Has anyone just given up on a social life ?
I'm aware that I did about 10-15 years ago.
My job is very social and I share my home, so I get loads of social exposure and love people - but I have absolutely NO social life WHATSOEVER ... you know, like going out, visiting and stuff.
Part of that too, has been having no love-life for 16 years - even though I'm attractive to the opposite sex.
Some VERY pretty girls (held in universal regard) have tried at length, to be with me - but I've always been deterred by the thought of social failure and of losing them ... despite intense attraction.
If you fail enough, you DO give up.
Is anyone else the same way ?
TIA
Addled

Ever heard of the concept of "learned helplessness"? Sometimes people learn to expect defeat and so just stop trying. But it sounds like you have had a lot of social successes in work and in your home. Is it just romance that's the sticking point?

No, I'm not the "learned helplessness" type AT ALL.
I've always been EXTREMELY independent and often criticised for not asking for help.
Not that I didn't ask for reasons of pride, but being brought up in an institutional children's home is meant to make you an intensely private (in a non-sharing of yourself, rather than introverted sense) person.
One of the things that you realise with time, is that parented children run to mum or dad when distressed - but I never did that, so I was always very self-reliant.
I just got so bored and fed up with social failure, that when the returns hit zero - all incentive evaporated.
Eventually you do come to expect defeat, but not for want of trying - and I did for 30 years .... and the first 30 are the longest.
Romance is only a sticking point in the sense that it's another social skill.

Well, I haven't quite given up yet, but for all practical purposes I have.

I have a bunch of friends and a boyfriend even! (don't know how I've managed to keep him though... he must love me a LOT) but I never EVER go out, and I never have time to do anything with anyone. Of course, It's not really giving up for me, since I didn't really ever do that in the first place. The way I keep my friends is by having classes or working with them, otherwise it's just so difficult to find the time! Part of that is because I'm a student right now, but it happened in high school, and I'm pretty sure that it will happen when I get out into the workplace as well.

I've just never really been a partier, and I don't have enough time to do other stuff with my freinds. I even have a hard time CALLING them just to catch up...

I am also pretty independant - proabably not as much as you, but I grew up in a large family (6 kids). My parents were nice and loving and all, but still left us mostly to ourselves - but I think that I got most of my positive characteristics from that. (I do have a lot of trouble asking for help though too)

i don't socialize much with people i don't like... like classmates. i can't stand boring and pretentious people.

my classmates see me go out with friends they don't know and tell me i'm antisocial. i can't deny i am although i still do try to join parties of classmates just so they don't call me antisocial.

most of my friends as i realized of late, also fit the criteria for ADD. and i think it's the reason why getting along with them takes no effort.

I never felt I could run to my parents. I was strangely independant.
Even though I had parents thatI assumed loved me.
I always wanted to be on my own.
Although I also would love a partner I am still like that.
I think I have a some kind of slight autistic tendancies.
Yet I have a social life. I still would be alone a lot, if I wasn't so thrilled to have friends that want me do spend time with them. So I do. But really often just prefer to stay with myself and my son.

Maybe this is part of the slight autistic tendencies that many of us seem to have. I grew up with loving parents (spacy, but nice ;) ), and I still felt a need to keep a lot of things to myself. I was also a commitmentphobe for a long, long time, despite the fact that I was never treated badly by family or boyfriends.

Another thing that may have contributed to this is that I didn't often initiate contact, come up with fun things to do with friends, etc. Occasionally I would throw a great party, but I wasn't a great socialite. ;)

I used to be the sameway but for different reason's. I find it extremely hard to ask for help luckily for me I met and married a man who can read my disstress signal's and offer's help without asking or making it seem as if he is helping me. i.e. I will spend an entire day trying to open a jar instead of just asking Doug.