I work at a very small place that is comprised of 5 people including the owner. He is currently running a fascist regime. He perpetually goes out of his way to pick on people and recently me. I have told him about my recent diagnosis of ADHD-PI and he seemed to understand. He specifically said, "If there's anything I can do to help you let me know".

Well, that didn't last long. Last week he said in a very demeaning tone I need to focus more and then yesterday I made a simple, reversible mistake and he said, " YOU NEED to focus, do you know how to do that?! ". Again, this was in a very demeaning tone. I'd like to know how to go about handling this?

He is enormously insecure and habitually manipulative with primarily the men that work there. I'm sure at some point in his life he was picked on and/or had issues with his father. I have no idea why he feels compelled everyday to go out of his way to make others feel his insecurities. Like I said earlier, I told him about the diagnoses and was embarassed about it. I even told him how I'm also seeking help for MDD and GAD. It's getting out of hand with him and it needs to stop. Thank you for any advice.

I don't see this as a fight worth fighting: just move on.

You can try the "broken record" routine of assertiveness training by r-e-p-e-t-i-v-e-l-y making an I statement, like "I need you to provide me with positive feedback on what I am doing right, not what I am doing wrong. For the benefit of our success can you do that?"
Then see what happens. If after a week of this he doesn't come around or gets even sarcastically worse, then work up a primo resume and plan on taking a day off to get it around to openings or places with 'great-place-to-work' reputations.
Hoepefully, your public library has good resume and job interview books, because it is possible to rehearse a planned 'sell myself' speech in front of a video camera - especially if a friend will alternately role play both parts with you. You will get a better job. Have you read the job chapters in the adult ADD books? You should. You can do better. There are better bosses who make work almost enjoyable.
Good luck.
Fresno Mikey

It's getting out of hand with him and it needs to stop. Thank you for any advice.



I can probably direct you on how to get hauled off in handcuffs . . . but personally I do not do well with this sort of individual . .. I am too blunt. . . .

Leave an "ADD in the Workplace" type-article on his desk?

Sorry if this is a late comment. Perhaps you have found a new job or hopefully things have gotten better at your workplace:

It seems like your boss feels that he is better than you in some way after discovering you have Attention Deficit. Like many people, he probably does not fully understand what ADD is, so he may feel that he needs to watch over you and make sure you are getting your work done.

I've had that happen to me with teachers: I am treated like everyone else, but once they know I have ADD they assert me to be more focused and attentive. Now I know this is a measure of them trying to help me, but yes it can sometimes feel offensive and embarassing.

I don't usually tell all of my friends that I have ADD, but when I do some of them act surprised and say "they would have never guessed" when really its just me being who I am and they don't realize it is not always a terrible thing.

Since I am not a very confrontational person, my advice would be to say "I appreciate your concern for my work performance but I have things under control.", the next time a comment is made instead of agruing or building up aggression towards your boss. Difficult people will always be difficult to deal with. Of course is he really makes you feel uncomfortable then you should just discuss it privately with him if that would work.

I just realized how much I wrote!
If you read this, I hope it maybe helped.

-me.

Holy Thread Ressurection, Batman!

Anywho...a parallel experience.

I have an allergy.

When I was 15 I went on a week long school trip and medical conditions had to be reported.

There were two teachers supervising and both knew of the allergy but one hovered over me whenever we ate to ensure I didn't die from severe getting an upset tummy and farting a lot (LOT!) if I had egg. I remonstrated that I knew not to eat egg (it's only if the yolk is cooked separately and overdone - hard boiled, fried etc) but she snatched a piece of cake from my hands as if I was consuming her portion! It was more upsetting that my allergy is.

Some people just don't have a sense of perspective and can over-react to the point that they cannot see the harm they are doing by 'doing good' (in their mind). It's probably too late in this case (any chance of an update?) but worth bearing in mind for future reference.

I think something similar is happening to me now. Because work know I have 'a problem' I was frogmarched off to a medical and they completely over reacted to my AD/HD in other ways. It has escalated out of control and it looks like that job is over (grievance is in) but when I meet with them they are always wringing their hand telling me about how hard they are trying to help and how I won't accept it (got enough already thanks and it's better than you've got!). They are completely innocent of all wrongdoing (in their collective concience) and cannot get that they are hurting me. I believe the correct term is 'cognitive dissonance'.

Yep. I lost a job where my supervisor wanted daily work progress emails, which I detailed out for him, specifying exactly what I did each day. Not that he ever knew what I was doing then I was laid off due to not doing what was asked of me.

Workplaces like this are toxic and need to be left for your own growth. I now see the layoff as a very positive thing, as I was being held back by them. I am now a different person, and don't need the hassles of that sort of crowd.

And the number one thing never to do is to tell your boss you have ADD/ADHD. Actually don't tell anyone, anyone can get weird. Say you forget, space out, are a visionary, but don't say anything about ADD. They all too often will use it against you.

Now, go get a new job, and don't say a thing.

And the number one thing never to do is to tell your boss you have ADD/ADHD. Actually don't tell anyone, anyone can get weird. Say you forget, space out, are a visionary, but don't say anything about ADD. They all too often will use it against you.



As much as I hate to say it, I agree with this in most circumstances. I would love to be positive and believe that people will be helpful and supportive of their coworker's difficulties, but that's not a realistic attitude.

There is still such a huge stigma in society against ADD, depression, bipolar disorder, or any other issue seen as a "mental problem." I have heard otherwise intelligent and educated people accuse others of being weak-minded, attention-seeking, lazy, or generally bad people for being diagnosed with ADD (a lot of them are teachers who are trying to get around complying with a doctor's orders for a student!).

My friends sometimes tease me for my spaciness; I keep a good sense of humor about it and take it in stride. In the workplace though, I play up my strengths, work extra hard to meet deadlines, do whatever it takes to draw attention from my weaknesses. It's definitely not easy working with this disorder.

I had a coworker constantly try to help me with my ADHD problem. Drove me nuts.

Don't give anyone any bait. Trust a few good friends, but be selective who they are.