I make reference here to my earlier thread

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=54568

which you may have already seen.

To summarise - I didn't go to this outing at a pub which was "sort of" for my boyfriend's birthday, which was last saturday, about a month after his actual birthday.

To add to the matter, I lied about the reason I didn'tgo - I said that I had to look after my nephew. A complete made up lie; I just didn't really want to go. The reasons I didn't want to go.... I'm not entirely sure, it's a mix of lots of issues......


I saw him today, and he's quite upset that I didn't go, and mentioned that his friends were making "comments" to him about the fact that I wasn't there (He didn't detail, but I can imagine the sorts of things they said).

So I realised something.... even though it was a month after his birthday, it was actually for his birthday and I really should have been here........

In realising that, I don't understand entirely why I didn't go. I know I didnt' feel well in the end, but that wasn't the reason. I just didn't want to go, but up until 24 hours before, I was going to go... then as I was going to bed the night before I thought up the "perfect" (or really stupid..) excuse.

Now I feel really guilty, and I know he is mad and upset about it, and to make matters worse, he would feel badly about what his friends said. And of course, my non-attendance would really get everyone wondering.


Help :(

Do you think that perhaps you were coming down with whatever you ended up having, and you were feeling those effects ever so slightly? Sometimes the day b4 I come down with a cold or flubug I just feel "off" "not quite right".

Thanks curseandablessi (I assume you really wanted it to be "curse and a blessing" but it didn't all fit??).

Makes me feel better about, what in reality is, being very disloyal and unsupportive of my boyfriend :confused:


I did go to bed that night with a sore throat...

It was just such a stupid idea not to go, but I had thought that it really was a "great idea" and just felt compelled to follow trough with it. I thought it couldn't fail. I guess I didn't consider the reality, which was that the event/outing was for his birthday.

I felt really depressed all day...... it comes and goes....... I don't know......


What I also forgot to mention (and I don't know how much I can really say about this on here), but I saw him today at his house, and we were there for while.... and he couldn't really "do" what he wanted (if you know what i mean....... ), which he attributed to the fact that he was mad at me.


He's not the person that really exudes anger though (unless he is "annoyed" or irritated), and while he is saying that he's "mad" I think that is his way of saying he's upset about it.

This is just one of those relationship issues that both you and the people around you have to get over. I'm just so done justifying my actions around people. Perhaps you should have made an effort to go but then I wouldn't waste time with people who are going to give you **** for it. Move on, life is too short. But then at this point people already know how flaky I am.

He's not the person that really exudes anger though (unless he is "annoyed" or irritated), and while he is saying that he's "mad" I think that is his way of saying he's upset about it.

Upset, which really translates to "hurt."

I totally understand why you didn't go (I get that way myself a LOT), but the fact is you hurt his feelings. Probably nothing is going to help but time, and maybe some honesty on your part, talking to him about what really happened and why.

This is just one of those relationship issues that both you and the people around you have to get over. I'm just so done justifying my actions around people. Perhaps you should have made an effort to go but then I wouldn't waste time with people who are going to give you **** for it. Move on, life is too short. But then at this point people already know how flaky I am.

I have to disagree with this.

One of the things that has been hardest for me in my relationship is facing up to the fact that I don't always behave in the best way that I can. It's been a long road for me to try to be more conscious of what I'm doing, and, if I can't stop myself before it's too late, then to be conscious of what I've done.

Having ADD does not give any of us the right to treat people we care about and who care about us poorly. For instance, I have a horribly bad habit of interrupting my partner when he's speaking; sometimes I'll do it multiple times when he's just trying to get one sentence out. This is extremely frustrating for him and he does get angry sometimes about it.

I know that I interrupt him because of the ADD, but that doesn't justify it and it doesn't absolve me of the responsibility to apologize to him and try to do better next time.

Okay, maybe I overlooked it, but I read this and the thread that you linked to and I haven't seen you say what you told him yet. Have you told him the truth yet, or does he just think you didn't show up, or does he think you were faking being sick, etc?