Hello All:
This is my first post here, but I am in desparate need of advice. I was dianosed w/ adhd in December and have been reading a lot of books about the disorder. I am amazed at all of the ways adhd has affected by life!

The one thing that has gotten me fired 3 times, in my short 33 years of life, and is currently affecting my career is my verbal impulsivity. My communication with others in the office has gotten me a bad rap. I am very quick to send out emails or say what am I am thinking without taking the appropriateness into consideration. I can go weeks without a major episode but then something will trigger me and I can cause all kinds of damage. My boss knows I have adhd and is amazing at trying to help me and deal with my shortcommings.

However, this week I pulled a big one. What happened is that 10 people from my office, including me and my boss, are being relocated to another office a block away to free up space. It has been very disorganized and the person in change hasn't given us a lot of information. My boss (a woman) wasn't happy when she was shown the new offices and seen that hers was the obviously smaller one and we weren't going to have as many services at the new place. She told coporate we weren't going. Well they came back and she won her deal. After she spoke up, the VP at our office told the 10 of us (4 bosses, 6 csr's) that if anyone else had issues to let him know. Well, I composed an email with about 25 things that I was concerned or had questions about or didn't think they had thought of. I spend HOURs putting this together, debating who I should send it to. But never once did it cross my mind to run it by my boss FIRST. So I sent it to the VP and copied my boss. She was upset and said it made us look like two complainers and that we were going to be a problem among other things. She said the content was great but the timing and who I sent it to was inappropriate. I couldn't understand what the problem was..... today my boss told me she completely understands I have adhd and that I have impulsivity issues. But I am getting a bad rep at work due to the several episodes that have happened in the almost two years I have been here. She said that I HAVE to get a control on this verbal impulsity or else she won't be able to help/protect me anymore. She said the last thing she wants is to let me go but that she doesn't understnad why I don't learn from my mistakes. I don't know what else to do. I am taking strattera and zoloft for the adhd. I feel mellow but still have these impulse issues. Please can someone help me??

I am taking strattera and zoloft for the adhd. I feel mellow but still have these impulse issues. Please can someone help me??

Interesting I was going to mention that I read strattera maybe more useful for impulsivity than amphetamines(which can increase impulsivity in lab rats). Oh
my mouth has got me in a lot trouble so I know where your coming from. Its
possibly another class of ADHD med would be more useful for you. I need to study up on impulsivity more.

No advice for you buddy, but at least you have been at a job that long. Some ADDers(including myself) have a hard type keeping jobs, especially over a year! Your a CSR? wow, I would kill myself if I had to do that. Good luck!

what comes up, comes out...
...it's a constant struggle to not say everything I think.

Don't beat yourself up. At least you know part of the problem with the ADD. I did not until age 50 and had done many of the sames things you did and could never get a promotion. Long and short was, the boss told me why I never got promoted. It was because I would go off and want someones head and did not care who I got mad, and he was correct.`

Anyway, the good news is I managed to fix that problem before I found out about the ADD. Part of it comes with age an maturing. My only good advice I can give you and it was hard for me to do.

1 and most important is STOP, DON'T SAY OR WRITE anything!!!!!!!!

2 If you have to excuse yourself from the situation, do so. You are fortunate that your boss knows about the ADD. Simply say, I need a few minutes to consider and process what you have said. I want to make sure I understand the issues. Is it OK if I get back to you in a few minutes, or I need to read this when I am not distracted.

3 Take a deep breath and calm yourself. This is important! Try to think through things without being emotional. In many cases after you calm down, things are not as bad most of the time.

4 ALWAYS go through your superior, they are either your enemy or an ally.

I know all these things will be hard at first, but in time you will learn. You may even want to go over this list with your boss and she may even have some suggestions. If you go to her and show you are genuine in the attempt to become a better worker, she may be impressed and actually go out of her way to help you.... The balls in your court my friend, go run with it and good luck

I almost failed a year of Nursing School b/c of my mouth not censoring what my brain was saying (even though the observations were 'true').

This was before I was diagnosed (as an adult). LOL

What newfdog said is good. I also find being slightly intimidating and scary to some of the feebler minds in an office helps. I don't recommend it, but it works for me from time to time to be feared by the right people.

boo.

thanks for the messages. It is hard to write or say without thinking. I am trying though. I am noticing the opportunities more - well after I say something I will think, gee there was a good opportunity to keep my mouth shut. My boss is very aware of my "trying" to be a better worker. If it wasn't for the trying she probably would let me go. She cares about me though and she wants to see me succeed. I have never had a relationship like this with a boss before. She is like a surrogate mom. Her daughter is the same age as me and my kids are the same ages as her grandkids. She knows all about my life, my hubby, my issues w/ my mom, my money issues. My verbal impulsivity has given up all the goods (secrets) in my life. I think that makes her like me more, maybe? I don't know but I have to keep my mouth shut. Thanks....

thanks for the messages. It is hard to write or say without thinking. I am trying though. I am noticing the opportunities more - well after I say something I will think, gee there was a good opportunity to keep my mouth shut. My boss is very aware of my "trying" to be a better worker. If it wasn't for the trying she probably would let me go. She cares about me though and she wants to see me succeed. I have never had a relationship like this with a boss before. She is like a surrogate mom. Her daughter is the same age as me and my kids are the same ages as her grandkids. She knows all about my life, my hubby, my issues w/ my mom, my money issues. My verbal impulsivity has given up all the goods (secrets) in my life. I think that makes her like me more, maybe? I don't know but I have to keep my mouth shut. Thanks....

I have a very hard time with verbal impulsivity too and although I mean well, most of the time I use the wrong words and intonation getting myself in trouble even though I learned to stop and consider the consequences of my message to a certain degree... :confused:

newfdog suggestions were excellent - csr - customer service representative?


I tried that once I sucked at it because what popped into brain tended to sail straight out mouth - before ADD treatment I stayed on the night shift because patent were not my problem administrators were.

After I began treatment I became more aware of my impulsive mouth - I learned half of what I said could have gone unsaid - I was able to improve once I realized why I did some of the things I did

I would interrupt others because I was afraid I would forget - I learned if I forgot it was probably not a necessary contribution - with patents I would restate request to make sure I understood correctly - and I learned when being corrected to take a deep breath in count to ten a normal pace as you breath in and exhale again counting to ten - depending upon the situation as to how obvious the deep breathing can be - some times in order to keep words from spilling out of my mouth I would literally cover my mouth with my hand.


The letter thing was a mistake - if you get along with your supervisor and trust her - then it is best to go though her with any problems questions and plans - that is just some thing you are going have to decide to do - maybe put a picture of a chain around the edge of your monitor some where that is viable to you to remind you when composing e-mails to consider the chain of command - There are times a visual reminder would be all I needed. The chain of command is some thing some places take breaking seriously and it can cause problems - seeing how well you get along with your supervisor these are un-necessary problems and should be among the easiest to remedy

medications do help me become more aware of things like my impulsive mouth they do not automatically modify my behaviors - I have to do that part. It is up to me to devise ways to think before I speak and remember important issues like chain of command and adjust accordingly In my opinion medications are only a portion of the over all ADD treatment - they slow my brain down enough so that I realize I am having an emotion before I react to it - however learning how to properly channel my emotions is a non-medication behavior modification that I have to implement because I have seen the need to do so . . . successful long term ADD treatment for me has been a combination of medications and behavior modifications - medications do not do it all - I must put forth effort and go through trials and error phases looking for various ways to deal with some of my ADD issues in a more productive manner -

Speaking of behavior modifications - break time is over and I must return to work I hope some thing I said helps Apologies if my editing is sloppy I had to cut that short . . . hi ho hi ho of to work I go

Nope, not a CSR, I know better than to do that job. I don't have the patients.

Mead d brings some good suggestions also. It's hard and still hard when composing an email or a letter to someone to not get off on a tangent and stick to the facts. Sometimes we tend to volunteer too much information and then wonder why people don't treat us the way we would like....

Good luck and keep us up to date

Yes, Customer Service Rep. But like Meade it isn't the customers that are my problem. I can deal with them just fine. It is admins. and co-workers. And I do spill way to much personal info and then wonder why I do it. I can never keep my personal life or issues to myself. One co-worker that I am friends with is amazed that I am so open about my adhd. She said that when I was first diagnosed it was like I was so overjoyed and wanted to say it with everyone. When I think about it I was. I was so happy to know what was "wrong" with me. Once you get me talking about something I can't stop. Things at work are ok. I feel like my boss is watching my every move. Today she told me I need to learn tact and that I sent another email that could have been worded better. What happened was that in the beginning of the week she told me I needed to do better w/ following up on stuff. So that is what was in my brain f/u. So I have this client who I requested info from and I sent her one email per day and one phone call in the morning and one in the afternoon. She was never int he office when I called and she would never get back to me. So yesterday I sent an email saying "what are your hours. Every time I try to call you are not there". So I got into trouble b/c that was tactless. I can understand now how I could have worded it better, but to me that is straight to the point. Why do I have to fluff it up? It is annoying. I really need help w/ my communication style and social settings. Thanks for the responses they are helping!

Its not what you said it's how you said it.

Personally I would have said something to the effect.

Dear________I am sorry we are having a problem getting in contact with each other, it appears our schedules are possibly conflicting. Is there a time that would be more convenient for me to contact you?

Best regards__________

I would probably tweak this a bit prior to sending it, but it will give you an idea

Non-stimulants that may have high efficay for impulsivity are alpha-2 noradrenergic agonists like guanfacine and clonidine.

what are your hours. Every time I try to call you are not there". So I got into trouble b/c that was tactless. I can understand now how I could have worded it better, but to me that is straight to the point. Why do I have to fluff it up? It is annoying. I really need help w/ my communication style and social settings.

newfdog is right - you can tell any one almost any thing IF you know how to say it correctly - Funny I can do medical - I can tell 15 year females they are pregnant with or with out scream parents - I can explain to family members how their loved one isn't doing well and they need to come but try to nicely explain to angry people their credit was terminated because they didn't pay the bill just didn't happen – if I don’t pay my electric bill they cut the stuff off wtf did they expect to happen !!!

I do not do costumer service well but it isn’t due to my lack of tact it was because all that sitting made me cranky as hell my butt was not designed to sit in a chair all day hence the size nine feet

If you send e-mail have you considered templating common exchanges - like the calling one - if this is some ting you may ask a customer weekly it may be worth the effort to word one "correctly", put it in a specific file on your computer and when needed pull it up and fill in a blank or two and send.


It saves a lot of time - several of my common exchanges as moderator are template The three other things one can do besides flame another member, moved thread notifications, user name change any thing with steps or instructions is in temple otherwise the steps would change according to my mood I have a couple of subjects responses and debate facts in templates as well

As a dyslexic some body templates of common exchanges or topic facts is wonderful time saver in your case it will help you remain "tactful" in a consistent manner - just remember to fill in the blanks !!!!!

Hello All:
This is my first post here, but I am in desparate need of advice. I was dianosed w/ adhd in December and have been reading a lot of books about the disorder. I am amazed at all of the ways adhd has affected by life!

The one thing that has gotten me fired 3 times, in my short 33 years of life, and is currently affecting my career is my verbal impulsivity. My communication with others in the office has gotten me a bad rap. I am very quick to send out emails or say what am I am thinking without taking the appropriateness into consideration. I can go weeks without a major episode but then something will trigger me and I can cause all kinds of damage. My boss knows I have adhd and is amazing at trying to help me and deal with my shortcommings.

However, this week I pulled a big one. What happened is that 10 people from my office, including me and my boss, are being relocated to another office a block away to free up space. It has been very disorganized and the person in change hasn't given us a lot of information. My boss (a woman) wasn't happy when she was shown the new offices and seen that hers was the obviously smaller one and we weren't going to have as many services at the new place. She told coporate we weren't going. Well they came back and she won her deal. After she spoke up, the VP at our office told the 10 of us (4 bosses, 6 csr's) that if anyone else had issues to let him know. Well, I composed an email with about 25 things that I was concerned or had questions about or didn't think they had thought of. I spend HOURs putting this together, debating who I should send it to. But never once did it cross my mind to run it by my boss FIRST. So I sent it to the VP and copied my boss. She was upset and said it made us look like two complainers and that we were going to be a problem among other things. She said the content was great but the timing and who I sent it to was inappropriate. I couldn't understand what the problem was..... today my boss told me she completely understands I have adhd and that I have impulsivity issues. But I am getting a bad rep at work due to the several episodes that have happened in the almost two years I have been here. She said that I HAVE to get a control on this verbal impulsity or else she won't be able to help/protect me anymore. She said the last thing she wants is to let me go but that she doesn't understnad why I don't learn from my mistakes. I don't know what else to do. I am taking strattera and zoloft for the adhd. I feel mellow but still have these impulse issues. Please can someone help me??

Ok, at first I thought that I didnt have ADHD because I am able to get my work done and focus. So, I figured that the doctors had it all wrong; I do not have ADHD. But then I read your post and realized, I am also "verbally impulsive." I do not work ( I am about to start my first internship next month, though!). I never thought of myself as "verbally impulsive" but I do speak my mind, a lot of the time without thinking. I did not think it was because of ADHD but because it was just a personality trait of mine.

I reread your post a couple of times. I tried to picture myself in your situation and I realized that it was actually easy, because I could see myself doing the same thing that you did. Yes, you made a mistake, you should have sent your complaint to your boss since there is a hierarchy but really, it was a simple mistake. The man from corporate told you to contact HIM if you had a problem. Therefore, you took him up on it. It doesn't really seem like impulsiveness, you simply thought you could express your concerns freely because he told you that you could.