Ok don't know how to start this one. (Warning : Long Rant)

I have been working at my job for over 4 years now. It is an office full of women (its ok if you don't want to read futher). I am one of the youngest at 28 and the oldests of my co workers is in her mid 50's. We usually cut up with each other and everyone pretty much gets along.

Over the years my relationship with the oldest of the bunch has gotten very ruff and I really don't know why. At first I was nieve to how she is. She will be your best friend to your face and try to collect as much info on your life so she can talk about you to everyone else behind your back. She doesn't understand my personality and my humor and often takes me seriously when I am just being sarcastic and kidding around.Oh and she is a major butt kisser to the boss. I have tried to be as nice as possible and have learned to ignore it and to give her as little info as possible.

They know I am on Adderall and half of the girls say I don't need it and that I don't have ADD. This lady will always comment on it and will talk about it like I am just a drug addict. I know I shouldn't have let them know but espesially when everyone knows everything you do,even what I do in the bathroom.When you have a doc appointment she will want to know what it is for and when I come back, what did he give me(while being my best friend of course) They will also say my doctor is a quack because he didn't run a bunch of the ADD test and whatever else the other doctors may do. I don't come out and tell them they ask questions and to not be rude I answer them then I have to defend my self.

Anyway, last week was my Birthday. She usually bakes cupcakes for you and will be incharge of collecting money from everyone etc...which I always contribute to. At the end of the day someone ask what the cake in the fridge was for and she said it was for some club party and that they could have it cause she wasn't going. So as we all get a piece she says oh and this can be you birthday present and sticks a candle in my slice. I kind of laughed but caught on to her lack of effort for me. They gave me my card which I read and said thank you to everyone, which I thought she heard.

Today She announces to everyone about the news on Adderall and you should have your heart tested all while looking at me and says with "all the drugs you take" That they should do that test. I said how do you know what test they do on me and that he hasn't done it. She said because I have never talked about it. I told her to quit putting her nose where it didn't belong. Then we didn't talk about it anymore.

Two hours later, when the boss was outside and infront of the other girls,She just turns to me and says" You are an ungrateful ***** and I am the only reason you got anything for your birthday. You're the sleeze of the Earth and where I come from you are called white trash "
Dumbfounded, I tried defending my self in bewtween the bashing. I quickly wrote down what she said so I wouldn't forget. Then I just tried to act normal when she was finished. I went to my boss about an hour later and told her what was said. I told her not to make a big deal about it that I would transfer to another office, (kind of like a sacrifice cause I really don't want to) I still don't know what I did, I guess she was mad because she thought I didn't say thank you, which I did. I don't know, its like I need to send a gigantic thank you card with her name all over it with a singing teligram to her then kiss her feet. and praise her.

Anyway, how do I deal with her ? I can't let everything roll of my back and I have never been good at confortations. Maybe she is mad cause I am finally standing up to her, which even the boss told me to do. I am going to tell to please not get me any birthday gifts next year because I am afraid my thank yous might not be good enough. Sorry for the long rant thankyou for reading. I really mean thank you ;)

Ugh! What a yucky to have to put up with all day. You did the right thing, by going right to your boss about what she said to you, cloud, and your coworkers can back you up. I do think this is the time for you to really tighten up the boundaries there, and discuss this with your superior your plan of action to avoid further issues with her.

Co-workers should not be the ones organizing all the bashes, just for the reasons you are involved with now. You never know if she's mishandling the money or what, and she has really abused the privilege anyway, it's time to make a change. Maybe your boss can back you up there as well? Do continue to keep track of any comments she makes regarding your health and anything that would be thought of as harassment. Look up workplace harassment and see what it's all about, she fits right in. If she asks you personal questions, a good comeback is always "why do you want to know?" And, reset those boundaries. Best keep future stuff private? Your co-workers are ALWAYS co-workers first, and friends second. No matter how close you all are. Your job is worth protecting. If you work for a large corporation, there should be info through your HR about workplace harassment, maybe you could check into it, and it would always be confidential.

Yeah, maybe she got mad about you stood up to her. She obviously has power issues. I still think it's best though, to protect your integrity, to not respond or stand up to her. I had a similar situation at my workplace, and got to the point where I had to decide to say something to the lady or just put up, because my super is useless here. If need be, what I was going to say, was that as long as blah blah blah, my preference is not to yada yada yada. Use a lot of "I" words and no "you"words, you just want to say what YOU feel or believe, not what you see in them. If you at least THINK this approach, it will make you stronger and help you set those boundaries.

Gosh, best of luck! Keep us posted

do you work for a big or small company?

Are there HR policies in place?

Harassment is psycological and can also be bullying...

First, happy (belated) birthday.

Second, I agree with FrazzleDazzle. When your co-worker asks you nosy questions (which is anything not related to work - and doctor appointments and ADD are not work related) just give her a straight look and say "Why do you want to know?" or "I don't want to talk about personal matters." Don't talk to her at all unless you have to, and then keep it polite but not friendly.

And third, definately report her if she calls you any other nasty names or says anything horrible to you or about you.

cloud, I'm sorry that you had such a horrible time. The co-worker should have been given a warning. I hope you can figure out what needs to be done with human resources. The woman has absolutely no right to treat you the way she did. Please keep us updated on whatever happens. (((hugss)))

re: #1

re: your backstabbing colleague who smiles in face then stabs in back; tears a strip off you moreso than the occassion deserves; turns on you like a rattlesnake; has power issues


Question: Do you think she has a "personality disorder", or traits of one?

It might save your sanity to read up on this condition, if she is indeed one of these folks.

Check out the personality disorder Forum.

Tell them, the MIRROR of the Universe, is VERY ACCURITE.

......whatever you love about someone, is also true about you.
and whatever you hate is also the truth about you.

I have delt with BS like this my whole life.

....When they can get THEIR substandardness, and imperfections in order.
THEN, they can try to work on yours.




Taking Charge

Taking charge is great, but many people misunderstand what it is, exactly, they can take charge of.

As far as I can tell, the only thing you can take charge of is

the space within your skin.

...........That's it.

Everything (and, especially, everyone) else does not belong to what you can take charge of.

Considering the vastness of the Universe, "the space within your skin" doesn't sound like much.

.....But consider what's in there: your mind, your body, your emotions, and whatever sense of You you've got.

Even if we could take charge of people, things, and events outside ourselves, our first job would still be to take charge of ourselves.

.................What would "taking charge" be like?


You would have charge of your thoughts. You would not find yourself thinking about things you didn't want to think about. Your mind would be directed, creative, and positive at all times.

You would have charge of your body. You would be healthy, energetic, fit, glowing, radiant, exuberant, and fully alive.

You would have charge of your emotions. You would never feel anything you didn't want to feel. You would feel joy, happiness, fulfillment, contentment, enthusiasm, or love whenever you wanted.
To the degree we do not have charge of our minds, bodies, and emotions, we have our work cut out for us. Do we really have any extra time to spend taking charge of others?


--- Life 101





don't allow yourself to be held down, when they have no hold on you.

I do think this is the time for you to really tighten up the boundaries there, and discuss this with your superior your plan of action to avoid further issues with her.Yes! And if your boss doesn't clean up this mess, I would seriously start looking for another job where you can put into practice what you've learned the hard way. No one should be quizzing you about your medical appointments. My medication is my business and my extended medical plan carrier's business and even they don't ask me why I take Ritalin or Wellbutrin. They've been reimbursing me for prescriptions for twelve years without asking.

Thank you for all of your responses. Yes I do work for a big company and the HR is right around the corner. My husband was ready to call up there and have harrassment charges filed. I had already told my boss not to make a big deal about it. I love my bosses there and they are great with us. I am just scared this would come back on me somehow, she is good at turning the tables. So I am not being loud about it so I don't look like the crazy person who is at as much fault as her.

I am kind of glad at least now I know what she is saying behind my back and everyone else knows how mean she is. I hate having that feeling in a job where I know someone doesn't like me and like they talk down to me. You can just feel the negativity really thick it in the air. It makes me miserable. I had that at job before and I don't want it again. I like having fun and making everyone smile, not making them feel guilty for getting a Birthday present.

Oh and thank you for the Happy Birthday. I did get beautiful lavender and green roses from my sweet husband. I will let you know how this pans out. Thanks again.

How mean! I feel also that is up to your boss to straighten her out, she should be transferred not you. She verbally assaulted you, she is a bully and passive aggressive too, (birthday cake incident). You did good standing up to her and not giving her more info to use on you. Tell her you dont ask her to see the results of her last pap smear!

Why is it that such nasty behaving people make US feel like we're the messed up ones. That type of behavior shows the problem is with her. Sorry you have to deal with that.

A coworker at another large company dealt with that type of behavior by confronting the person, telling her that the behavior was harassment, and then asked her personally if they should take it up with HR. It was obvious that the offending person didn't expect to be confronted (as most passive-aggressives don't) and definitely did not want to go to HR. MOST of the behavior stopped.

It is OKAY to stand up for yourself. It does not make you a mean person. It makes you a strong person. I tell my kids this all the time.

I hope the situation straightens out to your satisfaction.

She wasn't there today she was out to go to the doctor! Ha ha. I should ask her what doctor, what it was for and what test and medications he gave her. Then I should say....

" You don't really have arthritis, my grandmother had it and you have none of her symptoms. You are just doing it to get pain pills." ........Ha ha ha!

Yeah so I had all day to dream of things to say to her, not that I would. At this point I'll keep my mouth shut and stay the victim.

I don't like how everyone in the office acted like it never happened and never said anything about it, even with her not around today. I guess they will let it go and forget about it and nothing gets said to her. It felt good to stand up for my self even if still some how they see me as the @$$. I want to say something to the rest of the co workers to the fact I was thankful for the gift and I am sorry I didn't make it loud enough or come and individual thank them, but not being a smarty pants about it. I just don't want them to think that would be the only reason I am doing it.

Oh well. Thats why I guess thats why I have never really had any female friends just guy friends. I am kind of like a guy when it comes to not knowing all the right things to say and when to say it. Girls can cause some drama and I don't know how to keep up with that. I really like to hang out with guys better cause I can let my guard down and not have to be on the look out for an attack, which I really never have a clue is coming. I'm not trying to sound girl bashing or insult anyone cause as a girl I have never understood the drama queens. I just wish everyone could be laid back and get along and quit being petty. Work and life would be much easier.

Any we will see what happens tommorrow. Sorry to drag this out but didn't want to leave you hanging. Thanks everbody. :)

I really wish I lived near you. I'd beat her up for you... lol. I cannot stand people like that.

Bottom line, she likes to redirect her insecurities and you're a perfect target. You said yourself you don't do confrontation. She has been sizing you up and figured you're a good punching bag for her entertainment.

Although I typically always agree with Queens U Girl on things, this time I say don't even bother worrying about what mental issues this woman has. You simply have the unfortunate opportunity of working with an a-hole. I've worked with a few. In fact she sounds much like one in particular.

The more she sees that her words bother you, the more fun she's deriving from all of it. Yes, it's wrong, yes, your boss should step in, but likely wont.

So here's your free, all knowing advice from Delores:

Unless you ARE a drug seeking, non ADD white trash trailer park living *****, (I embellished with the trailer park part), the next time she says anything remotely derogatory to you just agree with her.

I cannot count the number of times I have ****ed people off simply by agreeing with them when they insult me. At this point, you're way beyond trying to reconcile with the woman, and honestly, do you REALLY care what she thinks of you? She behaves this way AT WORK in front of others for her own enjoyment and to big the big shot (in her mind) in front of co workers. She's full of crap and clearly has a great deal of insecurity if she's stooping to bullying people at work.

So, if the things she says don't affect you, her game is over. Sure, she's still going to be a ***** to you, but she's going to be a ***** regardless. At least this way, you can enjoy that slight twinge on her face when you agree with her. It's a look that tells you what shes' thinking that moment... "oh crap, I'm not ruining her day".

My favorite response to someones direct insult at me is " I know, right?".
They never come up with anything unique, and honestly if you really want to be clever, try critiquing her insult techniques.

I realize this probably isn't the advice you're looking for but it's how my mind works. If someone has found me so interesting they're making me the target of their inadequate mind then I'm going to at least make it interesting for me.

In a large company, sometimes the one filing a complaint is more annoying to them then the one the complaint is about. Sad, but sometimes true. And why should you transfer, something you don't want to do, when you're not the one that's the problem.

There's a lot of different ways to approach situations like this. I for one go for the way that brings me the most enjoyment. Just be smarter, in this case, I think that should be easy.

She has been sizing you up and figured you're a good punching bag for her entertainment.

That's a good line.

I like your advice. My mom calls that "killing them with kindness."

My fav mantra for folks like these:

Don't give them free rent in your head. :D

Co-worker difficulties are what the supervisors get paid for. You have such a great attitude, cloud, I'm sure it will all iron out, but I'm with Delores, Im also sure there is a line forming to restyle this ladies hair in her sleep or something. LOL!

My fav mantra for folks like these:

Don't give them free rent in your head. :D


That's AMAZiNG!


Anyway, that lady is a bully, she is harrassing you. I imagine she doesn't make a habit of going around calling diebetics drug addicts. She is so ignorant and probably will never think she's wrong. I think you did good by writing everything she said down. If they don't sort your problem out- make a formal complaint of her harrasment by writing a letter to the HR department. Being persecuted because of her ignorance towards your condition is pretty sickening! :eek:

Don't give them free rent in your head. :D



Best thing I've heard all year! I'm going to use it freely, if that's ok. lol

My mother's favorite all time saying is: "Misery loves company". While I get a twitch admitting when she's right, she's definitely right on this one. People who are miserable, are usually happiest when they're making someone else miserable. It makes their sad existence seem normal because now someone else is miserable like them. Instead of dealing with crap, they just annoy others. In very basic terms.

... restyle her hair in her sleep.. that's hilarious. Oh I'd restyle her hair all right.... lol :p

[quote=DeloresMelon;581670]She has been sizing you up and figured you're a good punching bag for her entertainment. [quote]

That's a good line.

I like your advice. My mom calls that "killing them with kindness." Yes and my husbands advice is to only speak to her when its is about work and nothing else. When she tries to go into personal things or just day to day things even if she is nice to just say That I only want to speak to her about work related issues. I know that would get her goat more than anything probably.

She was back today and didn't really talk to me or say much, except when I brought two of the roses in my husband gave me and she told me how beautiful they were and gave me advise on how to keep them from drooping. I never looked at her or spoke unless she asked me something about work. After these days thinking about it I wish I could have done more when I confronted the boss and maybe even filed a harrassment complaint. My husband said I blew it cause I had the chance then and I didn't. It bothers me that the other girls act as if nothing happened and it gives me new perspective of how they value me as a "friend", co worker, and even a human being.

I have gone from being very talkitive and funny to very quite and kind of somber to everyone. Which probably makes HER happy because she always says I never shut up or sit down. She hates that I love to cut up with everyone and that I am always happy and in a good mood.

I can't just sit there and not do anything when the phone doesn't ring, I go crazy so I like to tell everyone of a funny experience that happened to me the day before....oh and I love making fun of old people because that is what we do is work in a retierment community so its all I can do not to go insane. She really doesn't understand my since of humor which can be on the dry side sometimes.

Anyway no more talkie of me around her. Maybe she will burst out again and then I will have a second chance to have something done about her. On a good note I have been getting really good at drawing portraits of the photos of my kids on my desk, who are the reason I haven't quit.

I will take ya'lls and my hubby's advice and not give her any more fuel. Thank you for helping because I really had no one to talk to about this. You guys have helped alot. :)

My fav mantra for folks like these:

Don't give them free rent in your head. :D

Co-worker difficulties are what the supervisors get paid for. You have such a great attitude, cloud, I'm sure it will all iron out, but I'm with Delores, Im also sure there is a line forming to restyle this ladies hair in her sleep or something. LOL!
Oh...yes I am up for her new hairstyle to! :)

DO NOT LET HER CHANGE WHO YOU ARE!

if she can get away with being a tit face, YOU can certainly resume your jokes and chatter. And if your boss says anything to you about the chatter, I'd politely remind boss of conversation you had about her harrassing you.

And yes, use the word harrassing. I have a feeling two things will happen: A. Your boss will get an unpleasant twinge in the nether region because the word harrass is only two blocks away from the term law suit. B. Your boss will likely leave you alone because he/she KNOWS you're being harrassed by this woman and Boss is doing nothing about it, leaving him/her a bit vulnerable in a potential "law suit".

This does not mean you need to actually go and file a suit, nor does it even mean you should threaten such. But what you should do is , in your free time, at home, spend 5 or 10 minutes and google some terms that might lead you to any information regarding your rights in the work place.

Feel free to toss any notable phrases around during conversation at work. And definitely continue to jot down ANYTHING that is not directly work related that aforementioned tit face says to you. What she said, when she said it.

As for your alleged friends at work, then sadly you've learned a lesson. Its probably not that they don't feel friendly towards you, its one or two things. A. they don't want to get involved because most people dont'. B. She's likely got them just as intimidated, and they are more than happy to have you take her bullying then have her redirect it to them.

If you can accept that they are wusses and only covering their own butts, then accept it and get back to being friends with them. Just don't have any expectations from them, because they will let you down. If you enjoy their company, then enjoy it. Even though they don't qualify as best friends of the year, they are still friendly. When you remove any expectations of them, you're free to enjoy their company and if someone slights you, so what.

And the next time she says anything to you like " you talk to much and never sit down", turn to her and say "you're old, you can't hear me anyway."

First of all, you may not feel you have a disability, technically according to the US Government you have a medical disability. I did some searching and came up with an advertisement for a law firm. I did a cut and paste of their quotes, which for the most part are from the ADA act.

So, if you work for a large enough company and it sounds like you do, I would file a written complaint with them against this person and definitely let them know you are covered. Normally you may not wish to, but at this point they probably already know. It will also put them on notice that you know you are protected.

As an employer, the last thing I want is an employee upset about any government regulations not being followed and the possibility of a complaint files with the ADA, or worse EEOC.

Good luck and also look up Sandy4957 on the forum. I know she is an attorney and may be able to direct you for the document from the government.

Best of luck and hang in there!!!


What is the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA)?


The Americans with Disabilities Act (http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/disabilities.html) (ADA) is a federal law that gives civil rights protections to individuals with disabilities. Most notably, the ADA prohibits both private and public employers from discriminating against a person with a disability in any aspect of employment, including (but not limited to):

Applications
Interviews
Testing
Hiring
Job assignments
Evaluations
Firing and Promotions
The ADA also prohibits employers from discriminating (http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/employment-discrimination.html) against someone because that person is related to or associated with someone with a disability.

Are Psychiatric Patients Protected under the ADA?
Psychiatric disabilities are covered by the ADA and are the second most frequent disability cited by individuals who file ADA employment discrimination charges.

What Kind of Employment Discrimination Do Individuals with Psychiatric Disabilities Complain of?


Employees with psychiatric disabilities complain of many forms of employment discrimination, including but not limited to:

Illegal termination
Workplace harassment
Unfair disciplinary action
Failure on the part of the employer to make reasonable accommodations
What Kind of Psychiatric Disabilities Does the ADA Cover?


Psychiatric disabilities are classified into 1 of 5 possible categories in an employment discrimination investigation:

Anxiety disorder
Depression
Manic depressive order
Schizophrenia
Other emotional/psychiatric impairments

Anyway, how do I deal with her ? I can't let everything roll of my back and I have never been good at confortations. Maybe she is mad cause I am finally standing up to her, which even the boss told me to do. I am going to tell to please not get me any birthday gifts next year because I am afraid my thank yous might not be good enough. Sorry for the long rant thankyou for reading. I really mean thank you ;)

You may want to hang on to this.

Discriminatory practices under [Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), and the Age Discrimination in Employment Act (ADEA)] also include (1) harassment on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, disability, or age; (2) retaliation against an individual for filing a charge of discrimination, participating in an investigation, or opposing discriminatory practices; (3) employment decisions based on stereotypes or assumptions about the abilities, traits, or performance of individuals of a certain sex, race, age, religion, or ethnic group, or individuals with disabilities; and (4) denying employment opportunities to a person because of marriage to, or association with, an individual of a particular race, religion, national origin, or an individual with a disability. Title VII also prohibits discrimination because of participation in schools or places of worship associated with a particular racial, ethnic, or religious group. Title VII prohibits not only intentional discrimination, but also practices that have the effect of discriminating against individuals because of their race, color, national origin, religion, or sex.

- U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (2004)

Yes thank you. Tit Face is not going to change who I am, in fact I just looked around her as if she was in my way to talk to everyone else. Actually work was kind of fun today because I was constantly ignoring her and only gave short answers to any questions she asked me and I never looked at her. I suppose looking at her in a very cold manner when we passed would probably make her feel uncomfortable to say the least. I'm sure I can get really creative with how I can mess with her with out even doing or saying anything bad. This might not be that bad after all.....he he he ;)

Yes thank you. Tit Face is not going to change who I am, in fact I just looked around her as if she was in my way to talk to everyone else. Actually work was kind of fun today because I was constantly ignoring her and only gave short answers to any questions she asked me and I never looked at her. I suppose looking at her in a very cold manner when we passed would probably make her feel uncomfortable to say the least. I'm sure I can get really creative with how I can mess with her with out even doing or saying anything bad. This might not be that bad after all.....he he he ;)

seeeeee!!! as long as this doesn't affect job performance *obligatory disclaimer*

she believes she's the big snot there and her goal is to "put you in your place". Unless of course you couldn't give two toots about her or her insecurities. Then she's going to have to find another hobby.

Yes thank you. Tit Face is not going to change who I am, in fact I just looked around her as if she was in my way to talk to everyone else. Actually work was kind of fun today because I was constantly ignoring her and only gave short answers to any questions she asked me and I never looked at her. I suppose looking at her in a very cold manner when we passed would probably make her feel uncomfortable to say the least. I'm sure I can get really creative with how I can mess with her with out even doing or saying anything bad. This might not be that bad after all.....he he he ;)

Why would she want to have a conversation with you if she really thinks you are all those nasty names she called you? :rolleyes: Just ignoring her unless she asks a work-related question sounds like the best way to deal with her. And yeah, it will drive her crazy which should be lots of fun for you after all this time of her trying to make it seem like you're the crazy one.

I have discovered bullies use two weapons - they come in a variety of disguises but every thing a bully does to intimidate and subdue you falls into one of these two categories


Distortion - distorting the reality of their bed behavior, twisting facts in their favor denying your version of events

Deflection - deflecting any responsibility off of them selves in an attempt to project it onto another.


A bully often picks people out who always assume they are wrong and every one else is right - people who frequent accept blame even for things that are others peoples fault.

No matter what when or how a bully can not operate out side of these - They behave this way in order to feel in control to avoid the reality of their poor self control.

It depends upon one personality as to the best way to handle it. With the exception of realizing and learning how to categorizes and recognize these behaviors there is no universal correct way to go about dealing with it.

Some would avoid conflicts by simply ignoring the behavior

While others would stand up to her.

Trying to handle in an a way that is counter to your nature will only decrease your personal security which is your best defense against this type of individual. Without self acceptance, and faith in your own ability it will be difficult to develop and protect your personal boundaries.

Bully is the lowest form of diversity intolerance

One can not be a bully without violating another personal boundaries - there for a bully will choose some open who has poor boundaries. To end th bullying the way that is right for you personal boundaries are a must


I will try to avoid to a certain degree, then I will try to work it out but if they refuse to accept responsibility and resort to distortion and / or deflection then I begin to walk into the attack . . .hard to explain but I just address the behaviors directly no matter what they say or claim I maintain my personal boundaries and continue to define the line . .

One time while some one attempting to bully me I took the opportunity to teach others about bullying behavior - as if the bully were a prop . . .I even categorized the two weapons the bully was using as they were attempting to use them . . . I have been left alone sense.

Maybe your co-worker is jealous of you condition and need a label of her own

Here is one that may fit well

Narcissism in the Workplace (http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Personality_Disorders/site/transcripts/narcissism_workplace.htm)

. "Narcissists at work crave constant attention and will go to great lengths to secure it - including by "engineering" situations that place them at the center. They are immature, constantly nagging and complaining, finding fault with everyone and everything, "

Thats her! This all makes sense and explains pretty much everything. She makes sure to put all the attention on her even when it should be on someone else like their Birthday by doing everything and making her self look oh so generous. How would they have done it with out her? At least now I know what I'm dealing with. Hey thanks for the info. :)

write it down, write it down, write it down! Keep a log of all of your transactions with this woman. Even if it just a password protected word file on your computer. Date, time, and if you can remember, verbatim quotes by her or actions on her part.

That advice comes from a lawyer working for government legal services, directly. (not me) I am a manager for a government agency. There are certain things that are heavily frowned upon - harassment and verbal abuse among them. And check this (http://www.ada.gov/) for the Americans with Disabilities Act...

I would have made her apologize to you. I had an issue where one of my employees felt slighted by another - and I made the mouthy one apologize....

And good luck.

"My favorite response to someones direct insult at me is " I know, right?".
They never come up with anything unique, and honestly if you really want to be clever, try critiquing her insult techniques."

HA HA HA!!! I can not stop laughing about this come-back--I love it!!!
I picture it in that sort-of valley girl voice that the sorority girls at my school use, with the "riiight" super drawn out and voice going up at the end like a question. HA HA! thanks for this--i will definitely use it!!

I have dealt with a LOT of these kind of co-workers, especially in offices and the like, with their mostly women, henhouse type pf atmosphere. I, too, usually get along better with boys and have boys as friends, maybe because of my ADD directness and lack of social cues.

i don't really get the subtleties of relational aggression (see "odd girl out" book) and am even worse at dishing it out. so i usually feel left out and clueless about the games being played. I usually ignore them, but it does hurt my feelings and i really like the tactics above because they are funny and empowered without being vicious.

i am so sorry you have to deal with this crap--work is challenging enough without nasty co-workers ruining your day!! I would check out info on relational aggression, also called "girl bullying"--there might be strategies to deal with it. Too bad that co-worker of yours never grew out of it!!!

Something happened to me as a result of all of this. In order to deal with being next to her and to try to keep myself quiet during the down time at work I started drawing. I love art and paint and stuff. I always wanted to draw portraits but didn't know how and I could never get it right. So I just started drawing a picture of my daughter on my desk and I was amazed with what I did. I had no clue how I did it, it was almost like someone else was drawing it through me, yeah I know that sounds weird but thats the best I can explain it. I have done a few drawings since then. My boss saw them and now she has me drawing my other boss's dogs for her birthday. All of a sudden everyone wanted one. So I guess sometimes something like this happens so you can find yourself and uncover hidden talents.

http://i177.photobucket.com/albums/w225/laureln/100_7019-3.jpg

http://i177.photobucket.com/albums/w225/laureln/100_7015-3.jpg


http://i177.photobucket.com/albums/w225/laureln/100_7011-1.jpg

http://i177.photobucket.com/albums/w225/laureln/100_7009-1.jpg

Cloud..these are AWESOME!!

Thank you, I want to take some art classes so maybe I could dive into color. I guess you never know what you are capable of until you try it.

Thank you, I want to take some art classes so maybe I could dive into color. I guess you never know what you are capable of until you try it.

You are most welcome..and I say, Go for it.. and I can't wait to see more. You may want to add these to the visual arts section of forums, too. So you can add any new ones you want to post.

Thank you I will post them there tommorow, gotta go catch some zzz right now :) . Just thought I'd let you guys know I wasn't going to let her bring me down, instead it made me a stronger person and brought me up. Thank you all for your support and advise.

Sweet dreams.. :) and I'm glad we were able to help.

I've had co-workers in the past - it was only ONE person, usually another female - who would try to belittle me (it worked at that time). There's usually going to be a bully like that in every job. I have worked at some places where everyone was nice to me. She sounds like, like others have said, jealous of you... that a majority of your co-workers like you.

What I usually like to do, and have done, when faced with idiots like that is to smile at them, killing them with kindness. (You know, pour on the syrup)... They usually leave me alone after that. And they can't accuse you of being nasty to them.

Does she act that way toward you with others watching and/or listening? If so, she won't last long if she can't get along with her "co-workers".