View Full Version : New here Suspected ADHD

05-19-08, 04:05 PM
Thanks for taking a look
Iam new here and have been reading through the web site forums for a few days
I have recently come out off the army after 22yrs service and suspect that i may have adhd
It has never really been a problem but now iam in a relationship it has became apparent that there are a few problems
Iam hyperactive and cause lots off fights with my fiance , i talk non stop and dont let anybody else talk , infact iam not interested in anything anybody else has to say
i butt in when other ppl are talking and i tend to finish off there sentances for them
i have severe problems sleeping and my mind works over time i move about in my sleep constantly ie my hands and feet
I talk exessivley , i have no concentration at all and dont seem to have much interests in any thing particular.
Iresponsable financialy , disorganised & hyper i do not suffer depresion at all
I have recently went to my doctor as my relationship is suffering
she has reffered me to a physciatrist so iam awaiting an apointment.
My fiance is going to write some now........

paul has really been like this since i met him 20 months ago and i initially thought the problems were due to him ajusting to civvy life but its became apparent that its more than this
He is so hyper and everything we do together is not as enjoyable as it should be , he speeds about at 100 miles an hour
an example off this is ........we were going to meet up one day for a bar lunch , we met and i felt he was dragging me about from here to there i was worn out after the first hour and i went quiet , when he asked me what was wrong i was about to tell him when he started shouting at me telling me he has gone off me and he stormed out off the pub leaving me there feeling very bewildered.
There have been to many incidents to describe here but we have been asked to leave establishments due to his behaviour , he is not been violent but probably annoying to ppl
we were asked to leave a club which we had recently became members off because he was badgering the star act ( he likes singing and kept trying to take over the mike lol ) it is funny now but not at the time
He never thinks before he speaks , he is very loud , he can run circles round any body in an arguement & win it even if he was in the wrong
He is very quick witted and has me splitting my sides with laughter , i dont think i have laughed as much in my life
but there are the pitfalls too , when he storms off and becomes very anti , he wont discuss things he just keeps the arguement going sometimes for weeks hurting himself and me in the process its such a waste as we love each other dearly
It has also been a nightmare with the sleeping scenario ! i cant get any sleep when he stays with me as he moves about constantly all night
i love when he stays with me but by the time he leaves iam totally worn out & need a few days to recover again

There is so much more but trying to keep this short as possible
Any inpute/help would be appreciated


05-19-08, 04:58 PM
First, without wishing to sound patronising, I want to say, WELL DONE for getting this far and having the balls to post about your experience.

Just from your post alone, it looks like you may have all the classic symptoms of someone with ADHD.

Let me share with you some information which will give you some assurance that you are doing the right thing in getting this checked out.

I was told in a lecture by Dr Russell Barkley, one of the world's top experts in ADHD research, two interesting facts that relate to ADHD and the armed forces.

One was a study that showed that up to 12 percent of armed forces personnel have ADHD, about THREE TIMES more than in the overall population.

The other was that a highly structured environment (like the armed forces) was proved to have benefits to people with ADHD. The interesting thing was, however, that these benefits only last while the person is immersed in such a structured environment, and the improvements tend to fade away when the person does not have the support of the structure around them.

This may help to explain why some people in the armed forces fail to cope as civilians.

Lets imagine this hypothetical scenario: A hyperactive/inattentive young person is encouraged into the army as a teenager by parents/peers/teachers because 'the discipline would do them good.' When they get into the army, they may struggle at first, but they learn to thrive on the discipline and structure, and even use their spontaneous tendencies to their advantage. The young person becomes a good soldier and all their friends and family are proud of how much they have changed and grown up.

Then comes the time for the person to return to Civvy Street. Suddenly, all the structure and stability that they thrived on is no longer there, and the person struggles to cope, which presents a risk to relationships, job prospects and mental health.

It is important to remember though, that post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can have similar symptoms. If you have seen action during your time in the Army, it could be a factor the psychiatrists will want to consider.

Don't let a psychiatrist dismiss it as PTSD too easily though, especially is they do not know much about ADHD in adults. In fact, insist on a referral to an Adult ADHD clinic or specialist for the very reason that you want to be sure that the psychiatrist knows the difference. An Adult ADHD specialist will.

I hope things go well for you both.

Do let me know if this makes sense and is helpful. Post again if you have more questions/comments.

05-19-08, 07:20 PM
Welcome to the forum!

An best of luck to you both. Relationships can be one of the harder aspects pf ADHD to deal with, but it sounds like you two may be able to make a go of it!

Keep us posted, okay?

05-19-08, 08:36 PM
Welcome to the forums!

05-20-08, 07:10 AM
Thank you all for your replyes
i did wonder at first if it was ptsd but we have both ruled that one out but that is a very interesting post columba infact i did ask him yesterday how would he have coped if he had not went into the army
he was also telling me yesterday that his seniours in the army thought he was great as he could do the work off ten men ( he is so fast )
i dread to think how he would have survived in civvy street if he hadnt gone into the army so i guess it has been a kind off structured envirement for him
He is away to his own flat now and ( this sounds terible but i love him ) iam glad because i need breathing space i had no sleep last night because he was moving and jumping about all night
Iam always a bit confused as to why iam glad he has gone home as i love him and feel that i should not wish him to go but i can only take small doses at the moment as it puts me on meltdown.
Grafter...we will deff keep posting with the progress as we are desperate for input & thank you
We are awaiting this apointment i hope it doesnt take to long .
The constant talking & its fast talking too ! is just wearing me down and he is very funny with it too iam sure he would make a great stand up comedien and would not need any scripts its amazing how evrything just flies out off his mouth , so quick witted its amazing wish i had his energy lol

One Q ? is this trait a commen one .asking ppl inapropriate Q ? that can be so embarasing when he does that i just want the ground to open up and swallow me ! i never pull him up on it because i dont want to hurt his feelings as he is a very sensaive caring person but i just cringe but i think he just opens his mouth and it comes out

Thank you all & we will keep you posted & thanks for the interest


05-25-08, 11:52 AM
Hi M and P
Interesting that you mention that your partner could be a comedian - sure I read somewhere that Billy Connolly has ADHD.
When you first suspect / realise you probably have AD/HD it can be a huge relief but also overwhelming - especially if the symptoms are severe or extreme. You have an answer but, initially, no solutions or confirmation -which in turn can also be frustrating.

Just wondering if you've made contact with any local ADHD support groups in your region? meeting up iwth others with ADHD can help you feel less isolated and can be especially helpful for getting ideas on where to go/how to look for help, and what help is available or what you can expect to be available.

Asking inappropriate questions is not unknown. I only have experience of being mainly inattentive type ADD but can still find myself blurting out questions or asking questions that others would be sensitive enough not to ask. Also blurting out my thoughts /ideas etc just to get them out there and noted (witnessed by others!), before they slip back into oblivion probably to be forgotten for ever. No guarantee that I will be able to recollect them. I think that is why we are prone to speaking before thinking through fully (or even thinking at all).

Good luck to you both. I think you do have a positive going for you both in that at least you might have an understanding of why Scotspaul's behaviour is like it is ie it is possibly ADHD - such extremes of behaviour without any apparent explanation are baffling and without even a clue why they are, it is distressing.

My husband is glad that we know why I am like I am but that does not necessarily make me any easier to live with. Like you M, he sometimes needs to take himself off for a while. I have a habit of overwhelming him with non-stop questions (and expecting replies the moment he steps through the door just when he needs half an hour to wind down.

Anyway, good luck to you both.