I'm recently diagnosed add. Took straterra 2 months(stopped) now aderall(works better for me).

anyway...

been married 12 years, with 2 awesome kids. After starting meds I was amazed at the changes in focus, well being, etc. etc. but another thing happened, I realized how unhappy I am in my marriage. It seems to me my inattentive type add was crutch to keep me from dealing with the problems and just keep chugging along for the kids. Example, I could always zone out or zone in/hyperfocus on other things so not to focus on how miserable things have gotton. Now I cant. And I am here facing reality looking through a much clearer set of glass and I have to deal with it. my anexiety has gone through the roof not so much so about my marriage but the potential for hurting my kids.

I graciously ask the board if you think this is a reasonable assumption about the fog clearing and seeing how they truely are....

or maybe just side affects with the meds..maybe light deppression or something like that... I mean I have been changeing the chemistry in my brain. But.. i really think thats not it.

I'm not looking for marriage advice were are in consuling.

just want to get some input on the feelings i've been haveing and verification/comments/opinions on my assesment of them.

thank you.

I'm not sure if this is what you mean, but I'll give it a try...

After being diagnosed, I was able to step back from all the chaos and frustration and realize there were things about my family life that I did not like. I had realized these things on an emotional level before, but it was not until I was treated that I could see how to get past the problems. I'm not sure if this is the "fog clearing" or not. It was more like I was able to sort out cause, effect, and subsequent repercussions or rewards. Ie "If I do ______ then this ______ will happen and afterward _____ will happen."

Yes, we drift towards users and other types of harmful relationships... in all my pediatric reports I notice this "mincan gets sucked into bad behaviour by his peers"...

I realised how much my family was holding me down... glad they kicked me out now im on my own and can develop my true personality, not their emotional crutch lapdog;.

Medication allowed me to see that I wasn't the only screw-up in the family and I found that very liberating. We just moved on with our lives, relieved to know there was a reason for my behavior and our children's behavior.

I'm glad to hear you are already in marriage counseling. Do you like the counselor?

The way you described the fog lifting is the way I've heard recovering alcoholics speak about the years they lost to booze.

I'm not sure if this is what you mean, but I'll give it a try...

After being diagnosed, I was able to step back from all the chaos and frustration and realize there were things about my family life that I did not like. I had realized these things on an emotional level before, but it was not until I was treated that I could see how to get past the problems. I'm not sure if this is the "fog clearing" or not. It was more like I was able to sort out cause, effect, and subsequent repercussions or rewards. Ie "If I do ______ then this ______ will happen and afterward _____ will happen."



yes, exactly.

With the only minor exception in your post being "but it was not until I was treated that I could see how to get past the problems." where as after treatment a recognition that the problems might not be fixable and how emotional detacted we truely have become in marriage.

but your summary is dead on. thank you for the clarification.

You kinda helped me by just breaking down what I was trying say. Cause I guess what I'm looking for is acknowlegement/assessment/opinions/reassurement from other ADDers that the changes I'm experiencing seem to be in line or reasonable with what others have experience with treatment.

Being treated for ADD is still new to me. 2 months. A new way of seeing things, a new way organizing thoughts in my head.

With so much at stake(family), you can imagine how this is pretty emotionally and mentally intense. I guess I'm a little freaked out/overwelmed cause so much has changed in the way I see, process, and evaluate my surroundings. Pretreatment I assumed it could hang in there for the kids sake/maybe things with get better if I could try harder to make spouse happy, now post treatment its clear I in a unhealthy disfunctional situation that I now have to address.



thanks

imnapl,
Yes we have a great counselor...I'm glad you showed me how to spell that word..I butchered it in my first post. I was close enough to skip the spell check though!

She initally was the one that suggested I may have ADD and guided toward treatment. Shes mainly been working with the wife. Alot of baggage from upbringing/childhood. But brings me in every 3rd visit or so. Very sharp and passionate. At First she wanted to just work with the wife and go to a different counselor as a couple. But, I dont know, I thought the sixties were probubly a little to good to her...I'm probubly unfairly steriotyping her. But hey, If a practictioner is to help the patient must first and foremost they must have confidence in them. And I never got that. dont think wife did either.

dc1909, it's still early times for you. After my diagnosis, it took at least a year for me to feel comfortable in my "new skin". You have grieving to do. That being said, I would be reluctant to make any life changing decisions that you can't take back when you've had time to adjust.

I'm happy to see that you've seen help, I didn't find out about my add until my wife said she was ready to leave. Even after a dx she still needed her time and space (and now looking back) as did I. Things are getting much better but after a lot of work on both of our parts.
Please remember, your mind is clearer and the day goes by a different then it has in the past but you have to be YOU. Don't try to mold yourself into what you Think you should be or what others want you to be. Be yourself, for yourself. Then make the decision on others in your life.

When you start on meds - the later you take them the more you have to struggle to "catch up" with things. I am doing the same thing. I is like you have to learn how to learn all over again.

I'm recently diagnosed add. Took straterra 2 months(stopped) now aderall(works better for me).

anyway...

been married 12 years, with 2 awesome kids. After starting meds I was amazed at the changes in focus, well being, etc. etc. but another thing happened, I realized how unhappy I am in my marriage. It seems to me my inattentive type add was crutch to keep me from dealing with the problems and just keep chugging along for the kids. Example, I could always zone out or zone in/hyperfocus on other things so not to focus on how miserable things have gotton. Now I cant. And I am here facing reality looking through a much clearer set of glass and I have to deal with it. my anexiety has gone through the roof not so much so about my marriage but the potential for hurting my kids.

I graciously ask the board if you think this is a reasonable assumption about the fog clearing and seeing how they truely are....

or maybe just side affects with the meds..maybe light deppression or something like that... I mean I have been changeing the chemistry in my brain. But.. i really think thats not it.

I'm not looking for marriage advice were are in consuling.

just want to get some input on the feelings i've been haveing and verification/comments/opinions on my assesment of them.

thank you.

I remember when the fog first cleared for me. It was a traumatic experience to say the least.

It dropped me into a dark pit of despair and slapped me hard in the face with the truth of my own reality.

The fact was, although I had considered myself incredibly proactive, ambitious, and responsible.... the medication revealed instead.. chaotic, impulsive ideas followed by irresponsible solutions.

My entire process of problem solving flopped belly up like a dead fish and stunk just as badly as it rose to the surface.

It left me feeling helpless, depressed, unsure of what to do next... how to properly solve my problems reasonably (like non add'ers do) When trying to explain this to my psychiatrist he didnt seem to understand... which left me feeling even more insecure and dis trustful of myself.

To this day, I still can figure out how to overcome obstacles efficiently. I've since then, stopped taking the cloud clearing medication. (Adderall)

The fogs back....a little darker this time.

As you're discovering, diagnosis doesn't always mean happily ever after. It's just the start of a new 'dance', only this time it's with the devil you know vs. the devil you didn't realize was there.

Rest assured the clarity you now see is not medically related. Well, kind of. I mean it's the meds that's forcing you to deal with things that you were able to disguse before.

But I wouldn't throw the towel in just yet. For the sake of your entire family, you and your wife need to address the issues that are making you unhappy. And just to shed a bit of light, I'm sure dealing with the 'new' you is probably causing stress on her too.

This isn't going to be easy. But use your new found clarity towards bringing your family closer. No doubt your ability to communicate has improved, not to mention your patience.

Being newly diagnosis brings with it many stresses. But I also encourage you to share your victories with your family as well because there are so many wonderful things that you've encountered. Whatever the future holds, these are the people that have stuck by you. Enjoy your new found clarity with them.

[quote=Michiko74;620732]As you're discovering, diagnosis doesn't always mean happily ever after. It's just the start of a new 'dance', only this time it's with the devil you know vs. the devil you didn't realize was there.

Soooo true!
It's scary, and yes it took me about a year to a year and a half to grieve the loss privately, as everyone around me was like, "great! you've found the answer!" like it solved everything.

It's a lot of soul searching... you need to discover who you are at your core, your beliefs, morals and values.

Good luck.

Yah, that's a tough call. Waking up and realizing where you are in life, after zoning out with ADD. Ampetamine meds for ADD people are more likely to lead to more clear thoughts, rather than messing them up.

Somtimes it is very frustrating though, either in the realization that your world is not as you thought it was (before meds), or is not the same as it was before with your new insight. It can lead to both good and bad things happening, depending on your actions and results of them. I have been rewarded for good observations and making decisions based on them. However, I have also made some big mistakes, and paid a heavy price. Sometimes I wish I had not overthought things and just let some stuff go that bothered me, or that I figured out becasue I could think clearly and for long periods of time. I can be my own worst enemy. *sigh*

Good luck. Hope things work out in your relationship.

Dex4Me :cool: