My DH takes it SO personally and in our 10 years of marriage, we've had more arguments about that than anything else.

It usually goes like this

DH is talking about something...anything.

I make a comment about the fingerprints on the stainless steel fridge needing cleaned.

DH looks at me like I have just kicked him hard. He will tell me that I am disrespectful or that he shouldn't bother ever talking.

I get defensive and angry because yeah, I was caught not really listening and I feel like I am being "busted".

I basically turn it around and yell at DH for being such a dick and not caring that I cannot help it.

Then we'll go weeks, months, and this will happen again.

I *WANT* to listen. I *WANT* to care what he is saying. I hate when he gets angry about it.

Seriously folks, we never fight about anything...except this.

Talking across somebody is always annoying to them. If you do it and they get arsy just say 'sorry - I zoned out there for a bit' or 'I'm just so pre-occupied at the moment' or, if you are incredibly cheeky, 'no no no no no, whatever I say is always more important' - the huge grin must be seen and maybe some kissy noises to go with it afterwards.

Good humour and telling them it's all your fault will get you a long way - even if you don't mean it :D

Maybe a hug to go with it. And a pizza.

Arrive naked, bring beer. Always works on me :p

it drives my hubby crazy how i take things so personally. on the other hand he is terrible at censoring what he said.

i think maybe i have such a thin skin because my family was quite critical ( in a not so obvious underhanded way) also while getting so much "why cant you listen", and "why don't you try harder", "pay attention to detail" so on and so forth... it makes comments from people we love now come across as negative comment about who we are.

It's one of the biggest things my s/o holds against me. Won't ever forgive me for my past transgressions. She says that it's proof that I don't reaaly care about what she says.

My DH takes it SO personally and in our 10 years of marriage, we've had more arguments about that than anything else.

When human males communicate, they will take turns talking. While one male is talking, the other male doesn't talk so he can listen intently. For males, it's a sign of respect if you take the time to listen to someone talk.

Your DH is merely following his programming. When he talks, he expects you to pay him some respect and listen.

I get defensive and angry because yeah, I was caught not really listening and I feel like I am being "busted".

I basically turn it around and yell at DH for being such a dick and not caring that I cannot help it.

Here's where things go wrong. Your DH told you how he feels, you avoid the issue and retaliate with a personal attack: an argument ensues, the real issue is forgotten and the point scoring begins.

I *WANT* to listen. I *WANT* to care what he is saying. I hate when he gets angry about it.

Seriously folks, we never fight about anything...except this.

When the incident occurs, it is not the time to discuss it as it clearly puts both of your noses out of joint. Address the issue when you're both cool, calm and relaxed.

Have you ever thought to get some marriage counseling.. to work on the communication between you?

I'm bad with small talk unless it's deep conversation. It sounds like he feels that you don't care about and he is saying... and you might not. But it's hurtfull none the less. I think the biggest problem is communication is either misunderstood or in some way one person doesn't feel like they are cared about. I think if you don't feel you can engage in conversation at some point tell him or ask him to tell you about it later. On the flip side he should know that he may need to tell you things repeatedly or VERIFY things that are spoken and are important. "OK, what did I just tell you?" Just becuase of the way I am I tend to be very specifc and deliberate when speaking about things that are important. I always end with "did you get all that" or "is there anything you didn't understand". I make certain that they got everything because thats what I would expect. It's drives some people insane becuase they don't know why they should tell you twice. Well they shouldn't nessesarily tell you twice but they SHOULD verify that you understand everything that was said. Example: "you should take out the trash" What trash? You likely have several in the house. If they meant the kitchen trash but they said it in the bedroom it might be misinterpreted. Its the little things that really drive people up the wall but they are so important and so easy to overlook.

I have the same problem with this. I'm really not trying to interrupt but it just happens sometimes, then I apologize for it right away...it's getting better but it still happens. My real problem happens when he does the exact same thing interrupting me (as far as I can tell it's not on purpose) and I say something about it...then he gets mad and either says he didn't think he interrupted me or just plain denies he even did it, like I am making it up or something. And it's not like I am rude about it or say something like "see, I'm not the only one who interrupts". It gets really frustrating because not only am I worried about controlling this behaviour in myself, he somehow thinks it's impossible that he could be doing the same thing or he expects that I should put up with it from him too.