BnB
03-07-04, 08:52 PM
Okay guys and gals,....i really need some help and advise. As some of you may know i have done some extensive work in the area of parenting ADD children. I have developed an alternative Parenting manual and have ran workshops as well as parenting classes. Well I want to take this 1 step further and develop a set of cards,....sort of like a game, that works as a goal setting tool with the manual I wrote.
I need your help because i dont know what all the cards should say,....i know the things that would make a positive impact or diffence in my life but every family is different.
One set for the parents and one for the youth. Following is some of the ideas i have for the cards.
PARENTS CARDS:
* If only I had one person in the school to continously assist me in advocating on behalf of my child
* If only my child would do his chores
* If only my partner and I could agree on the same parenting startegies.
* If only my child did not yell at me
YOUTH CARDS:
* If only my teacher did not pick on me at school.
If only my parents did not nag me about chores.
If only my dad did not yell at me all the time.
If only my parents would listen to me.
During the program sessions, the parents and youth would meet individually with me. The parent/youth would identify 3 or 4 top priorities. Assuming the parent choose the first 3 I listed, I would sit with the parent and strategize ways to make these wishes a reality.
* Identify an advocate within the school system, meet with that person, discuss concerns in regards to the youth and the school, ask the prson to work with parent and youth to target some of the concerns, attend meetings, or educate the parents on why certain school issues happen.* In regards to getting the youth to do chores, I would facilitate a process of negotiation and rewards, consequences. Very clearly developing expectations.
In regards to the youth cards, say the youth picked I wish my parents did not nag at me all the time. Explore why the parent is nagging. Look at the larger picture here. Link it to the parents wish.
* The parent asks the youth to do dishes. The youth says in a minute. The youth means when i am done this tv show. The parent sees the child not responding and says do the dishes. the youth grumbles. The parent gets frustrated that the youth is not complying and the youth gets angry that the parent is nagging. So I would assist to negotiatestrategies. For example 1) The parent states the expectation. 2) The parent waites 10 minutes (or however long it was identified). 3) The parent reminds the youth that the dishes need done. 4) Removing a reward, if the youth is watching tv and has not said can I do it when this show is over then the parent can turn the TV off. However, if the youth says may I please watch this show first, the parent should respect it and in turn model the respect for the youth to do the dishes when the show is over. If the youth does not do the dishes then, the parent will remind the youth that at this point the dishes need to be done immidiately or consequences will happen. No TV for the night. Whatever. This is why negotiating, conflict resolution, and family contracting is of benefit. The point is to agreee to rewards, expected behaviors, and consequences prior to the activity happening. This way the parents and the youth know what is expected and what will happen if the parents or youth do not follow throught.
There are Work sheets that go along with the game to chart the If Only's that want to be targetted as well as listing the potential strategies to target the issues.
SOOOOO,.............. what i would like is for some help in identifying some things that would make a differnce in your life. As well,....if you have older children,...maybethey can identify some things. Rememberi am at thestarting pointm,....i know this is a long post, but i cannot develop a gamebased on just my outlook on what would make as difference. Just remember these little things would be turned into goals. Any ideas are greatly appreciated.
I need your help because i dont know what all the cards should say,....i know the things that would make a positive impact or diffence in my life but every family is different.
One set for the parents and one for the youth. Following is some of the ideas i have for the cards.
PARENTS CARDS:
* If only I had one person in the school to continously assist me in advocating on behalf of my child
* If only my child would do his chores
* If only my partner and I could agree on the same parenting startegies.
* If only my child did not yell at me
YOUTH CARDS:
* If only my teacher did not pick on me at school.
If only my parents did not nag me about chores.
If only my dad did not yell at me all the time.
If only my parents would listen to me.
During the program sessions, the parents and youth would meet individually with me. The parent/youth would identify 3 or 4 top priorities. Assuming the parent choose the first 3 I listed, I would sit with the parent and strategize ways to make these wishes a reality.
* Identify an advocate within the school system, meet with that person, discuss concerns in regards to the youth and the school, ask the prson to work with parent and youth to target some of the concerns, attend meetings, or educate the parents on why certain school issues happen.* In regards to getting the youth to do chores, I would facilitate a process of negotiation and rewards, consequences. Very clearly developing expectations.
In regards to the youth cards, say the youth picked I wish my parents did not nag at me all the time. Explore why the parent is nagging. Look at the larger picture here. Link it to the parents wish.
* The parent asks the youth to do dishes. The youth says in a minute. The youth means when i am done this tv show. The parent sees the child not responding and says do the dishes. the youth grumbles. The parent gets frustrated that the youth is not complying and the youth gets angry that the parent is nagging. So I would assist to negotiatestrategies. For example 1) The parent states the expectation. 2) The parent waites 10 minutes (or however long it was identified). 3) The parent reminds the youth that the dishes need done. 4) Removing a reward, if the youth is watching tv and has not said can I do it when this show is over then the parent can turn the TV off. However, if the youth says may I please watch this show first, the parent should respect it and in turn model the respect for the youth to do the dishes when the show is over. If the youth does not do the dishes then, the parent will remind the youth that at this point the dishes need to be done immidiately or consequences will happen. No TV for the night. Whatever. This is why negotiating, conflict resolution, and family contracting is of benefit. The point is to agreee to rewards, expected behaviors, and consequences prior to the activity happening. This way the parents and the youth know what is expected and what will happen if the parents or youth do not follow throught.
There are Work sheets that go along with the game to chart the If Only's that want to be targetted as well as listing the potential strategies to target the issues.
SOOOOO,.............. what i would like is for some help in identifying some things that would make a differnce in your life. As well,....if you have older children,...maybethey can identify some things. Rememberi am at thestarting pointm,....i know this is a long post, but i cannot develop a gamebased on just my outlook on what would make as difference. Just remember these little things would be turned into goals. Any ideas are greatly appreciated.