Hello! I'm a new user here. I apologize if a thread like this has already been created but I need to know if this is the result of ADD or not--and if there is anything I can do to "fix" it.

Today, I ended up in a lot of trouble with my boss.

You see--last wednesday, my co-workers left early--and one let me borrow her keys so that I could lock up shop. She told me that it was VERY IMPORTANT to return them to her Tuesday morning so that she could open shop. Naturally--without her keys, how can she open? So I promised I would take them to her then.

So today is Tuesday.
And I got a call from my boss a little after 12 pm--very upset with me because he got a call from my co-worker saying I was supposed to bring her keys this morning--and failed to do so.
"Oh shi-!"
The store was TWO HOURS LATE to open because of my incompetence. I apologized so much and felt so sick to my stomach--how could I forget such an important thing!? I love this job, so I'd never dream of doing something that could risk me getting fired. My boss was so disappointed--and I felt like such a failure.

This is the first time I've made such a large work-related mistake (I always forget smaller things on the job--which proves to be a minor annoyance a lot of the time, but nothing horrible like this!)

But I'm also an art student attending full time at art college during the fall and winter--and I pull stuff like this with my assignments all the time. One time, I failed to write an essay entirely--because the teacher mentioned it once (I even wrote it down in hopes that I would not forget)--and then a month later, he asked for us to hand them in--and I had forgotten about it completely! I couldn't believe it.

There have been studio assignments and the like as well that I have displayed such frustrating incompetence with.

Even daily chores around the house--I forget to do. I'll be asked to do something while I'm busy doing something else--and not five minutes later, I already forget what was asked of me.

In highschool, teachers always scolded me and told me to use my agenda. The thing is--I'd actually forget to write in it--and on the occassions I was reminded to write specific things in it, I'd forget to refer to it later on. It was such a vicious cycle and I have never met a person as frustrating as myself. I'm forgetful, disorganized, and I frequently fail to pay adequate attention to important, key things. Consequently, I am sloppy, come off as lazy, selfish, and careless. I never mean to--and it's becoming more and more difficult for myself--and the people around me--to live with.

Does anyone else here feel so incompetent and frustrated over it? Did you find anything that helped you out? Please share!

First things first, you made a mistake, no one died or was physically injured because of it, right? You've apologized, you are sincerely sorry. Please quit beating yourself up over it.

Those are some of the symptoms of ADD, I'm chronically disorganized, have trouble with deadlines, and the agenda/planner thing, if I could find it maybe I'd have used it.

I'm not sure about how healthcare works up there. Maybe someone will come in and post about who you see to get a diagnosis there.

It is so easy to be hard on yourself. I've done all of the above, different enviorment but same situations. I think we all have. That's why we are all here. Don't beat yourself up over this, it sucks yes, but it's not the end of the world. Learn from it and move on. Even with the best organization, I still do this kind of thing. I'm a business owner and I've done it with my customers. Forgotten to right down and appointment, etc.

Just keep your head up

post it notes. I keep 'em on me at all times and stuff them in my pants pockets. When I get home for the night, I read 'em to see what I have to get done :)

It happened, now try to let it go, 'cause you can't change the past - only change what you can do about it in the future. Come up with a system/routine for yourself to help you remember.

If it's something really important, I write a HUGE note and tape it to my front door so I will see it when I leave the house.

Or tape it to the TV, if you like to watch TV. Anywho . . put the note(s) in a place where you're most likely to see it.

Cell phone alarms, set it to vibrate and a half hour earlier.

I agree with the first label (forgetful) but the fact that you want to change the behavior and have insight enough to see it makes you competent and I can't see where you lack intelligence.

get a smaller agenda. tiny pocket one. write in it not only chores but things you might enojy doing (ie.e. "essay for color theory class" "get ice cream" "return keys")

maybe then you will have motivation to use it, if its not all bad/work/chore stuff in it.

Merlinus,

I think everybody (non-Add'ers included) has done at least one large thing like this. I can understand and sympathize with your frustration. I have a spotty memory and forget a number of things. As most in here will certainly agree, I have gotta PDA's, organizers, etc and kept lists and simply forget to refer to it. Its tough. I think the best thing to do though, is don't be so hard on yourself.

Honestly, stress about your memory could possibly make it worse. And if you have been a good employee in the past, one mistake like this should be forgiveable.

If you decide to use something like a planner, or some device to help you remember, the key is consistency. If you forget to use it, but remember later, try again. Keep trying and keep with it. Eventually, it should become more familiar and hopefully help out.

Of course, there is no easy fix for forgetfullness. It truly drives me nuts at times. But I'm hanging in there. Keep the faith and don't let it get you too down. Remember, everyone screws up. We're all human. :D

D

This kind of thing can drive you up a wall and back down the other side.

Now that I have been made !:eek:aware:eek:! , I am taking another look at my coping strategies.

I have a quite nice cellphone with a good agenda in it. The first thing I started doing is adding all birthdays in it.
Does wonders for your popularity. Granted, this is not much, but you have to start somewhere.

Only you know the answer to this...

But why did the coworker call the boss before she called you. Even if she needed your number, why did she tell him why she needed it? Also, why did she wait until the last minute before asking for her keys back, especially if she knew you had problems remembering? I would think a little about this.

"last wednesday, my co-workers left early--and one let me borrow her keys so that I could lock up shop. She told me that it was VERY IMPORTANT to return them to her Tuesday morning so that she could open shop. Naturally--without her keys, how can she open? So I promised I would take them to her then."

My first thought after reading this post was that it's not entirely your fault. After all if they hadn't left early you wouldn't have needed a key. Was this leaving early planned or something spur of the moment which caught you unawares. I find I might rememer things better if I have plenty of repeated /advance warnings!

As I see it they imposed the duty on you. They should have taken more care to see there was a back up plan in place.

I second the question why that co-worker had to tell your boss what happened. And why wait 2 hours for heaven's sake? My interpretation of this is that they hung you out to dry - although obviously only you know what is more likely.

I can totally relate as well. Someone asks me to do something - I can forget it completely in the time it takes to turn around and think about something else. As though my mind can only hold one thought at a time, and also just jumps around frequently. Having forgotten important things so often, I would have been totally freaked-out by this key-situation, and probably would have put post-it's everywhere, set an alarm or two, written it on my arm....

The point is, that I have realized that I am this way. I used to hate myself for it and tried my very best to hide it from the world. I thought it meant I was a reject or stupid, and so I did my darndest to pretend to be "normal". The result of this is that I never looked for solutions! Just kept expecting that my memory should work as well as those around me - which, of course, led to daily failure and more self-criticism.

After finding this forum, and finding out that there are people like me - suddenly I started to not feel so bad. Now I can accept that this is how I am, and that opens up a whole new world of possibilities to make your life easier - I have:

- post-it notes for calls I need to return
- longer lists for things I need to get done today
- "back-burner" lists for things I need to get done at some point
- I use Google calendar to track all of my appointments (they send an email reminder in the morning if you have something that day)
- I use a timer with alarm for short periods - like I'm going to sit down at the computer while something is cooking. Have a lot less burned food that way.
- I use ADDPlanner with it's pop-up reminders to keep me on track with the regular tasks that I do each day and remind me to take medicine.
- I can't do even simple math in my head, so I always have calculators handy.
- I can never remember the date (even if I type it 20 times), so I found a little program that displays it at the bottom of my screen.

Tools, tools, tools! Since I started to accept that this is just how I am, I began looking for and finding these things that help. Believe me - I've screwed up enough, that I just know when I'm going to forget something - and so can set up a variety of reminders. I no longer think I'm an idiot (because I know I'm not) and get down on myself - I'ts just the way I am. I can even laugh about it - even when my husband sees that I have popup reminders on my computer reminding me to eat lunch, work, make dinner, go to bed....

Moral? Don't beat yourself up. We all understand and have been there. Having poor short-term and/or working memory does not make you incompetent or unintelligent. You just need to find a work-around. Try out some of the tools that people have mentioned and find some things that work for you.

Hang it there, man. It'll be alright.

Well, I'd like to thank you for this post because it reminded me of an appointment that I *think* I have tomorrow - I never heard from the client to confirm, so I was able to e-mail her tonight to ask about it rather than just letting it go...which I would have done since I nearly forgot about it..:rolleyes:

Firstly, you are NOT incompetent or unintelligent. Forgetful, maybe, but isn't that part of this disorder/illness/syndrome/whatever you call it? The negativity has to go - one of the symptoms of ADD is hypersensitivity, so every time you call yourself something like incompetent or unintelligent, you're just making things that much worse for yourself. So stop already, okay? :cool:

I rarely forget appointments or meetings - but I live by my day planner. I can't function without it. I run my own business, and have several cross-referencing strategies to make sure things don't slip through the cracks...electronic and paper. Each night, I look at the schedule that's coming up - I have it in a monthly view so I get a sense of the whole time period, and then have details on each day. For bills and whatnot, I have a paper list and literally check things off - whatever can be automated, I do it.

I only recently discovered that I have ADD - I haven't been diagnosed yet but have absolutely no doubt - and am realizing that I developed coping strategies that are standard in the treatment, but I just thought I was a ditz. I also live by lists. If it's a rough day, I'll literally write down things like "brush teeth, make coffee, put gas in car, open mail" so I can be checking things off and feel some accomplishment, even for the most menial of tasks!

Don't beat yourself up. It's not normal for you to have the keys and it's all too easy to forget that you have them. And I would also ask why your co-worker didn't call you first? Sounds like someone trying to stir the pot. :mad:

I think a way to fix forgetting to write things down, is to do it immediately. If I get a call from a potential client and don't write down her name, it's completely gone, even if she's e-mailed me as well. I even forget that we had the conversation - so I make damn sure to keep a phone log of things. For a while I had a voice recorder but that created more problems because I had to remember to listen to it in order to write down things, so....that didn't work out so well. Maybe find a way to cross-reference things for yourself somehow? Or use the figurative string on your finger...some sort of association with it, so before you go to bed you think "What was I supposed to do????" and then wrack your brains for a while and see the picture of a key and then "AHA! Take the keys back to my coworker..." or something?

Yes, i do stuff like that all the time too. I am not working outside the home now but I still have trouble remembering things I'm suppose to do. I have to make a list of things to do and check them off as I do them. I had many embarrassing moments when i was working.