Bull51
05-19-08, 03:10 PM
I am 56 years old and I just started taking medications, at least prescribed medications and I’ll have to write this like I think this:
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My symptoms are controllable as long as my reality is also controllable. When I’m under a lot of pressure and can’t seem to fake my way through I unfortunately hyper focus on not my problems but the stress and the guilt. No solution but lots of negativity which is what we all do, I suppose. Well, all the tricks and games I use to keep me on course are out the window and I am Fred ‘Freaking’ MacMurray in ‘The Absent-minded Professor”.
<o></o>
I’m on the computer upstairs and I go downstairs to get a cup of coffee. I put the cup on the dining room table to pet my rabbit ‘Buddy’ who stays under the table most of every day. The cats run over to get some attention so I pet all of them and go upstairs and sit at my desk. Where’s my coffee? I go downstairs and grab my cup and fill it up and stir in some cream and start upstairs but again Buddy pops out and wants something to snack on; he loves sweets. I go back in the kitchen and set my cup on the shelf and get a few raisins and go back and feed him his snack. I go upstairs and as I get to the top step and realize, coffee. I go downstairs get my cup and go upstairs and now I gotta pee. I go and put the cup down at my desk because I know if I take it into the bathroom with me I’ll leave it in there. I go back and pee and over-wash my hands. I go to my desk and I sit down and take my first sip of coffee. I grab the mouse, look at the monitor and … where are my glasses?
<o></o>
Although I’m a humanist, small h, and don’t care if there’s a God or not. If there is I’m sure he/she/it doesn’t give a damn if we gather in a gaudy building and sing some songs in his/her/it’s honor one day a week. I can’t believe his/hers/its self-esteem is so low that he/she/it couldn’t get out of bed if a Sunday goes by and nobody brings in some sheaves whatever the hell a sheave (sheaf?) is. So I don’t worship anything other than my family but that doesn’t stop me from directing comments to the sky like;
<o></o>
‘Are you enjoying yourself?’
<o></o>
‘Don’t you ever get tired of f**king with me?’
<o></o>
‘Don’t you have a Bangladeshi train to derail or a Filipino ferry to sink? Spread it around why don’t you’
<o></o>
When I’m slightly more optimistic it will be more like;
<o></o>
‘OK but I get to win the Lotto for this, right?’
<o></o>
‘If it’s true that you wouldn’t give me anything I can’t handle may I respectfully ask for a reassessment? I believe someone was drinking that day’
<o></o>
<o></o>
I read were people say that nothing gets through but my problem is that everything gets through. The other side of that is I am used to a lot of things happening at once so sometimes I get a little impatient when I am trapped in a one-on-one conversation and through no fault of your own I dream of punching you in the throat. I need much more sensory input than one face to face conversation, that can’t hold my attention. Perhaps if the men could develop some sort of tic or blink their eyes rapidly as they talk to me it would help. The women can go braless.
<o></o> I’m not really a sexist but the line was too good to pass up.
<o></o>
<o></o>
I am a great driver at 100 m.p.h. and I’m a good driver at 60 m.p.h. and I’m so-so at 45 m.p.h. and I’m a public menace at 30 m.p.h. I go through red lights, turn the wrong way and end up someplace and not only wonder where I was but where was I going? I told my daughter how comfortable I was driving at 100 m.p.h. and she said ‘you don’t really drive like that do you?’ and I said not now but when I wasn’t on meds my speed limit was when the accelerator hit the floor. She said ‘and you never got stopped?’ and no I didn’t because at high speed (130 + when I drove a Lexus SC400) my focus so acute I not only saw the patrol car I saw the cardinal sitting on the telephone wire and there are 34 exit ramps from here to Chicago also 4 Mobil stations and two porn stores. I see everything and the world and my head sync up and baby IT IS BEAUTIFUL.
Stop me before I stop me again!!!!! <o></o>
…to be continued
<o>:p> </o>:p>
<o>:p> </o>:p>
<o></o>
My symptoms are controllable as long as my reality is also controllable. When I’m under a lot of pressure and can’t seem to fake my way through I unfortunately hyper focus on not my problems but the stress and the guilt. No solution but lots of negativity which is what we all do, I suppose. Well, all the tricks and games I use to keep me on course are out the window and I am Fred ‘Freaking’ MacMurray in ‘The Absent-minded Professor”.
<o></o>
I’m on the computer upstairs and I go downstairs to get a cup of coffee. I put the cup on the dining room table to pet my rabbit ‘Buddy’ who stays under the table most of every day. The cats run over to get some attention so I pet all of them and go upstairs and sit at my desk. Where’s my coffee? I go downstairs and grab my cup and fill it up and stir in some cream and start upstairs but again Buddy pops out and wants something to snack on; he loves sweets. I go back in the kitchen and set my cup on the shelf and get a few raisins and go back and feed him his snack. I go upstairs and as I get to the top step and realize, coffee. I go downstairs get my cup and go upstairs and now I gotta pee. I go and put the cup down at my desk because I know if I take it into the bathroom with me I’ll leave it in there. I go back and pee and over-wash my hands. I go to my desk and I sit down and take my first sip of coffee. I grab the mouse, look at the monitor and … where are my glasses?
<o></o>
Although I’m a humanist, small h, and don’t care if there’s a God or not. If there is I’m sure he/she/it doesn’t give a damn if we gather in a gaudy building and sing some songs in his/her/it’s honor one day a week. I can’t believe his/hers/its self-esteem is so low that he/she/it couldn’t get out of bed if a Sunday goes by and nobody brings in some sheaves whatever the hell a sheave (sheaf?) is. So I don’t worship anything other than my family but that doesn’t stop me from directing comments to the sky like;
<o></o>
‘Are you enjoying yourself?’
<o></o>
‘Don’t you ever get tired of f**king with me?’
<o></o>
‘Don’t you have a Bangladeshi train to derail or a Filipino ferry to sink? Spread it around why don’t you’
<o></o>
When I’m slightly more optimistic it will be more like;
<o></o>
‘OK but I get to win the Lotto for this, right?’
<o></o>
‘If it’s true that you wouldn’t give me anything I can’t handle may I respectfully ask for a reassessment? I believe someone was drinking that day’
<o></o>
<o></o>
I read were people say that nothing gets through but my problem is that everything gets through. The other side of that is I am used to a lot of things happening at once so sometimes I get a little impatient when I am trapped in a one-on-one conversation and through no fault of your own I dream of punching you in the throat. I need much more sensory input than one face to face conversation, that can’t hold my attention. Perhaps if the men could develop some sort of tic or blink their eyes rapidly as they talk to me it would help. The women can go braless.
<o></o> I’m not really a sexist but the line was too good to pass up.
<o></o>
<o></o>
I am a great driver at 100 m.p.h. and I’m a good driver at 60 m.p.h. and I’m so-so at 45 m.p.h. and I’m a public menace at 30 m.p.h. I go through red lights, turn the wrong way and end up someplace and not only wonder where I was but where was I going? I told my daughter how comfortable I was driving at 100 m.p.h. and she said ‘you don’t really drive like that do you?’ and I said not now but when I wasn’t on meds my speed limit was when the accelerator hit the floor. She said ‘and you never got stopped?’ and no I didn’t because at high speed (130 + when I drove a Lexus SC400) my focus so acute I not only saw the patrol car I saw the cardinal sitting on the telephone wire and there are 34 exit ramps from here to Chicago also 4 Mobil stations and two porn stores. I see everything and the world and my head sync up and baby IT IS BEAUTIFUL.
Stop me before I stop me again!!!!! <o></o>
…to be continued
<o>:p> </o>:p>
<o>:p> </o>:p>