Hi All,
A question I feel the need to ask. This may have even been a question posed before I was around so forgive me if it's already been a discussion here before. My question is, "Do any of you feel like you love differently then other people" What I mean by that is in a deeper sense. I have found throughout my life that I could never seem to find someone that could love as deeply and completely as myself. Is this part of the ADD and the different wiring in my brain or maybe just a woman thing? It has just always seemed that I go deeper emotionally then many people I've met. I think I've only been involved with two guys in my life that even came close to my emotional depth and I often wonder if they had ADD themselves. My H(a non-ADDer) is a wonderful loving husband and the best thing that ever happened to me but the answer to your question about him is no. Emotionally he is not as deep. I have accepted that and know that I made the right decision in marrying him. We do have a lot in common and like many of the same things. We balance each other out very well and he helps to stabilize me when I get a little nutz. Still I wonder sometimes what it would have been like to be married to someone who equals me in that area. I think I know the answer to that but still find myself pondering the thought sometimes. I hope this isn't too touchy of a question. Sometimes I guess I just think too much. As always I appreciate your input. Dee

Dear Dee,

Namaste,

I have felt the same way on love. I love much deeply than others love for me..and also I cant meet anyone casually it seems most casual interactions with people in life or net..and I feel a sense of belonging, or a pull of friendship..

I like to discuss my love with that person in whose love I am..I like to discuss relationship, like to tell people why I love them, I like to hug, cuddle and use terms of endearment..so many small intimate things that I like to do with anyone whom I am in love with..including friends..and somehow it works against me..because people dont like to discuss relationship..nor do they like to discuss love..no hugs or terms of endearment either...so it feels like I am playing down myself, my love to adjust to others love.

Like I can give million hug tirelessly as if I am a durocell battery rabit yet hardly ever do I get a chance to give a hug to..

maybe love in todays world has changed..maybe its more pracital these days..and I am very opposite of that..

I feel love is such a wholesome feeling..it adds an aura, glow to skin..and I feel its so pure..i know this all sounds all weird from a mans mouth maybe thats why I am single..lol..I am still unclear about love and the questions you posed...it will be worthwhile looking for others take on it.

Thanks for asking this question..this issue matters to my life as well and I think its an important issue in most adders life.

May I ask you couple of Qs.

Do you find such deep love only for your partner or is it the same with every relationship, friendship?

in my life its most relationships.

Do you feel vulnerablitliy in relationsihp?

would love to talk on this thread more.

Hope to see few more replies..

Love,

Nachi

I've only really loved 2 men in my life time and had a few boyfriends that I liked a whole lot.

I'm one who keeps people some what at distance and alot of the time I don't mean to......

Except for my kids, who I'd die for, I've felt I don't have that deep love your talking about. I do care about people very deeply, I think more than alot of people I know.....

The troubling issue I have with the men that have been in my life? I've not felt that deep love your talkng about. I wonder if it's because I haven't found the right person or it's something about me....

I give 100% & I have yet to find anyone that is willing to do the same.

It does seem hard to find anyone these days that is willing to give 100% but they do exist. It also depends what 100% means to different people. A lot of people just give up and settle for less. You also have to accept the fact that you will never find "the" perfect person.

Everyone has their faults. For some people the complete love, heart to heart, soul to soul just doesn't happen and it really doesn't have to to be happy. Some people never experience it all. I think you have to be willing to be vulnerable for it to happen too and some people do not feel comfortable being that open. Sometimes maybe it's better not to because you can wind up so vulnerable that you get your heart ripped out.

It's incredible if it's the right person but if it's the wrong one it takes a long time to get over it. Was it worth all the pain to experience that kind of love? For me it was but for someone else it may not be worth it and understandably so. I do however think if you find a good loving caring person that respects you and treats you right and has the same values as yourself, that is the most important thing.

I have always been the wear my heart on my sleeve kind of person and it has gotten me hurt at times. I'm a little bit better at protecting myself now, but it's taken a long time. It took me a while to trust my H with my heart because I had been really crushed a few times. When I was younger I tended to put all my emotions on the table but as I got older learned to be a little more careful. I have had a few relationships with men where the sparks just flew immediately but that can be dangerous because you don't want to really invest deep emotions into a relationship until you know a person pretty well.

When the blinders finally come off you can wind up finding out later that they aren't who you thought they were. I've always been a pretty warm and friendly person but not outwardly mushy until I've known someone a while. Regarding my friendships with women I tend to be a little backoffish at first because I'm afraid they will pick me apart and find all my faults.

Even so, I have found some really good and trustworthy women friends. My two closest friends I consider like family and care for them as such but regarding feeling deep emotions I'd have to say for me that tends to be more in the male-female relationship. I do however love my daughter to death and not a day goes by that I don't tell her I love her. That is probably because my own mother was not real affectionate and sometimes I didn't feel loved very much.

My father was actually the more affectionate of my parents. Maybe that is why I have always had some male friends and felt so comfortable around them. Of course now that I am married I don't see them as much but we do still talk sometimes and my H is friends with them too.

I do still get my feelings hurt easily when people are critical of me or judgemental or just plain unfriendly. It just happened with someone I worked with. I guess that is part of my being very emotional too. I do get disappointed by the way people treat each other. I guess I do tend to care too much but I don't think I want that to change or I wouldn't be me. Thanks for the replies. Was just wondering if anyone else felt the same way about things as me and if it's just me or some ADD too.
Natchi2004, hope this answered your questions. Dee

I too am a VERY emotional person. I cry OFTEN.
I know that no one is perfect. I just haven't found anyone that TRULY loves me.

Dee... I'm not sure what to say to this.

Yes, I feel like I love more hopelessly and passionately than most people.

However... I also think there are male and female differences to love... and other differences from individual to individual. So while I can relate to how you feel... I am not certain you could relate to how I feel, if you see what I mean.

Great topic, great post nachi and everyone else.

I think it is such a beatifull thing to reveal such intense emotions.

I can't compare my love. But I know this, I am so touched to have friends, that I just could burst! I could just burst with happiness that people think well of me. I don't cry much, as I was abused when I did so in the past. But I cry with love when watching a little league game, I don't evenknow the players. I do the same at band, orchestra concerts with children. I think it's the togetherness that tugs at me so deeply. I think because I was once locked in my own world. My mother questioned autism even as she said I had an aversion to touch. I just remember wanting to be hugged and no one hugged me. My mother said she thought I didn't want to be touched as I rejected her as an infant, later as an adult she confided she made a mistake, because she felt rejected. I remember woundering what this feeling loved thing was about. I figured it was just a way of saying you know your loved. It was a long while before I got energy work done on me and felt love physically like an incredible force from friends. But I always gave love freely and loved deeply even though I wasn't able to feel it from others until then.

Wow Janine,

It was kind of the same thing with me. My mother says the same thing, that I rejected her as a baby and that I cried a lot. I think that was probably due to overstimulation which my mother would have had no way of knowing back then. I'm so sorry to hear of the abuse that happened to you, breaks my heart. I'm so glad you are healing from that and can feel ok to cry and can express and receive love. In my case my mother really didn't know how to love because her own mother was kind of cold to her. She has admitted that and I really can't blame her for that now. She just couldn't understand why I'd be so hurt over things. She even got mean at times and told me to "Get Tough". I hated that. I just always felt like I had this huge hole inside of me that could never be filled. Part of that though was the fact that I didn't love myself because I felt like I wasn't worth loving. Having friends really did make a difference and like you makes me very happy. I too get very passionate about things. I just saw the movie "The Passion" and was touched to the core of my being. Not everyone would agree and I wouldn't expect them to but I thought it was a good movie. Having such deep emotion allows one to experience things in a larger way then some people. Happiness can be almost euphoric depending on what the experience is that makes you happy. The negative part is the lows, yuck. When your down, your in the cellar. I have gotten better at pulling myself up out of the lows through the years but I still hit bottom sometimes. I had a really bad week last week and then today I got a note from the teacher for a conference about my daughter who has ADD also. Just one of many more to come in the future I'm sure. It just seems like lately everything is getting me down. At least things at work are better. Now I have to deal with what we are going to do to help my daughter. Oh, I want to cry right now. Sorry I'm getting off topic. I will bring this to the parents board next time I'm on. I'm beginning to get a headache so I'd better go lay down and relax before it becomes a speeding freight train of pain.

Thanks everyone for responding. Wayward, I can understand your point completely. I'm just glad you were kind enough to respond, thank you. Bye for now and thanks again. I appreciate everythig you all have to say. Your Friend, Dee

ADDfor2......My mother's mother was very disabled so she (my mother) felt shortchanged in the affection department. Perhaps thats why she wasn't physically affectionate with me. But she said that I didn't cry much.
I just never was good at crying and when I felt I worked through that block as an adult and things were rough I would shed tears, I was called a manipulator, and worse, so I sucked it back.
I wonder if your mom felt rejected from the crying or because you physically pushed her away?
When I try to get a hug out of my mom, (I never remember trying to hug her until I was on my own) it is like someone lightly patting you who doesn't want to. So I wonder if this was more of an irritation as a baby. Like if she firmly huged or touched me I might of liked it.
I wish I could go back and get the love I deserved, and then see if I'd turned out any different in the confidence department.
Have you ever wondered that?
Janine

Dee,

Your post blew me away. I could have written everything you have said. I have had the same experiences with getting hurt and putting myself out there and getting nothing in return.

I had a mother who was very affectionate when I was younger but never verbally told me I was worth anything. She never said she was proud of me, because whenever I actually accomplished something she would make a comment like "wow, I never would have expected you to do that. I'm sure that will never happen again." My mother constantly told me that I was too dramatic and too sensitive and I need to just get over it and quit making such a stink. I used to cry myself to sleep because she would hurt my feelings so much. In high school, I constantly lied to my parents so I could have some privacy (I'm an only child). I really used to hate my mother. When we argued, she always gave me the silent treatment which is the worst thing you could do to someone really sensitive like me. I liked it better when she yelled. At least she acknowledged me.

On the other hand, she was always there for me and was a very caring mother in every other way. She's very generous and motherly. She will still drive 100 miles to my house if she knows I have the flu or something. It's great. A couple of years ago, I finally told her how she used to make me feel. She actually cried when I told her because she said she never realized how insecure I really was and how much more sensitive I am than she is. We have a pretty good relationship now except she is still pretty negative about things but you can't change everything. She is also really into my business and thinks she deserves to know everywhere I go and everything I do. I'm 34 years old. She still makes me feel like a kid sometimes. But I do just feel lucky that I had the childhood that I did.

Sometimes I really want to have children, but on the other hand, I'm scared I would screw them up. I mean, none of our parents purposely screwed us up. I'm sure they look back and see they could have done something differently. I also love very deeply and I think I would worry too much about them. There are so many ways to protect your children but so many other ways when you have no control over what happens to them. I think I'll just stick to my 3 cats. I make myself cry just thinking about my cats not being around as long as I'll be around.

I can also cry about ANYTHING. Anything that is really touching or involves someone accomplishing a really difficult thing and seeing that look of triumph or pride on their face just makes me ball. I never used to be able to cry about that because I never used to accomplish anything. Now I know what it means to overcome something difficult. I also love it when the underdog wins. I always root for the underdog. I think us ADDers can relate to being the underdog. I seriously think we could change the world if we could all come together and be there for each other. One thing I do know, is that we need a lot of reassurance that we're on the right track. If I don't know if what I'm doing is good, then I start to doubt myself. I need cheerleaders on the sidelines. That's what this forum is like. We're all cheering each other on.

Dee, I wish we lived closer to each other. I think we could have some great conversations.

Hello everyone

As i was reading this, i was thinking maybe thats why my relationsihps, havent worked out in the past, but i do feel like im always that one to fall faster.. ive had a couple of
relationsihps where they have told me im sorry but i cant give you what you want... or i dont have the same feelings..

Dear Janine,

I am glad to have received your post in this thread. felt relieved to have found someone on the same lines as me.

I faced abuse, ridicule as a child and some of it still continues to be part of my present times..maybe because I havent learned yet to find a way out of it.

Yup..I wish only if I could back in my past to erase the wrongdoings of others in my life, to stand up for myself, have some composure, confidence in.

Maybe if I can do all this now to be free from it all..even then I will be so happy. It seems I am running away from my past, hiding from my future..leading to nowhere..

I am so happy to have found this place, where at last there are people who think like me, who cry at nothing, who jump in joy, love over silly things. It feels great to have company in such matters. I am not alone, not anymore.

Wishing You All A Wonderful Day Ahead,

With Love,

Nachi

Janine, I sure have wondered if it would have made a difference in the self-confidence department. I have always lacked self-confidence and wonder if I had felt as much love as I needed I'd have gotten some confidence earlier in my life. I still have trouble in that area and that is why I have not stepped up to the plate yet and taken a leadership type job. I know it's in me to do it but I'm still a little too afraid. I still tend to question my abilities. We can all help help each other here by routing for each other. Thanks so much for your posts and looking forward to many more in this or other threads.

Andreaa, my mother was caring in the way of doing things for me but always negative too. Instead of telling me the good things I did, I always got "Why did you do that wrong". I too was more sensitive then she could handle. She didn't know how to deal with it and just got mean sometimes. I too like you am always questioning myself if I did something right. The good thing is that I am finally learning that I don't need approval from everyone and that I can make a decision on my own. Having a child with ADD, my H and I really have to make some major decisions. My mother doesn't really like to talk about the ADD but I think she finally believes me. When I was a child, she knew I needed extra help with some things and she always tried to do things for me but I just never got much praise or as much emotional type affection as I dearly needed. I don't blame her though anymore because it's all she knew. We talked about it and I know she feels bad about it. Lately she's been having some medical problems and there is a possibility she may have Parkinson's which can be debiliating and require a lot of help in the future. I am preparing myself for that possibility and I know I must put all hurts from the past behind me and just help her if she needs it. With the help of God, my Dad and, thank goodness, two sisters I think I can handle whatever I find out. She had some bloodwork done today and we should find something out on Monday. Thanks so much for your post. I can identify with so many things you said and I'm sure we'll post lots more.

AprilADD, I sure do know where you are coming from there. I sure did mess up some relationships because my emotions were all over the place. It takes a while sometimes but you do learn to control your emotions better with time. I don't mean ignore or totally hide them, but learning to gage when and how much to reveal as the relationship progresses. You also have to give the other person some time to reveal what kind of a person they are and where they are emotionally. Hang in there and have patience with yourself and most importantly you don't learn anything with trying, right. Looking forward to hearing from you more.

Papergirl, you'll find a good person that that sees your goodness and appreciates you for who you are, don't give up.

Nachi, you seem like a very sweet and kind person and your friends are lucky to know you. Glad to have you here on these boards.

Thanks everyone for the great posts. I've had a couple of tough weeks and it's nice to know I've got friends here that I can truly relate to.
Your Friend, Dee

Same back Dee! Hope your Mother does not have Parkinsons!!

April,

I need to correct something I said in the part of the post to you. What I meant in the second to last sentence was, you don't learn anything with"out" trying. I didn't notice it when I wrote it and can't edit it now so I just wanted to make sure and get it straight. I hate when my brain goes faster then my fingers and I miss words or part of them. Dee

I hadn't really put that much thought into it being ADD, but again the symptoms fit like a glove.

As a male, my path has tended to be different than most others. I watch the movies and see the standard line "he only wants one thing, all guys are like that". For me, it could almost nearly be the opposite.

I would travel a thousand miles to share a moment with someone I truely loved, but would stay at home rather than go and just "visit" someone if it didn't feel right.

I watch movies and cry, even simple things in life, like seeing a sense of accomplishment where ever there may be any adversity.

I have cried just thinking about how much my poor dog endlessly gives out love and asks for very little in return.

As for relationships, I put them in two categories. I can love someone and I can be "in-love" with someone. If I somehow manage to be in-love with someone who is also in-love with me, I have found it an extremely intense, draining and completely fullfilling kind of relationship.

Unfortunately, due to a few character flaws, poor choices and the odd stroke of bad luck means that again, I am neither loving or in-love with someone. I do however remain open to the idea that maybe someday, just maybe, I will find meet up with someone.

This is what it will feel like for me, compressed for the benefit of those who wish to stay awake.

To be completelyt in love is where you can feel the love in every bone in your body, whose mere thought brings a warmth on a bitter cold day. Where you both give so much of youselves, knowing tyhat the other person is also giving so much, that together, it is like watching the sunrise and thinking that each fresh morning is another chance to have the most absolutly happiest day of your life, and that today will be twice as good as yesterday, and still only half as good as what tomorrow will be.

I want to be loved for what I am, not what I am not, for what I give, not what I take, for what I share, not what I keep, for wanting you to be you, and for you letting me be me.

To quote from the movie Joe Black, "It is that she knows every little poor and rotten thing about me, and yet she still loves me, that I can truely understand what it is like to really be loved"

Sleepz.

PS.,,,I do love cuddles ;)

I still think its the intensity that we all share that makes me attracted to ADD men. To feel any feeling deeply is definitely a sharing thing. I mean, to watch a movie and to laugh and cry together is beautiful. To appricate color and music and to have understanding from the other is also wonderful. I believe in that kind of love. I know its out there.

Sleep-I agree with you "I want to be loved for what I am, not what I am not, for what I give, not what I take, for what I share, not what I keep, for wanting you to be you, and for you letting me be me. " I feel the same way. You kinda have to be, for how can you love yourself if this isn't true.

Speaking of love... we have talked about the different classifications of love: Gifts, words, actions etc..
I noticed that many of my ADD friends are rich in using words and actions to show love. My non-ADD friends typically use gifts or cards as a sign of love. Interesting isn't it?

After reading just a few of the posts, I would like to add my 2 cents worth. ADDer's feel emotions at such deep levels that explaining it to people without ADD is hard. I have had only 1 girlfriend. She's been my wife for nearly 12 years now.

Love for me is like being overcome by the most amazing force. I get lost just looking in her eyes. Away from her I physically feel as though part of me is missing. Just thinking about her fills my heart with emotion. I watch my children play and I feel as though I could float with pride and happiness.

Yes we do feel deeper and hurt more than others, but we are also capable of a deeper love that transcends anything life can throw at it. I feel that leaves us with the power to do great things and change the future for the better.

I know - I'm rambling

Take Care all
David

I am very similar to many of you that have posted here.

I am a very emotional man, sometimes too emotional. I cry at movies, largely because I don't just see a movie, but feel it. Sporting events get me, too. It's as if I am in the middle of an event or movie. I cry because I feel like I am there.

In relationships, I definitely have a hard time listening and remembering things that happen between a significant other and I, but make up for it in other ways. My creativity goes wild, and all I want to do is speak from my heart and do things (often highly creative and unexpected) that let her know I understand her and know her.

Unfortunately, I feel a constant need for reassurance. I love being touched, by only by the woman I care about. I need to hear her voice more than at night. I love getting emails from her. Kissing, hugging, and <deleted>...gotta have em.

Better stop....I'm sort of single right now and don't need to get worked up about this...

Someone stop me from trying to reply!!!

No kidding! Replying to this thread at this juncture would only megafunkify my funk. And people, the funk is deep.

ok everyone.

i have met someone new since finding out about my ADD i like him im trying to take it slow to see what happens. i keep telling my self im not going to fall to fast for this person. but like i said befor ive always been the one to fall first. i would be nice if he did first for a change LOL so i kinda built this wall up to see first i just dont want to be the left standing alone you know?
only time will tell on this one... BUT i can tell you OMG is the sex good LOL must be the adderal working,
take care everyone
April

Oh, yeah. I can echo most of this, especially about how deep and intense it is. Kay says the books all talk about ADDers being more deeply emotional. And I cry a lot, too. Jeeze.

And the anxiety that can go with it is intense, too. Kay and I have been riding this monster all of our lives together, over thirty-five years now, and it’s more than worth it.

Where to start, though, about even the simplest of things? How about the two strategies? You know, the fact that we all have two different mating strategies hard wired, a modern one known as long term pair bonding, and a primitive one we call quickie-under-the-bush. Long term pair bonding is nice, based on pairing up with someone of approximately similar status. It’s fairly well understood, and most successful when both partners feel like they’ve lucked out and done a little better than they should have.

The primitive strategy is not nice, is poorly understood, and has no real long term goal. (Duh!) What makes things more complicated, even beyond the fact that much about it remains unrecognized, is that the male and female versions are totally different, and none of us usually recognize it.

This isn’t the from-Mars-and-Venus thing. Humans really don’t have a way to see that the male and female elements of the primitive strategy are different, even when we are face to face and apparently in agreement. That is by design, and there are some aspects of it that are truly repugnant. Even though someone is not going to be having fun, there are mechanisms by which that fact gets perverted, so it seems not to be so.

The two strategies are what sleepzalot is talking about; I lived almost the same life, at least in that regard. As soon as I hit puberty I started to identify and reject social interactions based on the primitive strategy. I had a lot of pressure put on me, and I was in many ways a social misfit because of it. And it was always more complicated than I thought, so I occasionally got it wrong.

But how are we supposed to talk about love, without first sorting this out? Most people’s experiences are a jumble of some of each of the strategies. Some of the lack of emotional depth, particularly in an otherwise perfect partner, can be because of damage or even just the natural confusion that arises when trying to understand what has gone wrong in the past.

In other words, we get stung, just like so many of you describe here. And you can’t tell whether it’s from the bummer of the primitive strategy, or failed long term pair bonding, perhaps because of interference from the other strategy. And most males finally make a strong choice, so the world sometimes seems split between a faction of boastful, overconfident porn kings, and an invisible army of reluctant champions of What Is Right, even if we can’t always tell what That is.

There are positive aspects to all this, though. As certain as I am that you are correct to think a non-ADDer doesn’t feel as deeply as we do, I am also sure that we all have the potential.

What I’m saying is that in terms of feeling deeply, any non-ADDer can be converted, just like he/she had ADD. That should be an item of some hope for some of you, I think, and I’m not just saying it just because my heart goes out to each one of you who’s talked of a mismatch here. But it is, I think, a subject for a different post, at least.

Before Kay and I worked out our own common models (so we could talk about these things), we had to have a way to deal with this, a mental picture of our relationship that always shone through, no matter how loud the social noise around us.

Part of the problem is the infatuation/in love/just plain love thing some of you alluded to. We not only wanted a way to tell the forest from the trees, we wanted a way to easily tell the different kinds of trees apart.

So after endless iteration, here’s what we use:

Imagine a life in which you commune with nature, living where you can work outdoors and follow your heart in your free time. Every morning you rise before dawn, walk a mile and a half up a steep trail that is too craggy for most, and sit on a broad flat rock almost at the top of the highest local peak. You watch the sun rise, and then go back down, recharged for the day ahead.

One morning, just at the sun’s first flare, a person you’ve never laid eyes on before steps off the trail and takes a seat on the rock beside you. A person of the opposite sex. Without a word, the two of you watch the sun come up, and then get up and walk back down to face the workaday world, also without a word.

This happens every day for the next few months; sometimes you arrive first, sometimes the other, and now you nod at each other in a comfortable way in the morning, and when you pass each other in town.

You know nothing about this person, not even a name or the sound of his/her voice. But in some other ways, you know everything important that there ever will be to know. Whatever life that person has had, when they are living near that peak, they have the impulse and drive to find that flat rock and watch the sunrise. An imposter might manage to drag themselves up there a time or two, but after a few weeks things are clear.

You know everything about what it takes in a person to be on that mountain at sunup, and you know that the two of you share that understanding. And each of you knows surely that the other knows, too.

How could any two people ever be closer than this, to know each other’s minds and hearts? And how does it come to be, other than as I described it? We think of it this way, too: each of you on that mountain has a life stretching out behind you, a long, continuous line through time, a reason for each gentle curve and sharp twist, decision after decision, each building on the last; a sense of the sense in every moment leading you to that moment on the mountaintop.

For me and Kay, this is love. These lines of your lives, for this perfect moment, take the same identical path, so close to each other as to be indistinguishable. And as the line of your life stretches out into the future, it’s trivial to see that you and the other will be together as long as your lines don’t diverge.

There are many reasons that they might, but you can tell in an instant if a diversion is bogus, even if it’s in your own line. And you don’t have to always be face to face, either; it’s the lines that are together. One or both of you can turn to look away with perfect confidence. It no longer matters if you can see the difference between the two strategies, or how the mechanisms of the primitive strategy can catch us unawares. The problems and confusion from things like infatuation are gone forever.

All you have to do is look to your line, at anytime. Meet somebody new? If you can’t see the path their line took to run along yours, or one has a sudden kink, or is missing altogether, look out!

Wonder if that significant other is really the one, even though he/she doesn’t give you the emotional depth you crave? Look at your lines. If they’re running along together just fine, then the depth is there; it’s just a problem of expression. Together, you can overcome that.

If your friend/lover/spouse’s line has been smack on top of yours all along, then you can be sure they truly love you, and that you’re equally true.

As for real diversions, like when the summer job ends and one of you has to return to school, it’s just as easy to see what you should do. There’s no reason for either of you to feel or fear resentment, or wonder about what might have been, or if one or the other is getting enough to balance whatever’s been given up.

What you get is to keep the lines running along together, and if that’s what you each want, then there isn’t any tradeoff. There’s just life, and you live it together.

And besides, the sun rises everywhere, eventually. And yeah, OMG, the sex is good, isn’t it? Adderall forever…

I hadn't been onthe board that much and found more great posts. Just wanted to say thanks to those that posted. I've been married for almost 12 years now and feel I have found the person that was meant for me but in my case he does not and never will be as emotionally deep as I am. He is everything I want and need in every other way. He has become more sensitive over the years but he can only come so far and I accept that. Emotionally and physically(in the mental sense) he is just not wired like me and he cannot see and feel the way that I do. It's like trying to get someone that is totally color blind to see colors. It can't be done.

I did meet someone once that I had that deep emotional connection with but the timing was wrong and it couldn't be. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better that I had not experienced love to those depths because sometimes I really miss that. But the main thing is that I have a stable loving and committed man in my life now. He is a good husband, father and son to his own father.

There are people that may have the emotional depth but they may not possess other very important attributes. I guess you just have to weigh out what is the most important thing to you and what you can live with and without. It's a trade-off. You take the chance of waiting forever for the "Perfect" person and possibly winding up alone the rest of your life or you find a good person that accepts you for who you are, loves and supports you but may not have every little thing you desire. Some are lucky and do find both but not everyone gets that lucky.

Sure I would love to have had my husband be as emotionally as deep as me with all of his other attributes but I made my choice and I feel I've made the right one, even though I've had to give up on the deep emotional connection part I'm just glad I can see and feel everything in full color myself. That part of my ADD I wouldn't trade for the world. As always, I'm open to comments on my post good or bad. Thanks for taking the time to read it. Dee