View Full Version : being "out"


reesah
05-26-08, 08:30 PM
I have one close friend and one colleague who know about my diagnosis and stuff. I trust them both a lot.

I wouldn't want to be "out" about it at work though. I've told people about this before and even before I was diagnosed tried to talk to people about things that had happened and that I'd done in my life and been called named or treated badly afterward by them, so I'm really cautious now about who I talk to.

I tried to talk to an old friend right after I got diagnosed and she said "That's like a sociopath like a serial killer, you really scare me" and started telling me about some ted bundy crap. I do read a lot of true crime, this is stuff I already know...it just sucked to be talked to that way. And after that she got really distant and I couldn't talk to her about anything because if I had problems or something she'd just say it was because I was f*&^ed up, or "why do you even care, you're a psychopath"

So I don't like to talk about this where people I know IRL can connect me...

IS anyone with a PD "out" about it at home/work/school? How do you manage this? I need to be taken seriously at work and I think this would screw that up

reesah
05-26-08, 08:32 PM
By thw way, I've never killed anyone, been in jail, even been arrested. I have some fantasies like this that give me real relief but I've never acted out violently. I have two of the classic "triangle" symptoms (what the dr said) bedwetting into young adulthood and firestarting. I never tortured animals and stuff like that, when I was a kid.

My family was poor but my parents aren't SO bad, I was never abused or anything. It makes a big difference I think.

reesah
05-26-08, 11:40 PM
failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest


I've been there. I don't believe in paying taxes (and have started now to catch up with this since I own part of the place, and have to....aaargh IRS late fees and penalties) I have other stuff in my past. Nothing violent but stuff like that. I've spent years in the SM scene...and in other scenes that aren't illegal but are definitely not within "social norms"



deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure


Yup. Been there too. Only in the last five years or so have I gotten a handle on this kind of stuff. I used to lie just out of boredom. Serious, constant impulsive lying...sometimes to get stuff from people but usually just because-no reason. My sisters used to make fun of me when that saturday night live character was big...



impulsivity or failure to plan ahead


Oh hell yeah. I'm still the queen of this.



irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults


I got in fights when I was younger, all verbal. I have a long fuse but once I get angry I get ANGRY. I've never been in physical fights too much or anything but definitely get very very unpleasant verbally when I'm angry. Irritable for sure. And I can get very confrontational verbally and aggressive. I'm trying to work on this.




reckless disregard for safety of self or others

Ever seen "*******"? Sums up my younger years pretty succinctly.



consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations

The studio I own is the place I've worked at longest in my whole life. Four years now. I have repossessions, evictions, etc all over my credit. My credit is now so bad that I am not permitted to even open a savings account at local credit unions. I pretty much view credit cards as "free money"...I know this isn't right but...I don't like the big corporations that run them, that take advantage of the poor and uneducated, I find it really hard to feel bad about any of this...I hat ebanks and such



lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another


Guess I just did that, huh? I am like this about most things. I would however like to change the way my life has been. Figuring out what this is about is key to that for me. Starting to give a damn...





Now reading over the criteria for this disorder and thinking about being diagnosed with it I can see why it might be better for me to stay in the closet with it. Anyone looking up what my disorder is all about will no longer want to work with me, or be around me...for the most part

and trying to search for "treatment" or for aspds who have been helped...brings up nothing, it is just not considered possible

I don't have a lot of hope this just makes me discouraged. I can imagine what people I know would think if they knew more about this thing, and if I told them about it how their perception of me would change.

SuzzanneX
05-26-08, 11:48 PM
well they suck, that's all I can say about them.
...friends use things told in confidence to strengthen your bond
by holding it sacred...
....not poking you with it for fun.

people can really be great when you need a back rub tho.

cashmere
05-27-08, 02:10 PM
I have one close friend and one colleague who know about my diagnosis and stuff. I trust them both a lot.

I wouldn't want to be "out" about it at work though. I've told people about this before and even before I was diagnosed tried to talk to people about things that had happened and that I'd done in my life and been called named or treated badly afterward by them, so I'm really cautious now about who I talk to.

I tried to talk to an old friend right after I got diagnosed and she said "That's like a sociopath like a serial killer, you really scare me" and started telling me about some ted bundy crap. I do read a lot of true crime, this is stuff I already know...it just sucked to be talked to that way. And after that she got really distant and I couldn't talk to her about anything because if I had problems or something she'd just say it was because I was f*&^ed up, or "why do you even care, you're a psychopath"

So I don't like to talk about this where people I know IRL can connect me...

IS anyone with a PD "out" about it at home/work/school? How do you manage this? I need to be taken seriously at work and I think this would screw that up

Reesah please believe me when i say that trying to share any details with work employees is a recipe to disaster.My own personal work record with others would'nt be matched by many,nothing to be proud of i know.

I would describe all the people i ever worked with in one word s---.
Anything you want to discuss about your pd please don't be afraid to ask, share experiences if you wish,I suffer with a schizoid personality disorder.

John621
05-27-08, 02:19 PM
I only told another friend who is add and the wife, who also is add.

People see it as a disorder, I think it is not.

I wont tell anyone else, nor will I get diagnosed as I have chosen to keep it from my boss.

reesah
06-04-08, 06:03 AM
I spoke to my co-partner (he and I pretty much run the place, we're the only ones without "bosses") about my ADD. I chose not to share my other diagnosis of ASPD with him, as I think it may affect my future working with him financially.

He was very supportive about being ADD. He has two kids and I guess one of them has ADHD, and he was saying that their therapist said that the mom should get tested for adult ADD too...so he actually has some idea what it's about. I was relieved but I am glad I did not talk about my personality disorder, I think that would bring with it a more negative judgement.

I just feel like there's not really anyone I can talk with about it, except my two friends, and they don't know anything at all about it besides what they've heard from me or from reading (my closer friend has actually tried to do some research and stuff, she is awesome. She said that she can't find anything good or hopeful but that now she understands why I just gave up for so long! and that she doesn't mind being patient with me or stuff. It's nice because I can ask her questions I'd hesitate to ask other people usually)

I've come to rely on this forum a lot to talk about this stuff because of that

Bluerose
06-04-08, 07:46 AM
I agree with the others. Sharing is good but you must choose real careful who to share with. Forums like this one come in real handy in that area. As a non-add I tried to share my diagnoses of a personality disorder but I only succeeded in frightening the BJesus out of people. They just couldn't get their head around it. I have shared with one or two close family members and they are very supportive during bad spells. But as for the rest of my family, I sense their discomfort when I try to talk about 'my stuff', so I don't anymore.

dyingInside
06-04-08, 07:53 PM
Thanks for sharing this. I'm not sure I really understand your condition, I am only ADD and bipolar but I had an ex girlfriend with many of the behaviors you describe (she was also a drug abuser). That was a very unpleasant relationship; however I'm glad to hear your story and see this from a different angle. I second those who say don't discuss it in a work situation.