Simple question....

How would you describe your ADHD?

How does it feel inside?

And how does effect you day to day?

i consistently feel frustrated because i can't get the right words out. my head always feels foggy and all i want to do is for it to be un-foggy. half the time i just feel stupid!

i feel like my brain has little leggo blocks and london fog throughout it keeping things from moving smoothly through....

i basically feel block block block... fog fog fog!!! but i know deep down im smart enough, if only it would go away.

day to day i can't get the little things done, or i make stupid little careless mistakes due to lack of focus on detail. later when it's pointed out to me i think to myself " what the hell did i do that for? i know better" it's also difficult because all my procrastinating translates to me looking lazy, my husband in turn he feels like he has to parent me.

i feel like i am alone i have no friends in sheffield i dont go out alot i struggle with socalising and get tierd easy i get fustrated alot from everything

OooooOoooohh!!!

I know this one!

Pick me! Pick me! I got two hands up don't you see me?


Pick mepickmepickme come on comeoncomeon!!!!

Right here! Come on! Pick me!

um, what was the question?

I feel as thought ADHD will prevent me from unlocking all the truly good secrets of life, because I'll never be able to think about them... I'm constantly worried about what the people around me expect of me or think of me and what i expect of myself, because I simply can't do anything without too much thinking or prodding. I'm insane, different, retarded, absentminded, lazy, developmentally delayed, socially inept, anxious, depressed, paranoid, emotionally changing every few seconds of the day and I know it makes no sense and I know what I want to do and I know what I have to do but it ... will not happen, and that makes me more resilent over time. I believe that I am either insane, insecure, or schizotypal, depends on my mood level and med level and many other environmental factors, I have no control over my own homeostatis t'woul seem, and all thanks to ADHD.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/misunderstoodminds/attentionbasics.html

I get crushed by my constant barrage thoughts.

Grafter describes it better than I ever could -


I often feel like my brain has a mind of it's own - it remembers what it wants, when it wants and how much it wants and doesn't really give a damn what I NEED to remember. . . .nor does my brain particularly care what other people think it needs to remember either.

To me it feels like a contant tug of war between what I should be thinking and where my mind wanders. It's almost as if I can physically feel myself pull my focus back to where it belongs.

Just now... I stopped to pick at a small burn I have on my finger (cooking whoopsie). I don't know why I felt the need to do that mid-post. LOL! Just a small example of my mind wandering off into lala land at inappropriate times.

So yeah, the best way to describe how I feel is it's a fight inside my head. Perhaps I feel that because I AM fighting it. Where as before, it may have felt more like a swirling vortex of random thoughts.

Aware of EVERYTHING except what I should be aware of.

Horrible brain fog in the morning... Almost completely non-functioning. Sat in class and I wrote down everything I was hearing just for kicks. Of course the prof's voice but I didn't hear a word she said. Heard every single chair squeak, whenever someone turned a page over, when anyone hit or brushed against the tables, the guy walking down the hall, the guy moving stuff around across the hall, the breeze, the lights...

Forget everything I need to remember and only remember completely unnecessary information or stuff to do with what I'm really interested. Right now I'm wondering if I'll remember to hit the reply button or if this is going to stay on my screen for several hours...

A smart person trying to shake the fog........

Aware of EVERYTHING except what I should be aware of.

YUP. :(

Reading the replies so far is...comforting. I was recently diagnosed with ADD for the second time. Didn't really believe it or want to accept it the first go round. It's nice to hear from others who can relate and are experiencing the same things. Anyway...

I wake up every morning with an annoying "brain fog" sometimes accompanied with a headache. I can't find the right way to express myself when talking to other people. I have a hard time following most conversations because I'm too busy thinking about some tangent or looking at everything going on behind the person. My finances are a mess. Writing is a pain in the ***...I skip letters and entire words and have to re-write everything. I make lots of errors in details, forget things, half finish jobs and move on without realizing it, etc. I get frustrated with just about everything which makes me irritable and not a fun person sometimes. I move frequently, quit jobs for no reason other than boredom, can't make or keep friends, girlfriends and so on...I just feel like my brain is working against me most of the time. I know what I should do and I know what I want to do, but it rarely seems to get done and I can't give you a reason why. I have thrill seeking and addictive tendencies that I constantly fight to stay our of trouble and finish college. Enough whining...

On the upside...I think I'm excellent at solving real world, practical type problems unless I'm involved in the situation. Give me something to fix or think out, let me sit with my headphones on, and I'll fix it. Math is kinda like this for me. I can get the answer, but have no idea what the proper steps to get it are....I fiddle and I just "see" it.

Uhh...long, sorry.

feels like *bleep* to me

It really wears me down when I'm at work and someone comes in and reminds me that I didn't do this, this, this, this and that, and I forgot that I was even supposed to remember to do these things (sometimes really obvious things, at least obvious to NT's) which I really did intend to do and had no intention of not doing, if only I could have remembered to do them. If I make a list of notes-to-self, I will often forget to read them.

People begin to think you're lazy, or even untrustworthy or a liar, because of all the little things you miss. They think you're doing this on purpose!!!

Sometimes people catch you in the zombie phase and wonder why you're staring glassy eyed into empty space, or worse you're looking in someone's general direction but not seeing them, and they think your'e staring at some part of their anatomy or something, but they might as well be a glass window to you.

Even after work it's a pain in the rear. You go to the grocery store to get one thing and come home with 5 things but not that one thing you were supposed to get. You send yourself a cellphone reminder and forget to save it. You wrote an appointment in your planner book and forgot to look at your planner book that day. You forgot to wear a belt whilst rushing frantically out the door and your pants are too loose so you have to keep tucking your shirt etc. You set the alarm clock to PM by mistake... (insert stupid mistake here). Little stuff like that wouldn't be a big deal if it didn't accumulate so much, making me feel stupid and disgusted with myself. On and on and on. Like someone said, enough whining. I'm sure there's a good side to it all somewhere (over the rainbow maybe). lemme know when ya find it!

Having ADHD feels natural to me - seeing as I have always been this way. What I can say - now that I am aware that I have it - is that the diagnosis has given me an awareness how much it has impacted my life. I do get disgusted with myself because of my procrastination, yet the disgust has not propelled me into attempting to change my ways.

I guess the most overwhelming feeling related to ADHD is that of knowing about my lost potential - that I will likely never reach my potential. Hopefully I can settle for being a good (though perceived as scatterbrained by my family) person.

Okay, on to less depressing topics...

Having ADHD feels natural to me - seeing as I have always been this way. What I can say - now that I am aware that I have it - is that the diagnosis has given me an awareness how much it has impacted my life. I do get disgusted with myself because of my procrastination, yet the disgust has not propelled me into attempting to change my ways.

I guess the most overwhelming feeling related to ADHD is that of knowing about my lost potential - that I will likely never reach my potential. Hopefully I can settle for being a good (though perceived as scatterbrained by my family) person.

Okay, on to less depressing topics...

I really identify with your post. Could have written it myself.

For some really odd reason, I now feel that I am better able to tackle projects, situations, etc. than before. I don't try to complete tasks the way I "think" other "normal people" do. Instead, I break tasks down into little pieces. I allow myself to keep a planner instead of trying to keep everything in my head. Sometimes, I even forgive myself for getting in over my head. I wonder if this is how "normal people" get things done and I was just never taught to do that. Who knows?

I feel more empowered and less like I am hitting the same brick wall.

I wanted to add how unidentified ADHD felt to me.

I felt inept. I was considered intelligent, but I was impulsive. I would say what came to my mind many times unfiltered and often with facial expressions that were worse. People understandably misunderstood the point I was trying to make.

Every aspect of my life seemed chaotic and I could never relax because I could be sure that I would forget to pay attention to some important detail.

Once in college, I showed up to a class at the right time, but the completely wrong building. I was in class a good 15 minutes before I realized this, but I stayed because I was so embarrassed.

I think my ADHD was worse in my teens and 20's. Now, my life is a little more quiet (maybe boring to some). I think it is because I have (somehow) already established a home and family. I work from home now, so I don't deal with office politics or fearing that I will say something stupid and be misunderstood. I still have problems making sure my kids have what they need in school or for an activity, but I keep trying.

I think of it as a theater in my head. Unfortunately I'm the only one who hears the words & music. I've been married 48 years and I still feel bad when I am sitting at dinner somewhere with my wife and we're talking and I am constantly having to ask her to repeat what she just said. She knows that I rarely stay with her for the whole story but she never has gotten used to it. The feeling is that you can't help it and you can't change it. I can't imagine how rude it appears to be. Actually, my greatest fear is silence. I require the constant stimulation of noise of any type and I always have the radio or TV on whether I'm watching or listening doesn't matter. I have my back to the TV as I type this and something is on and I'm continually swiveling around to watch something that interests me.
Just knowing about my ADD is a great comfort because after my diagnosis the guilt and shame of a lifetime of space walking came to a quick halt. (guilt and shame went away, not the space walking) I've never looked back.

Here’s my literal analogy:
I’m looking for a file (thought) in my brain. The file is located in a folder which is located in a bunch of subfolders. In order to access the file I have to click through the folders. The problem is, I’m not sure where the file is and by the time I’ve clicked through the first couple of subfolders looking for it, I see something else that catches my interest and start clicking through folders looking for something else.

adhd feels like i am a big ball of energy hurtling forward and i will destroy anything in its path. then one day i might combust.
but...
other days it has me so withdrawn because i cant get thoughts out of my head, my therapist calls these my "looping thoughts". i can think of the same thought over and over until i have eliminated all possible "what if's".

Like I'm stuck inside the game "asteriods" and the asteroids are thoughts...flying at me
..........and when I get one, it breaks apart in my hands and turns into 100 more.

Like I'm standing in front of a bookshelf in an empty room with the window open, and the books (which are all the things I need to remember or do or think about) are all whizzing around the room and sometimes flying out the window. And I have to just keep trying to grab whatever I can and put it back on the shelf or I'll lose it forever, but even the books I shelve eventually fly off again.

good one^

Mental chatter. Being at a party of fifty when 25 different conversations are going at full blast, full speed and not being able to follow one, not being able to block out one.

It's can be so loud...

Constantly being confused and overwhelmed by daily life tasks including eating, washing and dressing, and unable to study or keep a job. How do you think that feels? So I just uselessly sit at home doing absolutely nothing, because the moment I try doing any good everything I get irritated and eventually have a breakdown.

it feels good to know im not the only one with these feelings.


i try to concentrate on what someone is saying but then realize im not concentrating on them, but instead i drifted, then i snap back and tell myself to concentrate on them, but instead im concentrating on concentrating and the whole thing goes out the window.

wait, what?

like i lack an on and off switch.

tripping over things in ife that i can see right in front of me..but still walk into

wow...I am new to this forum, and its honestly over-whelming...the same thing you guys are speaking about, I have...and I thought I was honestly alone. And thats how it always feels...alone. Family thinks I'm a retard, relationships never last because they always think I can change, I'm even in the military, and if they knew...I would be booted in a second.

The brain fog is huge...feels like I'm missing that "spark". I take lots of energy drinks because it makes me feel normal, and I think the adderoll has saved my life.

On paper my thoughts come together, but trying to explain things or give directions out loud is a challenge, and its embarrassing, slight stutters that embarrass me...it hurts because thats all I want to be is smart you know? Nothing flows, and my memory isn't the greatest. Sometimes my letters in my handwriting is in caps, sometimes not, I try to multi-task, but am all ways leaving something behind. It sucks, thats all I want is to be normal, ah-well.

Here’s my literal analogy:
I’m looking for a file (thought) in my brain. The file is located in a folder which is located in a bunch of subfolders. In order to access the file I have to click through the folders. The problem is, I’m not sure where the file is and by the time I’ve clicked through the first couple of subfolders looking for it, I see something else that catches my interest and start clicking through folders looking for something else.
dead on...nothing can explain it for me like that.

Well assuming I do in fact have Inattentive ADD, let me explain how I feel most the time.

- When I try to concentrate on anything boring my brain slows down and I get really sleepy, when I'm trying to read a book I get sleepy and can't get through reading it.
- My handwriting seems to randomly switch from good to horrible.
- It always feels like my head is in a fog and that it takes me longer to think then everyone else.
- I'm very bad at multi-tasking, take for example I'm asked to count to 25 and I have to do something else at the same time I will lose count.
- While playing video games and someone is talking to me I will often get so wrapped up in the conversation I will space out on the game and mess up.
- Often while someone is explaining something important to me I will space off and not remember a word they said.
- Sometimes even if I did in fact listen to the person, I recall very little from the conversation.
- Back in high school and they tried putting me in regular classes I would somehow completely miss assignments that where given.
- When I actually did get the assignment in school I had a lot of trouble trying to do it on my own, it was almost impossible for me to stay focused on my homework and took hours and hours and hours. Thus the reason I never ever did my homework.
- I will sometimes forget in mid-sentence what I am even talking about.
- When talking with someone I love to flip to a different topic almost every other sentence.
- I can sleep for 12 hours and still be sleepy, yet sometimes I will only get 5 hours of sleep and be perfectly fine.
- When I'm alone and have nothing to do I can get sucked into my imagination and from an outside perspective it looks like I'm having a seizure and making strange noises, but I'm usually having an incredible action packed day-dream. (yes I'm 20 and it still happens occasionally).
- I'm constantly thinking of random ideas and asking pointless questions about everything. Example: Why weren't humans equipped with night vision like a cat's?
- Constantly forget what I'm doing at the moment and get distracted by something else.

And I could go on and on, not sure if all these are ADD or just an overactive imagination.

But if I had to say what it truly felt like, I feel really inferior to people a lot of times because they can do certain things with complete ease and for me the same things turn out to be stressful and very difficult. It makes you frustrated that your brain isn't working as well as everyone else and you wonder if you have any purpose in the world.

Like I'm standing in front of a bookshelf in an empty room with the window open, and the books (which are all the things I need to remember or do or think about) are all whizzing around the room and sometimes flying out the window. And I have to just keep trying to grab whatever I can and put it back on the shelf or I'll lose it forever, but even the books I shelve eventually fly off again.

Yes, exactly! I always try to explain it as catching fireflies rather than books but it sounds very similar. If you've ever lived someplace with lots of fireflies, you can probably picture it - how the little lights flicker and drift here and there. It is as if each firefly around me is a thought and I am trying to catch one as it flashes and floats within reach, but often, just as I'm about to grab one, the little light goes off or another one lights up and catches my attention. If I do manage to catch one, I seldom remember to put the lid back on the jar and they drift away again.

Sometimes I feel as if ADHD traps me, I can never sleep and am nearly always hyper, I have a million and one thoughts bouncing around in my mind, and I only have to see something else and there'll be another load of thoughts happily bouncing around with the ones I had before! I can never manage to say what I want to because I either a) forget what I'm trying to say or b) can't get the words out and so I stumble over words and feel stupid. I'm not on meds at the moment and... It's madness! Don't get me wrong, having ADHD makes me, me and I wouldn't change that for anything, but when it comes to academics and work... It's my worst nightmare and I get irritated and aggravated with myself. my moods vary all the time and I'm always distracted... Although it takes me a while to realize I've been distracted and try to get back on track... I guess it's as if there's a tornado of bright colours, words, music, art and so many other things inside my head, it's hard to grasp one at a time.

Files, books, fireflies, "a theater in my head"...all of those really speak to me as analogies.

I add to that the times that it all clicked for me, and I got praised. The shelf was full and alphabetized, and I knew what would go on the next row... I found the files, and in my distractions found subfiles noone else knew they needed, and saved the day...the jar was full, and I had another ready...the first act went off beautifully and got a standing ovation...and then it all falls apart, and I feel like I have let everyone down.

For me, there is this constant pressure to get it done NOW while I have a second of clarity, before I lose it all again. And then, I cannot, and I feel waves of disapproval and disappointment, and I want to crawl under a rock. But, I cannot find it. :( I constantly worry that I am forgetting something, and if I am sitting still it is because I am not focused. I cannot let myself relax. When I do, it is more like collapsing from mental and physical exhaustion, and my brain reels with to-do items and worries.

I know now that I have had ADD all of my life, but when I was a child I was told it was laziness, defiance, or a lack of empathy for those teachers and others who had to put up with me. I have two little fantasies: one is to go back to those who really tried to understand and help, and say "thank you". The other is to go back to those who criticized and used guilt and fear to control me and tell them it was their ineptitude, not mine. Neither is realistic or completely legit, and they might backfire. But, in the theater of my mind, they are sure fun to think about!;)

If what you just described is an overactive imagination then I am relieved...but it sounds like add to me. But what do I know.

I cant help but be aware of everything around me and examine it, from the color of paint on the walls to how the colors reflect certain wavelengths of light to why there is visible light and how does it burn my skin and why is it ieasier to get a sunburn in mexico to why is it a diff time in mexico or is it ..............but i got on some meds this week foca something and it seems to help i just need o ge the dose right

Aware of EVERYTHING except what I should be aware of.

Horrible brain fog in the morning... Almost completely non-functioning. Sat in class and I wrote down everything I was hearing just for kicks. Of course the prof's voice but I didn't hear a word she said. Heard every single chair squeak, whenever someone turned a page over, when anyone hit or brushed against the tables, the guy walking down the hall, the guy moving stuff around across the hall, the breeze, the lights...

Forget everything I need to remember and only remember completely unnecessary information or stuff to do with what I'm really interested. Right now I'm wondering if I'll remember to hit the reply button or if this is going to stay on my screen for several hours...

ADD to me, feels like i can't keep up with anything and everyone. It makes me feel slow. And when i am so focused on my own thoughts, i will almost completely be in my own world. It also makes me very jumpy too!

What ADD feels like for me.......hmmm....here we go. I wake up...and after "waking up", my mind takes on a life of it's own. I've got projects to do all around the house today. Oh hey, let's clean off the bookshelf today! It's full of crap that should be put away. "OH, so that's where my daughter's 2nd grade pictures ended up. Oh wow....I haven't seen that book in years.."(thumbing thorough book for 5 minutes..) "Oops, back to work....oh I forgot to call Amy today about teaching my yoga class" (off to the phone) Meanwhile, I see that the dishwasher needs emptied and pop bottles need put away....ok, done. Crap, I forgot to call Amy again. Call Amy...done. Ok, back to the bookshelf.... "Oh, Doggie wants to play!" Goes outside and throws the ball around for the dog.

Life is full of interruptions..... But it's not how they get done or in what order. It's just a matter of them getting done, right?! That in itself is the challenge.

It's like my husbands says..."You're like a puppy who sees a pretty butterfly...off you go!":p

Such is my life w/ ADD

I feel I am someone stuck in pit. I grab the sides and seem to be making some progress. I look down and see I am above where I started I look back up, and it seems even farther away. I look around and contemplate...can I do this? Will I really make it to the top? I decide to move on. I make it. I start to slip....grabbing for anything to stop me from slamming back down from where I came. The thud startles me....another thought- maybe tomorrow I will make it.

There are days, when the top is very much in grasp, others not much on that "out of the pit feeling".

I also feel:misunderstood. I feel I am always trying to be the person I feel I am inside. Because of the way I am, others rarely get to see that me. They see the scattered, always messing up, say random inappropriate things girl.

I totally should be a superhero! :) I try to use this power for good and not for evil.

The fireflies analogy is really good. That's how I feel sometimes. ADHD also feels like I'm running on a treadmill while the NTs are running on solid ground. I'm trying as hard as I can to move foward but I'm still stuck in the exact same spot while the normals are moving forward because they don't have the treadmill thing pushing back against their efforts. They're getting sweaty and tired like us but at least they're moving forward in the marathon also known as "life".

Mentally, it feels like I'm running through mud. If you can imagine trying to push yourself to go faster, but your movements are sluggish and slow.

It can also feel like grabbing a handful of sand, and the sand is falling through your fingers.

I've also described it like trying to etch your name in a teflon pan. Why a teflon pan? Well imagine how hard it is to scratch your name in iron. It takes a lot of effort right? And then the 'facts' you're trying to hold onto, slide right off just like food that doesn't stick to a pan.

I feel lazy.

I can sleep for 12 hours and still be sleepy, yet sometimes I will only get 5 hours of sleep and be perfectly fine.

i can't believe someone else fells like this!!!

I'm struggling with perceiving my adhd symptoms. I can only perceive them by experiencing them as a 3rd party. Meaning understanding a psychiatrist observations about me! crazy huh? As far as Im concerned I have perfect functioning attention.

But then i look at the effect of adhd on my life. and its quite simple to see.

1. jobless with performance issues in the past.
2. forgetful
3. emotional
4. horrible with relationships
5. spacey
6.

I feel I am someone stuck in pit. I grab the sides and seem to be making some progress. I look down and see I am above where I started I look back up, and it seems even farther away. I look around and contemplate...can I do this? Will I really make it to the top? I decide to move on. I make it. I start to slip....grabbing for anything to stop me from slamming back down from where I came. The thud startles me....another thought- maybe tomorrow I will make it.

There are days, when the top is very much in grasp, others not much on that "out of the pit feeling".

I also feel:misunderstood. I feel I am always trying to be the person I feel I am inside. Because of the way I am, others rarely get to see that me. They see the scattered, always messing up, say random inappropriate things girl.

You nailed it. Welcome to my life. I don't think I'll ever get out of this pit.

Example of a small way ADD affects my life: I'm sitting in church, and we are about to sing a hymn. I know the hymn number is on the wall, so I look at the clock (because it is on the wall). After a couple of seconds, I'm wondering why I'm looking at the clock. So I look away. I still don't know what the hymn number is, so I look at the clock again. After a few more seconds, I can't figure out why I'm looking at the clock. Eventually, my consciousness kicks in, and it occurs to me that I'm wanting the hymn number and the clock isn't going to give me that information.

Example of a big way ADD affects my life: I have 110 credits from four different Universities/Colleges (in 3 different states). ALL of them are freshman/sophomore level classes. I'm a solid 3 years away from graduating in any one major.

And of course, these two examples are only the beginning.

The last two points are great: Having ADHD, we cannot show others our true selves because of our symptoms and it's very frustrating.

I've recently theorised that ADHD is in fact also by definition a sort of terminal dysthemia. For who in their right mind can enjoy not being able to focus on what they want to? (It leads to a life you dont want in simple words.)