I started wondering about this when I learnt that two of my closest friends have AD/HD as well, without me realising: are people with AD/HD likely to become friends, or even lovers, because they're on the same wavelength somehow?

My parents come from backgrounds that are fairly dissimilar - I've often asked myself what has kept them together for more than 30 years now. Then when I went over for the first time in weeks, the other day, I was reminded how much fun we have when we all get together - dinner with my parents, my sister and myself is like sitting down with the Marx Brothers.

The first time I brought my ex along for the occasion, he was baffled, yet delighted - I now think he may have had inattentive ADD. It would account for his susceptibility to addiction (alcohol and dope) and the difficulties he had at university, despite an extraordinary intellect. It might also explain the intense, strangely complementary connection between us - he had trouble doing anything at all, and I couldn't stop piling on the workload.

Now I'm being courted by a young man (very young - early twenties) who just changed majors for the second time, who shifts between obsessions in a way that is eerily familiar (at least he's given up drinking and moved on to fitness now), and who seems to have trouble with impulse control and delaying gratification.

Again, the attraction seems to have been instant and deeply felt, though I can't say it's entirely mutual. I find his intensity rather intimidating - which, I suppose, is how many people feel about me. I've brought up the issue with him, and he dismissed it out of hand, claiming that I'm seeing AD/HD everywhere, having just been diagnosed myself, and that he's just "too dumb" to hang onto his current major.

Anyone else feel like people with AD/HD gravitate to one another?

I would say most my friends in the past had ADHD attributes so I'm going to guess its normal for ADHDers to attract each other.

I think so too.
At least one of my former boyfriends has ADHD.
It's so obvious with his history, I can't believe he didn't get help as a youngster.
His mom works with children with different disorders, and he's been under her nose the whole time. I'm a little afraid to break it to him, since he may very well take it the wrong way, but the man is in the middle of his thirties and self medicating to a very dangerous extend sometimes, so I'm going to approach him about it sometime, since no one else has.

He should at least be given the opportunity to think about it.
Especially since none of his relationships last because of his anger issues and him needing almost constant confrontations to thrive.

The one girl who could stand all his tantrums and everything, he got bored with, and now he's lonely and getting angrier all the time.

Hmmm...got a bit longer than intended, that...

Other than that, I play RPGs, have done since my teens, and I think that a LOT of us who do roleplaying like D&D, Warhammer and all that, have ADD, compared to people in general.

Anyone for/against that theory? :)

i dont think any of my current friends have add my wife does not i dont know. Maybe when you are younger you have a large amount of people to choose as your friend. I am 28 now and my life is basically work and no one i work with has add so the chance of me being friends are greatly reduced as someone in school who finds themselves in the same class as someone

My ex husband does, I think. I think both my parents do.

People with ADHD gravitate towards each other because we are so cool :D

I don't know that it's an ADHD thing, although it surely could be.

For myself, I work well, and am attracted to, a certain energy and tempo. There are some great people I have met that I would like to get to know better, but I can't... they speak too slow, or don't get to the point, or don't progress in the conversation and only restate what has just been said.... when this happens it is much more difficult for me to stay with the conversation... too many thoughts keep popping up in my head like "hurry up" and "wtf" and "finish already."

When I'm with someone that matches my tempo and energy, it creates a synergy, ideas blossom, conversation is creative & productive. It's just cool.

Funnily enough...I read the section on family dynamics in the lazy, stupid, crazy book last night...and it was my family of origin. My mom and dad. My sublings and me. Freaky. And the dad in the scenario was also a lot like my ex, although less dangerous.

Yeah, I think we're drawn together for some reason.

Other than that, I play RPGs, have done since my teens, and I think that a LOT of us who do roleplaying like D&D, Warhammer and all that, have ADD, compared to people in general.

Anyone for/against that theory? :)O_o

Dude. The young bloke I was on about? Spends about 24 hours every week playing tabletop RPGs.

I think we're onto something here.

I found out I had ADD 4 years ago at the age of 49, and since that time looking back over my life, I have been struck by how many of the people I really connected with over the years likely have ADD. I have run into a few of them in the past few years and when I tell them about my diagnosis, they have often responded that they too feel they might have ADD. They tended to be the kind of people I call "old souls", people who are very intuitive, bigger picture thinkers, connect with people of a all ages, tend to be smart, thoughtful, caring people who are really interested in what makes people tick... these are not necessarily all ADD traits but I certainly see a pattern. I guess the biggest thing for me with these friends was a feeling of recognition and acceptance - here is someone like me that I really understand and who understands me, and appreciated my uniqueness

Don't know if it is always ADD, but everyone I ever felt any kind of connection with was somewhat out of the ordinary.

It seems I just lack the ability to communicate meaningfully with run-of-the mill NT people.

One girl I knew in college claimed she had visions.
It may even have been true.

Another friend of mine, a fellow who works as a teacher in university consistently declines promotions and job offers he feels " do not agree with him" yet he is probably one of the most popular teachers at that institute. He has lived alone for almost all his life now, but that is not through lack of popularity.


And incidentally every single one of my best friends seem to have been born under the sign of scorpion. I don't even believe in astrology.

Spooky.

Not just to fellow AD/HDer but other 'autistic spectrum' types too. I can't think of anyone that I like that is anywhere near 'NT' - they are just so boring on the whole and less 'special'.

I tend to gravatate to people who are rough around the edges. I don't feel comfortable around people who seem ordinary or average, they seem fake to me even if they aren't. One person I met at work was totaly OCD. A polar oposit to my personality, they drove me insane at times. OCD people obsess about the trivial where as ADD people don't care enough about it. If a picture on the wall was crooked it could stay that way for months for all I care. I just don't give a ****. Anyway turns out we got along really well and had somewhat common interests and could relate. We also worked really well together becuase of our different strengths. It used to make me feel lazy or uncomfortable to have someone run around and fix every little thing weather it needed it or not but then I kind of got used to it becuase thats what they ENJOYED doing and I could focus on more important things knowing the trivial would be taken care of.

Several of my best friends are AD/HDers. Birds of a feather...

I'm ADD and my girlfriend's ADHD. Besides her being alot more outgoing than me, we have ALOT in common. I love her zany, enthusiastic personality and she thinks my quiet spaciness is 'cute' lol I love how the subjects in our conversations are ever-changing and always fun :] She helps me be more outgoing, which is GREAT.

Two of my best friends in high school were ADHD to go with my Inattentive-type. We had a punk band. Sometimes, we tried other genres - folk, rock, funk, hip hop - but it all sounded like punk because we just wanted to play as loud and as fast as possible.

So, yeah, I think we definitely gravitate together.

I have been told by some old wise man that people generally and most of the time unconsciously, associate with similar people. people that compliment you, and you compliment them. i look at the people in my life and think, how the devil did they put up with me? but then i look really close, and they were either some very open and caring people, or very much so wired and fast as my skinny little head goes that we would all keep up with eachother, and that we just got along.

At this point I am resigned to my fate and am simply trying to find friends (etc ?) that are more functional than myself...