Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am, do I fit in
Make belivin' is hard alone
Out here on my own.
We're always provin' who we are
Always reachin' for that risin' star
To guide me far and shine me home,
Out here on my own.
(Nikka Costa, On my own).


It has only been a month and week, yet my heart is dark and my soul defeated. I have no more mental powers and inner strength to deal with anything, and I've just pressed the red button of "give up". Most of you already know my story, and for those who don't - its not that interesting to begin with :rolleyes:. But I just wanted to thank everyone, and especially this wonderful forum, for the vast information it gave me. I'd also like to thank the forum members for sparing their time to listen, to speak and to advise. It is all warmly appreciated.

My ADHD road has come to an end. I've decided this world is too young, ignorant and dumb to fully understand the extent of this disorder, as it comes to adult. I've decided that I can't bear with my frustration and my anger towards a primitive and backward medical system. I've no more power to interact with all those who mock this disorder, can't comrehend this disorder or help with it. I've grown too frustrated and too hopeless to continue trying to find a non-existing cure.

I've decided I'd have to live along with my inability to express the true potential of my brain and body. If theres one bit of hope left, its the hope of knowing that somewhere in the future things might be brighter, and ignorant people would not be so arrogant by misjudging me and criticizing me. A future where irresponsible doctors would take responsibility for thier actions and won't treat me as if I'm a leper. A future where I could take medication that truly works, and not have to bounce between 4 different kind of medications, without ever finding a good combination, or alteast a good profesional who would tell me where I go wrong - without taking a sharp glance at my wallet and charging me hundred of dollors for his disputed MD degree.

Thank you for your time, and for your advices! I promise I'll come and visit when positive things go down my path, and update you if things change. But as of now, this past month has only deteriorated my personality and my life. Out here, on my own.

bye ;)

Hey noni noni,

It does sound like you could do with a break. As soon as you feel up to it again - which I'm sure you will, in due time - we'll be here for you.

Hey ani, I'm sorry you're in that swamp right now.
I have those times my self. Some periods of time, I fight like crazy, like a horse caught in a fence, but others, I just give up. Flow belly up in the stream like a dead fish or something. Because I'm so tired. Dead tired.
For some strange reason, I still get those "struggling horse fits" sometimes.
It's weird, I'm thirty now, and I've never learned to balance things out, even though it's kinda exhausting to live the way I do. I've always been an "all or nothing" kinda gal.

Looking forwards to see you again,
for now, I'll just wish you a good pitstop in this, the Le Mans of Life.
Kick back, take it easy, gather energy for another round sometime.

And take care.

Hugs

anonimi, our thoughts go with you.

Remember that when it all comes down to it, you yourself are the only person you can rely on.
Do not wait for your friends, for the medics or for your family.

The road to recovery and a better life can only come from within.

Just don't give up yet.

ani:
I'm so sorry your healthcare system won't help you. We're here though if you want to talk.