I have'nt done meth since june 27 2005
......it's my 3 year re- birthday.



I made me a clock.

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/art/Photo380.jpg


I love it. speed got enough of my time.

..I loved it so much. and it was just a perfect relatonship
it said it loved me and was good for me.


http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/art/Photo345.jpg


I don't count the days I'm away from speed.
.......once a year is good.

this year, I wrote speed a letter, and finally made myself this clock.

.....this was'nt something I wanted, I loved speed so much.
that's why I got a forcepts scar from recovering..like my real one.
.....I did'nt wanna be born or reborn.

LOL
.....I was HARD to reach.
I thought impossible for a couple years.
....I'd NEVER not wanna do it.


Some people, say, people shouldnt be too dependent on a message board
for recovery.

they say...
...those folks just are not too strong in rcovery.
basing your recovery on a message board!

.........ha ha ha! fools!

that's me. I'm one of those fools.
....I was not strong. I was angry, sick, I did'nt know how to deal with
reality, or my emotions, with no drugs.

KCI meth abuse disscusion forum.....

.... was all I had.

KCI members were the people from my planet who unsderstood....when there was NO ONE.

...................I mean...
-=NO ONE=-

I could talk to. .....there's no CMA here! ....no need!
there's only me recovering!
.....I'm the chairman, the group, the sponser..
and you can smoke at my meeting....LOL.

....word to the wise:

unless you love drama, pain, and tears,
.......NEVER EVER tell yo momma "you wanna die using speed, because you can not live without it."
..............a week after she pulls you outta the street.


LOL! .....BAD MISTAKE!

.....my momma cried. it looked like I slapped her sweet face as hard as I could, I can't describe all that i saw in her eyes when suzette spat that at her.

I realized....I was stuck.
........ I had all these FEELINGS.....I COULD NOT talk about, outta respect for my family.

I could really clear a room talking about it here
.
.....and NA wanted me like a feature act.....I felt more different than the same.
...they had alchohaulics, crack heads, and compulsive shoppers.

*I* am the meth addict here.
......like crusty the clown is "the clown" in springfield.

even crack heads are scared of me..
....................................they never saw one. LOL!

they offer crack, and I say, no thanks...

....I was a meth addict...

before I can finish the sentence....

...They look horrified and say..*gasp* .OH MY GOD!!!!!

YOU GOTTA QUIT THAT!!! that always makes me laugh........

....I like to tell em for fun sometimes, just to get the alfred hitchcock look.

They don't look to good either!!

..........................but they would NEVER do the "devils drug"
when I tell em, I did quit....it's not even here...

they just nod frantically like....."THANK GOD" ...and wait to run
..........there's a METH ADDICT! ......they think I'll turn into a were wolf...even after 3 years.

I commend them for their nerves of steel....because I am in complete despair on crack
.....I'm glad they're enjoying it.....
and if it makes em happy, there's always "my share of the crack" in the
underground somewhere....they can have.


I could not have done it without recovery board support.
my own board, and others.

......a speedless island helped quite a bit.
after awhile....

......you just kinda accept.........there's no speed.

by the time i could drive to daytona....and find it.

fuk it, I don't want it now.


I found out yesterday

My ex from high school...
.....I love him so much, he's witty, funny and really good in bed!

he told me last time I saw him...

.....he was'nt shaking them psychosis, even in sobriety.

he could'nt help himself, with having crazy thoughts.

......I heard he's quite insane, homeless in atlantas streets where we had so much potential at one time.


Dear Speed,
.....You were the love of my life, I belived in you, and built my life around you.
I trusted you with my most beloved human deluxes friends...
.....only to find you destroyed us all.

I don't have anymore time for you, and your mean jokes.
Good bye forever.

you may have gotten my earthly possesions, and quite a bit of sanity
.......you may not have my SOUL, I draw the line there.

you won the case, but, I'm gonna leave you with some dignity.

....and pride.

I can't be bought for any price.

please...
.....dry up and blow away, so you can't make other families hurt.

mo fo.


On my own board, since I did'nt do a state of the nation address like usual.

.............I talked alittle about remorse.


http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/art/Photo376.jpg

........and this stupid lil dreesser I made doing speed and my mom LOATHES IT....
....I like it.

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/art/Photo373.jpg


this dresser was my dope dresser

pot in one drawrer.....tissue in another to sit the pipe in when you sit it down
........here's reminders meth pipes would cut thru you like butter.

.http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/art/Photo370.jpg



..I lost a couple drawers and made marburo ones.


gawd! MY MOTHER HATES THIS THING!
....lol! ...it is tacky.
This occupied my mind endlessly 3years ago.

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/art/Photo369.jpg


these were the only two things I made sure I had.


I found this box in the street.
...it is vibey

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/art/Photo372.jpg

this tin use to fit in my fith pocket, my dope was identifiable to me
.....giving me inner constitution to feel it there.


.....I get very dark feelings from the vegas box now.

like to some died with it in their pocket


every year this picture looks worse.
....I thought i was looking good!

my bf said, I look like a tweaker, and I ignored it, because I thought he was just being a a-hole



http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/people/scan0012-1.jpg

...I did.

here's me today

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/people/Photo209.jpg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11N-BD1aBo0

Thank you, Suz.

Congratulations, & Welcome back.

Congrats, Suzie! You go, Grrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllll!

Wow! Congratulations. You have my utmost respect and admiration . . .

You go girl!!!!!

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b219/suzannex/againstem/Photo382.jpg



thanks..
....I laid up in my baby pool all day.

I even brought it in my room to the web cam, to get a pick for sandy.

whatcha thankin' me for grafter?
.......I was kinda waiting to get suspended or something for this thread.

but, it's important to addicts to proove it can be done.

.......my mom had a garage sale, and I COULD NOT seem to get here.
when I got here...my puter had a virus...one of my techy friends fixed it
by getting inside my puter like "tron"
.....from another city.

I'm impressed.
.....we've also been getting storms....and the 1st thing to go is the internet
when this town gets a storm.


I've been trying to get back to the shore.
....but the rip tide is so strong....
it keeps pulling me back into reality......ew!

.....sometimes I really need to plug my brain into some other world.

this is it.

I was'nt away on purpose....I got where I love some of ya'll now.

Glad you back! Congrats and hang in there!

Do you still see the shadows even after being off meth?

whatcha thankin' me for grafter?.

4 every b-day we celebrate there R countless others that never get "re" born babe.

I luv birthdays, they are more better than belly-buttons... being born is easy...
pushing your way back from some earthly hellllllllllll..........

that's a bit more complicated....and inspirational.

I love your clock. It tick-tocks all day, and your always on time.

UR a miracle.... ain't it kewl?

Do you still see the shadows even after being off meth?


Yes, I have been sober for 5 years and I still see shadows from time to time.

I have'nt done meth since june 27 2005
......it's my 3 year re- birthday.
*I* am the meth addict here.
......like crusty the clown is "the clown" in springfield.
even crack heads are scared of me..
....................................they never saw one. LOL!
they offer crack, and I say, no thanks...
....I was a meth addict...
before I can finish the sentence....
...They look horrified and say..*gasp* .OH MY GOD!!!!!
YOU GOTTA QUIT THAT!!! that always makes me laugh........
....I like to tell em for fun sometimes, just to get the alfred hitchcock look.
They don't look to good either!!

I remember those days. I still get that look sometimes when I tell people I was a meth head or a tweeker. I always liked the joke, "a coke head will steal your stuff and lie to you about it, a meth head will steal your stuff and help you look for it"

I am so glad those days are behind me, and I am proud that they are behind you as well. Keep moving forward and hopefully we can help others find their way out of that hell.

Thank you for sharing this. Congratulations. :)