This just sucks, but at least I'm not tellng myself how stupid I am. I have an appointment w/ the hypnotherapists. A few days ago someone called my cell and the number looked like maybe it was his. My brain went, "Oh $*it, did I forget my appointment"? I get the appointment card out and it says, 2/27 1:15 pm WED. My brains says, "oh my appointment isn't until the 27th". I drive 45 miles, get to his office and no one is there??????????? My ADD Brain says, "Oh, no one is here because they're at lunch". Ten minutes later I get the appointment card out to call and see how much later he'll be. My ADD Brain, "Oh I see.............He wrote the 27th but put WED and its Thurs., He wrote it wrong, well thank God I have this so he doesnt charge me for a missed appointment. I can show him his mistake"! I call and start leaving a message telling him that I'm sitting in front of his place, and say you wrote down Feb 27th but put Wed.......MY ADD Brain stops my voice and says Febuary????? Febuary??????? .......... I was looking at an old appointment card from last month!!!!!!!! But I think well at least I know I'm not stupid, this is just typical ADD stuff. Anyway another story. I leave the hypnotherapist consumed in my mistake and what to tell BF, come to a stop sign (two way stop) and go almost, pulling out in front of a lady that, thank God she found her horn! So typical, when I make one mistake and I'm embarrassed, several others soon follow. *sigh*

I laughed...sorry I laughed but I thought "just yesterday I paid 2x$25 for forgotten appts with my doc."

it was a "i-feel-your-scatterbrain-pain" kind of laugh :)

Sounds like you get caught up in a shame spiral? I know that I used to pretty bad before I started taking meds.

Yep thats it! It helps so much now just knowing what it is. I have always had the possibility of really downward spiraling when I have done stuff that I thought was, "stupid". I used to feel as if unseen forces were trying to wreck my life. It would make me loose confidence and create so much anxiety that I really couldn't think, thus....more mistakes. On the 45 min drive back, I started thing this is just typical ADD stuff.

Your post was incredibly healing for me, if that makes any sense! I've done similar things and then some.... and have been completely unable to explain it as well as you did. If I hear the statement "Everyone forgets things" or "We all get mixed up once in a while" one more time I'll scream! It's NOT THE SAME!!

However.... reading your last phrase "just typical ADD stuff" made me feel at once validated AND more motivated to continue my quest to be more assertive in my treatment approaches.

So glad I popped in to read your vent, and I hope you were able/will be able to get to your real appointment without mishap!

I teach a Silver Sneakers class at my gym and I just knew it was a disaster waiting to happen. The way it is right now, I teach every other Friday. They want as many different people teaching so there's variety....oh boy. So, here I am ****ed about the day's events. I was just told that the gym wasn't going to hire me for personal training....so off I go fuming b/c I've been told soo many different things by this point. I'm ****ed, so what do I do? I go shopping! Grocery shopping.... right in the middle of putting something in my cart, I notice the time...crap, I've forgotten it's my Friday to teach. Luckly, I have a good friend who filled in for me. She knows me well enough and understands. I've already told the Director of the program, if that happens again, I'm dropping the class. It's not worth the stress for me and they need to have someone there on time.

Phew....Thanks for letting ME vent!

RE: "Shame spiraling"

As I read through these posts, I recalled the many, MANY times my parents would SHAME me whenever I made a mistake. Same with my sister and my former boss. (As if every evening before a workday, I spend the night whooping it up at a club, getting wasted and waking up in a stranger's bed, then stumble on to work in the next few hours where, in all my irresponsibility, I actually have the audacity to MAKE A MISTAKE!! Glad to be outta there!)

To this day, my father and my sister will often say to me (with disgust): "When are you going to get your $h!t together?!" Like it'll be Thanksgiving or a funeral or some other family gathering and one of them will just walk over to say hello/small-talk, and then say something to that effect. (While I'm left wondering: What - are my pants too wrinkled??? What inspires those comments!??? Oy!)


Sue

This just sucks, but at least I'm not tellng myself how stupid I am. I have an appointment w/ the hypnotherapists. A few days ago someone called my cell and the number looked like maybe it was his. My brain went, "Oh $*it, did I forget my appointment"? I get the appointment card out and it says, 2/27 1:15 pm WED. My brains says, "oh my appointment isn't until the 27th". I drive 45 miles, get to his office and no one is there??????????? My ADD Brain says, "Oh, no one is here because they're at lunch". Ten minutes later I get the appointment card out to call and see how much later he'll be. My ADD Brain, "Oh I see.............He wrote the 27th but put WED and its Thurs., He wrote it wrong, well thank God I have this so he doesnt charge me for a missed appointment. I can show him his mistake"! I call and start leaving a message telling him that I'm sitting in front of his place, and say you wrote down Feb 27th but put Wed.......MY ADD Brain stops my voice and says Febuary????? Febuary??????? .......... I was looking at an old appointment card from last month!!!!!!!! But I think well at least I know I'm not stupid, this is just typical ADD stuff. Anyway another story. I leave the hypnotherapist consumed in my mistake and what to tell BF, come to a stop sign (two way stop) and go almost, pulling out in front of a lady that, thank God she found her horn! So typical, when I make one mistake and I'm embarrassed, several others soon follow. *sigh*

I forget and miss appointments all the time. Just the other day I thought I had an appointment for Wednesday for 3pm. I could have sworn that it was for that. I got my husband to stay home with my son got in the car and drove the 20 miles to his office (my endocronlogist for my diabetes). i get there, sign in and the receptionist behind the desks says that "well you can stay her etill tommorrow if you like because your appointment is tommorrow at 3pm..LOL) I did get a confirmation phone call the day before and din't really listen to what the message was saying.. simply becaues I KNEW that my appintment was the enxt day (wednesday.cuase hte call came on Tuesday). WELL.. turns out that they call 48 hours in advance so it was a call toconfirm Thursday.

Oh.. and I couldn't sit for my friends kids in a pinch becaue i had this appointment.. which turns out I could have ..LOL.. I called her so we could both laugh about it.. and then called my husband and told him that i would be home sooner rather than later as I mixed up the days.. which only meant that I then had to go BACK tommorrow at hte same time and probabyl inconvenience him or make him change his plans..

I travel a good distance for all my medical appointments. Of course, I'm always running late, and I was definitely doing so for my first appt. to discuss adhd with my doctor. As I was finally hauling my children to the car, I ignored the phone ringing. The one time I try to stay on task and avoid the distraction, it had to be the dr. office calling to say the dr. had a family emergency to tend to, which I wouldn't discover until an hour later when I got there.

I do have to say that I'm eternally grateful that my insurance information is kept on file, since I usually forget it. And most of our doctors are fine with billing our copay since I tend to forget my debit card, or I'm short $1 in cash, or forget that they don't (and never have) take Master Card. And 9 times out of 10, there's another patient who manages to not only get there on time but early, and they'll switch appointment blocks for me.

I'm working on it though! I was physically on time for the kids' last appointment and we would have been shown right in if everyone hadn't insisted they needed to use the bathroom "right now". I'm trying to make a mental note to build in bathroom time in the future!

RE: "Shame spiraling"

As I read through these posts, I recalled the many, MANY times my parents would SHAME me whenever I made a mistake. Same with my sister and my former boss. (As if every evening before a workday, I spend the night whooping it up at a club, getting wasted and waking up in a stranger's bed, then stumble on to work in the next few hours where, in all my irresponsibility, I actually have the audacity to MAKE A MISTAKE!! Glad to be outta there!)

To this day, my father and my sister will often say to me (with disgust): "When are you going to get your $h!t together?!" Like it'll be Thanksgiving or a funeral or some other family gathering and one of them will just walk over to say hello/small-talk, and then say something to that effect. (While I'm left wondering: What - are my pants too wrinkled??? What inspires those comments!??? Oy!)


Sue


I think that once your labeled it really hard to get out of it. But, personally I think they are being mean! I would ask them out right, "just exactly what are you implying"? Make them accountable for ugly things they say. If there is any validation and not something the're pulling out of their hat from a century ago, tell them, what they are doing is not condusive to being of help to you. Its self esteem lowering and just plain rude, in the future I would appreciate that you stop these useless remarks. I cleaned it up some, the way that I personally would say it wouldn't get past the moderator and only starts more crap :eek:!

Yep thats it! It helps so much now just knowing what it is. I have always had the possibility of really downward spiraling when I have done stuff that I thought was, "stupid". I used to feel as if unseen forces were trying to wreck my life. It would make me loose confidence and create so much anxiety that I really couldn't think, thus....more mistakes. On the 45 min drive back, I started thing this is just typical ADD stuff.

I was just talking with my daughter yesterday about my lack of self-confidence and the flak I used to get from family members about my mistakes and failures. She really doesn't have a clue how much I have beat myself up over the years because one mistake would make me feel so bad that I would then make another and another. And my brain would be spinning in this never-ending circle that went nowhere. I am so grateful that I can come here and find people who DO understand and relate. Thank you for sharing your experience texasmissb.

RE: "Shame spiraling"

As I read through these posts, I recalled the many, MANY times my parents would SHAME me whenever I made a mistake. Same with my sister and my former boss. (As if every evening before a workday, I spend the night whooping it up at a club, getting wasted and waking up in a stranger's bed, then stumble on to work in the next few hours where, in all my irresponsibility, I actually have the audacity to MAKE A MISTAKE!! Glad to be outta there!)

To this day, my father and my sister will often say to me (with disgust): "When are you going to get your $h!t together?!" Like it'll be Thanksgiving or a funeral or some other family gathering and one of them will just walk over to say hello/small-talk, and then say something to that effect. (While I'm left wondering: What - are my pants too wrinkled??? What inspires those comments!??? Oy!)


Sue


Cant tell you how many times in my life I've heard that phrase from my parents.. stings.. really stings!! And certainly doesn't help the self esteem.

Cant tell you how many times in my life I've heard that phrase from my parents.. stings.. really stings!! And certainly doesn't help the self esteem.

That is terrible! I'm so sorry.:(

I don't know if I should be grateful or what, but I've always had the opposite "problem", with family considering my oddities perfectly normal. I'm sure they mean well, but it always feels like I'm being patronized. I only really discuss my dx with my sisters, and only a few other relatives know.

My aunt (whom I adore) was visiting the other day, and I was especially overwhelmed after trying to clean, shop for appropriate food and drink to offer, and try to keep my kids, dogs and cats under control since all tend to go a bit nuts with company.
I got an email the next day, telling me I am so well organized and great at managing so much, even if I think I'm not. Yeah, okay. My house smells like winter dogs, my kids were bouncing off the furniture, and I even did a quick vacuum of baby breakfast while she was here, since I met her in the driveway after running late from the store. :rolleyes:
Oh, and my dog peed on the carpet because I was so happy that he was being friendly, I didn't think about his tendancy to pee when excited. :o
Like I'm going to believe I'm organized and managing well!

Better than the alternative reaction, I'm sure. But I'm not a 3 year old who believes their scribbles will be displayed at the Met one day. Be (politely) honest, or don't say anything!

That is terrible! I'm so sorry.:(

I don't know if I should be grateful or what, but I've always had the opposite "problem", with family considering my oddities perfectly normal. I'm sure they mean well, but it always feels like I'm being patronized. I only really discuss my dx with my sisters, and only a few other relatives know.

My aunt (whom I adore) was visiting the other day, and I was especially overwhelmed after trying to clean, shop for appropriate food and drink to offer, and try to keep my kids, dogs and cats under control since all tend to go a bit nuts with company.
I got an email the next day, telling me I am so well organized and great at managing so much, even if I think I'm not. Yeah, okay. My house smells like winter dogs, my kids were bouncing off the furniture, and I even did a quick vacuum of baby breakfast while she was here, since I met her in the driveway after running late from the store. :rolleyes:
Oh, and my dog peed on the carpet because I was so happy that he was being friendly, I didn't think about his tendancy to pee when excited. :o
Like I'm going to believe I'm organized and managing well!

Better than the alternative reaction, I'm sure. But I'm not a 3 year old who believes their scribbles will be displayed at the Met one day. Be (politely) honest, or don't say anything!

Maybe your aunt also struggles with ADHD and it looked to her like you were coping with all the chaos better than she could have?

And yeah, I hate patronizing people. But mostly my family had the attitude of "When are you going to get your ****z together?" even if they never actually used those words.

Maybe your aunt also struggles with ADHD and it looked to her like you were coping with all the chaos better than she could have?

And yeah, I hate patronizing people. But mostly my family had the attitude of "When are you going to get your ****z together?" even if they never actually used those words.

Oh, she knows the chaos isn't for her, lol. She's childless by choice and an incredibly organized 'household manager'. So I kind of do realize that it might be impressive to her that someone could even survive under these conditions :D, but I know I have the abilitity to do much better, and I'm very embarrassed when I'm way off my mark. She's not a very big believer in adhd so, accurate or not, I tend to see it as trying to convince me there is no real problem.

But I am my own worst critic, I guess. If I'm beating myself up, I should be happy that it's only self-inflicted.

re: #7

Shame Spiralling

what a great term, Sue!

I'm sure we do it enough to ourselves. Not like we need parents or SOs to do it more for us, huh?

(But remember, they are often just unaware that they are repeating their own childhood parental remarks and habits.)