Hi All,

Really bothered and can't seem to get past something. It's kind of a long drawn out story and I'll cut the the chase. A person I used to work with recently changed positions. Some of you may have read my post regarding my job. Anyway, this person worked with me for 6 months and now pretends she doesn't know me. It really bothers me and I can't seem to get past it. She was so nice in the beginning and then completely changed when she found out I was weak in one area that she was trying to show me, numbers. She was never the same after that and then when she finally moved to a different position she barely acknowledges my existance. A minor incident happened with the new girl I work with that angered one of the woman I used to work with's friends on Monday, but that is over and done with and my friend wasn't the one in the wrong. I keep hyperfocusing and trying to figure out what I did so wrong that I am being alienated by this woman and for the most part most of the other women she works with. Why would they alienate me because of something that happened with someone else, or is just they plain don't care for me. Why should I care......I know I shouldn't.

A question I do have is, Do any of you make mistakes your ordinarily wouldn't when you are uncomfortable working with a person. I did make mistakes toward the end when I was working with this other woman, but only out of being nervous and uncomfortable and feeling like she was judging me and seeing that I'm "different" somehow. I wasn't totally focused on my job like I should have been and that made me look stupid I guess, even though I'm not. I'm doing fine now that I'm more comfortable and working with a nice person. It's just now the atmosphere around us is so strange. All the old feelings of insecurity are right at the surface and I am feeling like that kid back in gradeschool that people thought was a loser.

I know I'm really doing a number on myself but just can't seem to help it. Someone I used to talk to every day now acts like she never knew me. She doesn't speak at all to my friend and it seems we are under constant scrutiny and they are trying to find mistakes we make.

I just feel very depressed about this whole thing. Nobody bothers with us unless they have to and all the people that used to come up to the kitchen and talk before the other woman changed jobs basically ignore us and talk to us only if there is a problem with something. I'm sorry to go on and on.

I'm just feeling so bad at the moment. I know I am totally hyperfocusing on the situation and I wish I had an off-switch. I probably sound like a nutcase. Most people would be over it by now but I can't stop feeling sick inside. All I ever was was nice and helpful to these people. How could someone turn out to be so mean and phoney. :( Dee

Dee,
Sorry you have had to deal with a mean person. I do the same thing when I know someone is upset at me or watching me it makes me very nervous and I do a worse job because it. I have been told that is a part of ADD. Because of our brain wiring we do worse the harder we try. If this person was a true friend she would still talk to you. Do not balme yourself. It is her loss. Try to let it go. I know it is easier said than done. Sounds like you do a really good job at work. Keep your head high. Don't let others actions dictate how you feel. I have a hard time with that one to.
Jim

Dee,

OK I can see your hurting maybe it's time to be blunt. This woman know's she is a b**ch just a down right awful b**ch and everytime you take the high road in this situation it forces her to examine her ideals. Therefore, she has to face the fact that she is a b**ch and the only way to make herself feel better is to make you feel worse. And hon as nicely as I can say it,,,your giving her all the ammo she needs.

Because, I get the feeling fault's in others is much more easy for you to accept then your own. I'm the sameway. But, I will be d***ed if I am going to let someone like this ruin my life.

You have worked hard to be the woman you want to be,,,you are better then her and she know's it and that scares the heck out of her. Try thinking of it in a new light. Someday those ppl are going to really need someone and it's going to be YOU who steps up to the plate and I guarentee you that for the rest of their lives they will live with the guilt of the pain they caused you. Also when someone tries to push me in the corner I find the feeling pity for them not hurt for myself help's; because, in the end only they will pay for their transgression's NOT you.

I'm not making any sense I"m sorry but I've been up for way over 60 hours. I will try again later. The point is Dee you ARE BETTER!!!!!!!!!! and I would have been honored to call you friend. Their loss NOT yours.

Hi, Dee.
I feel for you. I can and do go through something very similar, when I get to feeling that life is just loss after personal loss, with few gains. What did I do to make "person B" just disappear from my life? Why did those one-time college buddies come back one fall semester and look right through me when I passed them on campus and never speak to me again? I can run through the list years later and the wounds seem as fresh as ever.

But here's the deal: they are like the bone you broke when you were 12, that is healed but sometimes still aches when it rains. These hyperfocusing episodes could be signals that there is something else bothering you that maybe has little to do with that cold and uncaring co-worker.

Maybe a true friend or a cousellor or therapist can help you put your finger on what it might be that this reminds you of.

This really stings. I can see that from your message. But you are a good person. You are all right inside, and I'm sure you will get past this recent slight as the days go by.

Thank you all so much for your supportive posts. Jim, it sounds like you have experienced that same freezing of the brain that I do in stressful situations. When I'm already upset about something, the harder I try, the worse it gets and that sure didn't help when dealing with this woman. The good thing is now that I am working directly with a decent person I am back to my old self and have stopped making stupid mistakes. And N.F. , you are right, I have to realize the source and accept the fact that she is just not a nice person and you are right I do feel sorry for her and the others. They all seem so unhappy and have all different problems. They seem to have no problem though finding fault in others because it makes them feel better about their own sad situations. You are also right that if they really needed help I'd be there simply out of human compassion which they themselves do not seem to have, very sad. Some day they will meet their maker and hopefully they will have changed before then. Ace, I've met many people that have saddened and disappointed me but I still keep trying, even after what just happened. I know I am a decent friendly human being. All I can do is just be kind and be myself. People that are worth it see the good in you and will stick around. I did see a good friend today and it really helped to talk about it and she pointed out some other things that may be making me feel this bad.

I'm hurting right now but knowing I have understanding friends like you all helps me to heal just a little quicker. :)
Your Friend, Dee
P.S. I hope you got some sleep NF

Sending good vibes your way. I agree NF get some sleep !!!