I often get distracted during sex- it's the slightest little thing that'll divert my attention. My girlfriend is beautiful and I'm attracted to her. I often get distracted to the point of not being 'excited' enough. :o

Was wondering if you guys sometimes experience the same thing and know how to get over this?

I have suffered through similar situations before. I've suffered from both distractibility and performance anxiety. I've been on meds the past two months to treat my depression/anxiety. So I'm not sure if these past issues are resolved or not since I'm not sexually active at the moment.

Well I can't speak for men but I know I can relate. I am a very Sexual Female but I can be distracted easily during sex too.Especially if the partner doesnt really try to keep you interested... if ya know what I mean. Most times my husband has no trouble keeping me interested but it happens from time to time ,but then it would be harder (no pun intended)for a man to hide.

If your GF knows about your ADD the maybe you could just playfully joke with her & tell her how you need a little help focusing during sex ...ya never know it might get you some "Special Attention".

but then it would be harder (no pun intended)for a man to hide.

Ha- that part made me laugh. :p

Yeah she knows about my ADD but I've never mentioned anything about sex -I don't want her to think it's her fault! But then again I like your reasoning!

Oh yeah, been there...

Actually, Scatty, viewing this from the chick's perspective, she MIGHT think it's got something to do with her anyway if it's ... uh.... noticeable (?), so telling her that the ADD has this effect might not be a bad idea. Plus, you then at least take the pressure off so that you don't get the whole feedback loop thing going (where you're thinking "uh oh, I hope that she doesn't think that that has anything to do with her" and then THAT concern becomes its own distraction, etc.)

This always happens to me. Sometimes I get caught staring into space which some people take the wrong way...

Dexadrine helped me a fair bit with this kind of thing. Are you on meds atm?

Actually, Scatty, viewing this from the chick's perspective, she MIGHT think it's got something to do with her anyway if it's ... uh.... noticeable (?), so telling her that the ADD has this effect might not be a bad idea. Plus, you then at least take the pressure off so that you don't get the whole feedback loop thing going (where you're thinking "uh oh, I hope that she doesn't think that that has anything to do with her" and then THAT concern becomes its own distraction, etc.)

Yeah good plan- best to tell her- seeing as it can be noticable, ha, feels funny talking to strangers about this kinda thing! :D


This always happens to me. Sometimes I get caught staring into space which some people take the wrong way...

Dexadrine helped me a fair bit with this kind of thing. Are you on meds atm?


Yeah i sometimes go into 'STAND BY' too. I snap myself out of it pretty quick though sometimes.

Nah no meds YET- just for anxiety/depression (which is caused by ADD according to psychiatrist- he says t treat ADD and I won't be anxious or depressed :confused:) Gotta wait AGES in the UK before you can be given any medication that's specific to ADD.

Nah no meds YET- just for anxiety/depression

Some medications for anxiety & depression can affect sexual performance (sometimes even putting the finish line out of reach). Which one(s) are you on?

Mirtazapine.

I noticed before I was on this though! ;)

Hmmmm for me the answer would be sometimes and it depends very much on my partner.

I find the "chase" and inital foreplay a very intense experience not matched by the actuality of the bedroom as things were either over way to quick or boredom set in. It's difficult to tell how much of this is due to my ADDness and how much due to the often uninspiring nature of many partners ideas on what constitutes sensual fulfillment for a guy.

Over the years I compensated by concentrating on giving my lover as pleasurable an experience as was in my power for as long as she desired using anything to hand except what men most frequently use. This generally took her mind off everything apart from herself, whch my given my usual misguided choice of lovers wasn't hard to acheive.

Though much appreciated and highly educational that strategy made it increasingly difficult to talk about my own feelings and needs... a barrier that required a pretty unusual partner to break down.

The best way through the sensual maze is open communication. This does have it's issues as many women think being naked with them is the ultimate sexual experience a man can have and hinting otherwise hurts their feelings and can lead to dramatic scenes and painful consequences.

But all told it's far better for all concerned to find out about sexual issues early in a relationship rather than late on in a couple counselling session.

So...best to talk to your lover about how your ADDness affects your sensuality, if they are positive fine...if not....just make sure there are no sharp implements around and your escape route is clear.

kilt

just make sure there are no sharp implements around and your escape route is clear.

kilt

So you're familiar with my ex? :p

But seriously, yeah I think the best idea is to have a talk- thanks.

Getting distracted during sex can be good (like the trick to use when you think you can't last the distance: think of old ladies and nuns). Just make sure she does not realise that you are distracted (like pretending to listen, something all men are good at).

How about hyperfocusing instead?

I think that sensory focusing might help. e.g. focusing on how your skin feels, etc. Things to 'turn off' the brain's workings.

Ofcourse some men have the opposite problem (need distraction). They need to slow down and LOOK for diversionary tasks (e.g. doing times tables in their heads), to prevent early ejaculation, etc.

If it's really a problem, a sex therapist person or sex therapy book could help you. Or there are a few books on the market. (e.g. on "sensate focus", etc.)

http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/sexpedia/sensate.html

UNDERSTANDING THE PROBLEM



Time for me to take a poke at this (pun intended). First, I would like to say that you are very smart for seeking input on this issue. It's critically important for you to realize that your ADD is a disorder of the central nervous system which inhibits the higher executive functions such as attention and impulse control. Once you come to realize this, you understand how fundamentally affective ADD is EVERY aspect of life. You won't find a single aspect of your life that it DOESNT affect. You may not notice it in some areas because your sufficiently adapted with coping mechanisms that work well for you. However, that doesn't mean its not affecting them. ADD does affect EVERY part of our lives. That being said, let me address a couple of things here said in this thread.

Actually, Scatty, viewing this from the chick's perspective, she MIGHT think it's got something to do with her anyway if it's ... uh.... noticeable (?), so telling her that the ADD has this effect might not be a bad idea. Plus, you then at least take the pressure off so that you don't get the whole feedback loop thing going (where you're thinking "uh oh, I hope that she doesn't think that that has anything to do with her" and then THAT concern becomes its own distraction, etc.)

Absolutely correct. A lot of us don't understand the psychology of sex. In spite of it being a physical experience, its much more mental that we commonly believe it to be. Your ability to maintain arousal both men and women is very much a function of the mind. In men a problem maintaining focus on the erotic input from our various senses will often result in a loss of erection. Females often don't notice this, but their bodies respond in the same manner only their vaginal secretions begin to dry out making sex uncomfortable.

Now, in regards to Sandy's comment on a "feedback loop", a very intelligent observation my dear. That is exactly the term I was going to use except you beat me to it. [*pouts* not fair, not fair] :p She's also absolutely correct in that by NOT talking to your partner about this, your likely having her think its her. This isn't a trait of women, and I am not implying anything other than that its normal for ANYONE male or female regardless your sexual orientation, to think there is something wrong with themself when their partner is sexually nonresponsive. It's a human reaction because sex extends far beyond physical or emotional, its something greater than both. We often also validate our body image through our sexual activity and when a partner is showing signs of non-arousal it becomes hurtful personally even if its not related to us.

She knows about my ADD but I've never mentioned anything about sex -I don't want her to think it's her fault!

I have said time and time again on this forum that open and honest dialogue is CRITICAL to a successful relationship. Check out this post (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showpost.php?p=656898&postcount=4) for more information on that.

THE SCIENCE BEHIND THE PROBLEM

Now you should know that outside of serious illness there are only four things that are the cause of erectile dysfunction. Not hundreds. Just four.

(a) Extended improper nutrition (malnutrition)
(b) Impaired circulation
(c) Emotional stress
(d) Prescription drugs

That's it! They are the cause of erectile dysfunction. :cool: For our purposes were going to focus on the third one emotional stress. Your mind is very likely going back and forth between fear and the task at hand. Fear is the mind killer. You won't maintain an erection as long as your worried. For several reasons. However it might be a good time for me to stop and explain how we actually get an erection. Lets briefly look at a medical diagram to understand better.

http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/5086/edspongycrosssectiondefqr8.jpg
http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/edspongycrosssectiondefqr8.jpg/1/w244.png (http://g.imageshack.us/img152/edspongycrosssectiondefqr8.jpg/1/)
First the medical name for the spaces inside the spongy columns in your penis is the corpora cavernosa. When your penis is limp, these spaces are empty. When you have an erection, the spaces are full of blood. This makes the columns firm. Blood vessels called arteries supply the extra blood that you need to get an erection. There are also nerves in your penis. They send messages around your penis to help erections happen. Other nerves bring messages from your brain about what you're thinking and feeling about sex. Erections happen when nerves in your penis release certain chemicals that change the way blood flows into your penis.

I often get distracted during sex- it's the slightest little thing that'll divert my attention. My girlfriend is beautiful and I'm attracted to her. I often get distracted to the point of not being 'excited' enough. :o

Was wondering if you guys sometimes experience the same thing and know how to get over this?

To answer your question about if it happens to others, yes, it happens to me all the time and my loving partner Theresa and I just deal with it. Just because you can't maintain an erection sometimes doesn't mean you can't please her in other ways. Now if I understand your other part of the question, what your are experiencing is a difficulty staying focused on arousal. This is problematic, but nothing to worry about, it's going to happen sometimes with ADD and there is NOTHING you can do about it.

However, you CAN do something about the part where your worrying yourself into performance failure. You need to understand this is partly your own fault, as you need to talk to your partner about how your ADD is affecting you during sex sometimes. Remember, again honest and open dialogue is CRITICAL to any successful romantic relationship.

You should understand that your brain produces stress chemicals which counteract the neccessary chemicals to maintain an erection. When the brain is struggling with stress and desire, and can't force the balance of chemical mediators to tip in the favor of erection the body produces a chemical called phosphodiesterase. This chemical prevents the vasodialation necessary for the corpora cavernosa to fully engorge with blood and maintain an erection.

Remember the term Sandy used a "feedback loop"? That's whats going on here, because while your erection requires feedback from your brain to stay hard, your brain is preoccupied with other things. If you have a conversation with your partner, then your helping to prevent the negative feedback loop and to stimulate the positive feedback loop.

As if that wasn't bad enough, lets take into consideration the part about the nerves from the penis sending signals to the brain. Remember in the beginning when I said ADD affects all parts of life because its a disease of the central nervous system? This is exactly what I was talking about.


THE SOLUTION

It's really simple. Talk to your partner and help her to understand whats going non inside of your brain. Like I said before in another post which I quoted above.

If they can't accept your ADD and are not willing to work with you on the issues in your relationship that it affects, then you should put some serious thought into whether or not that person is good for you. Do not however think that this means you don't have to change things about yourself either, because its a two way street. Both of you have to make an effort.

Remember, ADHD is something that affects every part of our lives and we need to work hard to overcome. Talk to her and work hard (pun unintended) to come to an agreement about how to handle this when it happens. Again, just because sometimes you won't be able to prevent this (and it happens to me, so DONT feel alone) doesn't mean you can't please her in other ways. It will be disappointing sometimes, because some women do enjoy penetration more than other forms of stimulation, but if she cares about you, then she will understand and you can just execute your backup plan that the two of you agreed on.

I really hope all of this helps you, and I apologize for it being so long. It just takes a bit of explanation to explain the root of the problem. I will be more than happy to answer any questions you may have.

-BR

Oh, and did anyone catch my reference to Frank Herbert's Dune in this post?

As an ADHD woman dating an ADHD man....we come up against this often (and he is not on meds). As a woman I have to back everyone who has said to talk to her about it and explain, seriously, if she loves you she will 'get it' or at least try to, and it will help her not take it personally (trust me, at this point she probably thinks its all her fault - I did).

Now we just laugh and move on to some other activity if his mind is wandering too badly, he deals with my quirks, I deal with his.

Not that this is the solution you were looking for I guess....but its our work around and if it helps someone else then Im happy to share it.

Ok I can sorta relate to this issue but a little differently. When I get distracted I'm err... *sturdy* the entire time however it is sometimes impossible to "finish"...

This bothers me lots and bothers my wife a great deal as well. She has said she 'wishes she could make me'. I tell her not to blame herself, but she isn't so much buying it.

In another post someone had two theories.

1.) It could be protected sex. I understand that "hyper sensitivity" can be associated with ADD. It may be possible that the latex is a huge distraction. For me things are much better when that latex is; ummm... not in place?

2.) It could also be the pressure to "finish" making it difficult for me to do so? I try really hard not to think about it but I just cann't make it to the big "O".

It is pretty confusing because my wife is totaly hot!!!

We have talked about this before but until recently never connected it to my ADD. What do you think???

yeah, it happens. that's why I don't like music or having the TV on or anything either.

but if something is bothering me, or if my wife does something to hurt or offend me (I'm really sensitive) then I'll lose interest, if you know what I mean.

sorta like everything has to be just exactly perfect.

i know as the adhd girlfriend of an adhd guy it can be difficult but seriously, all you have to do is tell her why it is happening and she will be completely understanding. i dont ever get hurt or think anything is because of me. ofcourse if he told me =soemthing was i would remedy whatever it is but women do have the ability to understand this kind of thing. if it happens i jsut roll over and cuddle with him. sex is not the most important thing in life. and i love him it doesnt matter what happens :D basically my point is trust me we understand

In my case, I don't think it's a matter of distration at all. Sex is one time when I'm quite focused.

... *sturdy* the entire time however it is sometimes impossible to "finish"...

I'm the same way. Part of it I know is the protection issue. But I'm NEVER "fast". Some have viewed that as a benefit, others not.

When there is pressure to finish, it's just not gonna happen. Saying "hurry up" might as well be saying "stop", for me.

I guess maybe I'm unusual, but it's not always necessary for me to "finish" in order to have a great time. You know how sometimes getting to a destination is more fun than arriving there? That's how I look at it. It's still fun and enjoyable. If they're happy, I'm usually happy.
.
This was difficult to type without using "adult words".

In my case, I don't think it's a matter of distration at all. Sex is one time when I'm quite focused. I'm the same way. Part of it I know is the protection issue. But I'm NEVER "fast". Some have viewed that as a benefit, others not. When there is pressure to finish, it's just not gonna happen. Saying "hurry up" might as well be saying "stop", for me. I guess maybe I'm unusual, but it's not always necessary for me to "finish" in order to have a great time. You know how sometimes getting to a destination is more fun than arriving there? That's how I look at it. It's still fun and enjoyable. If they're happy, I'm usually happy.

You two gentleman are NOT alone, as this happens to me frequently. Generally speaking MOST women find this to be, shall we say, desirable. :cool:

Oh, and I have some more to add to this as I just read some material on how the brain actually processes sensory input, but I have to go to class. I'll get back to this in a couple of hours. TTFN.

-BR

Wow...

What ya'all added sounds exactly like me! Sorry ya'all go through it too however it is good to know I am not alone or some kind of freak.

Do you think it is an ADD thing? I have a few friends and some of my staff who are also ADD but I'm not sure I could ever talk with them about this.

Thanks...
Ryan

Well, being a girl, and CONSTANTLY distracted during sex, I would say maybe read a little Kama Sutra and try some of those. I told my bf a while ago that I was an incredibly sensory person during sex, and I needed to be stimulated in different ways all the time to keep my drive. This actually lead to a lot of fun, and we both enjoy it much more. Communication is key, even during sex, so don't be afraid to take the initiative and change it up a little.

...Communication is key, even during sex...

Huh, imagine that...someone actually was listening to my long rants about communicating. LOL.:p

Often enough for my last girlfriend to talk me into letting her blindfold me; it cut out the visual over-stimulation and made me pay better attention to what was actually going on.

Worked for the both of us.

Logic

Distraction is alwasy an issue, I may want sex but once started I start thinking of other thing I need to do or accomplish or possibly even a better way to have sex

Man I love this site! I feel like Im reading about myself so often...
Anyways Ive had this problem myself. Whats worked for me to keep my attention is long and intense foreplay(sp). Just um...just.."doing it" doesnt work for me. Just get distracted so easily. But by having an understanding partner and lots and lots of foreplay before the act I no longer get distracted that much at all. With the whole ADHD thing its all learning what works to keep ones attention. In my case its lots and lots of foreplay. Just my .02

Thanks Black Razor!

I have the same issues myself...get distracted and have a tough time getting to or staying at attention. Makes me crazy. I hyperfocus on sex until i am having sex and then i think of other things. Oh i wish i could control this brain of mine better:mad:

this is the best sight ever for me, It is reeat to see so many men har having the same issue, have felt alone and know have wasy of dealing with it. Gregaid and Sehsucht its liek we are the same

I'm a woman but will post here anyway. I'm bipolar and ADHD and was never able to pay attention to sex until I was properly medicated. The only time I could pay attention was when having a one night stand because of the adventurous/daring component of it. If I slept with someone a second time, my mind would wander and I would quickly lose interest. Fortunately, my doctor and I have finally gotten my meds right so I am able to enjoy sex with the same person which is a lot safer these days.

rx: 100mg. Adderall, 450 mg. wellbutrin, 1000mg depakote, 15mg abilify

Skatty I have had the exact same problem my entire life. Usually when I am with my GF, but often even when I am by myself it can be difficult to maintain an erection.
The instant something distracts me ie: a thought, noise, smell etc.. it is game over, at least for a minute or two.
It took me years to realize that it was these distractions that were causing the difficulty in maintaining an erection.
I am really glad to find others who are experiencing similar situations.

Everyone has wonderful advice on how to maintain interest in the moment:


Communicate.
Experiment with positions.
Try using a blindfold.
Go au naturale (be very careful with this one).
Encourage her and praise her when she does things that maintain your interest.


I'd also suggest:


Try not only different positions, but different settings/locations.
Go "toy" shopping. Get things that will interest you both.
Encourage her to be as interested in her own pleasure as you are. Consider getting something for her to discreetly pleasure herself with during intercourse. Many women do require direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and it will remove some of the performance pressure from you.
Watch videos together and challenge yourselves to do what you see. That way, if you get distracted, it will be by something that will still engage you in the moment.
Challenge yourself to keep things interesting for her, because that will give you the added benefit of keeping things interesting for yourself. And when you bring new things to the experience, she'll be encouraged to do the same.


Something you can do when ED happens anyway, from the perspective of a non-ADD female:

When my ADD partner gets too distracted to continue, he rolls right out of bed without a word, walks purposefully down the hall, and fixes me something to eat. No uncomfortable explanations or apologies. It makes me giggle, because it lets me know he's still thinking of my wants/needs and wants to do something to meet them. And I am usually pretty hungry around that time. ;)

And interestingly, I take it as a great compliment whenever he says, "I didn't get distracted AT ALL that time!" It's good to be open about the effects of ADD on intimacy. It'll put everything in perspective for your partner.

...And please, dear powers that be, never let my mother read this.

...And please, dear powers that be, never let my mother read this.

Hahaha, holy crap that's funny :D



I was just going to say I have the same problem, though not always. If the bedframe is making an irritating noise from every little move, I keep thinking of wanting to get up and move the bed a bit, instead of thinking about, er, things. The dog snoring always drives me nuts, and god help me if the TV is on something interesting. Watching porn while getting a.....er, yeah (trying to keep this somewhat family-site friendly) isn't actually a good thing, because I'll pay too much attention to it and not what's physically happening.

I was in a 3 year relationship with a man who was very Inattentive and also diabetic. He had these issues. Combined with my ADHD and how hypersensitive I get sometimes, we had a lot of frustration for a while after the infatuation time wore out.

Then we realized that sex is more than achieving orgasm. Orgasm was the cherry on top, not the whole freaking sunday.

Even if you start and stop a couple of times in a day or week, you still got to pleasure each other, you still got to connect, you still got to have fun and you still made love.

With the pressure off and getting into the kinky stuff we found we had less problems getting to the cherry on top too :)

...I need to stop posting in this thread, NOW, or I'm going to start sharing TMI, LoL.

But I like RedHairedWitch's take on things. The less you attach yourselves to an outcome, the more pleasure you'll derive from the moment.

Though... *cough*... there is something to be said for being determined to make your partner orgasm. If not today, then perhaps tomorrow, or later down the road, with some secret planning and sense of purpose, with some research or creative idea, etc... you get the picture. ;) AND THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING ABOUT THAT. (Sorry, have to say that and be firm for my own benefit. I have no boundaries otherwise...)

Wintermute, do you find that you're generally most distracted by noises? Noise from the bed, noise from the dog, noise from the TV... Maybe try playing videos on mute? What they're saying really isn't all that important. :D

Everyone has wonderful advice on how to maintain interest in the moment:


Communicate.
Experiment with positions.
Try using a blindfold.
Go au naturale (be very careful with this one).
Encourage her and praise her when she does things that maintain your interest.

I'd also suggest:


Try not only different positions, but different settings/locations.
Go "toy" shopping. Get things that will interest you both.
Encourage her to be as interested in her own pleasure as you are. Consider getting something for her to discreetly pleasure herself with during intercourse. Many women do require direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and it will remove some of the performance pressure from you.
Watch videos together and challenge yourselves to do what you see. That way, if you get distracted, it will be by something that will still engage you in the moment.
Challenge yourself to keep things interesting for her, because that will give you the added benefit of keeping things interesting for yourself. And when you bring new things to the experience, she'll be encouraged to do the same.

Something you can do when ED happens anyway, from the perspective of a non-ADD female:

When my ADD partner gets too distracted to continue, he rolls right out of bed without a word, walks purposefully down the hall, and fixes me something to eat. No uncomfortable explanations or apologies. It makes me giggle, because it lets me know he's still thinking of my wants/needs and wants to do something to meet them. And I am usually pretty hungry around that time. ;)

And interestingly, I take it as a great compliment whenever he says, "I didn't get distracted AT ALL that time!" It's good to be open about the effects of ADD on intimacy. It'll put everything in perspective for your partner.

...And please, dear powers that be, never let my mother read this.

I think your ideas are great you have to remember with ADD or ADD you can become addicted to looking for a stimulator to get you excited and that can cause another whole set of issues which can be worse then distraction. The same stimulate or serge for excitement Will need to be increased all the time and can be really self harming.

...I need to stop posting in this thread, NOW, or I'm going to start sharing TMI, LoL.

But I like RedHairedWitch's take on things. The less you attach yourselves to an outcome, the more pleasure you'll derive from the moment.

Though... *cough*... there is something to be said for being determined to make your partner orgasm. If not today, then perhaps tomorrow, or later down the road, with some secret planning and sense of purpose, with some research or creative idea, etc... you get the picture. ;) AND THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING ABOUT THAT. (Sorry, have to say that and be firm for my own benefit. I have no boundaries otherwise...)

Wintermute, do you find that you're generally most distracted by noises? Noise from the bed, noise from the dog, noise from the TV... Maybe try playing videos on mute? What they're saying really isn't all that important. :D


Just wondered can this be different for men then women? I myself find myself dealing emotionally different then women. Women can fake it and men can't. I men no disrespect but this is a mens thread and men are wondering how other men deal with the same issues.

jjreadhd wrote:
[Y]ou have to remember with ADD or ADD you can become addicted to looking for a stimulator to get you excited and that can cause another whole set of issues which can be worse then distraction. The same stimulate or serge for excitement Will need to be increased all the time and can be really self harming.I can only speak for my partner and myself, so yes, I agree that what's a good idea for us isn't going to be a good idea for everyone. Each individual will have to consider for themselves what is healthiest for them. Even in the case of my partner and myself, we stagger "new" experiences, only incorporating them once in a while. I certainly would recommend against trying everything all at once or right away.

This was an important point to make. Thank you.

jjreadhd wrote:
I men no disrespect but this is a mens thread and men are wondering how other men deal with the same issues.I apologize. My intention was to be helpful. I thought perhaps the men who deal with these issues would like to know what's been "working" or what has been appreciated from a partner's perspective, since it's not just the man who's going to be dealing with the distraction issues. The partner is going to be affected by them, too, since, as you said, a man can't "fake it." So, that's why I felt like I may have had something to add here, since I've been touched directly by the issue as well. And for my partner, the way his partner feels plays a major role in his decision-making process in matters of intimacy. I suspect there may be other men who feel the same way.

But regardless of whether or not there's any merit in a female opinion on this matter, I figure it's always better to have too much information than not enough. :) Even if my experiences cannot be applied directly to one's own situation, I hope that at least my posts encourage and reassure men that they can talk with their own partners about how ADD affects intimacy.

I'll endeavor to choose where I post more carefully in the future. I'm still new to the forums. I suppose if a female opinion was wanted, the OP would have been posted in a more general or female-specific forum. I hadn't thought about that before. LoL, like I said, I have no boundaries. :p Sorry 'bout that.

I absolutely agree with the ladies. If she has "noticed" anything already she just might think its her or be entertaining that thought that you are cheating. We women have wonderful imaginations. What ever you do, DONT talk about it right after sex!! And use this too both of your advantages. You both may be the last sexual partners you ever have. Even with NT's you have to keep that kind of time interesting. Talk about exploring sex as a couple. There are all kinds of things out there. Tantric sex is amazing, shoping in sex catalogs or a little more exciting going to the sex stores together, role play, choosing porn together (given the right circumstances women can enjoy porn too, massage, text message all day mental foreplay and the list goes on and on. The main thing is that you both feel safe and secure. As long as she feels like its you and her against your ADD and not you and your ADD against her she will be great.

Wow... The thread is interesting... I found out I had ADD for real about a month ago, but 5 years ago I went to see a doc about ED. The problem was that I only had ED during actual coitus... I could handle myself without any problems from start to finish, I had a huge interest, the only problem was 1.) the act seemed to take forever, and 2.) I would eventually loose interest.

The doc at the time gave me the standard blue pills and they helped... but not always. I was also tested and found to have a Testosterone deficiency which was later treated, but had an incomplete effect also.

Through a little self examination I started to recognize that almost anything could distract me including the changing of positions mid stream. But only in coitus. Foreplay on the other hand was stimulating and varied and offered me lots of time to ramp up. But if I was not sufficiently "primed" the act of just pumping in and out and in and out would eventually cause me to drift. I would feel a breeze on my butt and it was all over. A voice outside, a passing plane...

I would compensate by pushing the limits at times. Self excitement, and toys, but in the wrong setting they themselves can be a distraction. I would actually fake orgasm to let my GF think that it happened. Somehow she was able to buy it, probably because she could not believe that after 20 minutes or so of actual pumping that nothing could happen... but... little did she know.

In the end, I found that quick was good. Build up way before you get to doing it. Let your mind focus by playing sexy mind games all day. Spend lots of time in foreplay. Build to it. Make it so that when you finally get to it, you are a minute away in the first place.

Since I have been on meds, the focus has been much better, and I finally found out what a quickie is!!!

K

sometimes i feel like it's a libido issue.. and other times, i'm made to realize that i get distracted.. but in both instances i feel really bad. the person i'm having sex with usually thinks i lost interest. :(