Do people with ADD/ADHD experience difficulty with friendships / no friends?:confused:

Hi
I am 45 and was diagnosed last week with with AD/HD. I have very few friends, can't keep them, find it hard to stay in touch with them and also find that people tend to turn against me so I have problems trusting people. I am married and as far as I am concerned my husband is my best friend, he has Asperger's so knows what it is like to be different.
Take care
Jennifer

I am 45 and diagnosed going on three years ago now. I too do not have many friends. In fact right now I really dont have any one that calls me or stops by and visits me. Much of that is due to me isolating myself and not really going out and making the contacts. Does this make me lonely at times, well sure it does. Can I blame all of this on my ADD, i really dont think so. There are a lot of different reasons why i am like this. While growing up I never really had anyone stable in my life that I felt I could trust and rely on not to leave me, so I learned that it was sometimes better just to stay on my own. Probably not the best thing I ever beleived and folowed, but there it is. Can I turn this around and become the social person I sometimes feel like i should be? I really dont know, only time will tell this. It is hard to break a life time of learned behaviors.

I dont have many friends, that are close friends, I always end up pushing them away or people tend to keep their distance from me. I also find it harder to make friends with girls. My Fiance is my only real true friend who knows me inside n out. Otherwise I tend to prefer my own company, so I can do things my pace and I don't have to feel awkward around anyone.

Many years ago, my young daughter was grieving the loss of yet another friend who was moving far away and while still sobbing said, "Why does everyone I love move away?" We live in a very mobile society and it stands to reason that because people with ADHD/ADD are very selective about choosing close friends, we are bound to lose a few to the highways and byways. That being said, technology has allowed me to stay in touch with special friends I made decades ago.

I also find raising kids and working outside the home leaves little time for adult playdates.

In my thirties this has been a big problem. During my twenties I had all kinds of different friends from all walks of life. I've gone from being extroverted to being introverted over the past 8-10 years.

I have a hard time making and keeping friends. I have an even harder time making girl friends. I always seem to get bored with women or they think I am being mean on purpose when I usually have no clue I even offended them. I also hate going to to bars and stuff so it makes it even harder.
When I think back to when I was younger I realize I had problems then also but I didn't notice it as much because I tended to push myself on people. Like go home with them after school. I am sure I over stayed my welcome in many cases.

I can't say that I have trouble making friends, and I feel like I have a lot of them. People seem to be attracted to my "forthrightness", and seem to appreciate some of the ADD qualities that I exhibit, even though they don't know I have ADD. I do often, however, manage to offend people of weaker constitution, or of a more sensitive nature, and I have often felt guilty for having done so, hurting peoples feelings without meaning to do so. Needless to say, those people don't wind up being my friends.

At a party for example, I'm not good at judging how sensitive some people are, or how seriously they take themselves, so I'll get in argument about a political issue for instance, and proceed to take someone apart point by point just to enforce my point of view. At worst I can be like a rabid dog, but I'm not angry, or trying to be hurtful. I don't take myself so seriously, and I don't believe that my opinions are carved in stone. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, if I'm stupid I can laugh at myslef, I know that I can change and learn and adapt as needed, but others can't for whatever reason, and my enjoyment of the sport of debate, often trumps my sensitivity. Some will find me clever and intelligent, but others will just feel humiliated and angry, and once you go over that line, you can't really win people back. Learning to keep my mouth shut is an ongoing process.

I think I am an excellent penpal and email friend, but actual local friends no way. It's been about a week since I started on medication so I am going to a wedding reception on Friday and see how I do.

I have always had difficulty with friends but I think that is in part due to my past. Some may be that I am shy but I also believe the extent of my shyness is due to my past. When I was on medication I was able to do a bit better but after a year on it I lost too much weight so I can't take anything at the moment. I think my ADD symptoms may have led to some of the past difficulties and made them worse but I don't know that ADD is really the cause for lack of friends.

I have noticed people seem to be attracted to the energy of ADDers. I am ADD inattentive so I tend to lack that but I have my moments and I did better on meds. While on meds I was able to open up a bit more and was more positive and energetic, happier that I could finally do things that were hindered by all the ADD symptoms. At this point I found more people hung around me and I wont say that I was popular, because I wasn't.

Where I am going with this is that when I was able to work around my ADD symptoms and come out of depression friends seemed more probable. Sure our differences will affect relationships but I don't think it all has to be bad. Some will work against us at which point its nice for closer friends to know about ADD so they can understand we aren't being rude or whatever on purpose.

Me too, I just think I come off all wrong or too hyper. And I have only met a handful of people that really get my homor!

I feel at home with people who are not 'group' persons. Individualists, a bit off, mb geeky types, at least a bit add-like. With them I can make friends .. if they are not put off by me forgetting things and other add behaviour. I have a handful of good friends .. one of them already since I was 12. She's quite different than me but is remarkably true in her friendship. Sometimes I have the hardest time replying to her emails because I am so ashamed of my chaotic / erratic path through life while she's methodically building a family.

In groups I am nothing. Dont want to / can't play their game.

I feel similar to Luthien about doing better with people who don't have large groups of friends. I have probably two people I would call close friends. If I'm ever hanging out with them, it's usually that person and me only. Bringing other people into the group makes it uncomfortable for me.

I have a small circle of good friends, but at times I feel I alienate them more than I would otherwise be there for them or whatever. Most of the time I quite enjoy being alone, and then there are fun times of being with friends that I wouldn't trade for anything.

Most of my life I've had many friends. I am very intuitive and empathetic upon meeting people and they will open up and tell me things they've never shared with anyone. These relationships have usually lasted a few years. Than I become too much of a doormat listening to their problems all the time and feel taken advantage of. My problem has usually been not being assertive enough, and finally telling someone off. I have two good friends one since 1982 and one since 1989. Because of my poor boundary control I let people in too much, offer too much, than become resentfull. The last few years I've lived very isolated in the country w/ boyfriend. I talk to my friends on the phone a lot but see them maybe 2 x year. I see my parents about once every two monthes. I have now become so negative that both of my friends have about had enough and have been begging me to get help. After my appointment and whenever I'm better I want to get back out in the world again.

This is a good topic...you musta read my mind TexasMiss, as I was just pondering my absolute lack of social life these past few days. I am an introvert by nature...too many social obligations, etc overwhelm me (I'm not on meds right now). I need some serious alone time, in the solace of my home, with my hubby and my only child (she's a German Shepherd who thinks she's a person!). This quiet time for me is important to my quality of life. I chat with my few closest friends (residual from childhood/college days) a few times a year...it's always great to catch up for hours (and all the new gossip keeps me from tuning out).

I was extremely social in college tho...lots of fairweather-type party friends... Drinking brought me out of my shell, and I had a total blast partying and being irresponsible for 6 years (hey, you only live once!). I'm glad for the experience. Now, a calmer and less self-medicated 28 yrs, I love the quiet again (now if only the quiet would get into my brain!).

Texas, your true friends will stand the test of time...take care of yourself, and love yourself. Appreciate the isolation if you can...perhaps there is a deeper reason for it. And I know for me, the one constant is change: all situations (good and bad) come and go like the tide. I think I just butchered a profound Buddha concept... Oh well! :rolleyes: If anyone knows the one I'm talking about, it helps me to get through the hard times...

I can't say that I had any problems making or keeping friends. However I do tend to seek people that are more laid back and not really big party people. One of my best friends and I have known each other forever, and one of the things I like about her is that I don't have to 'maintain' the friendship. (Constantly calling, emailing, etc.)

Relationships are entirely a different matter...

I find I am drawn more to people with rough pasts or some sort of disorder themselves, like bipolar or OCD for example. I find it easier to trust and open up to them because they have somewhat of an idea of what I went and go through.

I ask as i feel as i am wandering thru this life inadiquate. I have never had someone there... whom others call soul mates, true friends ect. I find myself hurt or taken advantage of in some way.. my partner of 8 years now is fine with me, the way i am, but i feel he dosent understand anymore. Some how I just dont seem to click with anyone.. Gee i am only 24, lol. i seem to think this is very abnormal? what do you think? (shruggs)
:) Happy Easter! o()o()o()o()o Eggs all round!
Leah.

umm.. i make friends alright. have a few good ones. Sometimes I just feel like being on my own. I just like randomly thinking deeply about things, researching stuff.
People are attracted to my hyper bubbly side. I do love people. I'm scared to get too close to people cuz I think il end up hurting them.
I have two really close friends, that I can tell anything to..For that im grateful..

I ask as i feel as i am wandering thru this life inadiquate. I have never had someone there... whom others call soul mates, true friends ect. I find myself hurt or taken advantage of in some way.. my partner of 8 years now is fine with me, the way i am, but i feel he dosent understand anymore. Some how I just dont seem to click with anyone.. Gee i am only 24, lol. i seem to think this is very abnormal? what do you think? (shruggs)
:) Happy Easter! o()o()o()o()o Eggs all round!
Leah.
Leah, I dont think its abnormal I think lots of people with disorders, or not, feel disconnected at times. If your partner is the only one sometimes you may get to wrapped up in his perception of you and that could be the cause of what your feeling. Since I live an isolated life with my boyfriend I have come to believe some of the not so flattering things he has said and then asked my mom and friend, and they said, "what, no your not like that"! My best friend, who's the best! I did not meet her until I was 29 yrs. My mother fights with the person that she calls her best friend almost everyday, shes 70 yrs and they have been friends for around 30 yrs, go figure.