I was deep in thought the other night and for some reason I started thinking about the way people percieve me. After pondering for a while, I came to this conclusion...In a regular social situation where I am aound new people for a short time, I have a really hard time conecting with people, and people have a hard time connecting with me. The reason is that I really don't enjoy small talk, and even if I did, I have such a hard time relaying the thoughts from my brain to my mouth that what I try to get across doesn't get absorbed by people. The few friends I do have, I have had for a long time, and will have them probably till I die. To the people I have gotten comfortable enough with to befriend, I am very interesting. I am into and do lots of fun stuff so I have plenty to talk about if I could, but can't really do the mingle thing. Guess it could be a blessing to be "strangely interesting", but it really does hold me back a lot...:o

I guess what I'm trying to parlay, is that I wish I could be comfortable with everyone, or at least with most. You know, like a normal person. Life would probably be so much easier and enjoyable. Haha, I guess this should be in a blog and not in here huh?

Here is fine Many people are not comfortable with small talk.

I read in a e-zine some where about social gatherings - how to get into conversations with people you do not know well - one of the way they suggested is to listen to what the other persons says and ask three question about that topic before switching topics.


I am quiet around people I do not know well especially if there is a group of them - I really don't think being slightly stand-offish at first is that abnormal. For me it takes me a while to get to know people.

When faced with a group I always stand back and observe before saying much to any one I use this time to observe the interaction among group members. This decreases the number of times I have to remove my foot from my mouth I am not good at small talk but looking over current events before a group gathering often give me a little chit chat to work with.

Oh Mr. Rat,

In a strangely interesting way...you are lucky. Then you know that the ones that stick around are true friends. :) I have the opposite problem. I tend to say things all weird then end up blabbering on and on until I run the person off. :(

I bet you are very interesting to the ones who stick by you!

MJ

I guess what I'm trying to parlay, is that I wish I could be comfortable with everyone, or at least with most. You know, like a normal person. Life would probably be so much easier and enjoyable. Haha, I guess this should be in a blog and not in here huh?

...so what you're saying is you really don't want to be normal? :p

Most people feel awkward in the situations you're referring to, one way or another. I think you may be looking through a filter here, I know I myself have that tendency.

Try looking around you one more time next time you're in the situation and make a note of ALL the people in the room
- not just the few ones that seem to be the perfect minglers.

See if you can pinpoint the many different ways of dealing in a new social setting.

Everyone has a strategy - some are yabbering like crazy geese (I'm one of those)
...some just sit in a corner (I'm one of those)
...some play clowns to feel safe (I'm one of those)
...and some are just walking around quietly, smiling, trying to look approachable, hoping someone will strike up a conversation about etology or the secret lives of gummy bears or a Stephen Hawkings lecture...you know anything else but the "How are you doing? Wow, this weather sucks...what do you do for a living/which classes are you taking?" and all that weird, vague impossible smalltalk stuff...so you can jump in enthusiastically and tell them about this new experiment on...something...that you love...(that's me too!) ;)

Nobody's normal, you know.
They may seem that way untill you get to know them, though. :)

Hmmm...wait a minute...if you for some reason feel awkward around new people in your life, that's...normal...?

OH, COME ON! I'm trying to make a point here, but I keep messing it up! AAAARRH!!! :D

i don't particularly enjoy small talk, but i've learned not to make it uncomfortable for myself. i initially approached it sort of like i would acting, realizing that small talk in itself was pretty shallow and it didn't matter if it was a bit silly. learning to view things this way was a big step for me and eventually it became almost natural.

in regards to relaying your thoughts into words, good practice for this would be to start a journal and try to begin to put down to words what you're thinking. this has always been a problem for me as well, but i've had a journal for years and i think it's good practice for people who just aren't naturally great at translating their rather abstract thoughts into words.

on another note, having good, close friends who understand you for who you are is the most important thing. you're lucky that you have that already. one of my best friends is someone i've known a very long time and who, even if i can't quite complete a sentence or a thought when i'm rambling, usually knows me well enough to understand what i'm trying to say. i think friendships like that are the most gratifying.

Well, River Rat,
I can totally relate to your story. Engaging in smalltalk is an acquired skill for me but not an activity I relish. When it is time for a coffee or lunch break in the office I often catch myself looking every which way and thinking about everything but about the current topic of conversation.
I'd rather talk to one of my few real friends(every single one of them the non-linear kind) than to have a meaningless conversation about the weather.