Well of all the things I knew about myself, here's one I finally admitted to myself. I lie. Little ones, big ones.... Embelleshing stories, as my Husband says. He's gotten to the point where he's not sure if he can believe me. I told him for now, probably not. I can even lie to myself or something like believing only what we want to believe. Warp or distort the obvious to our desired view.

I've been on this site before but I've been absent for a year. I thought I had everything all under control. Nope, nada.....Of all my ADD symptoms, Lying and hyperfocusing to the point of not comprehending the consequenses of my actions, these two are the MOST damaging. Damaging.... I've finally made an appointment to seek help. For the past 5 years, I've relied on medication, reading books but never implementing the ideas, saying that I really should talk to someone.... Well, now that damage is done...guess I need to fix this mess.

I've read other posts about hyperfocusing...but has anyone hyperfocused to the point where you don't care or don't recognize that what your are doing will be devastating? What I mean by not caring is that you are sooo focused that the warning bells are going off and you say "nah....I can keep going...nothings's gonna happen" You just don't recognize the warning for what it is.

I am going to work on getting the trust back....but man, I look back and can't believe what the hell I let happen. Hindsight is 20/20 but I cannot seem to comprehend beforehand.

I can truly relate to the lying part of this post. there have been times when i really did not know where my lies ended and the truth began. I dont know if it was because i wanted to make myself look better, have people like me more, or just that i like to make stories more intresting. I really try to watch myself more now and not to add so much.

Thewfh, congradulations on reaching out to get help with that and admitting it. Thats very hard and your very brave! I used to bragg about being Oh so honest.I wasn't honest and I'm still not. Honesty is like peeling an onion, just when I get one layer off than there another. Those most damaging is lying to myself and believing some of my lies. I think that I did and do it to keep what ever fragile self esteem I have. Past events that hapened in my life I will recall and lie by ommission parts I had to play that negativily affected something. I have now started going back over my life and trying to remember different things JUST AS they happened. I feel the first step with me is remembering the real story than deciding who I want to share that with. Most people lie to protect something. I believe in my case there are many people that I should not have told anything to period. But I felt a need to talk and feel the slpace in the air, but didnt trust the person enough to tell the "whole" truth. That is how I could have protected myself with much more dignity. I just can't get over BSing myself like I have.

Yeah....I'll just be impulsive and be soo drawn to something that I don't pay attention to the outcome....then I lie to myself and others. I'm protecting myself from people being mad at me. Also, lying to myself so maybe I don't hate myself for my actions. When I face it, guilt can be so overwhelming.

Thanks for the comments, guys..

I mostly find myself lying about things that I am meant to do. So say my parents ask, have you done any work today and I say yes when I didn't. Then the next day I end up saying yes again even though I haven't. I find it can all build up to the point where I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown from having said I have done huge amounts of work when I haven't done any. I am feeling it is just best to come clean instead of saying, "well, eventually I'll catch up". The reaction can be bad but it is good to come clean as soon as possible that way not only do people know what is true and what isn't but you will stop yourself lying as much, if you make sure people know when you're lying.

I find that certain people, esp. my parents, pretty much ask me to lie. They constantly want to know how I'm doing but if I say, "terrible, I've got next to nothing done in the past week," they will get upset. I try to tell them to stop asking me. If they ask me to lie to them, I will lie to them.

I don't bragg about things I didn't do. I know people who do it all the time. Everyone can tell so it's not worth it. I don't think it will fundamentally make people feel differently about you, even if it was true. People like you for who you are not what you've done. You probably wouldn't even like people who only like you for what you've done.

As for the hyperfocussing I don't quite understand what you mean. Can you give examples? Is it obsessively doing things?

thewfh I must say, this is a great step for you! I joined this forum and asked this same question about ADHD and lying a couple of years ago. This was before my DH was diagnosed and I had gone through so much, I was trying to find answers. This place really helped me understand and this also helped him "come clean" on alot of things. Somethings he could not admit until caught redhanded though! Very hard times then, but we worked together to help each others issues.

I hope you can move forward, I know it was hard for both of us, but we are managing.

That happened to me today. I was talking to a friend via IM and playing some games on a website. I planned to do my homework a little later, but before I knew it I was so caught up in my games that I totally "forgot" about my homework and my friend. (Note the quotations around "forgot.")

I think the best thing you can do when you're hyperfocused is to remove yourself from the situation. It takes a lot of will power to stop whatever you're doing long enough to stand up and leave the room, and it doesn't help if you're feeling anxious about the task you're supposed to perform, but it can be done. Usually I can usually focus on my work once I escape the thing that's been holding my attention. Getting away is the hard part, although sometimes it turns out to be easier than you think.

I find that certain people, esp. my parents, pretty much ask me to lie. They constantly want to know how I'm doing but if I say, "terrible, I've got next to nothing done in the past week," they will get upset. I try to tell them to stop asking me. If they ask me to lie to them, I will lie to them.

I've been through this delima with my mother. I don't like being asked about the work I've finished, because usually I haven't finished anyway. I'm so flightly, all the time. So she's pretty much stopped prying. Yet I wonder if I might get more work done if I had someone to push me ahead.

It's hard for me to ask her to push me to do my work. I think the disipline would be good for me but because I know my habits I know that she will be doing a lot of scolding. I don't want to pester her and I worry that her scolding will only make me feel worse about the work I haven't done. Maybe those feelings would help me get the work done, but I don't think so.

If I could do my work on time to avoid the guilt of late assignments I would have stopped procrastinating ages ago. I read one ADD/ADHD book that said people with ADD/ADHD did not feel guilt over their actions. =/ That's one ignorant assumption to make. The mind boggling thing about ADD is that I feel guilty 90% of the time, yet it's still so hard for me to "just do the work."

I read one ADD/ADHD book that said people with ADD/ADHD did not feel guilt over their actions. =/ That's one ignorant assumption to make. The mind boggling thing about ADD is that I feel guilty 90% of the time, yet it's still so hard for me to "just do the work."

What book was that? Yeah, no guilt....right. I feel guilty, just not right away....it comes after the stupid stunts I've pulled and I realize I'm an idiot.

Anyhoo, I think facing my reality was just no fun, so I lied to myself about the extent of my problem. I've got some good support here at home to face this mess. It's just overwhelming right now. Hubby's telling me to relax and breathe. I'm getting lots of hugs, too. Feels really good....

As for the hyperfocussing I don't quite understand what you mean. Can you give examples? Is it obsessively doing things?

Hyperfocusing is (for me) when you are so intent on a project or task that nothing...absolutely nothing can break you away from it. You are intent on following through with your task even if it's destructive in the long run.... You are just too short-sighted to see the consequences of your actions. You just run head-long without thinking things through. Actually, from the description.....sounds more impusive than anything.... The thing is though, I get sooo obsessed with it that I feel compelled to follow through. I need to learn to "snap out of it" when I fall into that trap.

Oh so honest!.........
Reading books are good when we implement the ideas....
Treatment of ADHD should be take at right time otherwise it will cause damage.
it seems that researchers can find numerous parts of the ADHD brain that seem dysfunctional. A major flaw in virtually all of this research is that they use very small groups that cannot depict the vast spectrum brain variability among the human species. This published research confuses many people as it seems the brains of those with ADHD are smaller, have damage in the basal ganglia, putamen, frontal lobes, cerebellum, and brain stem. This amounts to little more than neophrenology.



ADHD coaching seeks to address the daily challenges of living with ADHD. A coach helps people with ADHD carry out the practical activities of daily life in an organized, goal–oriented, and timely fashion. Through a close partnership, an ADHD coach helps the client learn practical skills and initiate change in his or her daily life. A coach may help an adult with ADHD:

Maintain focus to achieve identified goals
Translate abstract goals into concrete actions
Build motivation and learn to use rewards effectively Through regular interactions, coaches learn how the symptoms of ADHD play out in the daily lives of their clients and then provide encouragement, recommendations, feedback, and practical techniques to address specific challenges. They may offer reminders, raise questions, or suggest time management methods See the related information and resource sheets on time management. Coaches ask questions to help the client come up with strategies and act on them. Examples of such questions are:

What can you do about it?
How can you motivate yourself to take action towards this goal?
When must this action be completed?
What steps have you taken already, and when will you take the remaining steps? Regular meetings and check–ins are an essential part of the coaching process. These sessions can be conducted in person, by phone, or by e–mail, depending on the client's preference. However, before the coaching process begins, the client and the coach should have an initial session that addresses issues such as client needs, expectations of the client and of the coach, and fees and payments (coaching services are often not covered by traditional health insurance). The first coaching session is typically an in–depth, 1–2 hour meeting to develop a step–by–step plan for identifying and achieving the client's goals.
http://www.addresources.org/article_adhd_coaching_chadd.php

Yeah, too darn bad insurance doesn't pay for coaching. During my second diagnosis, I was told I would benefit more from coaching...so I got the impression ( you know how we assume and misinterpret things) that I didn't need counseling.... Checked into coaching and about crapped my drawer on the cost. So, I did nothing. I told myself I should go back to counseling but I never did. Now I really need it b/c I've GOT to fix things....more than what a coach could do right now anyway.

BTW...what is your background Michaeljones? Out of curiosity....

Well, here's some more hugs.....

My son lies a lot too. He can be very self-sabotaging with his lies, I don't understand it, but this thread is helping me some. His lies mostly revolve around his schoolwork. I figured if I prod him, he'll just lie. If I don't prod him, he won't do it anyways. Makes no difference what I do, but prodding him makes him lie. I guess I feel better not being involved so much, and just letting things run their course. Better now than later?

Thanks so much for your vulnerability and sharing with us.

I'm glad I can be of some help! It's like, if you say you didn't do what you said you would do...you'd be disappointing the person....so you lie. Even if that makes things worse in the long run. You don't think of the future....you just think of making things better for now. All I can say is keep the conversation open between you and your son. Maybe not asking directly "did you do your homework?". Maybe change it to something like "so was homework tough tonight or easy.." or "do you need any help w/ it?" I don't know.... Anything to not put pressure on him so he thinks..."oh God, I didn't get it done...she's gonna be _______ (****ed, disappointed, whatever adj he'll use) , so I'll say Yeah, I got it done.... Makes sense?


The lying to myself is what sucks. I tell myself what I want to believe. Like, I've got my sh*t together, I don't need help.... Yeah, right. Then reality hits me and I realize, I've been lying to myself. Other things like, I hate gossip and I'm not a gossiper.....well, I've been told wrong. I am. I don't like that kinda person so I told myself I wasn't. I've been more honest to others than myself. Er sorta..... You'll have to ask my husband that one! He's keepin' me honest... God, help him! :o

I went through childhood a lot like that. I would like to say that it was because of my overly strict parents and teachers trying to control the ADHD personality, but who knows really. Anyway, I made a concious desicion around 20 to NOT lie anymore after I had pretty much destroyed most relationships I had by stupid lies that were not even necissary. I actually DID NOT LIE for 2 years! I have lied a few times to spare feelings since then, but always keep myself in check when talking to people now. I've gotten to know myself much better and I think that makes it easier.

Add coaches are good and all, but most charge WAAAY to much money. I mean most adders are not rich people(and many are unemployed--like myself). I tried an ADD coach and it didn't do much good. If you don't follow the advice and plans that they set for you, what good will the coach do? I felt like I already knew most of the info she was giving anyway. Anyway, back to the original message....


I'm close to being a compulsive lier(sp?). WHen I'm not woking I tell people I have my own business at home...when I am working, I will lie about past achievements(which most I never did). I lie to pretty much everyone about anything. I think its mostly a self-esteem issue. Its defianlty a big issue for me and one that I constantly struggle with. BTW, nice thread!

First Post
41 year old male doctor.
Think I hit bottom and found this site trying to get my life together. Definitely hyperfocus. Definitely lie. Hyperfocusing got me thru medical school.
Lying cost me the love of my life. All she wanted was love and honesty. Gave her love, but the dishonesty destroyed everything.
But I know I can't get anywhere until I learn to be honest with myself. I'm really going to try.
My life is a complete mess right now.
The piles everywhere. The ruined relationships. The pain of hurting those you love. Overwhelming to say the least.

Clearly I have been ADD since I was a child, but it was never recognized and I truly believe that if it was caught earlier, I could have made some major changes in my life. However, can't dwell on the past.

On Wellbutrin - Tried all the other meds but they raised my blood pressure too much.

Intrigued about an ADD coach - where does one find one?

Hi and welcome to the forum. Here is the part of the forum is about coaching:
http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=313
Your is the right place, just finging out I have ADD has helped, and reading other challenges has letme know I'm not alone.