Hello, I've posted here before, but I lost my registration!
Thank heavens for this forum! I need some advise here.


I just had a birthday and turned 32. Years ago, i was diagnosed with ADHD and took meds back then but I do not medicate for ADD anymore as I am now taking meds for seizures.
(doc says I cannot medicate my ADD while taking Trileptal)


I took a programming course about 5 years ago; I didn't get a job in that field because I didn't have solid or even discernable skillsets. I ended up dancing in a club making money in a bikini. TWO YEARS AGO I QUIT because I started gaining a little weight and didn't feel like 'The Belle of the Ball', so to speak. All the while, my BF has been supporting me. I haven't gone back to work and my BF is struggling to keep the apartment. My BF has tried to kick me out numerous times and my parents told me they cannot provide a safety net for me to come back home to.
(nice, eh?)


I haven't gone back to work because of extreme laziness, motivation issues, & insecurity about WORKING in general. This is not about dancing, it is about ANY job. ANY WORK. Intellectually, I know I would get hired in a club after audition, but I can't seem to get it together and make this first move or new routine. I have gotten comfortable not having responsibilities and my BF has provided me with everything. I've also defaulted on my credit which will also be a problem when i start work again. I'll have to start soon since May31 is when the lease is up.


I also have BDD (body dismorphic disorder). I lost a back molar and have a mal-occlusion in the bite. I have been spending HOURS sandpapering my teeth for over a year because I was trying to fix the bite myself! (no money for dentist) I was also trying to change the shape of my cheeks and length & width of my face by sanding down half the height of my teeth so I would look younger. (Can you believe i was once a dental assistant and I'm doing this?!?)

NOW, I NEED a dentist for bonding because i screwed up my smile-line and have NO money! The sanding turned into an obsession because my smile wasn't perfect!


New developments have occurred and he's had enough of my SHALLOW goals. He issued an ultimatum that i either get CHARITY help at a hospital OR he moves out and lets the apartment lease expire on May31st and then I could pick up the rent in May.


Ok, so I'm running out of options. Job? or Help? I did look into this charity help and they offer group therapy that is not individualized care. It's like you stay there for 6-8 hours a day going from group to group. I've been there-done that in the past....do i REALLY need anymore help? How do you know if you REALLY need help for motivational issues--or just immersive therapy, which means just taking ACTION!

I cannot seem to make this first move!! I'm also going crazy in my mind thinking about all of the 'seedy' things I could do to make the most money FAST so i can get my teeth fixed because my teeth need to be sealed and fixed soon!!!

I can't seem to get myself to start a new routine..LAZY and DREADING ANY work.~DL

Digital,

I am not sure what kind of behaviour I'm witnessing but I honestly think it may be a little more than just plain LAZY. Perhaps, your boyfriend wants you to seek help because he is seeing destructive behaviours toward's yourself that you do not even realize are there. Do you think that is a possibility? He would not have supported you this long if he did NOT care. Do not look at it as CHARITY; Look at it as a hand out of despair.

I am in no way judging you but I do find the people around me realize I'm in trouble emotionally far before I realize it. You could be in a severe state of depression which would explain the total lack of self acceptance and lack of motivation and so forth.

Hugs and good luck

DL,

Seeing as you're in New Jersey, you might want to send a PM to Lafnalot, a moderator here. She might have some very good advice/ideas for you, related to your dental issue.

As for work...Knowing that you NEED to get a job, what would you want to do, assuming dancing wasn't an option? We have loads of members with tons of ideas (and perhaps connections for you).

Also, Let me know (in a PM) what your old ID was, so I can close that account.

Thanks, and welcome back to the Forums!! :)