Wondered if you guys could give me some advice on a tricky work / social issue that I think may be related to my ADD.

I'm 27, and recently diagnosed with add inattentive type. Throughout my life, I've always had trouble making and keeping friends.

I've now been working for 3 and a half years and in my job, I tend to go from project to project, a year or so at a time, travelling around with the same company. This is working out quite well, as by the time I've spent around 9 months with the same group of people, I've managed to completely alienate them and they all hate me.

If I've done something really offensive or out of order, I'd apologise, but in all honesty, I've no idea what I've done. I'll admit that I can be rather blunt, but I don't feel I've really done anything to warrant the hostility towards me.

For example, there is one person that I'm now working with for two projects in a row. I felt that previously, I was pretty good friends with this person, but now, they barely speak to me, and I feel that they are actively trying to sabotage the tenuous relationships I have with other colleagues.

I'm really beating myself up over this - I'm even having borderline suicidal thoughts as this cycle repeats itself once again. Normally, I'd start working things so that I could up sticks and move on. However, I don't feel that I can go on like this for the rest of my life and it's time to take a stand. I'm also just starting my treatment, and don't want to mess that up by moving to another country.

Any advice greatly appreciated

Are you sure they hate you????

I don't know if there is a particular disorder, but if there is I know I have it- I call it the nobody-likes-me-everybody-hates-me disorder. There are so many people I know and I swear and feel that they hate my guts, but those close to me swear the opposite up and down and tell me I am crazy (which is very annoying, having people tell you what you feel isn't real). But I don't see it any other way, even though I know I have a problem. The hate feels absolutely unquestionably real.

Hate is pretty powerful. I think to hate you these people would either have to be some of the lowest slime on the planet or you would have had to murder someone's child. But if you are like me with this then it would take more convincing. Are you sure they hate you? I bet they don't :)

I don't know what kind of a business you work for either, but some places, I have heard, can be very cutthroat when someone who is capable, talented, and on the ball enters the ballpark.

Have you tried talking to them asking what the additude is all about? Asked them who peed in their ovaltine?

I think I got it too--in the past I've always been the outsider in whatever job situation I'm in, and in a field where contacts/networking are everything, when I leave I'm forgotten in about a week. Was I really so bad that I deserve to be lied to, laid off, and never spoken to again? Some of it comes from inadequate social skills, emotional overreaction, and poor self esteem, but how many times does it have to happen before you start to doubt your own abilities?

"Nobody loves me, everybody hates me. Guess I'll eat some worms..." is my theme song.

I have always felt that people did not like me if they did not talk to me or look at me with a smile. I heard something the other day that is really good. I have not managed to make it stick but I will share it with you. Do not worry about what other people think they do not have the time nor do they care as much about you as they think. Well it was something like that.

What do you do? It could be that they are jealous of your work like was mentioned earlier. Do you consult? If you are trying to get them to do thing differently or recommending it it could cause a lot of resentment.

Hate is pretty powerful.

You're probably right - hate's too strong a word. But they sure do dislike me a lot. It's stronger than indifference, as they occaisionally actively go out of their way to exclude me. FOr example, 4 people sitting in the same room as me will send round an IM to each other to go for lunch, rather than say it out loud in case I wasnt to join them. And I'm never invited out for drinks after work. (for both of the above, I used to be included, but not any more)

I found the thread Friendship with Females (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=3303) very interesting, as it's mostly women who the trouble starts with, and who are the main offenders - things like two people on either side of me IMing each other about me (and half the time, it's probably not even about me, I'm just completely paranoid now!) or rolling their eyes, or giving each other 'looks' when I say something. Seems to me a lot of the behaviours described in Odd girl out (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1861) don't end in the playground

I'm competent, but not brilliant at my job. I don't think any one would have any complaints about me in that regard, but at the same time, there's nothing to be jealous about. Professionally, I have no problem interacting with these people, and as such, I'm loathe to 'rock the boat' by having some kind of confontation. OK, I'd like to know what it is I do that rubs them the wrong way so I can avoid doing it now or in the future. But I need a more subtle way of doing it than standing up in the office and screaming 'Why don't you like me!!!!) ;-)

i've only got a bit of advice which you can take if it works for you or leave if i'm way off base....

rather than looking for some behavior you are doing that you could change if only you knew what it was..., try to find someone to socialize with that is more accepting of your quirks. i think i'd skip the whole work-social scene and find your friends elsewhere. then, work is just work. it fulfills the need to keep you fed and housed. your desire for healthy social interaction can be found elsewhere. and, i'd start looking at a local CHADD group. we adders are a *very* accepting and fun-loving bunch!

good luck! too bad you don't live in the mid-west, i'd invite you ever for a hot cup'a :*)

After writing the note below...
I just realised something, it is possible that at times ADDERs space out and are nonattentive, we often don't notice it but it can offend others, and left unapproached the misunderstanding may loom to large proportions. If that were the case I would suggest actually telling those frienships you care about that you do this, (you don't have to mention ADD)and let them know that their friendship is important. This way they may be aware and take it less personal.

I think that it is a big waste of time to worry about who dislikes or likes you. It is most likely paranoia only. Which I can relate to.
I guess this may not make a lot of sense to some people or most.
Just be friendly to everyone with no expetations. And if these coworkers actually spend time talking about you behind your back. Then they need to get a life. Another thing I used to say when someone actually spends precious time to be rude to me.. would be.. obviously I am important to you or you would ignore me. Anyone who wastes time talking bad about another behind their back deserves sympathy.
As you can see I am a bit blunt. And do know I am simplifying the issues.
You have to remember you worrying about it brings it on. They feed off your power you give up by being insecure when you sense they are up to their gossip.
I would even just out right ask people (I know it's hard to do, but worth it) If I did anything to offend them? Or what would it take to have peace between us?
I called a friend the other night who was disgruntled, I didn't think it was me, but it occured that if it was it wouldn't be wise to wait. So I called to get the skinny, wasn't me though.

The work place sounds like kind of like being in middle school again. If they can't, you can rise above it.
Just like the quote; No one can hurt you, without your permission.
Quit giving them permmission. Find someway to replace this concern with something else.
I am really frustrated that People even give it that much importance.
I honestly think the issue would not exsist if you didn't give it importance.
Not what you wanted to hear maybe but my rant was done with loooveeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have ADHD inattentive I have finally had to realize that I don't alway's realize what exactly comes from my mouth. I'm impulisive and say thing's I didn't even realize I thought let alone said. I have explained this to my coworkers and told them I am working on it but that they needed to cue me when something like this happens i.e. You know that hurt my feeling's or that is inappropriate NOW there are times I'm speaking my mind and mean what I say and I let them know I meant what I said and will explain why to them. But, sadly NO girl bullying did not stay in grade school.