QUESTION: Does anyone else have issues with Lurkers or Non-Contributers who want advice by PM, w/o participating?

I get a LOT of Requests for "help" from people, but these Members/Lurkers often have ZERO POSTS on their profiles.

Probably one request for help every week or two, from strangers/non-contributers. (Thats about 26-52+ requests/year!)

[Each reply would be about 200-500 words long!]

I am asking b/c -- It sort of ticks me off that people won't participate in the Forums with even ONE POST, YET, they expect free advice or referrals from Members who DO contribute a lot of posts.

These "free advice askers" often never post ONE MESSAGE on the Forum, and the Board never hears from them again.

It sort of makes me feel used. Blah.

Never had that happen, QUG, but a couple of times I've been spammed P.M.'d. Could that be it? I wonder why you have gotten singled out so much?!

No, not me :-). LOL

I guess you're special. I'd consider that a compliment :-).

Maybe some people prefer to know/control exactly who reads what they want to say. vs. posting it on a public forum. (even more of a compliment :-))

But I can see how that would be a little burdensome.....

That's one of the benefits of coming across as nutty and messed up as I'm sure that I do here :-) .... no p.m.s from strangers for me.... hehe....

QueensU_girl, report each of those pm'ers to admins and moderators.

I lurk in a lot of forums. It sometime takes me awhile to offer advise to other people. I guess I have some self esteem issues. If I am asking for advice then I feel like what I am doiing is wrong so I need advice. So in my mind since what I am doing is worng then how can I offer advice to other peopl for there problem. Maybe that is how other people feel too. I haven't posted much on here. In fact my first post was for advice. But I come on here at least twice a day and lurk I guess. I have learned alot of thing about ADHD since I have been comming on here. And unless I know something to be true and works then I don't want to steer people wrong. JMO Melissa

QueensU_girl, report each of those pm'ers to admins and moderators.
Are they breaking the rules by not posting and asking for help in private?

I haven't received any. But I'm not surprised that the lurkers choose to PM instead of posting in a forum; it can be quite daunting to put yourself out there on a public forum and ask for advice. Far easier to approach a friendly person and ask their advice. Yes I know you can be anonymous on the forum, but people like to avoid confrontation none the less.

Having said that, it is better for the overall community of the ADD Forums site if these lurkers do start their own threads, because their circumstances may align with others, and they're more likely to get a greater variety of responses.

Not sure if they are or aren't. I'd have to re-read the guidelines. But if it's bugging someone, shouldn't we have the right to report it? I was under the impression that we could or should.

And I was only suggesting that if it upsets her...to go ahead and make the report. Thankfully not everyone is intimidated or upset by someone pm'ing them to ask for advice.

Sorry I should have been more concise in my response.

There was a time that Admin considered putting in place a minimum number of posts required before one could use the private message system.

However, we believe that this would actually discourage new members from contributing, as they would feel obligated to post publicly first (we all know how much we love being told we HAVE to do something), rather than being able to come out of their "shell" when they're comfortable. Everyone is different, and some members will NEVER post publicly. Not saying that's what we want to encourage, but its the reality of any community. Some members wish to remain quiet while others are more vocal and socially involved. While we want everyone to actively participate, we're more than understanding.

Members have a choice to turn off their private messaging, or place members on ignore (or just not respond).

There was a time that Admin considered putting in place a minimum number of posts required before one could use the private message system.

However, we believe that this would actually discourage new members from contributing, as they would feel obligated to post publicly first (we all know how much we love being told we HAVE to do something), rather than being able to come out of their "shell" when they're ready.

Members have a choice to turn off their private messaging, or place members on ignore (or just not respond).

Thanks Andrew... I forgot we could shut them off completely.

I was just asking because I didn't remember seeing in the guidlines and thought maybe I missed it.

I get requests from people by pm but half the time I forget to respond...

Perhaps a happy medium would be allowing members to specify fine grain rules on who can PM them? So that it can be on a individual basis if people do not want to be PM'd by those with a 0 post count.

I was just asking because I didn't remember seeing in the guidlines and thought maybe I missed it.

I get requests from people by pm but half the time I forget to respond...

It's ok. I was just explaining why I said it. I get requests once in a while myself. Sometimes I respond, sometimes I don't.

I didn't want anyone feeling pressured because they're getting unsolicited pm's.

P.S.... good to see you posting more, Tara.

Perhaps a happy medium would be allowing members to specify fine grain rules on who can PM them? So that it can be on a individual basis if people do not want to be PM'd by those with a 0 post count.

That's an interesting feature request. I'm not sure that mod/hack exists, but I'll check!

Queens,

A lot of people might 'lurk' due to the fact they might be embarrassed to ask for help. I would just see when their join date was and when they sent the message. If they joined today then sent you a message, I'd see that they didn't even try to search for an answer. But if they joined, say like 3 months ago, and you got something today, that would make it seem like they are trying to find answers.

I 'lurked' a little bit before I started posting. I felt it's better if I actually communicate in my own words instead of trying to find someone to do it for me.

I've told people I prefer to discuss things in the public forums and they seem to accept that.

Thanks guys.

Yeah, it's just frustrating that someone wants us to write up a long reply of info (maybe i should make an FAQ?), and others come along and want the same info again... when the Requester has a Post Score of 0.

I'm always happy to help people find info or connect with programs.


It's the not reciprocating and then disappearing parts that tick me.

IF they want that, they can go hire a Coach or ADD professional.

I've had a couple PM's in the past that I responded to from people that hadn't posted. I responded and never got a responses back. I just forgot about it till now. I guess if I had given it thought back then, I would have felt used, but now it's so long past, it don't matter.:) No one has PM'd me unless I've started it, these days.

I get 20 a month at KCI meth abuse discussion forum.

.....people are afraid to ask for help, where so many can see it,

they feel crazy, and isolated.

....I think you might be taking it wrong.

this board, and KCI are the same kind of HEAVY volume, and people who are
desperate for help.

......I think it's a compliment, when lurkers find you approachable, or are able to relate and reach out to you.

I also have a website.
...I validate people who go there, and some lurk and only talk TO ME via PM.

they may not want it where a family member can retrace them.

...that's been the case for me.

I get 20 a month at KCI meth abuse discussion forum.

.....people are afraid to ask for help, where so many can see it,

they feel crazy, and isolated.

....I think you might be taking it wrong.

this board, and KCI are the same kind of HEAVY volume, and people who are
desperate for help.

......I think it's a compliment, when lurkers find you approachable, or are able to relate and reach out to you.

I also have a website.
...I validate people who go there, and some lurk and only talk TO ME via PM.

they may not want it where a family member can retrace them.

...that's been the case for me.

Yeah I agree and I have no problem with people PMing me for any purpose.
On another forum I recommended young women who did not feel comfortable talking about their problems to the forum as a whole to PM an older female poster with a large post history that they felt comfortable with. Other people
likely follow simular logic in their own minds and is why they have PMed some members out of the blue.

QUESTION: Does anyone else have issues with Lurkers or Non-Contributers who want advice by PM, w/o participating?

I get a LOT of Requests for "help" from people, but these Members/Lurkers often have ZERO POSTS on their profiles.

Probably one request for help every week or two, from strangers/non-contributers. (Thats about 26-52+ requests/year!)

[Each reply would be about 200-500 words long!]

I am asking b/c -- It sort of ticks me off that people won't participate in the Forums with even ONE POST, YET, they expect free advice or referrals from Members who DO contribute a lot of posts.

These "free advice askers" often never post ONE MESSAGE on the Forum, and the Board never hears from them again.

It sort of makes me feel used. Blah.nope..no one ask me for advice:D I have had a *few* over the years from people with one or 2 posts, but nothing like you :)

QUG, you are just so wise, I ask you for advice over and over:p

I can understand PM-ing if they don't feel comfortable posting.

Maybe have a list of members who don't mind that kind of PM?

I agree with Tracy, Queens, you're so knowledgeable everyone values your advice. :)

I can understand PM-ing if they don't feel comfortable posting.

Maybe have a list of members who don't mind that kind of PM?

I agree with Tracy, Queens, you're so knowledgeable everyone values your advice. :)

Great idea!! They're right you know, Queens. I've seen some really awesome and inspiring posts from you over the last few months!