Do any of ya'll have problems with making out if people are mad at you or just being serious? Like I have trouble with understanding when people are serious with me or angry with me. then I end up getting my feelings hurt when they are firm. Is this ADD or NVLD?

I have that problem many times with my wife. Something in her voice says she is upset, but when asked she says shes not :confused:

LOL Newfdog! How long have you been married? "I'm fine" is code for "Keep asking." This should immediately be followed by a sincere "I'm sorry," whether you know what you did to contribute to the situation or not.

But seriously, in response to the original question, I am frequently misunderstood on the tone of voice thing. I'm always being told that I'm a "powerful woman" -- whatever that means -- and sometimes I come across as more forceful than I intend. And I have a lifelong history of being perceived as angry when I'm really just hurt.

Is this an ADD thing or a personality thing or a communication thing? I've yet to figure it out.

And yeah, I frequently have trouble reading the other person's signals, too. But that's probably a self-confidence thing. Despite the "powerful woman" persona, I always expect to have messed up.

married 27 years, 1 year married with DX of ADHD. Guess now I am more aware of what is going on, or maybe I pay more attention.

LOL Newfdog! How long have you been married? "I'm fine" is code for "Keep asking." This should immediately be followed by a sincere "I'm sorry," whether you know what you did to contribute to the situation or not.

When my teachers sound irritated i always ask are you mad at me and they say no. I always get my feelings hurt when that happends.

When my teachers sound irritated i always ask are you mad at me and they say no.

Bandie,

I'm sorry that you go through this experience and get your feelings hurt a lot. I understand how it stinks because I used to experience this quite a bit myself. My mom, for example, would be OBVIOUSLY "P O'd" - but she'd always respond when I asked her why she's angry, "Who's angry? I'M not angry!" (Sounding all weird and psycho and DEFINITELY ANGRY!)

Unfortunately, many people are brought up to learn NOT to feel certain things. Anger, irritation, frustration, hurt, fear . . . lots of those "negative" feelings we are told "You shouldn't feel that way." "Don't be upset!" "Don't be afraid." "Act like a big boy/girl!" Etc. As a result (depending on the severity of one's having their expression of emotions squelched) - some people probably really do not even KNOW that they are feeling irritated, angry, frustrated, etc. And they are DARNED SURE to at least not ADMIT to such feelings. I'll bet that's some of what you are experiencing.

For what it's worth: Unfortunately, there are teachers - sometimes maybe just one in a school, more often there are MANY in a school - who are NOT good teachers (my personal belief) because they aren't able to empathize with their students. And when a student is feeling disliked, annoying, etc. - he/she can't learn!

It's a very bad situation. Can you talk to your parents about this? I think it's an important issue to talk about (if I have the CORRECT "issue" - that is). I am glad that I NOW know this and can talk about it to my children when they experience difficulty with an impatient and insulting teacher. They at least know that it isn't THEIR fault for the difficulty. (Very important to a developing psyche.)

Sincerely,
Sue

Here are some other threads about NVLD:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22779&highlight=nlvd

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=52544&highlight=nlvd

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=49266&highlight=nlvd

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=34805&highlight=nlvd

i misunderstand tones of voice sometimes. I just presume people are mad at me. Then i go through the past day trying to work out what ive said or done wrong..
Also frequently people misunderstand me.
Its usually because I just dont put things into the right words so come across the wrong way. I can come across as way to forceful when Im just trying to explain something or find out about something.
I really dislike it when people play little mind games, or word games and arent to the point. I just dont get it. Its all good when theyre just joking around but when its something ive done..why not just say it?

actually its just the occasional experience (from past) but they always stick in my mind..
things that have happened in the far distant past..memories seem to just stick in my mind all the time..
just struggle more with not getting at the meaning of what people are saying sometimes and not saying things with the intended meaning..?
duno why..so feel as tho i have to repair some of the stuff i say (may be perfectionistic tendencies) and feel as if ive offended people without meaning to (because ive said the wrong thing, wrong way, wrong time)
because of misunderstandings from not getting what they are saying..then saying what i think either at the wrong time, wrong way, or talking about things that have nothing to do with what is being talked about, or going on about things for to long because i havent quite gotten the whole picture yet..
i guess it probably happens to everyone from time to time..

Do any of ya'll have problems with making out if people are mad at you or just being serious? Like I have trouble with understanding when people are serious with me or angry with me. then I end up getting my feelings hurt when they are firm. Is this ADD or NVLD?

I do this a lot. Especially when I'm in that time of the month, everybody sounds like they're angry at me. A slightly raised voice makes me paranoid. I've actually said to people, "please don't snap at me" and gotten a ??? in response (which is great when you already feel like poo!) Sometimes I miss sarcasm, too.

I dunno whether it's ADD or NVLD (I have signs of both). But I will say that school is the pits for that kind of stuff, especially if you're used to screwing up, and waiting for the inevitable "What is this mess? Did you sleep on this piece of paper?" response from an uncaring teacher.