Hi, sorry this is quite a long post, i just really want to get some things out in the open and some advice perhaps on what kind of condition I might have....as it's really becoming mentally and emotionally strenuous dealing with some of the issues i've been having, for a good many years now...
i've always felt i needed some help, some therapy perhaps, in dealing with these issues...but i've just never sought it, as i'd convince myself that I was fine, and its all just in my head...but i'm 20 years old now, i'm at university and i've got to the point where I just can't handle things anymore and i feel so helpless all the time....i just need some guidance and I need someone to tell me if it does sound like something is wrong. So yeah, i'll stop ranting on and just tell you some of the issues i've been having....(again sorry for the long post)....oh and i was supposed to hand this list into my doctor a while back (i wrote it all down cause i have trouble explaining myself verbally)

Reading: Really struggle staying focused/ on track with the words on the page. Often have to read paragraphs over and over/ deeply focus on the words/ sentences before taking anything in. When reading out loud find it hard as I stumble a lot, get tongue-tied, miss out words/ punctuation breaks.

Communicating my thoughts: Problem with both written and verbal. I have a lot of trouble stinging together the ideas in my head clearly. It’s like I know and feel exactly what I want to say but I can’t express it properly. Lots of rapid thoughts in head all the time/ difficult to make sense of them. In speech this causes problems sometimes- I hesitate lots/ struggle to find right words- these might only be simple. It’s like a constant brain block.

I am incredibly forgetful, disorganised, clumsy and I procrastinate- to the point where it seriously affects socially and academically. Although I have battled against these issues for as long as I can remember, I can’t shake them. I’ve had incredibly poor attendance/ punctuality throughout life- I missed school/work a lot and was late most days. In sixth-form I had 41% attendance overall. I barely turn up to lectures. I feel as though I’m constantly in a rush. Since university my procrastination is seriously putting me at risk of failure- but it’s like I’m addicted to the pressure and stress it puts me under, I go in a hyper-focused state- lot of adrenaline. I feel I have always underachieved and never achieved my potential.

Sleep Patterns: I have a lot of trouble sleeping at night. I have an extremely overactive inner monologue- I can’t sleep because my brain is always on the go, thoughts about everything go though my mind at a rapid pace, I seem to get very distracted/restless. Can never seem to shut these thoughts off. Also, if anyone else is up and doing something I can’t go to sleep- I must be involved. As a child I never would go to bed. If any activity was going on I always had to be in the middle of it, even if it kept me up until the early hours (This still is a problem). I wet the bed long after it was ‘normal’ to- age 9-10 maybe later. I remember I often used to wet it on purpose.

Conversations: I find it difficult to focus on what other people are saying, usually have to get people to repeat things. I interrupt a lot- give a response before it is my cue to speak – I’m too impulsive and cannot seem to control this. I cannot hold eye contact with people when I converse with them- drift off/ get distracted by surroundings/ sometimes feel too anxious to hold eye contact. I am highly impulsive/impatient in speech, not only do I often interrupt conversation, but I say things without thinking- which I often regret/ get embarrassed about. This all gives me a lot of anxiety, as I am afraid how people will react to me- think I am rude/ ignorant.

I experience emotions very intensely. I find this to be a problem - as I delve too deep with my own emotions and with other peoples emotions/ Intuitive- can make me very overwhelmed by people as I get too absorbed by their emotions. I over think/ overanalyse/ read into things far too much- this is uncontrollable and can be very frustrating- especially when I obsess over things and get paranoid/ socially anxious

I have issues with controlling my anger. I’ve grown up in a very angry climate- violent and abusive arguments between my parents/ getting involved myself from a very young age- shaped me into a very angry individual, expressing my anger uncontrollably in unacceptable ways- screaming, throwing tantrums, breaking things. Much is the anger stems from my relationship with my parents- something that I am very unhappy with and it burdens me a lot. I also get very frustrated by my deficiencies- seems I have an inability to cope with/ do simple things. In arguments – (especially if surrounded by other people) I feel like I’m on a stage and have to attack the person until I’ve ripped them apart/ undermined them and hurt them as much as I can- like I get satisfaction from doing this.

I have always had terrible mood swings. I’m oversensive and I get hurt easily. My tendencies to overreact over the smallest things cause me to fall into a very angry, emotional, depressive state sometimes for no reason and I’ll just worry excessively about the most ridiculous things, and they become the only things I can think about- to the point that I obsess over them. My parents were very critical of me/ verbally abusive/ messed with my emotions growing up- I feel this has affected me.

I’ve always felt as though I’ve surpressed my personality in social environments but I’ve mostly remained quiet/ reserved/ kept to myself. This has frustrated me, as I feel not many people have seen the true side to me- I always I am putting up a front to protect my own feelings- I do this less than I have in the past, but it’s still a problem. I have had a lot of fears of non- acceptance, people disliking me- much of these are rooted in my behaviour. This creates a lot of paranoia/ anxiety sometimes. In high school I was changeable- drifted among groups of friends, as I often got bored of them- but I don’t know why, it’s like after a point I become under stimulated and need to move on to the next thing/ next friend. I didn’t ever settle in a group of friends (before coming to university)- always pushed people away for these reasons.


Well I could elaborate further...but that would make things a lot more complicated, in a nutshell though they are the things that are seriously bothering me.

I hope someone could help me out, maybe give me some advice as to what might be wrong with me...argh it's all becoming really frustrating for me. sorry for the rant. :confused::confused:

welcome, itsafunnything!!

If you think you're possibly ADHD or that something else is going on you should make an appointment with a psychiatrist for evals.

I understand how frustrating it is to deal with issues like this.

Good luck!!

Hi
After reading your post you described myself and how I have felt all my life, I am 45 now and dropped out of University twice because of the same problems you described. I always thought there was something really "not right" about myself and it was only recently (3 weeks ago) that I was diagnosed with AD/HD. You should print off your post and take it to a doctor and tell them that you think you may have AD/HD and get some help.
Take care
Jennifer

Howzit bud!

First off - GET TO LECTURES! before you go to bed at night, set 2 alarm clocks and also set a TO-DO list(keep it VERY short and easily achievable). put it on the basin on top of your tooth brush. Read it and then ACT on it! Channel your anger so that NOTHING gets in your way of completing that list. It sounds pedantic, but no matter how you look at it, you need to pass your course and that bit needs to get on track as soon as possible. I've been where you are now, and I've also almost been kicked out of my university.

Then please go see your doctor! You don't need "help" as in you're a nut, you just something that can focus that over revved brain! :) People tend to take the idea of taking a stimulant as a personal insult. don't.

I know exactly what your saying when you talk about the pressure and the focus - I used to do the exact same thing - and it is REALLY difficult to shake it as you KNOW you can pass without spending hours over these boring books, and you get really addicted to that super focused feeling! The only advice I can offer is that you ARE going to have to give that up, and you are going to have to act normal, work constantly like all the other mere mortals around you. :) The fact of the matter is that the world is an intricate system, and that system tends to not be compatible with people that do things differently. It sucks, but you are gonna have to conform to the norm.

As for keeping to yourself socially - the nice thing about varsity is that there are WAY more people than at school and you'll be able to find people that accept you. Just relax a little and things'll open up!

But get to the doctor dude, and like Jenifer said, print this out and take it to them. You've put a lot of time into writing this and it's probably the best worded and truest form of communication about how you experience life and how you feel. It's invaluable.

Best of luck mate! Post back if you have any queries! :)

you just described me in a nut shell!

I don't have the anger outbursts, but my brother does a lot of the time. Meds made him a lot better, but he still has problems. Sometimes he would be in a weird or out of it mood, and be like o gotta go take my pill!-- that scares me(he doesn't have a.d.d)

I'm gonna have to say, when you have a.d.d. and grow up in an environment like the one you described, it makes a.d.d. problems ten times worse. Anger has to do with resentment , unfortunately. I bet you didn't get a lot of attention as a child, like me, due to your parents being so focused on their problems. I feel like if my parents would have payed more attention to me, I wouldn't of had to diagnose myself in highschool and maybe would have been taken care of in elementary school!

I went through an anger stage when my dad finally moved out, though I was happy that he did. I was still just very angry at my family. Therapy helped a lot though, and I have put most of it past me.

EVERYONE has dysfunctional families. I don't know one family that is perfect. Some of us have it harder in different ways than others, but all in all everyones got it hard.


Sometimes.... your anger has to be worked out by going to the route of all your problems. You don't know how many times I yelled at my mom and dad for making me go nuts, and how much it helped me just by letting out my frustration with them.

Family therapy might be a good idea too, if you feel comfortable with it.

Hi, sorry this is quite a long post, i just really want to get some things out in the open and some advice perhaps on what kind of condition I might have....as it's really becoming mentally and emotionally strenuous dealing with some of the issues i've been having, for a good many years now...
i've always felt i needed some help, some therapy perhaps, in dealing with these issues...but i've just never sought it, as i'd convince myself that I was fine, and its all just in my head...but i'm 20 years old now, i'm at university and i've got to the point where I just can't handle things anymore and i feel so helpless all the time....i just need some guidance and I need someone to tell me if it does sound like something is wrong. So yeah, i'll stop ranting on and just tell you some of the issues i've been having....(again sorry for the long post)....oh and i was supposed to hand this list into my doctor a while back (i wrote it all down cause i have trouble explaining myself verbally)

Reading: Really struggle staying focused/ on track with the words on the page. Often have to read paragraphs over and over/ deeply focus on the words/ sentences before taking anything in. When reading out loud find it hard as I stumble a lot, get tongue-tied, miss out words/ punctuation breaks.

Communicating my thoughts: Problem with both written and verbal. I have a lot of trouble stinging together the ideas in my head clearly. It’s like I know and feel exactly what I want to say but I can’t express it properly. Lots of rapid thoughts in head all the time/ difficult to make sense of them. In speech this causes problems sometimes- I hesitate lots/ struggle to find right words- these might only be simple. It’s like a constant brain block.

I am incredibly forgetful, disorganised, clumsy and I procrastinate- to the point where it seriously affects socially and academically. Although I have battled against these issues for as long as I can remember, I can’t shake them. I’ve had incredibly poor attendance/ punctuality throughout life- I missed school/work a lot and was late most days. In sixth-form I had 41% attendance overall. I barely turn up to lectures. I feel as though I’m constantly in a rush. Since university my procrastination is seriously putting me at risk of failure- but it’s like I’m addicted to the pressure and stress it puts me under, I go in a hyper-focused state- lot of adrenaline. I feel I have always underachieved and never achieved my potential.

Sleep Patterns: I have a lot of trouble sleeping at night. I have an extremely overactive inner monologue- I can’t sleep because my brain is always on the go, thoughts about everything go though my mind at a rapid pace, I seem to get very distracted/restless. Can never seem to shut these thoughts off. Also, if anyone else is up and doing something I can’t go to sleep- I must be involved. As a child I never would go to bed. If any activity was going on I always had to be in the middle of it, even if it kept me up until the early hours (This still is a problem). I wet the bed long after it was ‘normal’ to- age 9-10 maybe later. I remember I often used to wet it on purpose.

Conversations: I find it difficult to focus on what other people are saying, usually have to get people to repeat things. I interrupt a lot- give a response before it is my cue to speak – I’m too impulsive and cannot seem to control this. I cannot hold eye contact with people when I converse with them- drift off/ get distracted by surroundings/ sometimes feel too anxious to hold eye contact. I am highly impulsive/impatient in speech, not only do I often interrupt conversation, but I say things without thinking- which I often regret/ get embarrassed about. This all gives me a lot of anxiety, as I am afraid how people will react to me- think I am rude/ ignorant.

I experience emotions very intensely. I find this to be a problem - as I delve too deep with my own emotions and with other peoples emotions/ Intuitive- can make me very overwhelmed by people as I get too absorbed by their emotions. I over think/ overanalyse/ read into things far too much- this is uncontrollable and can be very frustrating- especially when I obsess over things and get paranoid/ socially anxious

I have issues with controlling my anger. I’ve grown up in a very angry climate- violent and abusive arguments between my parents/ getting involved myself from a very young age- shaped me into a very angry individual, expressing my anger uncontrollably in unacceptable ways- screaming, throwing tantrums, breaking things. Much is the anger stems from my relationship with my parents- something that I am very unhappy with and it burdens me a lot. I also get very frustrated by my deficiencies- seems I have an inability to cope with/ do simple things. In arguments – (especially if surrounded by other people) I feel like I’m on a stage and have to attack the person until I’ve ripped them apart/ undermined them and hurt them as much as I can- like I get satisfaction from doing this.

I have always had terrible mood swings. I’m oversensive and I get hurt easily. My tendencies to overreact over the smallest things cause me to fall into a very angry, emotional, depressive state sometimes for no reason and I’ll just worry excessively about the most ridiculous things, and they become the only things I can think about- to the point that I obsess over them. My parents were very critical of me/ verbally abusive/ messed with my emotions growing up- I feel this has affected me.

I’ve always felt as though I’ve surpressed my personality in social environments but I’ve mostly remained quiet/ reserved/ kept to myself. This has frustrated me, as I feel not many people have seen the true side to me- I always I am putting up a front to protect my own feelings- I do this less than I have in the past, but it’s still a problem. I have had a lot of fears of non- acceptance, people disliking me- much of these are rooted in my behaviour. This creates a lot of paranoia/ anxiety sometimes. In high school I was changeable- drifted among groups of friends, as I often got bored of them- but I don’t know why, it’s like after a point I become under stimulated and need to move on to the next thing/ next friend. I didn’t ever settle in a group of friends (before coming to university)- always pushed people away for these reasons.


Well I could elaborate further...but that would make things a lot more complicated, in a nutshell though they are the things that are seriously bothering me.

I hope someone could help me out, maybe give me some advice as to what might be wrong with me...argh it's all becoming really frustrating for me. sorry for the rant. :confused::confused:


I see some of myself in your posts. I too have recently discovered ADHD and the possibility that I am ADHD (my mom has been telling me that I am.. but I didn't want to believe her.. took it as a criticism from her really). I'm going to get tested on April 7th with an eeg, MRI and neuro-psychological exam.. but Im' certain that I am.

Read the book Delivered from Distraction. Someone pointed me to it and I saw myself in that book (which I haven't finished.. LOL and have already moved on to 2 other books.. !!).

Anyway.. it sounds like you are ADHD too.. but I'm no expert or a doctor. Get yourself tested.. don't wait because I'm not 33 and still "lost".

Itsafunnything,
You described me better than I could ever describe myself. You are very articulate and that is a great post that I think everyone will relate to on this forum. AND BTW WELCOME!!! Glad you found your way here, this forum has helped me tremendously.

to the original post (I haven't read the replies cuz lol I get bored fast)- I definately think you have adhd because I do, and I felt exactly like you did and it caused me to drop out of college 2 months ago. But I found out I have adhd 2 weeks ago and I have been getting help from therapy and a psychiatry and Ifeel ALOT better. Point is- if you think you have adhd, and you describe your symptoms to ppl who have it and they resonate with your words than all that is left is for you to force yourself to go meet with a psychiatrist and a therapist and start sorting through your issues and getting a professional opinion. Cheer up! you are on your way to a much much better and filling life for yourself!!! it just takes a willingness to get yourself help!!! goodluck!

ok .. tackling it a piece at a time :)

i've always felt i needed some help, some therapy perhaps, in dealing with these issues...but i've just never sought it, as i'd convince myself that I was fine, and its all just in my head...
same here. Although I did eventually go, but as long as the ADD was not recognised it did not do any good.

Reading: Really struggle staying focused/ on track with the words on the page. Often have to read paragraphs over and over/ deeply focus on the words/ sentences before taking anything in. When reading out loud find it hard as I stumble a lot, get tongue-tied, miss out words/ punctuation breaks.
same ... do you also feel like the blackboard (in lectures) or the paper is covered with soap .. so that your attention sort of 'slips' on it?
Or that there are all sorts of spurious signals pushing and pulling?
(hehe, come to think of it: if you read the novel 2001 by Arthur Clarke the same thing is described of the main antenna problem that is the turning point in HAL's rebellion .. it's not that clearly explained in the movie)

Communicating my thoughts: Problem with both written and verbal. I have a lot of trouble stinging together the ideas in my head clearly. It’s like I know and feel exactly what I want to say but I can’t express it properly. Lots of rapid thoughts in head all the time/ difficult to make sense of them. In speech this causes problems sometimes- I hesitate lots/ struggle to find right words- these might only be simple. It’s like a constant brain block.
yes, although I can express myself written quite well. And, by reading this, so can you :)
Written makes the difference that you have some sort of external working memory. In ADD the working memory is really small, so juggling ideas around and 'stitching the ideas together' in our heads does not work. But when I am writing, it is like I can dump pieces here and there and let the paper / computer do the remembering while I work on them. It means that I ALWAYS move things around, edit them, change them. Even this sentence is written in three ways, deleted, edited, changed and changed again before it says what I want. I cannot do that in my head alone.

I cant work linearly - have to jump around. In speaking this is impossible, at least speaking with non-ADD'ers.

I am incredibly forgetful, disorganised, clumsy and I procrastinate ... incredibly poor attendance/ punctuality throughout life ... late most days ... I barely turn up to lectures. I feel as though I’m constantly in a rush ... it’s like I’m addicted to the pressure and stress it puts me under... I feel I have always underachieved and never achieved my potential.
At high school I was still under the control of my parents .. they just did not allow that to happen then. They would have kicked me out of bed .. and since I was / am very much non-impulsive, shy, anxious and conflict avoiding, that was enough to keep me at least going. In time. I dont think I ever missed one class. In that regard I've been the teacher's pet. As for how much good it did, especially in the latter HS years, that's another matter. Let's say I was physically present :)
Until university .. then I was on my own and zoned out with the speed of light. I lasted six months.

I have a lot of trouble sleeping at night. I have an extremely overactive inner monologue- I can’t sleep because my brain is always on the go, thoughts about everything go though my mind at a rapid pace, I seem to get very distracted/restless.
I did have a problem going to sleep .. can still remember coming downstairs to tell my parents I could not sleep because I could not stop thinking. My dad (have my add from him, so he must have developed this trick himself) then taught me how to use those thoughts to create a dream world .. sort of a guided fantasy .. I turned my bed into an airplane that I could control why lying under the blankets and peeking out to the landscape below .. a very safe and fuzzy state to be in :) ! .. I usually fell asleep after a while. He also taught me a sort of visualisation thing to dump all my worrying thoughts into a virtual basked next to my bed.
I'm still doing those things. It's become second nature.

Can never seem to shut these thoughts off. Also, if anyone else is up and doing something I can’t go to sleep- I must be involved. As a child I never would go to bed. If any activity was going on I always had to be in the middle of it, even if it kept me up until the early hours (This still is a problem). I know this up to a degree .. because what's even better is to lie snugly in bed listening to other people talking .. but yes, I also have that I don't like to miss things.

I wet the bed long after it was ‘normal’ to- age 9-10 maybe later. I remember I often used to wet it on purpose. No - never had that. But why on purpose?

.. difficult to focus on what other people are saying, usually have to get people to repeat things. I cannot hold eye contact with people when I converse with them- drift off/ get distracted by surroundings/ sometimes feel too anxious to hold eye contact.
Yes, same here. It's the same feeling as with the reading .. as if they are talking from afar .. through a mist .. or that there are forces tugging at my attention .. or that I'm stuck in something. Hm. :o

I interrupt a lot- give a response before it is my cue to speak – I’m too impulsive and cannot seem to control this ... I am highly impulsive/impatient in speech, not only do I often interrupt conversation, but I say things without thinking- which I often regret/ get embarrassed about. This all gives me a lot of anxiety, as I am afraid how people will react to me- think I am rude/ ignorant.
No, don't have that part .. but that's just bc I dont have the impulsivity I suppose. People sometimes do think that I am aloof or arrogant because of the inattention, and I have had problems with people who were offended by my sense of humour or total lack of understanding of group hierarchy.

I experience emotions very intensely. I find this to be a problem - as I delve too deep with my own emotions and with other peoples emotions/ Intuitive- can make me very overwhelmed by people as I get too absorbed by their emotions.
Recognise that. It can be a problem in situations .. like I find it intensely hard to defend myself. My emotions just make talking impossible, and even if it didn't I could not collect my thoughts or say anything sensible.

But generally - I don't mind at all. I love to be able to experience emotions so intense. It is almost like a superpower .. I hardly use any of it because it is such a vast ocean of feeling. Can be totally overwhelming.

I over think/ overanalyse/ read into things far too much- this is uncontrollable and can be very frustrating- especially when I obsess over things and get paranoid/ socially anxious
partly .. because I am also very much the opposite of hyperactive .. rather mellow, slow / sluggish at times, this does not tend to blow up. I do recognise the analysing .. it happens *all the time*, automatically. It is also a source of good things like ideas .. creativity.
I do have the social anxiety (although its' pretty much under control atm), but if I avoid certain circumstances it's doable.

I have issues with controlling my anger. I’ve grown up in a very angry climate- violent and abusive arguments between my parents/ getting involved myself from a very young age- shaped me into a very angry individual, expressing my anger uncontrollably in unacceptable ways- screaming, throwing tantrums, breaking things. Much is the anger stems from my relationship with my parents- something that I am very unhappy with and it burdens me a lot. I also get very frustrated by my deficiencies- seems I have an inability to cope with/ do simple things. In arguments – (especially if surrounded by other people) I feel like I’m on a stage and have to attack the person until I’ve ripped them apart/ undermined them and hurt them as much as I can- like I get satisfaction from doing this.
I hear that from more people who have ADHD-with-the-hyperactivity. I can imagine that this is a big issue! :(
I am the opposite .. conflict-avoiding, eager to please.

I have always had terrible mood swings. I’m oversensive and I get hurt easily. My tendencies to overreact over the smallest things cause me to fall into a very angry, emotional, depressive state sometimes ...
I recognise the sensitivity and can be quite melancholic. But not really like mood swings, no.

... I’ve surpressed my personality in social environments ... not many people have seen the true side to me- ... lot of fears of non- acceptance, people disliking me ... creates a lot of paranoia/ anxiety sometimes
Oh yes.

In high school I was changeable- drifted among groups of friends, as I often got bored of them
I was more quiet and withdrawn.. you know, the sort of girl that only has one friend :rolleyes:

sorry for the rant. :confused::confused:
aww no sorry! It's what we are here for. The recognition is always so striking .. this post has taken me a while, piece by piece .. wow it's become long :) but I enjoyed it!

Welcome :)

And do get an ADD assessment done .. life will get better.