defeat them. To keep them at bay, I will need help in building a big fortress and moat. I also will need a strong detail of personal support, deployed as needed--some every day: buddies, coaches, groups, spouse (or relationship partner), professionals, and spiritual support.
Recognition that all the positive ADHD characteristics (and many of the good coping skills and other traits I've developed or have) as well as other positive aspects of my life are also there for me. I should not let any of that be changed or tarnished in any way. I should focus on the positive instead of on all the negative things I can't change right now.
It helps to put all of that together peacefully in my mind like this:Grant me the Serenity to accept what I cannot change*, the Courage and Strength to change what I currently can**, and the Wisdom to discern the difference.* The past, mistakes, the future, other's actions or thoughts, having ADHD, etc.** What I am doing right now, where and how I use my present energy (including posititve thinking), my own current actions, modifying bADD behaviors today, etc.That's what I've "found" thus far with good support. I try not to worry about (as opposed to plan) what the next step (notice it's singular) down my path will be. That would be a form of avoiding the present joys and challanges. It would be focusing on the future I cannot change.

For more details on that progression, see http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...257#post551257 (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=551257#post551257)

Happy trails fellow traveler! :)
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What a great post, thank you

My diagnosis really had no impact on my identity. I already knew who I was before... Being labeled as ADHD just put a name to all of my "character flaws" and personality quirks. It made me feel better about some of the "mistakes" that I made in the past.. but other than that, it wasn't important. I don't define myself by my diagnoses.



Is my current life direction the one I want to continue? Do I really like the things I'm doing now?
^That's an important question to ask yourself regardless of whether or not you have ADHD. You have to figure out what you like, what you want, and what path would lead you to the greatest sense of fulfillment.





(What aspect of your life are you questioning...? :confused:)

I'm questioning everything, my current housing situation, my current work situation, my spirit, My life in general. I am realizing I lived my life according to the feelings of others and set mine aside. I never asked these questions of myself. I kinda just floated through life blind. At least that's how I feel.

Welcome to the life of the living! Thank goodness you've begun to LIVE. :cool:

Thank you, just feel lost right now, what's right, what's wrong.

That's what you have to ask yourself before taking your first steps in finding your way out of the woods. "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading." Lao Tzu.

May you find your bearing! :cool:

Thanks

i genuinely feel your pain. i sat -writing for like 10 hours today trying to come to terms with what the hell ive been doing and who i have turned into. i have had like 6 jobs in the past year. one day im up, one day im down. i have isolated myself from pretty much everyone in my life. i dont know...im lost and i dont know when i lost my way. does it ever get better? it is nice to know im not the only one out there having these thoughts...personally...who cares if we dont have it all figured out. who says we have to?

Yes, it gets better once you truly feel or accept you're lost, are powerless, have hit bottom, or that your life is not manageable. Often, that's what it takes for us to wake up, look around and realize we need to get our bearings so we can find our way.

No, no one says you have to get out of the forest if you enjoy the trees. :cool:

Happy trails fellow traveler. :-)

I have gone through 27 years of my life doing things and thinking one way. Now things are different. Who am I? I can't really answer this. Is my current life direction the one I want to continue? Do I really like the things I'm doing now? Anyone else struggle with this after diagnosis?
I ask this of my self almost every day. I still dont have an absolute answer. I dont know if I ever will. I have struggled with this even before my diagnosis and still do. One thing I have learned is that I need to let go more and just let some things happen and allow myself to be happy and good at things. Sometimes I think that I fight against who I really am and try to be who I think others would like me to be. I cant do that any more. I need to be who I am for me. As i am learning to do this, I am finding i am getting to know the real David. Somone i never really thought I would meet and get to know.

I have gone through 27 years of my life doing things and thinking one way. Now things are different. Who am I? I can't really answer this. Is my current life direction the one I want to continue? Do I really like the things I'm doing now? Anyone else struggle with this after diagnosis?


I am there with you after being diagnosed at age 50. I am slowly finding my way through all of this. I like to think of myself in the beginning stages of a metamorphosis where I will be reborn with the knowledge and wisdom to grow and prosper. Those thoughts are part of what keeps me going.

Hang in there my friend, this is just beginning of your future, make the most of it.
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Merlin,

I posted some information in Newfdog's thread about hyperfocus that you might find useful. It's an article and a book by a pscychologist/sociologist who studies the effects that choices have on us, specifically what happens when we have too many choices to make. You might check it out and consider questioning things just a little at a time to avoid shutting down.

Just a thought,

Sandy

Thank you Sandy, I will check it out. I also see my therapist and she's great. Like most Adder's tangible things come pretty easy for me to deal with and fix. Feelings and such are another story for me, I grew up in a family that provided a roof over my head and food in my belly but that's about it. When it came to feelings there was little, sure they would be there for me but only physically not emotionally, only if I messed up did I find emotion from them. When they would provide negative comments and guilt trips.

Sorry to come in to your thread with this, but my parents were the same way, Merlin8015. My mother took a lot of pills, but never had a big impact. My dad was always incredibly angry, and neither of them taught me anything about emotion. I've always seen it primarily as a waste of time. Emotion seems to only come into play when the person can no longer see the "problem" in a logical way. As it is, crying disqusts me. When my fiance is upset or begins crying I feel disqusted, and couldn't help if I wanted to. I usually just get up and leave the room.

I see that sounds harsh, partly it is because I see crying as a waste of time. The amount of tears you shed has nothing to do with how upset you are. To me, crying is nothing more than a physical act. Being sad is an emotional state. I don't understand how the act of releasing tears from your eyes could possibly fix any problem. Instead, I look at my problems in a logical manner and try to find a way to fix them.

Well, I feel weird after posting that, but that is my view.
---

Anyways, don't let the diagnosis effect you. You are who you are, and whoever you want to be. The diagnosis is only a label, and no one can put a label on who you truly are.

Welcome to the life of the living! Thank goodness you've begun to LIVE. :cool:

I agree.

You have some options that may not have been there in the past. You also have to learn to live with the ADHD, which is easier said than done. Don't be afarid to explore new things, maybe take some chances. Some decisions will be good, others maybe not so good. But as ADDAWAY says, you're living now! :p:D

Woodbury, Thank you for the post, as a note, i'm not sitting here crying and I'm cool with the physical aspects of ADD. What I see now is emotions good or bad that I haven't felt before. Also questioning my direction in life.

No problem, and sorry about the confusion. I wasn't trying to imply that you were crying or anything. I was just focused on my issues.

I spent a long time allowing myself to just follow whatever paths came my way, usually the path of least resistance. I think I'm fortunate that I came through relatively unharmed, and I was able to experience many different things. It could have easily turned out another way.

Years before my diagnosis, I came to a point where I couldn't be as fancy free and had to start evaluating decisions and their pros and cons. Sometimes, that's easy for me. When I focus hard on seperating the black and white, I can be fairly confident in my choices. However, I've always enjoyed living in the gray, so it does feel like a sort of betrayal to my true self. While it keeps my outter self on as even a keel as it can be, it does cause an inner struggle for me.

I'm disappointed that it's such a deviation from the fun, spontaneous, adventerous, outgoing person I used to be. Am I really the kind of boring, down to earth person I never would have been able to relate to 10 years ago? Is that other person *gone, or just being supressed? If I try to switch back, would that help or hurt me and/or my family? Am I doomed to be a fuddy duddy for the rest of my life?

It's a painful place to be, but I think most people struggle with it in one way or another.

Sounds to me like you've just lost the "arrogance of youth." You think before you act, it's a good thing.

[quote=ADDAWAY;563024]As an adult undiagnosed for over three decades, I totally can relate to your feelings. I'm still impulsive about wanting to do "the best thing."

Awsome post, explains a lot to me. You are always so helpful, funny, and upbeat. Thanks!

I know who i am...
...it's what i'm supposed to do next that gets me! LOL!

I'll help you find yourself.

the myers-briggs is a famous personality test.
...so at least you'll know if you are idealist, artison, realist, or guardian

I'm a champion idealist.
..I bet this board is FULL of idealists

when you get the results, save the page so you don't have to take it over to see it again

be sure to save the results...like I'm eNFp..



...............So I can tell you your results, if you can't figure out where to look.
it's usually dead on accurite.





http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

Jung personality test/ myers briggs psych test

nothing scientific about it though..(jungs test)

I did'nt know we were trying for scientific..
...I'm outta this thread.

Thank you Sandy, I will check it out. I also see my therapist and she's great. Like most Adder's tangible things come pretty easy for me to deal with and fix. Feelings and such are another story for me, I grew up in a family that provided a roof over my head and food in my belly but that's about it. When it came to feelings there was little, sure they would be there for me but only physically not emotionally, only if I messed up did I find emotion from them. When they would provide negative comments and guilt trips.

Merlin

How well I can relate to that. I think that is really a large part of my problem now. I am not sure I have ever known true happiness and contentment. I grew up in a family that did not have much money, so material things were a focus for a while and I think a comfort if you will. The problem is I am not sure if I really know what some of the emotions I feel now mean. Sometimes I actually feel like Data on Next Gen of emotional overload and how to cope.

Unfortunatley for me both my parents are dead and it makes it hard to come to terms with the past.

I saw my pdoc yesterday and told him I did not know who I was and that could be part of my depression. Said I was trying to find myself at which he said "be careful of that as you will trip your self" I think that was to mean be careful running looking for the answer that maybe I would run past it.

Anyway, Hang in there, Sooner or later we will make sense of this.