My story began 10 years ago in kindergarten. I was always a great student, but the title people assumed of me was just a bit over average. This profile was carried until about 5th grade when I started to get lazy. I stopped doing my homework and any other simple tasks that were not stimulating such as copying vocabulary from a book. I would be constantly scolded by the teachers and my parents. I felt like I was worthless and that I did not fit into this world.

It wasn't until in 6th grade that I was given a test and was declared to be "gifted". I was moved into different classes and my view of my self changed. I finally was able to see the great abilities I had; that gave me the initiative to try a bit harder, but I still could never overcome my problems.

2 years later in Eighth grade, I felt again inadequate. Even though I was in advanced classes, I still felt like an idiot. The only thing I could do well were tests which boosted my confidence somewhat. My peers were shocked that even though I did not do a lick of homework or studying, I would ace any test. I just used my brain to logically dissect problems to find the best answer. I was accused cheating several times, but then proved myself to dismiss any accusations. Despite my high test scores, my grades suffered heavily from not doing any homework.

That summer, I had to repeat Algebra I. That was the fist class I had ever failed, so my parents decided to take me to a psychologist. I felt insulted by their opinion of me and insisted that I was just lazy and needed to get out of a few bad habits. So I submitted and several tests were done on me. The whole entire time I insisted to the psychologist that I was perfectly fine and my parents were just paranoid.

A few days after the testing I was diagnosed with ADHD. I was outraged in utter disbelief. I thought how could someone with a high IQ have ADHD? As far as I cared, anyone with a mental disorder such as ADHD was in the same classification as retards. I went through long periods of denial, depression, anger, etc.

Around last December in the first half of 9th grade, I Finally I told my parents I wanted to try medication, so the doctor put me on Concerta. I could see some improvement, but it was only reduced my impulsiveness. My biggest problem when I play chess is that I will make obvious mistakes such as not seeing when one of my pieces are being threatened. I trained with my friends all week while on Concerta and finally beat the chess teacher.

Along with the benefits, I experienced many side effects. The biggest one in my opinion is that I felt like a zombie, as I found it nearly impossible to start a conversation with my friends. Concerta wasn't helping that much besides in chess, so I was switched to Adderall.

I different doses over the course of 2 moths. In the beginning, I was very attentive as I could copy anything from a book and still feel stimulated. I could do any task as easy as copying vocabulary from a book. Adderall seemed to help a lot, but like Concerta, made me feel very anti social. I would not be the same outgoing extrovert I was, making jokes, conversations, etc. I began to realize that this medicine was strongly changing my personality. I felt like a copy machine, nothing more.

While still on the medication, I felt very depressed. I started thinking I should not be taking the medication because it changed me so much, but on the contrary I was on a path of success. It seemed certain that I was on the road to change and that I would be able to conform to the system of school. I did not feel like myself so I rejected my future success and stopped taking the medication.

I felt that I was right to devalue simple things that required no abstract thought at all. I did a lot of research and personal reflection and came to the conclusion that you do not have to be smart to succeed in school, you just have to be an unyielding workhorse. To copy something from a textbook? Just simply transfer sentences from one piece of paper to another? the only skill involved was finding it, so we were being taught to reference? If you were able to do that you would make the grade.

Except why would the system teach us to reference instead to think? Why couldn't we be taught to think instead of being taught to reference for god's sake?! WHY NOT VALUE INTELLEGENCE OVER WILLINGNESS TO DO BRAINLESS CRAP THAT SHOULD BE RESERVED FOR COMPUTERS!? Again, how did I ace those tests? Abstract thinking. Not studying taught me to use my brain as a think tank to decode questions to achieve the right answer. I would think, "Hmm... if that happens, which of these variables completes the question, and most importantly why?" It is in my opinion that the ability to think is what should be valued in this world, not mindless copying. It is just that the system is designed for complete retards who do not have the ability to think abstractly; so the only way for them to succeed is to do something that requires no thought.

After all that ranting, my point is that I think the system is broken and I must choose an alternate way to succeed in this world since I cannot change the system. I have basically given up on school, though I still am able to pass from test scores alone.

My question to you is how can I succeed in life with all of this stated? How will I find my place in this world? I've been so depressed lately...

(I've refrained myself from profanity many times in this writing. Sorry if it was a bit choppy as I'm very tired.)
:confused:

You're similar to my DD (17 now). Talented, gifted in many ways, barely scraping by on high test grades and low (or no) homework grades. She too, rails against what she considers to be mindless busy work or skills repetition.

I won't get too political, but regurgitation of data is the hallmark of modern American public education. I read an interesting article a few years ago that said the main purpose of American high schools was to keep the kids all in one place, safe and fed, so their parents could go out into the work world to support their chosen lifestyles.

All I can tell you is: your high school diploma, combined with your class ranking, GPA and SAT/ACT scores, is your "E Ticket" to higher education. Once you get to college, you'll be able to pursue the subjects that hold your interest, and hopefully light your passion for your life's work. Yes, you'll still have to sit through "monster classes" - lectures with several hundred students tested by multiple-choice exams. BUT you'll also be able to take really specialized courses where you'll engage in actual discussions with actual thinking peers, led by really intelligent professors.

Don't give up on school now. In just a few years, this little period of boredom will be over and you can get on with the business of making your life.

For someone so young you're very good at self reflection. :) Keep it up, but don't let yourself get lost within yourself.

Like you, I'm dismayed with the education system: it only teaches you to regurgitate answers, it does teach you how to think. I hated doing rote work: too boring, I tended to excel at problem solving as it required you to really think.

To me, I believe success comes from determination and passion, not academic results.

I won't get too political, but regurgitation of data is the hallmark of modern American public education. I read an interesting article a few years ago that said the main purpose of American high schools was to keep the kids all in one place, safe and fed, so their parents could go out into the work world to support their chosen lifestyles.

Some people believe that the modern schooling system is about grooming kids into compliant citizens, but lets not go there.

"my point is that I think the system is broken and I must choose an alternate way to succeed in this world since I cannot change the system."

You are learning the hard lessons of life. The world is made for those that fit comfortably in the middle. There is nothing you can do about, it's a matter of economics - it's just the most efficient way of getting things done. You can choose to be bitter, and angry about it. You would be wasting your time. If you are as smart as you think you are, you will learn to do what is expected of you, even excel at it, since that is the best revenge possible. Dropping out and giving in is letting yourself get beaten by the very structure that you are railing against. Your life is your own, and you can choose to do whatever you want with your free time, choose well, and feed the part of yourself that isn't being nourished in school.

By the way, being depressed about all that stuff at 15 is normal, congratulations on being average.

"my point is that I think the system is broken and I must choose an alternate way to succeed in this world since I cannot change the system."

You are learning the hard lessons of life. The world is made for those that fit comfortably in the middle. There is nothing you can do about, it's a matter of economics - it's just the most efficient way of getting things done. You can choose to be bitter, and angry about it. You would be wasting your time. If you are as smart as you think you are, you will learn to do what is expected of you, even excel at it, since that is the best revenge possible. Dropping out and giving in is letting yourself get beaten by the very structure that you are railing against. Your life is your own, and you can choose to do whatever you want with your free time, choose well, and feed the part of yourself that isn't being nourished in school.

By the way, being depressed about all that stuff at 15 is normal, congratulations on being average.

I understand what you are saying... But I feel at the moment I feel there is maybe a 10 percent chance that I will ever accept that. My future seems so dismal... I don't think I can change because of first of all, in order to get past high school, I'll have to take meds which have terrible side effects on me as I stated in my first post.

Welcome to the Board. You'll fit in very well here.

Many similar stories here.

Mine isn't far from yours... only you found out you had ADHD while still in school... I found out last year after 4 years in the workforce. Be glad that you don't have to go through the many years of lack of accomplishment.

Many ADDers not only deal with the same boredom you're dealing with... they also deal with low self-esteem, which stems from 'knowing they couldve done better in school had they known about it'.

Schooling is a necessary sin. We ADDers are terribly intuitive and easily see through the hypocrises of the system. Aye, such is the world we live in, and to be successful means dealing with the world to get what you want, whatever situation you find yourself in. If it means that you gotta suck up with a crummy boring a** schooling system to get your piece of paper, then so shall it be, at least for the time being.

You're still young, and have much to experience. Enjoy this freedom to discover the world, while you have not the responsibilities of fending for yourself, paying bills, working 9-5, cleaning up past mistakes ANNNNNND figuring out what to do with your life. Know that you're in a Great position, that many people here wish they could do over (mind you i've had my fill)

Balance school tedium with fun and things to look forward to. Learn about the different aspects of the world, outside of your circle of friends, outside of your school, outside of your country, outside of your existing knowledge base.

Also, beware this problem, which I've experienced first hand:
Having a High IQ in high school, I couldnt help but started seeing myself as better than all the other kids. Just like you, I aced tests, sometimes perfected them, without so much as batting an eyelid or any serious studying. My genius gave me benefits that 'normal' kids didn't get -- 2nd, 3rd chances, the ability to hand in a project late without real repercussion (maybe some marks taken off), the ability to schmooze my way out of doing homework...

Don't let yourself start thinking you're better than others. You've got gifts.
You ARE gifted. USE it.

1) Start by igniting a Voracious appetite for knowledge about how the world works... NOT the way the general public tell you it is, but the way the people who are successful say it is, AND verify it with your own 2 eyes. And Qualify the so-called experts by checking for the results.

2) Learn about Real-Life Applicable problem-solving skills. You're great at that stuff on tests, now APPLY it to real life. Because when it comes time to do that stuff in real life, you're not going to be given all the variables as you are on tests. You've got to dig for the variables, do a litmus test and see if the facts are true, fabricate a theorem of what's really going on, test again, then use the information to create VALUE.

3) Again, we ALL know the school system is broken. Resentment isn't going to change it, nor is it going to improve the quality of your life. It IS what it IS. Learn to win with it, despite seeing it's intrinsic flaws. And apply the same philosophy with everything in life. Assess the circumstances, and understand that its not good, its not bad, it just IS. Then work a solution that benefits EVERYONE.

P.S.
I scored 125 when I was undiagnosed, and 148 after being on meds for a couple months (the concentration helped with the double-checking the answers, and answering quickly). You might want to retest while you're on meds, to see if you get any 'bonus marks'. Free to do online IQ test (i'm not sure how accurate it is but its the first one i found) www.iqtest.com (http://www.iqtest.com)

Rexx I was in a very similar place as you are 20 odd years ago and I chose to go down the path of most resistance. I can say from my experiences that although educational from a school of hard knocks point of view it also almost destroyed me many times over I am lucky enough to be here. The one thing that I have learned over all that time is that in order to change the system you must first understand the system fully and then change it from within. I also understand your angst however, don't give in you will get it it takes time. As for going the hard way, although romantisized by some, it is not, I assure you, either easy or recommended. Critical thinking is an amazing skill to possess, you have it, make sure that you use it

Re the Side Effects:
From my opinion, I think what you're Really afraid of is losing your identity. All your life, you've identified with being the 'outgoing extrovert' and you didn't know any different:

-You were able to crack funny a** jokes and be accepted amongst your peers.
-Come up with the most hilarious comments from TOTALLY out in left-field.
-Just a Totally Happy Wild Child, right?

Now that you're on meds, and arent getting as much notice, you're feeling like you're making a trade off, non?

Before I continue to write an essay again, let me know if i'm anywhere on the mark, and give me some more info if you can, about your worries about "turning into a different person".

Re the Side Effects:
From my opinion, I think what you're Really afraid of is losing your identity. All your life, you've identified with being the 'outgoing extrovert' and you didn't know any different:

-You were able to crack funny a** jokes and be accepted amongst your peers.
-Come up with the most hilarious comments from TOTALLY out in left-field.
-Just a Totally Happy Wild Child, right?

Now that you're on meds, and arent getting as much notice, you're feeling like you're making a trade off, non?

Before I continue to write an essay again, let me know if i'm anywhere on the mark, and give me some more info if you can, about your worries about "turning into a different person".

So far from what you've said in your two posts, you are spot on. On my worries about turning into another person, I feel that the meds change me from an exciting extrovert, to a complete zombie. I feel... very numb when I'm on meds. I can't laugh or experience any emotion other than depression. So what I mean when I say that I'm turning into a different person is that I feel like a robot only living to complete the simple tasks I am given. Its not so much as changing, but completely eliminating my personality. Most kids with rather low intelligence cannot usually channel ADD into clever and witty remarks, so they come off as annoying. I strongly value my ability to do this so I am not willing to give it up easily.

reply to p.s. I'm currently off my meds at the moment on doctors orders because Adderall was giving me major anxiety and depression issues. When I get on meds for a while I will be sure to do that. I've always wondered if it has ever stifled my ability on an IQ test, not IQ in general though.

It's unclear to me how long you have been taking medication for, two months? You may not like it, but have you really given it a chance? If you only tired for two months, then I don't think you have. It took me more than two months, closer to three to adjust to my medication, to feel relaxed with it. During those months I wasn't very social, I didn't want to interact with people because I was afraid of behaving oddly, or out of control because of the drug. What finally broke it was my desire to just be back in my old social routine, so I did, as easy as that. I'd say that you'd have to go a whole year to have some sort of base to compare your performance to. A year is not that long, trust me. There a few other choices than Adderall, and you can't rule out comorbidity.

Rexx, my story echoes yours except 1. the schools I went to were not equipped to handle "different" students (gifted or those with ADD) so I was never moved to a different grade or anything, and 2. I wasn't diagnosed with ADD until after high school. I sometimes wonder if I would have been able to get into a better college had I been diagnosed and treated earlier, but such is life. I also started to become lazy around the fifth grade, and I barely passed high school.

I'm 23 now and three years behind in college (computer science major). If I had to give you some advice that I would have died to know when I was 15... please, please pleeeease make school your number one priority. Oh my God, if I would have done that I might have actually been accepted into a decent college and not be in this quagmire I'm currently in.

Do you know what it's like to not even bother taking the SAT or ACT because you know that you're so forgetful and unable to concentrate that you probably wouldn't cut it in college? If only I were medicated back then, I would actually have had some confidence in my abilities and who knows where I'd be?

I started with Concerta and that definitely made me a mindless zombie numb to the world. I hated my personality on it. I switched to Adderall and it did nothing for my ADD, I could go back to bed after taking one. Then I found Dexedrine which has worked beautifully for me. It actually does its job and doesn't turn me into a zombie. I'm more social on it.

I ran out of Dex and took a Concerta a few weeks ago and I couldn't believe how bad it made me feel. Never doing that again, it gave me a huge headache. So, I would recommend Dex. It's not as drastic as Concerta but it works for me and hopefully would for you.

Cool. If I weren't Asian, and you weren't born 10 years my junior, I'd say that we're twins.

I'm taking a medium dose of Concerta. 54 was too high, 36 too low. I'm taking 45 by combining a daily dose of 18mg and 27 mg.

Also, if it helps, Concerta isnt that bad if you split the dosage times. You cant cut the pill because of its unique time release system, but if youre taking 36 at once and its too much, take 2 pills of 18 instead. It is more cost effective to take 1 pill of 36, but personally i'm willing to pay a little more to get the 'best of both worlds' (both thoughtful ness and personality)

Ex. I take 18mg in the morning, and follow that 2.5~ hours later with the 27 mg. Its much more smooth, lasts longer through the day, and as long as i'm feeding myself well, and drinking enough water, I'm doing great. (Methylphenidate is a diuretic, meaning it 'uses up water' in your body)


Re Umbrella Corp (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Umbrella_Corporation) Pills:
I went through the same fear. Thankfully, back then, I had such a huge feeling of 'having to make up for lost time' from undiagnosed ADD and unaccomplished goals, I decided to 'sell my soul' and live with being productive and having no personality. Now after over a year on meds and 9 months of being on 'the right dose and dosing system', i can say that my 'loss of personality' is no longer an issue.

1) Your body is getting used to meds and it will take time. All the side-effects I used to have when i started--high pulse, heart palpitations, feelings of tension and anxiousness-- are non-existant today.

2) You may want to go with a lower dose, and make up for it with alternative therapy. Back then I decided that despite the extreme sense of consciousness i got from 54mg, I didnt want to die young (my heart rate raced to 160+ bpm after walking up the stairs!), so i toned it down to 36mg (which wasnt enough)... then i found an online forum mentioning 45mgs, and discovered that 18+27=45 yay math!. For anyone not on Concerta whos wondering, Concerta is sold in 18mg, 27mg, 36mg, 54mg, so the jump between 36 to 54mg is quite high (50% more! Buy Now!)

Back to topic. I now enjoy supplementing my Concerta with the following:
-Sleeping earlier and waking naturally
-Eating small portions at 2-3 hour intervals
-Drinking lots of water when i'm thirsty
-Starting my day with some exercise that gets my heart going. And it doesnt have to be strenuous, as long as it gets your heart pumping. This is ALSO a good excuse to improve your physique (as you're probably starting to pay interest in the opposite sex).

3) If you can, try the split dose and lower dose things, to ease up on the negatives, then boost the brain power with 'good living skills mentioned in point #2. But the truth is, Meds will 'tone you down', no matter what, to a certain degree. Ultimately, What you Really need is 2 things:

a) More enjoyment. Its probably hard, considering you don't like the tedium of schoolwork (i didnt), but the reason why you tie 'feeling depressed' with 'taking meds' is because you still find repetitive tasks boring. That's your natural personality shining through (*cough cough* the meds didnt change you *cough cough*) Difference is, back then you couldnt push yourself to do the boring stuff, and now with meds you can. Newsflash! Meds dont make homework unboring...

The only way to fix that is to make your boring stuff exciting. At first it sounds like a longshot, but its doable (at least for me and my genius... don't know about you http://www.addforums.com/forums/images/icons/icon12.gif). One thing that works for me every now and then, is by doing a 'mini unofficial self-challenge'. Can I pump this work out in a matter of X amount of time? It's definitely contrived but it works better than doing the work unhappily. And when you get bored of this method, use your creativity to make up a different one and switch back and forth. Small price and bit of brain power to pay for achieving the superfantastic goal of gettin your work D-O-N-E (so you can go play video games guilt-free)

b) A better perspective. When I was your age I was the super-chatty, happy-go-lucky, go-with-the-flow, laid-back type of guy, who was also really smart (*cough* still am smart). I really identified with that picture of me. As you grow older, you'll notice yourself being forced to make a decision often. It is choosing between:
--changing 'your picture of you' and moving on to different (hopefully better) things; and
--staying the same person and being 'comfortable' with it, though getting the same result as in the past (and the good or bad that comes with that life).

I cant tell you which is more important. You must decide that for your life, for yourself. I read a book that explained that, in a way, changing who we are is like having a part of us DIE inside; that's why its so hard for some people to do. For someone as young as you, that 'picture' of who your personality is, is the ONLY picture you know of yourself. It is precious to you, esp in HighSchool where everyone is concerned with the question 'who am I, and more importantly, HOW DO I FIT IN? (Trust me, this is going through ALL your classmates heads, consciously or otherwise, and that includes the so-called 'cool kids').

What I'm saying is that the picture of who you are is actually a fictional image of yourself projected in your brain. Its important for our mental health to have one, as it gives ourselves a 'context' to work within our identity. You are young so you only have 'one' identity (well only one that you notice-- lemme guess, when you're at home or in your room, you're actually not the super fun 'chatting on the phone all day' kid but are actually somewhat reserved and 'in your head').

The point of this identity is to build a working system of knowing how we're supposed to respond to others and events. Sometimes to grow our identity to handle more complexity (such as doing good in school) it is necessary to explore other possible facets of our identity (such as the quiet kid at school) and integrate the different parts into one whole that can adapt to the situation as needed.

But exploring those new facets requires allowing ourselves to lose ourselvesin the new identity before coming back to our base state. Have Faith. What's really concerning you right now is that you're worried about the unknown that this new identity brings to your life. Its not really a loss of your personality; its just a side you've never experimented with. Try it out enough to be comfortable in it, to realize ITS strengths and weaknesses compared to the other one. Then meld the 2 into different sides of the same you (like colour stripes on a beach ball) that you can shift to at will. This wont be the first time you're gonna go through this. The next few times will be less frightening as you become more experienced with this natural human personality process.

TRUST ME on this one: you are not bound to being that 'funny person'; you can be WHOEVER you want to be. And I'm NOT saying that you shouldn't worry about losing your personality because of the drug. I'm saying stop worrying about the personality thing and just let yourself be. Your funny quick-witted remarks will come back at some point, once you find the right meds, and your body adjusts itself to them. You'll get to the point many of us have: the feeling of taking meds and barely noticing any change in yourself.

I know from experience. I used to be the geeky smart funny, witty, but very-annoying shy kid. Now I'm the suave, smart, funny-a** super-confident young adult man.

Actually, as a miny motivation for you to work through this challenge, the 'meds + healthy lifestyle' combo has gotten my cognitive awareness and response time so fast and so consistent that my ability to successfully jokingly out-wit someone has increased TENfold.

Where I used to be stuck with the right things to say because of the old 'brain-fog', now I can run laps around other peoples illogical arguments and ways of thinking. Remember when I said in my other post about 'learning how the world works and develop a good understanding of that system'? If you think you're smart & witty now, you'll be 100x moreso once you have the combo of the genius AND the processing speed, and the latter comes from fixing your brain.

Just remember not to put yourself higher than others because of it. I still fight this to this day because it was a long-standing habit. And don't outwit people to make fun of others and make them look bad. That wont develop good long-term confidence, despite the short-term ego boost it gives you. It'll be tempting to do it, but if you want to become stronger on the INSIDE, just recognize the feeling, honour its presence, then let it waft away. Then recognize how you became stronger through doing the right thing, and NOT putting others down.

Genius is one thing that cannot be trained. People long for being more like 'us' but they cannot despite any learning, and that's because of how the brain came preprogrammed. But in all it's glory, Nature has a way of balancing it, just as with everything. In our cases, it's called ADD.


Now it's time for you to pay me back for all that realworld advice I gave you. Gimme thanks but clicking on the 'Thumbs Up' at the bottom right of this post and the other posts too. (Ya that's right... I just shamelessly self-promoted myself. If you could see me right now, I'm kissing my biceps.... Oh the narcissism :cool:)

So far from what you've said in your two posts, you are spot on. On my worries about turning into another person, I feel that the meds change me from an exciting extrovert, to a complete zombie. I feel... very numb when I'm on meds. I can't laugh or experience any emotion other than depression. So what I mean when I say that I'm turning into a different person is that I feel like a robot only living to complete the simple tasks I am given. Its not so much as changing, but completely eliminating my personality. Most kids with rather low intelligence cannot usually channel ADD into clever and witty remarks, so they come off as annoying. I strongly value my ability to do this so I am not willing to give it up easily.

reply to p.s. I'm currently off my meds at the moment on doctors orders because Adderall was giving me major anxiety and depression issues. When I get on meds for a while I will be sure to do that. I've always wondered if it has ever stifled my ability on an IQ test, not IQ in general though.

Rexx,

I felt a bit like you when I was in high school. I got perfect scores almost everywhere and did not study, I had trouble doing homework. It was boring. Things was not so easy at the University. I quit many courses and only did a third of a year. I was not diagnosed at the time and thought that it was not for me, I was not good enough to finish higher education.

At 35, about 3 months ago, I learned I had ADD from my neuropsychologist. Like you, she said to me that I got an IQ higher than 130. I since start taking Concerta, with some side effects at the beginning, but none at all now. No zombie effects. I sincerely wish I had known that before. So much would have been different. I did manage to get a good job, but the road I took to be here was rough at time.

With what is known today about ADD and medications, things can be easier for people like us. Work with your strengths, your intelligence. Set yourself goals. The most important thing, have fun in what you do, do it for the best. Base on what you wrote, I feel you can achieve many good things in your life. You can choose wisely your own road to success. Education is part of this, like it or not.

By the way, at your age, the main thing that help me was sports. Physical exercise was what I think help me get through high school.

I wish my story will help you. There is good things in life, wonderful things to discover. Keep posting here, people are really helpful.

"We ADDers are terribly intuitive and easily see through the hypocrises of the system."

That is actually such a good observation. What I would add though, is that we ADDers are very intuitive and easily see the hypocrisies of the system, AND are overly obsessed with them. That is, if we see something wrong, we get overwhelmed with the negative side of it, and fail to see the positive. At least thats what I noticed when I got ADD. I became overwhelmed with "useless" thoughts I barely noticed before, very similar to what Rexx is saying - that "system" is flawed, and so on. My ADD started when I was in 10th grade, so I have a pretty good understanding on how I thought before and after.

But I wonder why is that so? Do we have inflated egos, because we perceive something we notice as very valuable? I noticed that ADD made me much more talkative and extroverted. I was typically shy in social groups, and silent in class, but ADD changed it around. If I had a question in class, noticed a mistake or had a thought on the subject, I could no longer be content without expressing it. If I tried to control it, I would become very anxious and tense. And I understand that I have to control it - otherwise I will simply become a very annoying person in the eyes of the peers.

Initially I enjoyed my more extraverted self, and all the bonuses that come with it, especially since I had been introverted and shy for most of my life, but I quickly started missing my old normal self. Why? Because I felt I had no control over myself! I became the slave of my impulses, not the master of them. I could no longer motivate myself to do what I have to do. I lost interest in most of the things I used to love before, hobbies, etc. I could no longer concentrate well...

So now I am Adderall (started very recently) and I must say I am very happy to find this drug after a long journey through psychiatric drugs. It takes down on emotions, but at least it brings back some of the motivation, and I can focus better. When you are a kid and live with your parents, you can afford to rebel against the system, miss tests, skip school, etc. But unfortunatelly its all different when you have to live on your own.

I'm kind of in the same boat with you in views on school. To cut to the point, I'm 25, finishing college, and doing better in school now that I've been diagnosed with ADHD and Rx'd Adderall. I'm also working about 25 hours a week, and something like this would be unheard of from me.

I still don't enjoy some classes, and want to be done with it already, but the way I see it is that during your life, you will have to do things you don't want to do. School is a way to learn how to do that. How to cope with the grind.

High school is absolute garbage, but once you get into your upper division college courses, you'll start enjoying the content more. Just grind it out. Once it's over, you will look back and tell yourself that it wasn't so bad.

"Do we have inflated egos, because we perceive something we notice as very valuable?"

Great post Glimpse. Last week I was reading a cognitive abilities study in some medical journal (The Journal of Psychopharmacology, I think...) that showed that adults with ADD ranked their performance abilities, in the short term, higher than their actual performance. The non-ADD group had a much better grasp of their abilities in the short term. On a longer term basis, given time for reflection, like 24 hours after the testing, both groups scored evenly. So what you are saying about inflated egos seems to be true, ADDers have an inflated sense of self esteem (or impaired ability to see the cause and effect of their own actions) in the short term. Perhaps this is related to impulsiveness.
I related to this study because when I was younger I was very negative about other peoples abilities, that they were stupid or short sighted or greedy, etc... and I thought of organizational systems much the same way. As I got older I began to develop a less black and white view of the world and began to see that there aren't really many truly stupid people in the world or that systems were not inherently malevolent. People in general have unique abilities in some areas are but are rarely "smart" about everything, and I could see myself the same way - good at some things, bad at others, and fairly mediocre at just about everything else. The best lesson was to appreciate people for their ability to do something that I didn't particularly value as being important. Going back to high school, I wasn't at all athletic, I was a bookish nerd, and felt superior for being so, and I crafted a world view that reflected that. Now I look at athletes and marvel at their strength of character to pursue a goal so single mindedly, and I can learn form that and apply it to what I do.

Sfumato, your avatar reminds me of Marvel's 'The Watcher'

Re your post about ADDers having a false sense of personal ability,
I think it's part of our unregulated emotional brain.

When it comes to judging ourselves, we go on the same emotional
spiral as when we get excited or depressed about something.
It keeps going on and on until we're off the deep end by the time we realise it.

In my experience learning about EQ --it's like IQ on for emotions--
when emotions are high, intelligence is low (intelligence as in cognitive reasoning).
And this is the same for Normal people as well as for ADDers, except
ADDers are more prone to it.

Thus we miss some facts about how 'poorly' we're doing,
and keep going up the spiral of excitement, miss more facts
(maybe about what the REAL requirements are), keep going up the spiral,
rinse, repeat, rinse repeat.

By the time we're done, we're either the next Einstein at what we do,
or even worse the Chosen One, the Messiah or God's Gift to our bosses.

To prevent this, you need to stop the spiral from going too far.
It's ok to spiral up some confidence, but when it's overly high then it turns to arrogance.
Keeping oneself humble is key to preventing impending fall,
the downward spiral, where we realize that we were wrong about our gifts,
which also becomes exaggerated in a negative sense.

I have specific steps on regulating the 'up and down' emotions to be productive,
in the posts i wrote for nexus here, if yall are interested:
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=52308

Thanks for all the information, it really helped me a lot. I'm Kinda tired now so I'm not going to write up a storm, but what I need to know now is where to go in life? Should I stick to the program and go through to college? Because as of now I have to take two courses in summer school and the future is looking pretty bleak. What would be a good career for me? gah... depressed, hopeless, etc...

...................ugh. :confused:

Hey Rexx

No problem, we're all more than happy to help you.

I learn alot too when I spend time thinking about your situations,
bc it brings me back into the past and helps me relive some
of the same experiences. Especially since they are SO similar
to yours.

If I'm gonna help you with finding out your path in life,
i'm going to need to get more info from you. Anyone can
throw out a 'school is good' or 'school is bad' answer, but
if you're using it as a lifemap for the next 5 years, I dont
want to give you some useless rhetoric.

Post some details about your areas of strength for starters.
We'll progress this conversation over time and the clearer I get
about your life picture, the more advice I can give you about
what might work in your future.

Talk to you soon,

Hell, at 15 I didn't know my IQ for sure and I smelt like **** cause I wet the bed still until the year after that I think.

I have no official ADD dx yet, but after reading your post, I get why I am in a college field that does not require me to do much studying (social work is a big gray area open for interpretation) :)

What I did in high school (not sure if you have this option or not) was get signed up with Running Start. Where I went to a local college and took classes there that counted both for my AA and my diploma. That way I was challenged and I got out of all the high school B.S.

School was basically designed (how ever long ago) to train children how to handle a 9-5 job doing repetitive work over and over (factory workers??) This type of setting doesn't really apply anymore. With self employment and free thinkers there are lots of different types of jobs available. So why has the system not changed?? Who knows.

Basically what I am saying is that you have choices. There are ways to get out and into the world with out having to conform to its systematic views. Although, like others have mentioned, it does come in handy having the skill and patience to do repetitive work (as you will find in future employment)

Your choices are yours, and the fun thing about life is that we can change our minds at any time :)

"School was basically designed (how ever long ago) to train children how to handle a 9-5 job doing repetitive work over and over "

Well, I don't know much about the US high school courses, but where I come from its exactly the opposite problem. They cram too much information and too quickly for students to fully understand it. In the 11th grade we go trough a full blown derivatives course, and by the end of 12th grade we are solving rather complex logarithmic equations and integral problems. High school leaving math exam, which is required by all universities, is 80% derivative/integral/logarithm problems. But do you think I remember all this now - no. I thought the US high school (at least math) is more focused on abstract tasks, such as are tested in GRE, or SAT, so there are not too many repetitive tasks. But of course every school can be different. Though I still think our society is much better with schools whatever they are, than without.

us school system is just regurgitation of facts, no application or overall theories of anything

causes problems since adders tend to be horrible at memorizing and are awesome at grasping broad abstract topics

it makes me post a whiny post about how the school system is broken every 1-2 months or so in the college section lol

I would suggest self-education aka intellectual behaviour (it's been 11 years since my struggles with depression and panic attacks joined my life...) since then i havent been able to go normal school and have failed in n+1 different educational systems.

but i do read alot and do actually some sort "research" of my own on variety of topics.

becouse in my country they talk about how the information society is getting flooded blabla with too much data and we need more innovations!
sorry but our school system just tries to kill that creativity&intuition, so i find it rather amusing.

and what comes to math it goes first 9years in "uber****" do nothing/idle process and then they start feeding integrals when your already bored your-self to death in school by sitting on your hands for 9 years this is where add's suffer is sequential steps in teaching.

"/add ego-boast!"
as child i was send from school for add tests and they figured out that im profoundly gifted and have hyperfocus ability.
"/end of add ego-boast!"

Now to the dark side of IQ+add, Alienation, loneliness, existential angst
i have "big" problems expressing my self in writing, even if i type with my native language my sentence structures arent "normal"

anyways its fun to have high iq&multiply gifted and end up general failure in life.
three gym teachers tried to make me sportsmen, math teacher mathematician, history teacher historian and i end up failing everything becouse my rebel towards school system is too strong, but hey **** it i can educate my self but loss of self-esteem&intrests in society&working or being productive for society i have lost all intrests in my battle vs system.

i embrace my glorious failure with pride and live as social bum who causes anxiety in others by his behaviour :)


point being in this post if you feel bad in school figure out why dont bang your head in wall becouse its "required to school" i went through living nightmare for years and tought everybody feels like this at teen-age.

I suspect greatly you need to learn about "Fear of Self"

and for end ill kludge my old poem to this:

"What's there left in your life after, you have met worst fear of whole mankind,

for that single person is inevitable to loose
deepest of all Dread
tried escaping from it,
but just ran directly into
greatest of all Terrors,
conjuring all gift's and willpower to fight it back,

weapons and shield's are just absorbed by ultimate chaos,
making you wish it would consume you and end this miserable suffering, but no!!

It lets you escape and regain strengh and try again, again, again, but all in vain,
beyond madness, after you lost count of failed attempts to destroy it,
you are seized by horror on last moment being rescued by friends,
nourished and taken care by family,
but it never was destroyed hiding from it,
trying to escape but all futile where ever you go it will find you.

While running praying for help from God, answer is not heard...
Prayers for Satan all futile too even promising your soul in turnover.

finally partially you manage fight some space for your self,
balancing constantly on edge of madness thinking if you can go on with your life that seems so futile now.

love, safety, friends denied due matter it would consume eventually them too,
occasionally finding moment to pay attention for loved ones without it noticing.

finally it seems to dissappear left you alone wondering if you can get back into life
closer to loved one's but you dont have gut's to search for it
just proving it is still there might be weak but still afraid.

with this doubt in mind your afraid you would still contaminate others to it,

it is like you did fly too close to sun burn your wings and turned into small piece of highly radioactive dark matter.

only choice left is to go find it and slay it for once and for all,
but evil genius avoids,hides and build's almost impenetrable fort's,
depth of chasm is unbearable you must make shelter to regain some of your sanity in order to continue this seemingly endless war.

finally you seem to reach bottom of chasm but see no trace of this chaos beast where it is,
did you slay it? but at same moment you feel it's presence but cannot find it... and its driving you mad again.

NOOOooo!!!

will you be ever free or are you trapped in past and time to come for all eternity."

Hey Rexx

No problem, we're all more than happy to help you.

I learn alot too when I spend time thinking about your situations,
bc it brings me back into the past and helps me relive some
of the same experiences. Especially since they are SO similar
to yours.

If I'm gonna help you with finding out your path in life,
i'm going to need to get more info from you. Anyone can
throw out a 'school is good' or 'school is bad' answer, but
if you're using it as a lifemap for the next 5 years, I dont
want to give you some useless rhetoric.

Post some details about your areas of strength for starters.
We'll progress this conversation over time and the clearer I get
about your life picture, the more advice I can give you about
what might work in your future.

Talk to you soon,

Sorry that it has taken me so long to reply; I kinda forgot, add, etc.

Hm... A few of my strengths are in writing, especially satire and comedy; music, because I can pick up an instrument and learn it with great speed; and math because I can think logically to solve a problem without much memorization, but it bores me.

Wow!

This is gonna be fun, because of the random mix of skills.

I know when I started to seriously chase my dreams,
I started in one direction then changed it literally almost
20 times over the course of 5-6 months before really
finding something that was really powerful. Actually,
each direction was powerful, but not all were long-lasting
is what I SHOULD say.

The key was that with each change, it was heartfelt,
and followed with a pursuit of getting more info. Also,
each direction I ran in was useful to the whole process,
whether it was to be eliminated completely, or that
there was a seed of a skill that would help in the ultimate
direction I found. Keep an eye on what patterns show
up in the things that excite you.

And Don't get discouraged if you lose interest in a decided
dream that you were supercharged about only days or hours before.
That's natural. What you want to happen is that
with each 'excited pursuit' you get a clearer picture of
what desires lie in your heart, and a greater understanding
of the strengths you have that have gone unnoticed.

--

Let's start with the listed strengths so far, and SPLIT them
into their base components. I'm gonna take a guess at some
of the underlying skills you have to support each of the ones
you mentioned, as well as other strengths from your previous
entries. Feel free to add/correct/alter the listed items
in your reply because this is all for YOUR direction, and
NOT supposed to be a Psychic Reading on my part...

-Writing skills
-Comedy/Satire/Wit
-Pattern recognition/creation (Good for Math & Writing Music)
-Enjoys the spotlight, to a certain degree (you jokester you)
-Ability to feel the music (didn't I say we were very much alike?)

What I've found works to keep me motivated in chasing my dream is
to channel my different strengths in a common direction, like an upward spiral.
You will feel your motivation increasing bit by bit, going faster and faster,
and pretty soon (like for me right now) it feels like the motivation and strengths
are churning a hurricane.

What you want to do is pick a direction to start in that uses many
of these strengths. Don't worry whether it's the right direction or not.
Any direction that your heart agrees with will get you feeling 'the pull'
to try harder, and push your personal limits to the next level.


--


One possibility to start with is:
Songwriter

Many songs these days have terrible lyrics (I'd call them Garbage but that'd be insulting).
You can channel your interest in writing prose and verbal wit into writing top-of-the-line
songs that not only sound good musically, they also contain
so much wordplay and biting satire that they become incredibly catchy
(Rihanna's Shut up and Drive (http://www.metrolyrics.com/shut-up-and-drive-lyrics-rihanna.html)is an example of a song that's well-written
from a lyrical perspective). Verbal Wit is a rare skill, and if developed it can pay off.

Songwriters are probably a dime-a-dozen, but elite songwriters are hard
to find. Set the bar high for yourself in whatever you choose to pursue.
Songwriting can lead to being a producer, or being an artist
(if that's an interest), or just being a decent freelance songwriter
making a good living. You don't even have to get good at any instrument you pickup
if you become a songwriter. Just good enough to know how it's played,
know how the sounds it produces add to the 'puzzle' in the song you're writing, and what
sounds good artists can do with that instrument.

And DO make the mistake I made and rest on your talents. Then realize that
you did and push yourself all over again. Rinse, repeat. Being the best will require
unending self-improvement even AFTER the success comes, and pushing yourself
consciously everytime you start slowing down or stop (which is a learned skill by the
way). Make sure you keep evolving from your current abilities (kinda like how
a character's skills can slowly gain levels in RPGs and adventure games). Maybe your
verbal wit is good right now. Maybe it's excellent in your social group. But chances are
your verbal wit can be trounced by an expert in comedy and satire who's been
writing comedy for TV shows for longer than you've been alive. Lookup books, internet ressources,
and other ressources by people who are experts at the skills you have, and learn
from them to hone your skills. Many internet ebooks are showing up on a wide range of topics
and these books cost avg 20-30 bucks to buy. Alternative Education is a better way to spend allowance
by going to the local arcade or whatnot (i'm not saying dont spend money on fun, just
pare it down if you need to).

Why do you think that so many artists become one-album wonders? Probably lack of
continued output of material of any substance. Which is likely from resting on past
laurels instead of continued hard work. Go learn new skills and dig deeper into
what SPECIFIC skills takes to become a success in your chosen direction
(Sales/Marketing skills to sell your work; Understanding of how the music industry
does business with songwriters, professional or freelance; is there a market availability
for this kind of product, by the time i know enough to sell songs; etc).

Even during the Great Depression, successful artists make a good living.
Entertainment is a decent industry because people are ALWAYS trying to find
fun to offset the boredom of their personally mundane lives.
Whether songwriting, or going into being a professional stand up comic, etc,
these things are forms of entertainment and stand a good chance for future growth.
(You just gotta spend some time seeing how the internet is changing the way
business is done, and the way that your desired industry works)

PS. Music is interrelated in some way to Mathematics in its' substructure.
From the Patterns of the beats one can deduce equations, and
many hit pop songs have been created by following a basic structure
of how it's written. Start listening to music and try to feel for the different
'pulses' of complexity in the combination of the instruments, and the pattern
in how the music flows between its' segments.

Considering that, Use your interest in Music to fuel your drive to do well in Math.
Be creative in your self motivation by channeling the reasons you tell yourself
in the 'same direction'; ie
-I gotta do all the homework because I might learn anew pattern that I can
apply to writing music that no-one else uses.
-I gotta do well and apply myself to the Business class' project because I might
find some insight into how the songwriting industry works. Or, I can do my project
on that industry to be efficient in learning more about being successful in that
world.



Ultimately, Don't let me choose the direction for you. Use this info as a base to
start in a direction and it's OK to course correct a zillion times. What you'll find
is that certain directions keep calling to you after dabbling in other mini-interests.
Pay attention to those recurring interests and consolidate those into a 'super-direction'
and you'll be doing good for a starter at 15 years of age.

Take your time with this thought process and DONT beat yourself up from lack of
visible progress (even I have to remind myself of this after 8 years of self-help books,
so if you do beat yourself up, then realize it, stop, and refocus).
Have fun Have fun Have fun with the things you do, and you'll soon find where your
passion in life stems from.

(PPS. I love the word Super-direction. Its now my new favourite word :cool:.)

Hi there Rexx,

I would just like to chime in and echo the voices here, as several things popped into my head:

1) THE IQ: Yes, a lot of us have super high IQs (I tested at 143 before my 3rd birthday) BUT that does not make us superior to other people. As I've said in other posts, I bet ADHD people end up being smarter than those around them because we are 'handicapped' and thus even out (get into the same classes, schools, jobs, etc.) as people with a lower intelligence level but better skills in other areas. Feeling superior will get you no where in life. I am constantly in AWE of how people around me do menial tasks as if it were no big deal, rather than being tortured by them. We must not devalue others' abilities to do that stuff.
2) Pointless Tasks/Stuff that seemingly insults your intelligence: I still have problems with this. But rather than thinking yourself above doing it, think of it as something you have to do to get what you want. In order to get through it, try using another of our ADHD skills: LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE. Though adolescence stifles this skill, it is important here. You must think about what kinds of opportunities you will not have if you don't do it. We all must play their games and give them what they want, so that in the end we can have what we want.

It is very easy at this point to start shutting a lot of doors that will limit you for the rest of your life. YOU MUST PLAY THEIR GAME at this stage in your life in order to be able to do things your own way later on. If you don't play the game now, you'll have no power to pave your own way later.
Doing well in high school gets you into a better college. Get into a better college, and then more doors open for you.

As for the meds and their effects, well, it sucks. I know, they give me all kinds of problems. But there is such a thing as compromise, even there. You can take the meds for school, for when you need to do things, and then schedule time when you can hang out with friends. You can even tell them that while you're in school you are all business, and all party on saturday afternoon.

It's going to take a lot of strength, but you can get through this!

Hi Rexx!

I am reading through the posts here, and trying to make sure I don't repeat things. So many people have said things that make so much sense! We all share so many experiences in common.

Your story reminded me of my own in many ways. The timelines are different, but the parallels are there. I was labeled as "gifted" in kindergarten, and my parents were told my underachievement was due to boredom. That was part of it, but even challenging me academically didn't help me concentrate. To add to it, I was shy, and terrified of making a fool of myself. I can be very funny, but not under pressure, so I learned to be a mouse.

I have a brother who is severely developmentally disabled. People thought I was trying to get attention by not doing homework and such. By 5th grade, the teachers gave up on me as "hopelessly lazy". They didn't believe me when I told them I was trying, but I just could not do the work without someone standing over me and making me do it. They ignored me when I told them things were getting awful at home. I would have hated a diagnosis then, too, because I didn't believe there was anything wrong with me except that I was a horrid little kid.

I did learn to conform in order to gain approval, and although it was a struggle, I managed for years. Sometimes the anxiety and depression about this overwhelmed me, and then things got worse. I'm finally on Adderall, and it feels a lot better for me! I can do what others want or need me to do, but I can also give my viewpoint in a coherent way, and it makes a difference.

I am about to sound like one of the adults that drove me nuts at your age, so forgive me! There is value in a lot of the things that you learn by rote, even if they are boring. Math was always my worst subject, but when I wanted to go to grad school, I had to do algebra on my entrance exams. Learning to do an outline for a paper has helped me with all sorts of projects. Some of these things are so basic and boring, they seem useless, but they do help with other things when they are applied in a bigger context later on.

Perhaps there is an alternative school track for you to take at this point? Sometimes there are whole programs, and sometimes there are just classes that let you express yourself. In my senior year in high school, I had a class called Humanities. The teacher made it a mix of philosophy, history, politics, religion, sociology and other things. It added up to a big free-thought-for-all every day, and I LOVED it! I was the "mouse", but I spoke up in that class because I could express myself. It made a huge difference to me.

I understand what you mean about the meds making you feel like "a different person". You are still you, and that will not change. It is how you express it that has changed. For me this has been a blessing for the most part. I can get to the heart of things and express it, and then move on. Before, I got so distracted that I was afraid to speak up. However...there are times I miss the free-flow of ideas I had that used to hold others in thrall. I could rattle off things noone had thought of, and there would be a big collective "OOOOOooooo" of awe and respect. At a recent meeting, everyone was stuck, and someone said "Emmie will know!" and they all looked at me. I had...nothing. Ugh.

The anxiety and depression you feel could be something that is coming up to the surface now that your thoughts are clearer. They could also be because you are worried about not thinking like you used to, and mourning the loss of what is familiar to you. I really think that recognizing these is part of the process of dealing with ADD. Getting help to look at these issues could be helpful. In fact, it could be a way for you to use your abstract reasoning skills in a new and challenging way.

It's very normal to not have a life direction at age 15. The ideas you have are wonderful! Some people your age have no clue, and don't care. you are steps ahead of them. Here is another chance for you to use your abstract reasoning. Maybe you will realize there is something you always wanted to try, but never did before because you could not focus. I have a career that mirrors a lot of my life experiences, and for me this has meant I do things I know by heart, and use skills that are like worn paths in my brain. It helps me feel competent. But oh, if I had felt competent to do anything I wanted, what choices I might have made! As hard as this all feels, you may be experiencing opportuinities you never knew existed.

I am looking forward to hearing more from you, and I wish you all the best!

Take care,
Emmie

my video card has blown out and I need a new one. I'm at the library right now. Going to get a new one in about 3 weeks. thanks for the new help.

I think the system is broken and I must choose an alternate way to succeed in this world since I cannot change the system. I have basically given up on school, though I still am able to pass from test scores alone.

My question to you is how can I succeed in life with all of this stated? How will I find my place in this world? I've been so depressed lately...

(I've refrained myself from profanity many times in this writing. Sorry if it was a bit choppy as I'm very tired.)
:confused:

I'm with you. Everyone else already said many of the things I thought of saying in my reply and there's no need for me to repeat them.

I just want to say that I was in a very similar place in highschool (although you seem much better off than I was, academically speaking) ... and although right now I am not as confused about my place in the world as I used to, I still share many of your feelings. Finding your place in the world, I can tell you, will happen little by little thanks to the workings of your brain. Don't despair. Sometimes I still have moments in which I feel like an alien with a different way of looking at almost everything and I dispair, but those are just moments and they only occur because sometimes I envy everyonelse's ability to glide carelessly focusing only on the practical aspect and ignoring all the layers and perspectives of anything that happens minute to minute.

I had the same way of passing tests, but on top of that I also have a big problem with math. It shuts me down for various reasons I might talk about in future posts if they call for it. I'm not referring to the math in i.q. tests which is pretty simple, but those senseless sequences of characters that in my mind (when on paper and stripped of real significance) have no relation to the world as I see it. Then when it is applied to everyday life without resorting to formulas and stuff I can even excel at it at times...

I remember a little hardcore math test on a monthly paper and me and my ex-boyfriend racing for the solution. He had no problem with math being a top trader in the stock exchange, while I pretended I knew math well but solved those problems my own way. When one day I finally told him how I got to it before he did, he was quite ****ed and said I had to use math formulas to solve it (while I wasn't even thinking of stupid numbers as in the test they were substituted by geometric symbols and flower patterns) so, once I found the solution, I would 'translate' those symbols to number values that fit it. He would approach it the other way. He had to work with numbers from the very beginning.

anyway... yeah, I'm a bit weird ^^ but the important thing is surviving this crazy world that makes less sense than my harmless oddities.

Again, it'll get better I promise! ;)

Sorry for rambling and thank you for reading.

Hm... A few of my strengths are in writing, especially satire and comedy; music, because I can pick up an instrument and learn it with great speed; and math because I can think logically to solve a problem without much memorization, but it bores me.

Is writing and music what you also LIKE to do? Sometimes we don't necessarily enjoy the things we're good at (like math for you).

If you like writing and music, then follow your dreams. Anything else you enjoy doing?

As far as school goes, do you think you'd be able to pass the GED and just be done with high school and go to college? Or apply to one of the early entrance colleges?

I agree with the folks who suggest you stick with it and finish high school (or get the GED), because without a high school diploma your prospects are pretty bleak. Don't be a Good Will Hunting. Unless of course you can sidestep the whole schooling crap and build yourself your own business / career.

you need to email me on this immediately. i am you, but sixteen i honestly need to talk to you.

"I felt that I was right to devalue simple things that required no abstract thought at all. I did a lot of research and personal reflection and came to the conclusion that you do not have to be smart to succeed in school, you just have to be an unyielding workhorse. To copy something from a textbook? Just simply transfer sentences from one piece of paper to another? the only skill involved was finding it, so we were being taught to reference? If you were able to do that you would make the grade."

love it, love it, love it!

"My question to you is how can I succeed in life with all of this stated? How will I find my place in this world? I've been so depressed lately..."

As long as your self-esteem doesn't take too much of a battering i don't see why you wouldn't shine, and
brilliantly too! You have every reason to succeed. I'm sorry you've been feeling depressed. Its not easy when you don't fit into the mould as easily as those around you. But its the non-moulding (yea, its a word!) people that make the differences in this world. Just trust your instincts and that wonderful brain of yours.:)

Depression anxiety - medication change your personality - the chemical changes caused by medications can be hard to get used to at first but should not last over three weeks to a month if taken daily - if these personality changes continue despite your body being given a chance to adjust to them I would look for secondary condition or other conditions that mimic ADD - especially if you experienced anxiety and depression {extreme moodiness} before beginning medications.


ADD medications if working properly should not completely change your personality but they can - it happened to two of my family members - doses of ADD medication that were enough to help them be able to concentrate would completely change them - they went from talkative open people to quiet people - so quiet it was eeiry -

High IQ - so you take test well - can be a good thing but it won't get you ahead if you refuse to learn how to play the game.

After all that ranting, my point is that I think the system is broken and I must choose an alternate way to succeed in this world since I cannot change the system.

Yeah the system is broken it is all freaking broken and likely to remain that way - it either A) makes sense to the majority B) Doesn't make sense to any one but the majority are too disorganized to do any thing to change it C) It doesn't really matter in the end D) None of the above E) all of the above

The real test is can you learn how to play their game your way?

That is where the rubber really hits the pavement. . . that is how you succeed . . . and it requires not only intelligence but wisdom. Intelligence your born with, learning is taught, but wisdom comes via experience but only when combined with insight.

PS My IQ is highest when I am sleeping. . . :rolleyes:

Thank you for everyone for this post and disscussion, I have found it incredibly interesting, I have a high IQ which has been a huge blessing in terms of being several steps ahead of everyone else but also make other people seem boring and predictable. My IQ masked ADHD throughout my chaotic delinquent youth and has allowed me to get away with my cronically poor attention span and scary, dangerous immpulsivity over and over again, I have avoided medication but now I have a very responsible job and my symptoms above plus my tendancy to say extreamely innapropriate things in proffesional situations is scaring the crap out of me. I'm going to see my consultant and arrange medication, I need a break, When I think about the lopportunities I have missed and the losses I have suffered as a result of not fitting in and not knowing why I could cry and cry and cry,

Rexx I think your insight and self awareness is wonderful and will protect you, do what you have to do and try not to be too unhappy
regards Alexis

you need to email me on this immediately. i am you, but sixteen i honestly need to talk to you.

Go ahead and ask me some questions in this thread. I hope you decide to do so as it would be nice to talk to someone around my age (not that I have not valued help from those slightly older, it has helped me tremendously) to compare whats going on right now.

Rexx,

Just wanted to tell you that I completely identify with your post. And, as someone already mentioned, a high IQ will not help you unless you learn to play the game. I've tested in the 150's, scored a 34 on my ACT, and I'm still in danger of losing my job.

I took pills in college, and while they helped with grades, they sapped my personality and I stopped being that "laid back, happy go lucky" extrovert, ie, the class clown.

Close ones said my personality had completely changed. I believe them, as they have no reason to lie.

Now, I've been off pills for two years, and I'm heading down the road towards unemployment! Yay!

I don't know what I'll do, but I won't go back to the pills. Maybe yoga?

hey sergin,
how about meditation, I have a friend like you who won't take pills and he swears by it :rolleyes:

I'd like to give it a serious try.

Hi, my name is Gary and I too have AD/HD, accompanied by academic and creative giftedness. Quite honestly, it's frustrating. Because of the giftedness, you are able to function quite above your disability, but because of the AD/HD, you function quite lower than your actual potential. What you need is the help of a few good people. I've always had to rely upon others to accomplish the things I was not able to do myself (organization, details, etc). Being an extrovert, as I am, you shouldn't find that too difficult.

But then again, that is not necessarily a flaw. We all need each other. There's no one person who, alone, makes a significant impact. Everyone, regardless of their assets or deficits, must have a good team behind them.

There are many dreams I have of making an impact in this world, but it seems that the day to day struggles of AD/HD thwarts my best attempts and stave off my goals. You just gotta keep plugging away. Surely, the circumstances and people will come together to make it happen. Some days it's difficult, but nothing trumps persistence.

And keep your altruism ever present. I have great admiration for a keen intellect, but I must constantly remind myself that intelligence is NOT a virtue. The possession of giftedness doesn't make me a better person, just a smarter one.

Keep your chin up. In ways, I think you must accept that AD/HD is going to impact your effectiveness, but with the right team of people, your gifts will shine through.